Birthday-Who To Invite/avoiding Upset Feelings

I have my son pick 3 or 4 closest friends and do something more intimate. I have the same problem, between school, sports and neighborhood, they could get ridiculous in size if I tried to not leave anyone (and siblings) out. I think he likes it because it is more quality vs quantity! And we can maybe do something a little more special.

I appreciate that more and more schools are deciding that they will not allow kids to hand out invitations to any party on campus any more. I understand completely both sides.

The schools are tired of seeing a child sitting there anxiously waiting to be handed an invitation and to be included. They don't get one and it crushes them. That child starts realizing they are worthless, they learn to feel like they have no value. That's not only cruel it's just down right mean.

So either invite the whole class or don't allow her to invite anyone from school. They won't all come. If you can have 20 you can have a few more. A bigger cake doesn't cost that much extra.

Have a small intimate party with true friends, less than 6 friends or invite everyone.

My rule, one child per year. So eight guests. Mail invites and be done. She picks who she wants. It's her party.

Just keep it to a dozen or so kids your daughter really enjoys playing with.
By now everyone should know that not everyone gets invited to every party.

Are you talking about the adults getting their feelings hurt? They need to get over it.
Or are you talking about the kids getting their feelings hurt? They need to learn to get over it.
We've been not invited to parties that I later see on Facebook. I'm a little hurt. But, I get over it. You can't invite the whole world.

Have her invite her actual friends, and set a limit.
My girls had good friends in other classes, and kids in their own classes they never even talked to, so the "class" thing really has nothing to do with it. You wouldn't invite everyone in your office to come to YOUR birthday would you? Of course not, you'd get together with your friends.
Your daughter is no different.
And by 8 years old I would hope these kids are old enough not to get their feelings hurt by not being invited to every single birthday party.

The norm at this age is to only invite the child's actual friends. Not everyone the child likes, but those who she actually makes an effort to associate with out of school. So this means not everyone in her Girl Scout troop, not everyone in her class, not everyone on her soccer team, etc. Just the kids she would actually bother to call for a play date or make sure that she plays with at recess every day. After my kids give me the "inner circle" list then I usually go through it to make sure that they didn't leave out anyone important and didn't put together a list that inadvertently excludes one child (like inviting 7 of the 8 kids on the soccer team or something). Sometimes this does end up meaning that they invite all the boys in the class (because only one or two were not on the "inner circle" list) but never the whole class. Then I add in my friend's kids and close neighbors whose parties my kids usually go to as well.

Oh and here, invites are sent via e-vite (which most people do) or mail. Never handed out in person.

My son gets to decide who comes. Last year he turned six and invited 5 kids. This coming year, turning 7 and likely still small. If it were my kid, I'd say "pick the X amount of kids you really want at your party" and be done with it. If parents say anything-- and heavens, they should have the good sense not to get upset if their kid is not invited-- then just tell them "This is what we could do for this year and Daughter was in charge of the guest list." Leave it at that.

Here's the thing: my kid doesn't get invited to everybody's parties. He doesn't like it, but my feeling is that it's good for him to learn that everyone should be able to choose their closest connected friends. If he gets left out-- well, that IS how it is sometimes. You aren't going to be best buddies with everyone and not everyone is going to invite you to their party. It IS okay, it doesn't make you a bad person for not being invited.

My opinion may not be popular in our touchy-feely parenting world, but I actually think small disappointments like this build character. Does it feel bad to be left out? Yes. But it isn't as if you were inviting all the kids but two from a class, right? I think we go to great lengths to protect the feelings of children who are old enough to know that sometimes you win, sometimes you don't win-- life still goes on. Expecting a family to invite everyone or no one is unreasonable. We certainly couldn't afford it, and I refuse to do it.

Invite the people your daughter wants there, and MAIL the invitations, don't hand them out at school or a scout meeting.

