Bridesmaid Questions

If you are close enough to the bride to say something without coming across as demanding, I would let her know that it seems odd to me and that I would prefer to be with my husband but it's her wedding and you'll gladly go along with whatever she decides.

I thought about this for a few minutes and the only "good excuse" I could come up with is if the only other available groomsmen were her ex-boyfriend or ex-husband and she wasn't comfortable walking with him. But even then I think I'd approach the other bridesmaid and her husband first and explain the circumstances and ask if they would be ok with it.

Anyway just a thought. On the present I'd probably try to treat them both the same, get no gift and make being in the wedding the gift or try to get them each something small now.

Good luck,
K.

I was recently in a wedding of a good friend. My husband was in the wedding and so was I and out 6 year old son was as well. We also did all of the planning and paying for the bridal shower. We spent well over $700 on her wedding! We did not give then a gift. I thought it was gift enough to do what we did for them. Also I did walk with my husband in the wedding! It would have been strange not to. The bride should now that and pair you guys up. If you are worried I would make a joke about walking up the isl with you hubby and see what she says. Good luck!

You have to leave it up to the bride. I am ALWAYS the tallest bridesmaid and have often had to walk with the shortest guy. It's life. :)
Often the wedding party is arranged in order of emotional closeness to the bride and groom. You don't want to mess with that!
Skip the gift, and give them a nice card expressing how much the friendship has meant to you over the years and how happy you both are to share this happy day with them. :)

(To Denise: A. said that it was another bridesmaid that wanted to walk with her husband, not the bride's and groom choice.)

Yes, it is always up to the bride of how things go... however, it is entirely strange to NOT walk with your husband as a part of the wedding. That other bridesmaid was out of line for requesting that. I would casually bring up the fact that you would want to walk with your husband, but that it is up to her if she (the bride) wanted it differently.

You do NOT have to give either couple a gift! Do it if you can afford it- if you CAN'T, then DON'T! Maybe a heartfelt letter or some kinda of photo-keepsake might be nice to let them know that they are a special couple to you guys and that you value their friendship.

Have fun!

I was in a good friend's wedding a few years ago. It was in NY (and we live in CA) so there were plane tickets and a hotel stay involved. We had to find someone to watch our kids for several days while we were gone. My friend picked out a $400 dress with $200 shoes, and we had to pay her stylist $60 to style our hair, and the makeup artist $50 to do our makeup... all said and done we spent $2000 for me to be a bridesmaid at this wedding. There was no money left over for a gift. I felt badly but honestly at that point I had already gone into our savings just to attend and be a part of the wedding! I figured she would understand but she pretty much cut me off for the better part of 5 years over it. (Makes you wonder how well you know your friends, huh? For the record, I got married before that - eloped - but my friend didn't send a gift. I thought nothing of it and really don't care, but it just seems interesting how weird people get about THEIR weddings...) Maybe you could address it with your friend and say something like, "Jane, you know how honored I am to be in your wedding. Right now our finances are a little tight, but I'm hoping to be able to buy you something from your registry within the next few months." At which point your friend should say to you, "A., your presence by my side on that day is gift enough for me!" If she says anything other than that, be worried.

With regard to walking down the aisle with your husband - that seems like a no-brainer to me. I wouldn't make a fuss about it now. If the bride has any kind of common sense, she will arrange it this way. If not, you could just bring it up at the rehearsal and say, "Jane, doesn't it make more sense for Bob and I to walk down the aisle together since we're married, and also we're both the tallest?" At which point she will see your point and agree with you. I'd be a little worried about that other bridesmaid. Don't let her out of your sight at the reception, she sounds like a trouble maker! =)

First of all I want to comment about the other Bridesmaid “requesting” to walk with your husband. That’s just weird! The Bride should make that decision, not this other bridesmaid. What did the bride tell her? Does this other BM know you 2 are married? If so that’s just rude IMO! If it were me, I would have you walk with your husband, but that's just me...

I agree with Mommy B on the gifts!

