Bedtime?

Updated on April 08, 2008
M.O. asks from Denver, CO
39 answers

I have pretty much followed my daughters lead on bedtime. 9pm is what it is now, but she has a meltdown long before the bedtime routine is over, so I know this isn't early enough anymore. I don't know how far to push it back. We pushed it back to 8 tonight, and the meltdown still happened. What time do your kids go to bed?

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So What Happened?

04/08 Last night she was getting fussy while I was making dinner around six. By 6:30 I decided to put her in her swing to occupy her. She fell asleep. She slept until 3 (this is when she normally gets up to nurse) and promptly went back to sleep. She then woke up at 4:30 and didn't reallt want to go back to sleep, but I put her in bed with me, and she slept until 7 (her normal wake up time).
Tonight I tried my best to be home to get her in bd by 6:30. No go :( She had a bath and a quick massage and was in bed by 7, but had already melted down. I guess that means she needs to be in bed by 6:15 or so. I took someones advice to stop nursing her to sleep and nurse her earlier in the routine. I nursed before her bath and she has been sleeping soundly since I laid her down.

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E.A.

answers from San Francisco on

My daughter has always gone to bed between 8 and 830. Sometimes she would struggle with it a little, but if you want a consistant schedule, you can't back down. If you let it slide for a day or two, it'll take you a week to get her back on schedule. It is really helpful to have a place in the childs room where you can hold her, in the darkened room, if whe is wakeful after you put her down. It may seem callous, but if she's not cranky, don't hold her after bedtime. She'll just start to crave it all the time. Hold her BEFORE the bedtime to give her any cuddle time. Hope any of this helps.

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K.A.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I recommend a book called "healthy sleep habits, happy child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. It has saved my life and my sisters and I swear by it and we have 12 kids combined and have used it for all of our kids. The premise is that if kids get enough sleep then they are able to focus more adequately on what they need to accomplish throughout the day in regards to learning, developing, socializing, etc. I have a 7, 5 and 3 year old and they all go to bed between 6 and 6:45 the youngest is 7 months old and he goes to bed at 5:15 and sleeps straight through to 7am.

This book is available through the salt lake county library if you just want to peruse it. You can read it in sections depending on the age of your child.

The key that I have found is that you need to look for a fussy time period that your child exhibits in the early evening (usually between 5 and 6 depending on childs age) and that is your clue to their bedtime. If you try to get them to bed during that window of opportunity then they will have the best sleep if you wait and miss that opportunity then you will find that they get a second wind and it is way more difficult to get them settled down for the night.
Hope that helps.
K.

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D.S.

answers from Denver on

I also have a Holloween baby. My triplets are 13 months and the other is 17 months and they go to bed at 7-7:30 p.m. All my friends who have kids y our age go to bed at 7:30. It's funny becasue I just asked them the question yesterday, wondering if mine were going to bed too early. Good luck

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J.N.

answers from Salt Lake City on

How long is the bedtime routine? Maybe it's too much and she needs you to cut out some of the things. For example, move story time to another time during the day.
When moving the bedtime, only change it by 15 min at a time. Give her time to get used to that (a couple of days) before moving it again.
Use the same routine for nap time, too.
Good luck!

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S.L.

answers from Fort Collins on

You have gotten some great advice.

Figuring out when a good bedtime is - watch for early signs of sleepiness. When she is yawning and rubbing her eyes, those are later signs. Whatever time you see her yawning and rubbing her eyes now, aim to have her in bed by that time.

Routine - Routines are really comforting for small children, as it lets them know what is coming next, helps them feel comfortable and secure, and makes transitions easier. As much as you can, keep to a bedtime routine. If you have to rush it because you are running late one night, I think it's better to shorten parts of the routine rather than cut them out altogether.

Daytime naps - Daytime naps are a huge contributor to nighttime sleep. If children aren't sleeping well, their bodies get wound up, which makes it even harder for them to go to sleep later. It's kind of a vicious cycle, but it can be broken.