We just invite those she is close to from all of her different activities, making sure that we mail the invites. Usually it works out fine because in cheer (for example) there are 5 of them that are closer to each other than the rest of the team so we just invite those 5.

Feelings are bound to get hurt because you can't invite everyone, however I think the kids shake it off for the most part. My daughter has heard about birthday parties that she wasn't invited to, and hasn't really been upset about it. There are so many parties during the year that it gets overwhelming sometimes! I think we are often glad to not be invited to some once in a while! Otherwise you're constantly buying gifts and trying to fit in the parties to your already busy week!

I used to worry about this, not anymore. When my daughter was in first grade, she celebrated her golden birthday. We invited the entire class, plus some family and non school friends to Pump it Up. Out of her classmates, less than half even rsvp'd. I ended up paying for 5-6 kids who weren't there because the minimum was 25.

Over the years I've noticed that parents are just letting their kids pick and choose who to invite. Our school has 2-3 classes per grade and they pick whoever they want. Once it turned out that my daughter was one of two girls in the grade who didn't get invited to a classmate's party. I think it bothered me more than it did her. After that experience, I stopped worrying about hurt feelings and let her pick who she wanted.

Dont invite the whole class - just the girls in the class.

I just went through this as well. My RSVP deadline is tomorrow and we invited the whole class and all her GS troop and a couple friends' kids. Half the class has RSVPd which is what I expected. The half that my daughter knows and talks to are coming, the half that she doesn't know as well we haven't heard from. But I felt good inviting everyone because I didn't want my daughter or I to be the ones to exclude someone. Chances are, if your daughter doesn't like a girl, the girl probably doesn't like your daughter either and won't come.

Either invite everyone, or have a small get together with just BFFs and be done.

I limit my kids birthday parties to close friends only. Close friends are the kids that they regularly play with outside of school and organized activities. The kids who regularly come to play at our home or the kids who invite my kids to their homes are close friends. The kids who invite my kids to their parties are close friends. The kids that they only see at school and activities, while they may be friendly, I consider to be acquaintances, not exactly friends. This is the norm where I am from, so birthday parties are usually between 6-12 kids.

Invite just the girls

Fearful of someone getting their feelings hurt???? Wow! Do you realize how many kids do not include your daughter in their parties for whatever reason?? (ie, budget, only close friends are invited, only family is invited, etc.) So why let "fear" drive what you want to do for your child???

My hubby and I set a budget and that budget includes # of kids our daughters are allowed to invite. I never send invitations to their classrooms bc on our budget, that's just unrealistic & impossible. I will not cancel a party bc we cannot invite every child our kids know. We throw the best, memorable party for our girls and they enjoy it! At the end of the day, that's what matters most.

We allow DD to invite 1 child per year of age. In addition I reserve the right to invite a few kids whose parents we are friendly with. I am sure they will talk in about it and there may be some hurt feelings, but this year we just cannot afford the $300 for a place like Pump-it-up to invite the entire class.
It is what it is and everyone will get over it.

Good luck.

At that age, 10 kids tops and even then....
Send evites or mail 'em so no one gets hurt

I gave my kids a set # (at 8 it would have been 8 to 10 kids or so) and let THEM choose who to invite.
I never stressed over it. My child's party was about their special day, and who they most wanted to celebrate with, period.

When my kids were young we would do the big whole class parties. I would rent out a bouncy house or similar area for a large party. It was great back then, it gave all the parents and kids a chance to meet up and get to know one another, but as the kids get older they narrow down their group of friends and whole class parties get to be too much to deal with. In 2nd grade we started offering the option of a small private party over a huge one. Rather then a bunch of kids for 2 hours they get to do sleep overs now, and even a movie out if they only want to invite one or two friends. For example, this weekend is my sons 8th birthday party and we are having 3 close friends over for a sleep over. We will take them out to eat and see Despicable me 2. It is easier to cover hurt feelings when you can say "well, I was only allowed to invite 2-3 kids. You are less likely to feel hurt if you were not one of two rather then not making the cut out of 20. JMO.

