Anyone Else Still Have Bedtime Issues with 5 and 8 Year Old Boys?

I did the "wean" him out of it method w my son starting when he was 5. I talked to him about how big boys go to bed and how his friends do it. We gradually lessened the time I stayed with him. He is 7 now and after reading stories he gets 5 minutes of snuggle time. He gradually got better and better at it. There are nights where he feels extra needy and I stay another 5 minutes. He does not complain any more...now he just knows this is the way it is from now on. Some friends did it a different way. They did the quick and hard approach. They removed everything from their son's room (he was 7 when they did this) and when they said goodnight they never went back in. I guess it was like CIO but with a big kid. They said their son complained, cried, yelled, etc. They had to lock him in his room or else he would just defiantly come out. They said it took a week and then he was good. I could not do it that way (I'm more of a softie) but that is what worked for them.

I think the first thing you need to do is announce at dinner that there is a NEW PLAN for bedtime. Here is the new routine:
7:00 TV off, brush teeth.
7:15 read bedtime story together in family room. Alternate who gets to pick the story.
7:30 5 year old gets in bed. He can have lights-on for 1/2 hour. If he comes out of his room (except for the bathroom) it becomes automatic lights out. If he has a fit, there will be no lights-on time tomorrow.
8:00 lights out for 5 year old. Give him 15 minutes to settle down.
8:15 8 year old gets in bed. Same lights-on rules apply.
8:45 lights out for 8 year old.
In case you couldn't tell, I think 7:30 might be a little early for an 8 year old's bedtime. All bedtime routine changes can result in meltdowns. The key is to make a plan (post on the fridge if needed) and STICK TO IT even in the face of tantrums. Change is tough for kids!! That's why I think you should talk about this when it is NOT bedtime and emotions are not running so high. Oh, and I think both kids can fully understand if you explain to them that mommy and daddy need time alone in the evening. They'll "get it" if you map out the new plan and stay firm. I know you enjoy some wind-down time with the kids, we do too. What works best for us is a cuddle and talk after the story and before lights-on. Best of luck!!

You could start turning the TV off earlier and have pre-bedtime quiet family time. Push the entire bedtime routine up a 1/2 hour or so. That way, even if you have to sit with them until the fall asleep, you will get more "me" time on the back end.

Or, you could simply start setting a timer - "When the timer goes off, Mommy and Daddy are going to leave your room". Start with 30 minutes for a few nights, then 20, then 10, etc.

You just have to re-train them if you want it to change. It will tough on everyone at first, but it will work.

Or, just enjoy the moment - soon enough they grow up and wander off to bed by themselves.

God Bless

they're old enough to understand cause/effect & the reward/punishment system.

It's up to you to enforce your bedtime policies & to remain firm/consistent. I recommend watching the "1-2-3 Magic" discipline video. It's proven to be very helpful with both my family & my daycare.

One day, they will not ask you to sit with them.
They will grow out of it.

Put it this way: ALL of my friends, with kids that age, do that, too. And yes, it is a chatting time, which is nice, before the kids drift off to sleep. My kids like that too. They seem to like to talk about their day, before they fall asleep. They tell me all kinds of things. It makes us closer. And it is 'bonding' for all of us.
I value, that time with them.
I like, chatting with them before bed and when it is all dark.
But again, it is only for about 10 minutes. NOT a dragged out thing.
Then, my kids go to bed. No battles.

My kids are 4 and 8. They go to bed fine. We have a routine, which includes a chatting time for a few minutes. Not dragging it out. But just about 10 minutes each kid. Its fine. I don't mind.

So because of that, I start the bedtime routine, AHEAD of time, not right AT the bedtime time. To allow for chatting before bed and that moment, and so bedtime is NOT all "rushed."
It is at a nice pace. A relaxed paced.

BUT if you really don't want to do that, and its up to you... then don't. You tell them that. And stick to it.

I would "wean" them off of it. Say "I can sit with you for 15 minutes" then drop it down to 10, then to 5, then 2 (it's going to take several weeks to get through the whole thing, possibly a couple of months).

My boys are 10 and almost 8. There are still nights when they give us the "I can't sleep" routine. We take them back to bed, give kisses, and tell the to try a bit longer. Usually it works (we've been able to move well beyond the sitting with them till they fall asleep, now, but it took us a while. We let them sleep in our room for a long time).
Don't sweat it. They'll grow out of it in their own time. I don't foresee either of them wanting mom/dad to sit with them till they fall asleep when they're teenagers, and probably well before the teen years.

I go in give hugs, ask him about his day, then let him read. Sometimes he falls asleep. Sometimes I get the whining... The first week will be the hardest, but just like CIO, you have to be firm, and stay firm.

.

No judgment here. I laid down with my daughter every night she was with me, and her dad did the same at his house. Suddenly, soon after turning 9, she decided she wanted to go to sleep by herself. We still do the reading in bed first, but then she will read by herself a little longer, turn off her light, and go to sleep. Is it a relief for me? yes. Do I miss the cuddle time? yes!

I guess I don't see what you describe as a battle, just the way that your children are used to going to sleep. If it doesn't work for you, then encourage a change.