Birth Control Failed....talk Me down Mamas!

Awww, congratulations!!!!! LUCKY LUCKY you, LUCKY new baby, Lucky siblings!!!

You KNOW it'll work out!

I'm SO happy for you!

:)

(forget about all those silly LOGISTICS!)

Okay...I completely understand why you'd be toeing the edge right now, I wouldn't know what I would do with a third either. But lets deal with one thing at a time. Insurance, I'm not sure about TX, but most states offer a prenatal care assistants program (PCAP) which offers free medical care during pregnancy and for baby up to one month after birth regardless of income.
As for where the baby will be sleeping, don't think about that right now, I'm from NYC and there's plenty of families living happily in 500sf of space. It might seem tight now, but you'll be able to work that out when your in better spirits.
Finally....how are you going to afford another baby, college...*sigh* all you can do is do your best, you can't prepare for everything that they're going to face in life and paying for college is one of them. Save some for all of them and they're just going to have to take out loans and work after school/summer jobs to pay for the rest, like we all did.

Okay - take a deep breath. BREATHE!!!!

This is a HUGE shock!! HUGE!!!

Talk with your doctor about your insurance issues, don't wait - they may be able to help you and work with you - most will and do.

Now, in regards to the financial issues - start buying diapers now - with coupons when they are on sale. God has blessed you with something VERY precious. YOU WILL BE ABLE TO CARE FOR HIM/HER!! God doesn't give you anything you can't handle.

It will be a change. Who knows! Maybe God has a plan for you in a bigger house with a smaller mortgage!! That's happened before! So you WILL be able to afford the baby, have the room you need and still not change much!!!

Just keep taking deep breaths!! Don't resent the baby. I know it can happen. Just remember how blessed you are!!

God Bless!!

Cheryl

I will tell you what...anybody I ever have known that this has happened to cannot even imagine their life now without that little surprise child. And you won't either. You will find a way to make it work...I promise.

And many people do not see their doc in the first trimester. Mine didn't want to see me at all in the first 12 weeks. Just make sure to take your prenatal and take it easy.

Congratulations!! Babies are a blessing. Try not to worry. Once that baby is here you will not be able to imagine your life without them. Things have a way of working them self out.

Oh you will be just fine sweets. If you need you can go into local centers for maternity care until you get covered by hubbies plan, see an U/S etc. We have an unexpeted blessing in our family now she is 8 mo old. She can exactly (no joke) 9 mo after my husband lost his job and we moved across country. LOL talk about timing. Now we are doing great, a little bit of a stretch for us with finances but that is more because we are purchasing our first new home. Teenybopper years will be interesting...lol We couldn't imagine life without her. Oh and my hubby was scheduled for a Vas... before we found out, and I was on BC. So she was meant to be and so is your little bean! I have to say congratulations because I know you will be so happy when you have him/her in a few months. Smiles and Hugs!

all " mistakes" are beautiful and worth it i have 2 of them ")

We have had a hard time trying to decide if we are really done at two, or not. Honestly, there are times when I was dissapointed that my birth control didn't fail, since that would have forced the decision that we can't seem to make.

The first trimester visits are mostly about making sure you know what to eat and what not to eat, anyway. The doc denerally listens for a heartbeat, and then asks if you have any questions, and sends you on your way. Go out and buy an updated copy of "What to Expect...." or something similar, which you'd probably want to do, anyway. My doc doesn't even offer an appointment until what you estimate to be 8 weeks after the last period, anyway. So by that estimation, you're only missing one doc appointment. Don't beat yourself up about that.

College saving plan isn't that big a deal, either. If you're living comfortably, I assume you're saving for retirement. Keep doing that. Now, take what you're sending to the two college plans, divide the total by three, and there you go. Remember, you can get loans for college. You can't get loans for retirement.

You don't have to know where the baby will stay, either. For the first three months, baby will be able to fit in a bassinet or moses basket. I know a child who slept in her carseat for the first month, and she is now a perfectly healthy four-year-old (and her spine is just fine, since I know that's what you're wondering). The point is, assuming you are in month two, you have about 10 months to figure that out. If moving won't be an option in the next 10 months, then I can offer you a 100% guarantee that at least two of your three children will be the same gender, and there are some really cute bunk bed options out there.

Good luck, mama. Take a deep breath. You'll be okay.

