Busy Toddler Struggling with Nap Time/won't Stay in Bed

Updated on January 25, 2010
E.B. asks from Denver, CO
16 answers

I have a very active, bright 2-year old (just turned 2 two weeks ago) who has been sleeping in her toddler bed for the past seven weeks. She has always been very good at sleeping through the night and gets 10-12 hours each night. However there seems to be an ebb and flow to nap time ... She has gone through several phases that seem to affect her napping. Now is one of them.

Two things are happening at nap time only:

1). After seven weeks of not even being interested in getting out of her toddler bed, she's suddenly getting out of bed very often.

2). While in her bed, alone in her room with the door shut, she entertains herself (and keeps herself awake) by singing ABCs, Dora songs, Itsy Bitsy Spider, etc.. She also has entertained herself by jumping on the bed, emptying her dresser, shoe bin and going through her closet, running laps around her room, playing with the door, removing her clothes and talking incessantly.

I read 3-5 books to her before nap time, change her clothes and diaper and wind her down. She usually seems very relaxed when she gets in bed. And as soon as I leave her be ... it's concert time!

If/When she comes out of her room, I walk her back to her room and put her back in her bed. Or, if I hear that she's up, I'll go in, tuck her back in and tell her night night, it's nap time, time for sleep, etc.. I have also tried just leaving her alone for an extended period of time, thinking she's expecting me to come in. I've even tried lying down with her and she just talks and talks and talks. I've tried to explain that nap time is quiet time and she seems to understand for a few minutes. As soon as I can hear her breathing slow a little, she's relaxing a little more ... she lights it back up and starts talking again.

I tried to get her to nap today for over four hours. We are both exhausted. By the end of our failed nap time today, she's clearly tired, tripping over her feet, dark circles under her eyes, rubbing her eyes ... and still ... no napping! I know my child well enough to know that she *does* need a nap but she simply doesn't *want* to nap! I think she believes she's going to miss something fun.

All of you wonderful moms out there ... if you've experienced anything like this, I would LOVE your advice or to hear how you handled the situation. Is this a phase? What can I do to keep her in her bed?

Also, any suggestions on taming her busy mind and calming her for nap time?

Thank you for your help!

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So What Happened?

First, I want to thank all of you wonderful moms for your compassionate responses.

I tried a couple new things that people suggested and the one that seems to be sticking with my daughter is the idea of having consequences for getting out of bed and/or rowdiness during nap time.

I was starting to get the feeling that the singing and talking she was doing in her room was somehow directed at her "lovey" stuffed animal. It's almost like instead of cuddling and snuggling with it, she was using it as a playmate. I told her that if she couldn't quiet down and either lay there quietly or go to sleep, that I was going to take her dog away. Of course she said, "No." I explained it again and told her if I had to come back in her room again, that I was taking him away. I told her it was time for sleep, that I loved her and shut the door.

A few minutes later, I heard the bang sound of a dresser drawer closing with authority. I went back in, calmly told her to get back in her bed and sympathetically explained that because I had to come back in, that I was now taking her dog away. I let her know that I loved her and didn't like it either but that it was time for sleep, not a time for play. Of course she protested and was initially upset ... but you know what? She went to sleep. Two days in a row now. Yesterday she napped for 2.5 hours and today she's been asleep now for about an hour ... and counting.

I think I'm figuring out more and more that leaving her in bed with books, stuffed animals or anything else that resembles a toy, will just keep her up and keep her mind active. After she drifted off to sleep, I put the dog back in bed with her, so she can cuddle with him when she wakes up.

After trying *so many* things, I realized that up until now, all other consequences just didn't read as consequential to her ... Because she is precocious and independent, I needed to adapt the consequences along with her changing needs and personality ... not the other way around.

I believe she is ready for her toddler bed. After all, seven weeks went by ... and no problems! I will also say that the toddler bed has been a good transitional thing for her after leaping out of her crib. It's the same mattress, the same frame, with a toddler rail instead of a full side of crib bars. She still sleeps in the same corner she did while fashioned as a crib but I don't have to worry about her hurling herself out of the crib just to keep herself busy.

Hopefully this plan will work well until she gets back into the habit of going to sleep more easily ... or until we inevitably change again!

Does anyone else feel like that?! Just when you think you've got things figured out ... bam! :)

Thanks again!