A.,
Few people can afford over-the-top life-changing gifts. Yes--you should buy them a wedding gift or put money in a card. The amount you send is up to you.
Regarding the couple from last year...I believe you have a year to send/present a wedding gift. I think you should get them something as well. I know it's expensive to be in a wedding, but if you can't afford it, you always have the option of declining.
As for the who-walks-with-who issue--who cares? This is their wedding and it's your "job" to participate how they choose--not to cause an issue. Again, if it's a deal breaker, decline to be attendants. On wedding days, it's ALL about the bride and groom and what THEY want--not what anyone else wants.
Have fun!
(To Mommy B: It doesn't matter if EVERYONE in the wedding party requests a certain partner, it is up to thebride and groom to determine the order!)

If it will really ruin your day to not walk with your husband in your friend's wedding, maybe you could try a very gentle approach with the bride. Maybe something like this: Thank you for asking my husband and I to be a part of your very special day. Being a part of your wedding brings back such wonderful memories of my wedding. If you wouldn't mind, I would really like to walk down the aisle with my husband so that we could share special memories of our wedding day and the love that we share, while we are making more memories by being a part of your day. Kind words go a long way.

Definitely you have a year-ish to buy them a gift...but no one ever said going to a wedding it was mandatory you bring a gift. I had several friends who did not bring gifts to my wedding because they had finance issues (and these were people not even IN the wedding). I was neither offended or bothered I did not receive a gift from them. I didn't invite people to my wedding for gifts...I invited them to share in the occasion with my me and my husband. So on that note...no you do NOT have to buy anyone a gift. A card would be suffice in my opinion.

As for the who walks with who...ehhh, while I find it odd one bridemaid requested your husband...it's really up to the bride who walks with who. It's just a walk down the aisle it's not a big deal. If the bride wants you to walk with others...then so be it. I personally would have had couples walking together...but that's just me. But I wouldn't make a fuss about it. :)

I don't know the proper ettiquette on gift giving for a wedding. I always try to give something, even if it's only $20.00. For your friends that got married last year, maybe get them a one year anniversary gift since you were unable to get them a wedding gift. If you can't afford a gift, then you can't afford a gift. I would assume that since you are in the wedding, you're close friends with the bride. I would just explain to her that you are honored she chose you to be in her wedding and that things are tight financially. You'd like to get her and her husband a nice gift, but you just can't swing it right now. I'm sure she'd understand. I didn't care what people got me for my wedding. It was about me and my husband exchanging our vows and our family and friends being there to share in our special day.
How did you find out that one of the other bridesmaids specifically asked to walk with your husband? That's really odd to me. I think I would say something to the bride, but mention that you're uncomfortable because she SPECIFICALLY requested YOUR husband. But, in the end it's the bride's decision. If she decides that he's going to walk with that other woman, than that's the way it is.

It's not your wedding let the bride makes her own choices, she really doesn't need the stress. Of course you should walk with your husband but just let it go, the ceremony will only last a few minutes. Then you can be with him all through the reception.

As for a gift on top of everything else, I would give a gift privately. If you really feel the need to give them one. Since all of you are friends it will eventually come up..."That is such a pretty XXX. Oh, A. gave me that for a wedding gift. Wasn't that so thoughtful? Oh, I guess it was. I wonder why she didn't give my anything."

I honestly wouldn't worry about a gift. Some of the people in our wedding could not afford gifts and it wasn't a big deal to us. In fact, I told ALL of my bridesmaids that they did not need to worry about the gift since they were buying a dress for the wedding, granted, the dresses they picked out were their choice from several at David's Bridal and none of them were more than $99. I would not worry about a gift, and if you can afford something down the road then definitely send them a $25 gift card or whatever you can afford from their registry.
As far as the other bridesmaid requesting your husband, I think that is strange. I would probably just make the request to the bride that you walk with your hubby, and if she says someone already made the request, just say in a lighthearted manner, well, it would be nice to walk with him since he is my husband and we are both the tallest. If she doesn't budge then I would tell her that you feel awkward about someone else walking with your husband and if she still doesn't budge then just leave it. When you sign up to be in a wedding you have to comply with the bride, and it's not worth it adding stress to her or putting a strain on your friendship.