A great book that helped me get my daughter on track without tears is the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. There are a lot of great tips for good bedtime sleep without letting them cry it out. She also includes a lot of good general information about sleep and how our bodies work, including a sleep chart that gives general ranges for how long babies should be sleeping at each age. Although specifics will vary for each child, you should find some good tips in this book.

Best of luck,
S.

ps - I have a 3yo and a 1yo. We recently moved their bedtime from 8:30 to 7:30, and they are doing SOOOO much better!

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E.F.

answers from Casper on

9:00 is not a bad time for a 5 month old:) They can't sleep 12 hrs like a one year or two year old. So it depends a lot on what her schedule is for eating and naps in the daytime. Baby's this age sleep 5-7 hrs at night. and need a total of 12-15 hrs every 24 hrs. It might be as easy as giving her one more nap if she just cant make it to 9:00 or eight without having a hard time. So figure out how many hrs she is getting at night, then see how many more she needs to get to the 12-15 hrs. Divide that into two or three hr stretches (however long her naps usually are)and then give her that many naps a day. I also suggest feeding her when she wakes up rather then right before she goes to sleep. It makes it so much easier to tell when they are tired, because you know that they are not hungry. Then once she start avoiding your eyes or getting slightly fussy, you just can do your nap or night time routine, and put her down.
Here is an example...
If she gets 6hrs at night, that leaves 6-9 hrs of naps, I would try for three long naps. So that is about 3-4 naps a day. Then I just split that up with her waking hrs. So if she goes to sleep at 9 wakes up at 3am and eats and goes back to sleep and wakes at 6-7am then she would be awake for two hrs, nap for two, wake for three nap for two wake for three nap for two wake until bedtime.
Hope that gives you a good idea, Good luck
E.

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M.S.

answers from Denver on

7pm is a great bedtime. Your baby will probably sleep longer if you put her down earlier. Try reading Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child. It's a great book and talks about the importance of an early bedtime. My kids are 4 and 2 and still go to bed at 7pm. They are much happier as a result.
Best, Julie

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A.P.

answers from Denver on

Make sure your baby is taking 2 naps a day. Maybe one around 9 or 10-ish. Then a second around 1 , 2, or 3-ish. Then start the bedtime routine 7 or 8-ish based on her cues. Cues are rubbing eyes, heavy eyes, blinking lots, and getting cranky. It takes time to develop a routine. So don't throw the baby out with the bathwater after one try. (just a saying --- not to be taken literally)

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C.K.

answers from Denver on

According to Dr. Weissbluth, author of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, children's sleep needs change at around 4 months of age and should go to bed between 6-8 p.m. I did that and it worked great!! Get the book if you can--I loved it.

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A.M.

answers from Denver on

With my boys, I first just went with their rhythm in their younger years. Babies usually sleep 14 to 16 hours a day. this is split up with naps and the night time...When my boys starting eating meals with the rest of the family then we could implement a routine of a dinner ideally around 5pm and if you bathe your child daily, that would come right after dinner then to bed after that. That is about 7 to 7:30. My boys wake about 10 to 12 hrs later.
I'd expect your baby is still nursing or taking a bottle mid way thru the night. This can be expected for awhile and with my boys I just took it in stride. I think my youngest son went all night without a feeding at about a year....As for preventing a meltdown I try to look out for clues like when he/she looks alittle spacy and starts rubbing his/her eyes.
Good luck and make sure you get some time for your self...

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M.S.

answers from Denver on

try and establish a relaxing routine for bedtime... like bath, story, bed... or whatever suits your family lifestyle... and early... If you stick to a routine, eventually they get the clue that after bath, etc. they know it is time to go to bed. We kind of slow things down, turn off the t.v., read books etc. after dinner.. then have a bath.. put on our jammies, and have a little snuggle before bed (in her room without the lights on). she settles down pretty easily (knock wood). we've been doing this since she was about 2 mos old... she's 16 mos now and aside from when she is sick or over-stimulated she goes right down.