E.

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S.H.

answers from Denver on

My girls are almost 3 and they are still taking naps. I have a rocking chair in their room and I sit there until they fall asleep. I usually bring in my laptop to give me something to do but it usually only takes about 15 minutes.

They try sitting up and taking their blankets off but I just lay them down again and tell them it's time to close their eyes and go to sleep. Sometimes when they are really fighting it I tell them what we're doing that night or who we're going to see so if they want to still do that they have to go to sleep. That seems to work.

Good luck.

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C.E.

answers from Denver on

Sounds like she's donw with naps. Both of mine stopped early and I stayed happy with "quiet time" . They needed to stay in their rooms and could play, sing, "read" a book, watch a movie - but they had to stay in their rooms and play quietly. They still slept through the night just fine, but were done with napping.

Good luck!
C.

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C.M.

answers from Colorado Springs on

I have been through this many times. It is so exciting for them to realize that they have some control of staying in bed and whether or not they will go to sleep. Don't worry about what others said about being to young for a toddler bed. She is not. She just needs a little time to learn. For a child who still needs naps, this is a phase, but many children including many of mine were ready to give up naps between 2-3 years old. When mine don't want to stay in bed, I have given them books to look at and most have just fallen asleep after looking at them for a little bit. Right now I would just focus on her staying in bed while it is nap time. When ever you here her up, just put her back into bed. Whenever her nap time is over just let her get up and move bed time forward if she didn't nap and is cranky. Sometimes just lying in bed for a while can help them too. If she still needs her naps she will start sleeping again. So much of this is about her being in control. Another option would be to let her watch you during her nap time doing something boring, to show her that nothing fun is going on. Then she won't feel as left out when taking a nap. Good luck. It will work out. I know it is frustrating to go through.

C.

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M.R.

answers from Colorado Springs on

Just to clear something up in case some people aren't aware of this because I sure wasn't: a toddler bed is merely a crib mattress on rails/headboard/footboard sized for it. It is not even a size "between" a crib and a twin. So to say a child is not ready for such a big bed may be a misunderstanding - perhaps some people may have intended to mean that a two year-old still needs the confinement of crib-rails. But that begs the question: is a child still even considered a "toddler" at 3, and how as moms are we supposed to know just when our children are ready for them when we haven't tried our child in them yet? The manufacturers market them to kids as young as 18 mos.

It sounds like you made the best decision you could, E., and you know your child better than we do. She sounds quite independent and precocious, and keeping children like that in cribs too long (especially without a crib tent like Lemira mentioned) can possibly lead to more dangerous problems than just naptime mischief!

I agree with Christen that it sounds like she is still adjusting to (and enjoying!) the newfound freedom of the bed, and this may be making her realize that fun stuff may be going on outside that closed door, whereas before now when she was put in her crib the world began and ended at those crib-rails. Her world is quickly expanding, and with realizations like these, who WOULD want to lay down and nap? No time for that, who knows what else she could be missing out on!

But obviously you both need the rest, from each other at the very least, so go with all the other great advice to stick with this, even if it's just "quiet time" some days, and she will acclimate to this change if you give her time. :) Best Wishes!

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K.H.

answers from Billings on

Oh my goodnes!! Its like I wrote that letter except in reference to bed time! My daughter is about the same age and has also been in her toddler bed for sometime and its a fight every night. Last night she was up until after 10 and still got up at the same time she always does! So if you get any wonderful advice I'd love to hear it as well!! :=)

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K.R.

answers from Denver on

I would suggest putting her back in her crib....instant results.

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M.

answers from Provo on

I had the exact same problem with my daughter, and what finally worked was laying Down with her and scratching her back for a minutes. She loved it so much she would lay still long enough to finally drift off. It does take time on your part, but if she needs a nap terribly it is probably worth it. I hope this helps.... It sounds like you've tried everything else!

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J.D.

answers from Denver on

We have the same problem from time to time with our almost 3 year old. I don't think 2 is too early for her to move into a toddler bed. It really depends on the child. I would make sure to do the same thing everyday for nap & bedtime and make naptime different from bedtime. Two songs & pats on the back for nap; one story & 3 songs for bedtime. Our daughter still mostly naps, but when she doesn't, we say it's quiet time and she has to stay in her room. Then she goes to bed earlier. I would just relax about it. She'll sleep if she needs to. It's hard for me to say that because I get stressed about it too, but I think if you maintain quiet time, starting with the same nap process, it will be okay. I found she went in phases--sometimes she wouldn't nap for a week and then suddenly she was napping again for months. Hang in there. It's all good!