Good luck!

.

Yes you have every right to want to walk with your husband! Bring it up when all of you are together and make it a sensible thing, not a wife/husband thing. Just say that it will make it look better and more even if you arrange them by height... AND What kind of woman ASKS to walk with another womans husband?! Especially when you are both in the wedding party? That is going to make things a little akward! My husband and I are in a Wedding in July and another in January and unfortunetely I think he is Best man in Both and I'm not the bridesmaid in either (which is fine) but it just kind of sucks that I won't get to walk with him. If he wasn't the best man I know our friends would put us together! It is common sense and Respect!

hmm. the clothes are always a tough spot. :( :( i dont know if theres much you can do about that; but yes, i would say you do not have to buy a gift; if you are that special to the bride and or groom, it wouldnt matter if you had a gift; you were there for them on their special day.

as far as walking with your husband i think that is ABSOLUTLY your right to say so. some other girl "requested" to walk with YOUR husband? i dont THINK so!!! i dont mean to say you should be jealous and mean, but there is no earthly reason why any other woman should walk with your husband!! i could see if, like you said, one of you was best man/maid of honor and the other wasnt... that would be different. but just simple bridesmaids/groomsmen? there should be nothing wrong with you guys walking together, and i honestly think that it is WRONG for the bride and or groom to want it any other way!!! just stand your ground, dont even give the impression that you would ever think that the 2 of you would not be walking together. just hang together and whatever, during rehersal i think is when its concrete, just remain firm that you will be walking with your husband.

man. i cant believe you even have to ask anyone else for their opinion here. i cannot believe that anyone would expect you to NOT walk with your own husband in this wedding. that is just completely rude. i dont think its a small thing at all. its very disrepectful to your marriage. i hope whomever thinks that its ok to split you up in the wedding isnt a close close friend; because if they are i would seriously reconsider their friendship!
good luck

It's an honor to be in the wedding party, and you and your husband being married should have no bearing on whether or not you walk together. It's usually based on closeness to the bride and groom...

I wouldn't worry about who's walking with whom until the rehersal. The bride may actually pair you with your husband but if she doesn't, I'm sure she'll explain why she isn't since I think, as most posted here, it would be strange to do anything otherwise. Either way, everyone knows when you're in a wedding to just go with what the bride/groom wants. Sometimes they decide weird things but don't get bothered by it, usually their rational is misplaced b/c they're having to juggle so many other things.

As far as a gift, I'd send them something later. I've gotten gifts after our wedding and honestly it was more fun that way. Plus, it's nice to know that they were thinking of you for so long after the actual wedding day. It seemed like Christmas for a year.

Another idea I had for a gift was that if you couldn't get them a gift even after the first year, I know a lady who was in your same situation & years later made a blanket out of the bridesmaid dress she wore at the wedding for the brides baby shower! It was the coolest thing! And really, what are you going to do with the dress anyway?

If you're close to the couple(s), they already know money is tight for you. Likely, they will be happy that you're able to be in the wedding with them. They're not going to care about the gifts.

I don't understand this bit of making Bridesmaids and grooms men buying or renting their tuxes. When we got married my inlaws paid for the renting of the tux and my parents bought the dresses for the bridesmaids and flower girl. When my sons got married we paid for the tux rentals and on my oldest son's wedding last summer I even bought the bridesmaid dresses and the flower girl dresses. I would never ask someone to do me the honor of being in my wedding and then break their budget like that.

It is nice that you and your husband are doing this for them and I would let her know that you would like to walk up with your own husband, that should be a given. The other bridesmaid walking up with him would be very unapproprate with you also being in the party. Why is it that she wants to walk up with your husband rather then the other, is your husband better looking? Anyway, the bride should have told her right away that a husband and wife should be walking up together.

About the present, I wouldn't get an expensive one, even a $20 gift card or something off their list that isn't much would be approprate. As for the other couple who you didn't give a present to, give them one on their anniversary and it should calm the waters over if they do feel slighted... but honestly, I wouldn't know if someone didn't give me a present now although I can tell you what certain people have given me and it has been almost 28 years.