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J.M.

answers from Denver on

Most nights my daughter has dinner around 5:00, has about 30 minutes of playtime, then we let her run around naked for about 10 minutes (her favorite part of the day it seems!), start bath around 6:00 for 20 minutes or so, jammies and books until 7:00. Then we turn out the lights, sing a lullaby or two while she has a nighttime bottle and she's the one that says "night night". We'll put her in her crib (without the bottle) and most nights she'll take 10-15 minutes to fall asleep but she's so relaxed at that point that she just lays there rubbing her stuffed animal or blankies. We've been doing this since about 9 months and she's 22 months now and she is still a fabulous sleeper.

One thing we found is that her body always tells her it's time to wake up at 7:00a.m. Whether we put her to bed at 7:00 or at 10:00, she will still wake up 7:00a.m. So if you're thinking that if put your child down later they will sleep later, it doesn't usually work that way. Meltdowns are going to happen until a routine has really been established and stays consistent. My only advice is to figure out a routine, stick with it and have patience. Good luck!

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L.L.

answers from Salt Lake City on

When my daughter was 5 months old, she went to bed around the same time as yours is now. As she has gotten older (now she's almost 16 months)and we have more of a routine going, we start getting her ready for bed at about 7:30 (bath, PJs, and a story if she's interested). So she's in bed close to 8:30. Even though she's usually a little cranky earlier than that, we've found she goes to bed more easily if she's just a little more tired. Otherwise, if she's not quite ready, she ends up getting upset and wired and then won't go back down until 10:00!

On another note, I think sometimes parents base bedtime on what they have going on. If they like to have a few hours at night to regroup and have some alone time, it's more convenient to put their child to bed early. For myself on the other hand, I work full time, so by the time I get home at night I want to spend as much time with her as I can, so her bedtime is a little bit later than other people's kids. I think whatever you decide to do that will benefit both of you is great. As long as they are getting enough sleep for them, including naps, you're doing the right thing.

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A.S.

answers from Denver on

My 17 month has always been in bed between 7 and 7:30pm. He sleeps until 7 or 8 in the morning, and still takes a long afternoon nap - like from 12 to 3. Kids need A LOT of sleep! Your baby is probably melting down because she is tired!

Another benefit of this is my husband and I get the evening to ourselves... whether it's just for a movie on the couch, or doing dishes, it's nice to have some alone time. And we can watch what ever movie we want! Ha!

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M.B.

answers from Pocatello on

Hi, I have 3 daughters. All of them go to bed at 7:30. I know that sounds early, but they need it. If they don't go to bed that early, I have really grouchy girls. When they were younger, we would start getting ready at 7 and made sure they are in bed by 7:30. Now that they are 3, 7, & 10 we start at 7:30 and everyone is in bed by 8:00. It sure makes life a lot more pleasant when they get their sleep.
Good luck to you!! 8 isn't too early, I know a lady who puts her twins to bed at 6:00!!! Now that's a little early.

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T.T.

answers from Denver on

She should really be going to bed between 6 and 7 pm. 9 is too late. 8 seems to be too late as well. What is her daytime napping schedule like? She should be sleeping 11 or 12 hours at night and having two 1-2 hour naps during the day. My kids, 20 mos and 4 1/2 years, both go to bed at 7pm and sleep until 7 the next morning.

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A.M.

answers from Colorado Springs on

There is a wonderful book called the 7 o'clock bedtime - since we changed my daughters' bedtime to 7:00 it has been wonderful. More time for us in the evening and they are sure to get enough sleep - they normally sleep 12 hours and my oldest never was a good sleeper. Sometimes getting them to bed earlier will get them to sleep better and longer than getting them to bed when they are overtired.

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A.P.

answers from Pocatello on

Here are a few ideas... Shorten the routine, move some of the routine into a different time of day (like before dinner?); how about move it up 15-20 minutes every couple of days until you find the right time for her? Be prepared: just when you figure it out, it might change again! :)

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N.H.

answers from Missoula on

my little girl is"early to bed early to rise" she is down by 7:30 or so and usually up by 6. hope your getting it all figured out! N.

