Bitting!

I recently took in my friend's daughter who was asked to leave her daycare because she was a repeat offender on the biting front. We managed to nip it in the bud in about a month, but how to best deal with it depends on your daughter's personality. The daycare she went to did not do time outs for the under two set, so they separated her from the other kids and gave her one on one attention. Well to her, this was a reward, so there was no incentive to stop biting. The first thing I did was watch her like a hawk to make sure she didn't have the opportunity in the first place. (I really wanted to limit how often my own children were getting chomped on). You need to first identify the reason why she is biting. Is it territorial? Is she teething? If she is biting because she wants something the other kids have or the other children are in her personal space, you need to provide her with the words to use in these situations. I would play on the floor with the kids until I saw her get agitated, then ask her, do you want that toy? Then say, I want that toy! Can I have a turn? If another child was trying to take her toy, I taught her to say "stop, that's mine". With constant reminders of appropriate ways to say what she was feeling, she eventually got it. (There were a lot of other words I taught her also, but this would be very long if I included them all here). We also figured out she was thriving on all the negative attention when she did bite, so we simply started saying to her when it did happen, "No, biting hurts". We then promptly put her in time out for 2 minutes, while very loudly giving the victim all kinds of attention and fuss. After she was removed from time out, we had her apologize to the victim and then went on with our business like nothing happened. In the first week, she went from biting 4-5 times a day to maybe 2-3 times a week. Week two, she bit once, and then we were bite free for a week. We had a minor setback the following week with one bite, but that was the last of it. We also gave her all kinds of positive attention whenever we caught her using her words and anything else she did that we could praise. The last thing we did was completely stop talking about biting in front of her. It seemed like anytime her mom spoke about it in front of her, it reminded her to do it. Once she stopped talking about it so much, it stopped pretty quickly. She is now back in her regular daycare and hasn't bitten once. It is just a stage and it won't last forever, but the better you deal with it, the quicker it will end. If you want more explanation or information you can send me a personal message and I would be happy to share more. Good luck.

Biting is a tough one! I have worked in daycare/preschool setting for almost 18 years and never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would have a "biter". Well after 8 years of marriage, we had twins a boy & a girl. My son became the biter. I have a degree in Child Development and like I said worked in the field and didn't know what to do. It truly is a phase. It's absolutely nothing that you are doing. I have 2 kids raised the same and one bit, one didn't. I thought that if he was bit back by another child it would teach him, it didn't. You just need to remain consistent. Toddlers want to be in a bubble. They don't want anyone invading their space. They cannot communicate effectively at their age. Just keep redirecting your child. When I was so frustrated and telling my husband my best friend & director of the daycare was going to kick him out, I told the teachers that I wanted to be called every time he bit and I did try putting soap in his mouth when he got to be about 19-24 months or so, but then he was smart enough and knew if he bit while at daycare, he would get to see mommy. I'm still not 100% confident what worked or if he grew out of it because I see kids regularly who go through a biting stage and eventually learn the communication skills. Stay strong your child will stop, I PROMISE!!!!! I know it's easy for me to say, but they do outgrow it. Good Luck. Be consistent. Redirect. Tell your child firmly that biting hurts and try a 1-2 minute time out, isolated in a high chair or crib. Stay strong!

I hope your daycare people understand that this is a phase. My son has been bit different times by different children at preschool, and each time he has provoked the bite. The children eventually learn there are other ways to resolve the issues, but everyone needs to be calm about it. As far as I know he has only bit once and that was me. I reacted so strongly (probably not recommended by all those books). I let out a loud ouch yell. I was so shocked, and then I put him in his crib for a time out. Again, remember this too shall pass.

Hi S.,

I feel your pain, my 21 month old went through a biting phase (yes! only a phase!) and I was humiliated that she was so 'savage' when frustrated. Even when other kids hit and kick, biting just seems worse somehow...

We tried a few things, but what worked for us was time outs. When I saw she bit someone (or the dog) I would bring her to a corner away from everyone else and tell her she needed to stay there until I said she could leave. Then I would go and make a big fuss over whomever was bit, making sure not to look at her or speak to her. After a couple minutes (I think 2 is probably enough at this age) I went to get her, asked her to apologize and give the 'ouchie' a kiss.