My son and I were in a good friend's wedding. I had to pay for my dress to match the other bridal attendants and for my son's tux and shoes. She told me she didn't want a gift because she knew how much I was putting out for the other stuff. I bought her a beautiful card and was in charge of getting everyone to sign her memory book as the guests arrived. My son was the dashing and handsome boy on the groom's side.
It costs a lot of money to attend weddings and be part of the wedding party. In my friend's case, she made it clear that was our gift to her.
I also sang at her wedding.
So.....

I don't think you should get wound up about who walks with who.
That's just my opinion.

You say you're not jealous, so I don't think you should worry about who walks with who down the aisle. You and your husband are already married, you may be the tallest and in your opinion that would be more strategically pleasing to the eye....
My son has been in weddings and walked with people way taller than him.
It's not about that.
I just think that you should be very happy to be included in the wedding party and let it go as far as who walks with who.
You know who your husband will go home with.
Let the bride have her day.

I think if you say anything, you may get your way, but you might come off as more jealous than you hope to.
At my high school graduation....
I didn't walk with my boyfriend. I walked with my best male friend that I knew many years before I met my boyfriend. There was no jealousy, nor should there have been.
I'm just saying...if you get "stuck" walking with some cute hunk at a wedding, should your husband freak out?
I would hope not.
And it's not your day....you're married already.

I mean no offense, I just don't think you should make a big deal out of it.

You can find lovely wedding gifts that aren't expensive, but like I said, I was fortunate to have friends who told me ahead of time that the cost of our attire was all that was requested.

Just go and try to have fun!

Re walking order - bride's choice on this one so I'd let it fly. But you can say to the bride "since 'other bridesmaid' made a request, I'd like to get mine it - I'd like walk with my husband - but recognize it's up to you, of course" *smile*. As far as gift, you're not required to give one (showers yes, weddings no - see Emily Post). But it is nice to do something. Picture frames are always nice or see if you own something (UNUSED) that you can regift (pretty matching candle sticks, salt/pepper shakers). Have fun! Think how good you to will look (assuming you like your dress). :-)

For a gift, since my income has been greatly reduced the last couple of years, I have been giving pictures. Do you have a nice or fun picture of you and/or your friends? Put it in a simple frame, wrap it nice, and there you go - thoughtful and inexpensive.

Don't worry about who walks with who. It's the brides choice and it's over in a flash. Enjoy the wedding.

I would wonder why the other girl requested to walk with your husband. Does she not like the other person who is walking down the isle or is it something else. In my opinion it is the bride and groom who make the decision of who walks together. I didn't have that prob with my wedding since we only had 2 and none were married to each other. If they were I would put them together, but that is me.

To answer your first question... I would still get them a small gift. It does not need to cost alot of money. There are some great websites that offer 1/2 off gift certificates. You can get a $50 gift certificate for $25.

To answer your 2nd question... Let the bride decide. Everyone has a preference about something. It should be the bride/groom's day. I think everyone else should keep their opinions/request to themself. No offense to you... I just rememeber how stressed I was about my wedding day due to everyone wanting something.

I think it is out of line for the other bridesmaid to request to walk with your husband, but I wouldn't worry the bride about it. You can casually mention, "hey shouldn't I be walking with Jack, since we're married?" at the rehersal if things don't go that way, but don't sweat it.

I made a friend of mine a gift of a book. I sewed pages together in books of five, glued the spines together then made a cardboard cover and stretched a lovely fabric over it. Inside was a poem my husband had composed for them and instructions that over the years they are to write down moments in which their love and respect for each other has grown. The book is the their testament to love and committment. It cost me all of 5 bucks, if that. I never buy gifts off a registry. Be creative!

Re: walking down the aisle. It does sound like you don't trust him to be with anyone else! Sorry, but my vote is for the bride to decide - it is her day afterall. My husband and I have been in several weddings and we didn't walk down any aisle together until our own wedding. Again, my vote is for the bride - she may have other thoughts or plans for the bridesmaids/groomsmen.

Good luck!