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K.D.

answers from Denver on

I agree sometime between 7 and 8 is good. It also works better to change a bedtime incrementally instead of suddenly. You might start watching her to see if she gives signs of being sleepy, yawning, rubbing eyes, etc. That would be your goal bedtime. GL! One thing you'll find is motherhood is one adjustment after another. Just when you think you have the schedule figured out, it'll change as she gets older. To answer your question, our kids have later bedtimes, but they also sleep later in the morning. Bedtimes are 8 and 9 and they sleep until at least 8 if not later. They are 4 and 20 months.

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J.L.

answers from Pocatello on

I used to put my kids to bed at 7 pm. It worked well for us. Also, when we went on daylight savings time we made sure that we didn't stay at 7:00, we switched to 8:00 so there was no adjustment for the kids.

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D.K.

answers from Denver on

9pm is late! Sorry but I have a almost four year old that is in bed by 7:30 and my six year old is in bed by 8pm. She is five mos so I really would have YOU decide on a bedtime, like 7pm, put her down after a bedtime ritual. You need that downtime too in the evenings as well as time with your hubby. Just last year before my son was 3, his bedtime was 6:45, he wakes up at 6:30a.m. regardless of his bedtime and he has to have 11-13 hours of sleep and isn't napping anymore.
A five mos old should be getting about 15 hours of sleep total including naps to get what she needs for growth, development and temperment.

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L.N.

answers from Providence on

My son is 4 months (you actually just replied to mine as well) and I have tried to have a bedtime routine for him to signal to him that it's getting close to bedtime. At 5:30 pm I give him cereal, then it's bath, I rub him down with lotion and sing a song, and then read a story. I try to keep the lights dim and remain mellow so it's a calming atmosphere and he starts to settle down. Then he normally eats one last time and then it's time for bed.

I normally start to put him down between 6:30 and 7 pm because he shows signs he's sleepy. That doesn't mean he goes down easily or is asleep for the night at that point. Until he started rolling, he would normally be settled down and go to sleep for a long stretch by about 8 or 8:30 pm. Good luck!! Oh, I have also read, that babies will normally get up at about the same time in the morning regardless of what time they are put to get (so if it's 7 pm or 11 pm they usually are going to start the day at the same time). So earlier is better.

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C.C.

answers from Pueblo on

Hi, your child is pretty young so I'm racking my brain to remember what sleep schedules were like for my kids when they were that little but what my 3 and 2 yr olds do now is they take a nap in the morning about 3-4hours after they first get up out of bed then they nap for 2-3 hours then bedtime runs about 4-5 hours after they get up from their naps. So our schedule looks like this;
wake up 8am
nap time 12pm-2:30pm
bed time 8pm

and this as worked out very well for them, it doesn't take them long to get to sleep at night but they're not having the meltdowns either. Now I'm thinking that your baby is taking 2 naps during the day, if not maybe she needs to be so you might break the day up like this;

wake up 8am
nap 1 10am-11:30am
nap 2 1-2ish pm-3:00pm
bedtime 8:00pm
definitly play with the times some and certainly follow her lead, if she's not at all tired at 10 but having a meltdown at noon then try putting her down around 11-11:30, know what I mean, and let her sleep til she gets up but I tend to wake the kids after 3 hours.

But I know that sometimes things don't go as scheduled and the kids end up napping later than normal so I still go by the 4-5hrs after their nap before putting them to bed. I hope I've helped you out some. Good luck.

C. C

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K.M.

answers from Denver on

HEALTHY SLEEP HABITS, HAPPY CHILD IS THE BOOK. WE HAVEN'T HAD ANY SLEEP PROBLEMS SINCE FOLLOWING HIS ADVICE.Anyway, babies at about your child's age really should go to bed at - get this - 5:30-6:00pm! I didn't know how we were going to do it! However, once we got him into the rythym, all sleep problems were over. He started sleeping though the night almost immediately. I'm guess that by 9pm your baby is so far beyond the end of her rope that she can't stand it. Try moving bedtime up by 20 minutes every 3rd day or so until you get to 6pm. I bet your problems will be over. BTW, my now 14-month-old son still goes to bed at about 6:30pm and sleeps straight through till 6am every day.