Now, whenever she does something wrong, she puts herself in the corner without my saying anything, or when someone says they have an 'ouchie' she gives them a kiss. The first couple times were heartwrenching, she was sobbing and crying "mommy" but I think she gets it now, and I've only had to do it maybe 4 times in the past two months.

Good Luck! It is a phase, and it's normal. Just try to figure out why she is biting, if it's frustration, anger, she's tired, or maybe she got hit first.

Hi S. -

Every now & then we have the same issue with our 20-mth old son. The best advice I've read is that you simply need to immediately pick the child up & move them away from whomever they are biting, you, a child, a parent, whatever. Then get down to their level & say firmly - NO BITING. NO.

So when DS bites, I pick him up by his shoulders with both arms to his sides, move him as far away from me or my husband as possible (he's never bitten a child as far as I know), & then I get in his face & say "NO BITING. NO." It's also good to say "That hurts Mommy" or "OW", but as difficult as it is, to try & not REACT - which is totally opposite of what you feel like doing. You don't want to scare her into not biting because typically it's not an act of meanness at that age - make sense? It's a normal teething, toddler behavior.

Most of the time I can predict when it's going to happen, typically when he's in a playful, more agressive mood or just overtired, overstimulated. But in a daycare situation, it's going to be up to those caring for her to respond appropriately & to be consistent with whatever discipline she gets at home for biting.

Hope that helps!!

Hi S.!

WOW! Looks like she's right on schedule with this sort of behavior :o) It's tough one, for sure.

The trick is CONSISTENCY!!!! If the punishment is consistent each and every time she bites, then she will soon stop. It's normal for her to keep "testing the punishment". She'll keep biting for awhile, just to see if she will keep getting punished :o) Perfectly normal!

You and her daycare need to agree on the punishment. She will probably have the same punishment as the rest of the kids at daycare that do things like this. That's fair. So, you can help her by re-inforcing the rule at home when needed. If everyone is consistent, it should end pretty soon.

You can always try "rewards" for her succees. I used McDonald's Ice Cream Cones after daycare, if my son went a day without "hitting" one of his friends. He loved it, and it was only a couple of minutes of extra time on my part. It ususally didn't effect his dinner, so it worked for us. It helped "get over it" faster.

Hope this helps!

:o) N.

My son bit one time out of aggression... another child had a toy he wanted and wouldn't give it up (as well he shouldn't have) and my son bit his face. I was mortified. We were at a pre-school type function with many other moms in the room- I stood him up on his feet, told him very firmly that that hurts and is not acceptable and made him look at the boy he bit explaining he was crying because biting hurts, "look at the mark you left - not a good boy". He was like 10 months old, I think. And I never had any other biting issues, none that I didn't catch before hand and did the same thing, "no biting, that hurts."

With you not being there to do the discipline it's hard to know how to make it stop. It's important that they learn empathy in that, teaching them actions and reactions even at such a young age, such as saying to them, "Owe that hurts" in a very stern manner even if it just hurts a little. Biting is so hard to discipline.

What has your day care provider done about it when it happens?

We had this same trouble last year with a little girl (about 18 months) that we adopted. I found that it only took about a month of continued consistant correction to change that behavior. We had to watch her close so that she wouldn't get the chance to really hurt another child. Any time she was going to be around another small child we warned her that she was not to bite, that it was not nice, it was "owey" and that she would be in trouble if she did. As soon as the offense had taken place, we showed her how the other child was hurt and conforted them infront of her. Then she would have to go sit on time out and we gave her a flick on her hand and told her that hurts, it's not nice. We let her sit there for about 2 minutes and then had her go say sorry or give hugs to the child she hurt. It worked she is now 3 and does a good job of controlling her frustration usually :)

Hi S., my son who is now 13 had a bitting problem also at daycare--- now mind you it was at my parents daycare , but still -this is what we did but you might not want to it is up to you ... I use to take tabasco hot sauce a tiny bit on my finger and put it on his tounge when he bit someone, and then I would carry a small bottle in my purse and when I could see he was going to bit I would just pull out the bottle out of my purse--not having to use it always and he didn't like the taste and stopped bitting.-------just a suggestion

(not hard enough to break skin - but hard enough to feel it.) this was taught by my mother and worked well with my children.

You bite the arm of your children, right after she bites someone, this seems to work for those who don't stop when you tell them the first time. I only ever had to do it once to each of my children.