It's totally understandable that you feel the way you do... I've been there. We had our 3rd - a suprise... and now that he's almost 3 I can't imagine life without him. I chalk it up to just another reminder of how I am not in control and the more I can just go with it, focus on the positives and blessings I have, the better off we all are. Give it time to sink it - it's 'shocking' for a while, then try to embrace the new little life... you'll find a place for the baby to sleep and ways to pay for college. Focus on today - and appreciated all that you have and have faith that it will all work out... it really does. Take good care : )

Ok, life is never what we plan. That being said, I totally understand what you are saying. I am a total planner and like to know exactly what is going to happen next.

This is a surprise and it is going to be fine.. I did not see the doctor for my pregnancy until I was about 12 weeks pregnant. If you are healthy, you should be fine.. You know the routine.. take vitamins, get some rest, but continue to do what you do..

An infant will be able to sleep in your room for a few months and depending on the sex, you could decide which room. I did not look to see if you have one of each sex or the same sex children.. If they are the same, they could share a room..

Maybe consider a job that can be done from home or a jobs like I do.. I do not have typical full time job, instead I am on call with a lot of different jobs and they call as they need me.. Consider temp jobs.. Inventories will begin in stores this month.. get with a company that does inventories or call stores and see if they will need help..

Take a breath. do not be h*** o* yourself.. Maybe treat this as an adventure.. Just because you are in shock and not thrilled, you HAVE NOT cheated this child.. You are having a normal reaction to a huge surprise.

Think outside of the box. You have friends with fertility problems? Would you/they consider adoption? What a gift that would be..

Be sure to keep open communication with your spouse, I bet he is also about to have a heart attack.. Let him know you are in the same boat..
Congratulations!?!! I am sending you strength and peace..

Make plans and God smiles-lol! It will be okay momma! Just remember to breathe! This happened to me as well not specifically identical to your situation but the pregnancy was unplanned. However just as I was processing the fact I was pregnant and started to get excited I miscarried about a week ago....God has a plan and you may not understand it right now or ever but he has a plan.
You need to get that prenatal care honey because you never know what kind of a problem you might have.....they kept claiming I had an ectopic pregnancy. If I had waited I could have lost my life. I'm not trying to scare you but stress the importance of it. Could you qualify for state assistance? Could you go to the health department until the insurance goes into effect? You need to check into that rather than waiting it out. I was 5 weeks along when I lost my baby and IF it was ectopic like they were saying then at 8 weeks along I could have been in a serious pickle or perhaps even sooner. I could have lost my life or damaged my tubes so even though I am heartbroken over the loss I know it was for the best and God knows because honestly financially speaking there was already stress there and we had just started the Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover and were just starting to make progress when this happened. We would have made it work one way or another and I have enough faith in my father to take care of me and my family so there would have been a way but obviously the pregnancy wasn't healthy and obviously it wasn't right timing for us and God has some other plans for us FIRST. I think God wants us to free ourselves from this financial slavery first before he blesses us again with another. I have twins already and if that is all we have then so be it but at least now I can try my best to make other arrangements as far as Birth Control because obviously the other option didn't work for us. I'm thinking of an IUD but I'm still researching it......Good luck and don't stress things will work out and you both will get excited and accept it for what it is......a blessing.

I agree with Denise! I have 2 wonderful 'surprises'. I remember feeling guilty with the first, we had just moved into a house where we could watch people ski down the slopes, and I was all geared up for season ski passes....that was my first thought when I saw positive! For a beautiful life, I'm sure you will be able to budget to include a third. when you feel your baby move, when you see its heart beating, you will get excited! Can you go to a midwife- usually a bit more reasonable until your insurance covers?

Take a deep breath :) I've been there and I know it absoultly sucks in the moment, and in many many moments to come. When my 3rd child (and 3rd girl) was 10 months old, I discovered I was pregnant again...breaking through 3 "methods"...I was exclusively nursing, on MIcronor, and we were using "pull & pray" on top of it all. We had just decided one week earlier that we would revisit the idea of a 4th child in five years. I was already 5 weeks pregnant with my 4th child...my only son. I prayed and pleaded with God to "take care of it" because I could not see myself with 2 kids so close in age, in addition to the two older ones, and abortion was not an option for me. I was in a very very dark place for about a month. I didn't really even accept the pregnancy until well into my 4th month. I never emotionally bonded with the pregnancy either. It was just something that happened and had to be dealt with. In November 09, my son was born and life went on. It is hard. I won't try to say its not. We have more hard times than we do easy/fun times. Money is tight wiht only my husband working, but we manage. Our 1100 SF house is tight with its 3 bedrooms and one bathroom and virtually no storage space. But we make it work.