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S.C.

answers from Salt Lake City on

My little girl was a great sleeper for a long time, but at around 6 mo her naps got shorter and shorter (like 20 min.) I read in "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child" that sleep begets sleep and that young children should be in bed between 6:00 and 8:00. I started putting her down at 6:30. Within a week she was sleeping 12 hours at night and taking 2 good naps. It was glorious. She is 2 1/2 now and still sleeps 11+ hours at night and takes a 2-3 hour nap. her bedtime now is 7:30. It might be a battle for a short time, but I bet that in the long run an earlier bedtime will really help.

B.M.

answers from Pocatello on

My daughter's bedtime was 8:00 but then she was still getting sleepy before that so we moved it to 7:30. If you want to move her bedtime up you have to do it in small steps. Like 15 min. anight. If you try to put her down at 8:00 when she is used to 9 that is too much all at once. So it might take a week or two to see when is the best time for her, but most of my friends put their kids down around 7 or 8. Good luck

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T.B.

answers from Denver on

My 3 (just about 4) year old goes to bed between 7:30-8pm and takes a 1 hour nap during the day.

Our son gets up at approximately the same time in the morning whether he goes to bed at 8 or 11. The early bedtime is more for our sanity then his as we then have time to ourselves in the evening and don't have to put up with as many tantrums the next day.

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L.O.

answers from Denver on

My soon to be 2 yr old goes to bed between 8:30 and 9. We tried earlier and he just wouldn't go to sleep. He has always been this way though. What time does he get up in the morning? or how long does he nap? My son sleeps like 12 hours at night and takes one hour and half to 2 hr nap (which obviously your child will nap more). You might want to read Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child. That was helpful to me. L.

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N.R.

answers from Denver on

you never mentioned her age. But I can tell you what I did & what worked for me (and I say me because my husband travels so much.) My twins at 4 months were in bed by 7pm & slept till 7pm, had a 2 hr nap in the morning & a 2 hr nap in the afternoon. This showed me how much sleep kids really need. Obviously the napping dropped off after a year & then after 3 years (although one of my 4 yo twins still naps in the afternoon.) The boys are 4 yo now & stil go to bed between 7-8pm. It may take a little while for your child to adjust, but they need soooo much sleep! (Including those naps (in their cribs) at a young age.)

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M.M.

answers from Denver on

Depends on the child. Both mine started sleeping through the night by 6-8 weeks. By 6 mos, I had my son down by 6:30-7:00pm and he would sleep till 6:30-7 the next morning, and did two naps/day of 1-2 hours. My daughter was pretty close to the same. It's harder with her now that she's older (4 1/2) as she wants to stay up later and keep playing, but still gets a nap during the day and get about 12 hours of sleep total daily. They really do still need this much sleep at this age. Seems when they need it the most is when they fight it (get too tired and have a supermeltdown). Keep working back a 1/2 hour each night until you get to what works for you and your daughter.

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N.W.

answers from Denver on

Our bed time routine became more stable with our second child but both take a bath between 7 and 715. Youngest is in bed by 7:30 and oldest 2yo is in bed by 8. This doesn't meen he stays there but we normally read a couple books and he is ok.

A Little about me:
Working mother of 2 great kids 2yo son and 1 yo daughter with a wonderful father.

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S.S.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I think this depends on your child and you. I have a 6 year old who absolutely begs to go to bed and 8 pm, and she does. Then my 3 year old would stay up until 11:00 everynight if you would let her. It's up to you. If 8 pm doens't seem to be working try 7:30 and see how that goes. I'm sure she'll be fine in whatever you decide to do.