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S.C.

answers from Denver on

A great book that continues to save us...Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child...check it out.

J.B.

answers from Minneapolis on

Are there any consequences for getting out of bed? I show my son by voice and facial expressions that I'm sad and upset that he's out of bed. I catch him every time and put him quickly back to bed. As many times as it takes. He's learned and now naps well.

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L.O.

answers from Detroit on

put her back in her crib..

she is not ready for the freedon of the toddler bed..

we did not take my daughter out of a crib until 3 1/2 my son is still in a crib at 2 1/2.

I dont htink they are developmentally ready for the freedom of a big bed..

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Personally, I think 2 is too young for a toddler bed...more like 3. And at 3, the naps usually head south. If she's not in a crib, maybe you could switch to "quiet time" for a movie, music on CDs, etc. but stress that she MUST BE IN HER ROOM for 1 hour. Hopefully, during that hour, she'll fall asleep. If she doesn't I'd ditch the idea for that day and move her bedtime earlier that day. Spending 4 hours to get a nap is crazy! You may end up with 2-4 naps per week and settle for that. Good luck!

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S.L.

answers from Grand Junction on

Our 26 months old is in a twin bed with rails, I don't think it's too young at all. A few months ago, we started having her stay up later. She was sleeping about 7pm-7am and naptime was a struggle, but yet it was obvious that she still needed a nap. She now stays up til 8pm. It took several days for her to get back into a schedule, but now she almost always takes a 1 1/2-2 hour nap. When it's evening, and she's playing so good and not being sassy at all, we can tell it's OK for her to stay up til 8pm, otherwise, to bed she goes. Our son is 4, and when he started to phase out naps at about 2 1/2-3, we started giving him a choice - take a nap or go to be early. I think he really understood that. And he would choose different things at different times. (obviously if he was being obnoxiously crabby, he didn't get a choice) On another note, if our daughter just doesn't seem like she's going to nap, I let her sing, talk to her animals, etc. AS LONG AS SHE STAYS IN BED. No books, just some favorite animals. I know she won't nap forever, and I want her resting time to be a comfortable thing, not where she gets screamed at for not sleeping when she may not even be tired (tried that with our boy, ha, ha as if that works!). She loves her bed. When she wakes up in the morning, she lays there and sings and talks. She's secure and comfortable in her big girl bed and I love that. Good luck!

S.M.

answers from Columbus on

I had to laugh when I read this - my son is doing the exact same thing! Going back to the crib didn't work for us, he figured out how to climb out of it. A few days ago I found him on top of his changing table throwing powder & wipes everywhere. I'm very interested to see what advice you get, maybe it will help me too. Good luck!

K.B.

answers from Milwaukee on

my son quit taking naps at the age of two....maybe your saughter doesn't need a nap. maybe try letting her lay on couch with a favorite tv show and jsut have quiet time instead. dont' go back to the crib. cribs are for babies not to make a toddler take a nap and stay in bed!!!!!

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L.W.

answers from Provo on

I'm here to tell you that she is normal. This way of exerting independence at age 2 is very common. My son and my niece (who lives in another state) did the exact same thing except that they did this at bedtime. For my son, it lasted about a year, and then quit.

Here are a few things I learned from my son's experience:
1. I didn't realize at first that he was getting his 2-year molars. If I had known this, I would have given him some pain medicine to help him when he slept.
2. I wish I would have known about crib nets (you can search for them on the internet). I would have kept my son in the crib a little longer, and then net would have kept him from climbing out.
3. Next time I will skip the toddler bed and go straight to a twin bed. Once we got him a "big person" bed, he LOVED it and was excited to sleep in it because he got to have a bed like ours. Of course, we got a rail so he wouldn't fall out of the bed, and you know what? He didn't. He fell out of his toddler bed more than the twin bed.

It sounds like you are doing your best. Don't give up! Keep being consistent, and it will work. She will eventually realize that you are not giving in, and when she does grow out of it a little, then she will keep her routine. At least I hope she does for your sake. Good luck!

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