My best advice is to just roll with the punches and stop trying to plan. You'll drive yourself crazy trying to figure out how it will all come together. I don't know how it does, but it just does. Best of luck to you and congrats :)

Slow down momma! For one, I didn't even know I was pregnant with my second until I was in my second trimester and baby and I were both fine :)
Just take prenatals and stay healthy and active.

As for college savings, you have many years to figure that out. Just start small. As for where the baby will stay, he/she can stay in your room for the first 6 months or so, then move into to share a room with another child.

I know we are wanting a 3rd, which means I will lose my home office/craft area, and we will have to get a used van... but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to take.

You can still live comfortably, just be a little more cautious with budgeting and think twice about some purchases that you really don't need.

You can do it :) I come from a family of 3 children and I absolutely loved it.

This isn't the first story I have heard of a couple getting pregnant while they were looking into permanent BC - so you're not alone. I can only imagine how frustrating, surprising, exciting and even devastating this feels, all at the same time.

The money will work itself out. You will make the necessary changes for a family of three. If you live comfortably, why can't you go to a OB and pay for the appt in cash until your insurance kicks in? Can you move, add-on or remodel to accommodate the extra room? You don't say the ages of your kids or what sex they are so, I'm not sure if it is possible for them to share a room.

You may not be excited for a while or it could be sooner. I would think it will happen when you least expect it. Maybe seek counseling about how you feel to help you work out all of the conflicting feelings you may be having.

Life is full of surprises and can be a bumpy road. You just hit a big bump in the road but this isn't something that would 'total out your car' :)

The holidays are over, try to relax, keep talking and make your plans. Congratulations!!!!!!!!

Things have a way of working out. Don't stress about the logistics. We had a surprise adn just before our second "planned" one arrived our lives were turned upside down outside of our control. You have time to figure out college savings and lots of kids share rooms. You are blessed with this new little one. I can understand your feelings, but they will change once you hear a heartbeat and feel a kick.

Congrats!!

Don't worry, it will work out! Definitely apply for medicaid if you can. Don't worry about not getting prenatal care til the second tri, honestly many docs won't even see you until between 10-12 weeks. Just make sure to take a prenatal with folic acid daily, eat healthy, stay hydrates, and get plenty of rest =) You are a pro at this by now with two kiddos, so no worries! As for college savings, I would focus on your retirement before you worry about that. The kids can get loans for college or better yet possibly scholarships--no one is gonna loan you money to retire on. You will make it work if this is your choice. Oh and maybe it would be a good time for hubby to get a V while you are preggo because he should definitely be shooting blanks by the time you deliver! I am sure you will make peace with this and be blessed. Don't worry about forcing yourself to be over the moon too soon--its okay to be disappointed when life throws a curveball at you.

You are lucky to become pregnant but you weren't planning on it I would be in a state of denial & shock aswell I have 3 i'm fullfilled with 3 we have room for 3 we have a budget for 3 we have a good life with 3 now with 4 I don't know exactly how I would feel i'm using a nonhormonal BC everytime for last few months because I have really decided that having a 4th isn't for me i'll be a sahm till I guess I can't be.All my kids are young 1 child is in full time schooling the other 2 aren't for another 2 yrs then after that i'll still be the sahm because it is my job & i'm there for my kids in all they do.
My last 2 pregnancies I didn't see the OB till I was 10 weeks along they won't schedule any sooner because there isn't anyting medically that can be done in the event of a miscarriage however you can call them now schedule the appt. & get on prenatal vitamins.
Being happy & getting over the feeling that somehow you have let this baby down you'll get over it I did I wasn't wanting to have baby #3 she was a surprise I didn't want to abort her or have her adopted I loved her I was at my own wits end with myself.As time went on I was able to feel the love & warmth that went along with my pregnancy i'm looking at her now she is the love that I would miss if she wasn't here today.It takes time the more you fret over the matter the worse it'll be you & your hubby created a human being it is growing inside of you take it for what it is because it'll work out some way some how it always does
ADDED:You see you were planning on adding on to your house anyway,this is adding more than just a room it is adding a life with more giggles & coos

I found out that we were having our third child sixteen and half weeks into the pregnancy. We had just purchased our second house (with only three bedrooms) and I had just gone back to work. Our other two children were six and nine.