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J.H.

answers from Billings on

I put my kids down between 7 and 7:30 PM. It really works for us! My daughter will sleep a full 12 hours...she is an awesome sleeper. My sweet little son still wakes at 6:00 AM, but that will happen even if he goes to bed late. I like an early bedtime, because the kids get the rest they need, and so do I! :)

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S.P.

answers from Great Falls on

I'm a firm believer on an early bedtime. My oldest who is autistic and struggles to go to sleep gets his meds so he's out by 8:30 every night, even in the summer. My youngest stays awake until about the same time. One thing I do, is have quiet time from seven to eight. My kids go in their rooms and hang out. Sometimes they read and sometimes just play quiet but that is what it is for. I found my oldest really likes the break from people. My youngest uses the time to play without interference from anyone. It's better for me too. Then, I follow a routine with each and send them to sleep. I have good results. This summer I plan on making quiet time a little later in the evening. Like 7:30 to start with. Good luck!!!!

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L.O.

answers from Fort Collins on

Heya!

I HIGHLY recommend a book: "Healthy Sleep, Happy Baby" (or something like that).

My son is now 9mo, and he sleeps from 6:30pm till 6:30am everyday. I followed his lead on the bedtime which was 5:30-6ish. In the past few months I have been trying to get him to stay up later, but he usually has a meltdown if he is up past 6:30. He takes two naps a day. The first is for an hour at about 8am and the second is for about 2 hours at 2pm.

Good luck...

L. : )

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S.S.

answers from Provo on

Hello!
I have 4 children, and in my experience, the earlier the better is the best time! My favorite thing to do is to aim for 7 p.m. and get them settled reading books, reading to them, singing songs, prayers, etc. And then by the time it is 8 p.m., they are ready to sleep! It means that you are totally focused at night and need to be organized with dinner, etc. The best part about it is you get to spend vauable time with them, and then you get time to yourself or with your spouse at night. Children are adaptable and can get into a routine. They all love books and stories, so use that as a way to get her settled down at night. Go to the library often and get lots and lots of fun stories to read. This will be valuable to her the rest of her life! You are definitely the one who tells her when to go to bed, but make it a special, fun, relaxing time, and she will love it!!
I have a sister in law who puts her children to bed at 7 (ages 2, 5, and 8.) They are very well behaved children...love to read, and get lots of good sleep which is very important for children. I know when we are too busy and our kids get to bed later like 9:00, ir really wears on our family life.
Good Luck!!

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S.R.

answers from Fort Collins on

Every child has a different biological setting for sleep. My son's moved around a lot for the first year. When he was 3 and 4 months old it was 8:30, and then suddenly it shifted to 6:30! It gradually grew later again and now we start his bedtime routine (bath, lotion, pjs, storytime, lights out) at 7:30 and he is usually in bed asleep by 8:30 (he is 14 months old now). This shifts a little some days by as much as half an hour if for whatever reason he didn't nap well or took a really long nap on that particular day. I would recommend making your daughter's bedtime earlier by 15 or 30 minutes ever day until you find what works for her. You might overshoot it one day and have her still active and playful by the time her bedtime routine is over, but then you can push it back a little the next day. Don't worry, you'll figure it out! Yay you for paying attention and being tuned in to your daughter's changing needs. Give yourself a pat on the back. :)

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A.R.

answers from Denver on

I have a 5 1/2 year old, 3 1/2 year old and 10 month old. All go to bed by 7 pm and sleep until 6-6:30. I know this seems early, and we are on average a little earlier than some of the other parents I know, but not by much. I think we all try to spend as much time with our kids these days because life has gotten so busy, and we love them so much. I also believe we do so at the detriment of their sleep! As far as her sleep time is concerned, a good rule of thumb when moving bedtime earlier is to do so in small increments (15 min) every few days until you get to the time that works for you. You will definitely have to give it time before the meltdowns go away, as I expect she is a little sleep deprived and might have to catch up a little. A great book that I refer to all the time when it comes to sleep problems is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weisbluth. It gives advice and information on all things sleep from birth through teens. I couldn't live without it. Best of Luck!

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