I let my daughter invite as many friends as the age she is turning. For instance, when she turned seven, I let her invite seven friends. If there are only one or two people that I feel would get their feelings hurt if they were excluded, let my daughter invite them too.

Maybe you can let your daughter invite eight friends from school. And then you can fill out the rest of the invite list with your family friends' children. You don't HAVE TO invite 15-20 kids just because the venue is charging you a minimum. If you have fewer kids, you will have fewer mouths to feed, less noise and kid drama, and fewer goody bags (if you decide to do goody bags).

At eight years old, most kids understand that not everyone can be invited to a birthday party. Think about how many parties your kids would be attending every year if that were the case! They can always see their school friends on the playground. No need to include everyone in the birthday celebration. Good luck in your decision! Nobody wants to hurt anyone's feelings, but sometimes it happens anyway. It's part of childhood.

We are in the same boat as you when it comes to too many kid groups - church, scouts, sports, school old and new, neighborhood, my friends with kids, and not to mention family and all the cousins, but tbh, I just send out an email blast every year and whoever shows up shows up. I'm one of those who would rather not offend anyone and invite everyone, than stress over the time it will take and speculating who will be offended by deciding who to invite.

The big parties are just backyard parties with picnic games, a fully loaded pinata (to fill their favor bags) and a cake. Its never the organized event like most kid parties, although I do try to get creative every once in a while (one year my son liked frogs so I made the kids do an obstacle course hopping like a frog and then we had a contest of who had the best "ribbit".)

The smaller parties are just for family but then we have a few cousins of the same age where if we go to a place like Main Event my son can still have fun without having to deal with too many grown ups.

Hope it all turns out!

Both my kids can pick 3-5 kids for their birthdays. They always have a blast with their very best friends. I put on a few large parties when my son was younger but I realized that quality is better than quantity. Plus it's not stressful!

I admit to the same thoughts at birthday time. But, I always let my daughter choose only who she wants to invite and then let the chips fall where they may. If we tried to include everyone all the time, we'd be exhausted and poor!

Besides, I think it's a good life lesson for all involved. My daughter needs to think about who she wants to spend time with and learn to be discreet about the invites so she's not rubbing it in the non-invited's faces. And the kids that don't get an invite learn that sometimes they're just not chosen, same goes for my daughter on the occasions that she was not invited to another student's party.

Invite the children that your daughter wants at her party, just make sure she doesn't hand out invites at school. In many, that's not allowed unless everyone in the class is invited.

Of course... even if she did invite the entire class, they're not all going to come, especially the kids she doesn't get along with.

I'd invite the whole class. The whole class will not show up and that way some one wont be left out. Have it at a park to keep the cost down.

Invite the people you want to invite. But be very discreet when handing out the invitations. Your daughter should not hand them out openly in class.

What's your school policy on inviting kids, many, many schools have a rule that all have to be invited or none at all.

Honestly though I wouldn't/didn't have a party where we couldn't invite everyone. I'm an odd one on that but honestly I am not about to decide who is liked more, and then leave the less liked kids out. Probably not the best wording, but I haven't had enough coffee yet lol

You also have to realize that about half of who you invite, won't show up./ Which is another reason I hate places with limits, cause when a few don't rsvp, what am I gonna do....invite back-up people? Haha, I over think these things, hence why I don't do parties that way.

Sorry. I don't think I was a lot of help lol

We are faced with a similar problem in the next few days, at age 8 also. I am asking my daughter to make a list of friends and then I will review it and do the best I can. So, I already know her best friend will bring her sister. That's 2. There are a couple of other friends that I already know are a pair, so rather than fuss over whether to uninvite the sibling, I will count them as a two and they can either be invited or not as a pair. When I reach the limit, then those are the invitations that will go out. You just have to do it and be over it. Otherwise, plan on feeding the entire community because you wanted a few friends to celebrate the birth-day of your child with you.