Its been a whirlwind two years. Baby three is a beautiful sixteen month old right now, I am back being a stay at home mom, the 'office' is now the fourth bedroom, and money is tighter. But, despite not being in the formal plan (I did want a third), we realize how very lucky we are and it is all working out.

As you know, it will work out for you too. You have found out early enough to have the opportunity to take prenatal vitamins when they really count and to have this seem more real. My husband, during the first year, would come home every evening looking shocked that we have a third. This got really old after six months!

Good luck to you and congratulations on your pregnancy!

You should be able to get Medicaid for the baby. I know that when I was pregnant, I had insurance that covered maternity and the OB's office still asked me if I was going to get Medicaid for the baby. Apparently, lots of people do it. I'm wondering if this pregnancy would be considered a pre-existing condition when your hubby adds you to his plan.
Have you checked to see if you qualify for WIC? If you're not working, your income level may be low enough to qualify you. That would help with the financial strain some.
As far as "room" for the new little one, you'll figure it out. Are your two kids the same gender? If so, they might could share a room. Even if they're not the same gender, they might can share a room until the new baby sleeps well enough to let an older sib move back into his/her room and share it with the baby.

All I can say is that for me babies are always a blessing. I got pregnant while breastfeeding and on the pill, and even though we did want to have another baby, it was too soon for us. I wanted to wait for my daughter to be at least two, but instead she was 7 months when I got pregnant. We were and still are in a very low budget on everything, and we are trying to sell the house because of this. Anyways, we are so very happy right now, you can always find a way to make this work, we know our son will come sometime next month and although economically we are not ready we will love him and we'll try our best to give them both everything they need. Also, when I went to the doctor I was on my second trimester, so even though is not what you are supposed to do, sometimes it happens. If you can, go to a doctor on your own, at least once, just to make sure everything looks OK, and then just wait for the insurance to cover it. Maybe it's not the right time but when the baby comes and you see his/her little face you'll see that it was worth it. You can always work from home, sell things online, put your other two kids in one room together,save on food with coupons, etc and it will be OK. The loving feeling and the excitement will come when you start feeling this little life kicking inside of you. God luck with everything!

oh my gosh do I understand what you are going through. Both of my children were bc pill failures! Believe me, I am happy, but after the first, we were fine with an only... now we have 2 beautiful blessings! lol. I too have private health insurance... which does mean no prenatal or birth and delivery coverage. And... we didn't qualify for any state assisted programs... and it is really really stressful and expensive (I just gave birth, so the bills are still tricking in)...... don't even get me started on this issue! In any case, what I found is that having private health insurance has completely not worked in my favor one bit! We pay a big monthly premium to be "responsible", but the fact is, the doctors and hospitals will give substantial discounts if you don't have any insurance. If you do have insurance (even if it doesn't cover any of it)... you don't get those same discounts. Make sense? No, of course it doesn't!! It is the most frustrating system EVER! If you want to start your prenatal care, ask your OB... and tell them you won't have any insurance until Feb (you may have a hard time getting covered then b/c of pre-existing blah blah... so check it out)... they will probably give you a reasonable price and those visits in the beginning won't be that costly. In the end... it will work out... once this shock and panic wear off. Congratulations and best wishes to you and your family.

*In Michigan, there is no help for prenatal care or birth and delivery if you do not qualify (the income guidelines are higher, but still low if you ask me)... For a family of 4... if one makes over $34,000/yr... they expect that the family should be able to pay for the prenatal, birth and delivery costs! CRAZY HUH?? I hope it is not like this for you in TX!

Whether you really need to see a doctor in your first trimester depends upon what prenatal testing you will do and what you will do with the results. If you would terminate the pregnancy if there was a high potential for birth defects, you need to ge seen sooner rather than later. If you have decided to keep the pregnancy no matter what, than I don't see how it matters.

Don't let the not having ins that doesn't cover your maternity scare you. My insurance didn't cover pregnancy with my first so we had to pay out of pocket and every hospital, & Dr. will give you really reduced rates. The hospitals in my area ranged from $1500-$2700 for a two day stay (vaginal birth). I just gave birth a year ago to my second and our insurance covered it. The bill we got was $12,000. Of corse we didn't owe it, but it was amazing to me how much of a reduced rate you get when you pay cash. It does go by how far along you are. ie: 1st trimester is cheaper than if you pay the hospital in your third trimester. We were never billed another penny than what the hospital told us the amount was going to be.

Congrats on your new little one!