Any Suggestions on Bad Bedtime Habit Breaking

Hi, try the countdown .... put him to bed and tell him you will be right back. Have a watch and go back in 3 minutes. stay a minute and do it again this time for 5 minutes. Do not get in the bed. Stand beside it. keep lenghthening the time frame - 3 min, 5 min, 7 min. (try to have patience). It may help to have him count to himself when you are gone. I did it with my daughter years ago and it worked. It took a couple of days but she began to be comfortable awake and alone. Good Luck

You don't have much time to do this now, and with the new baby coming you may want to wait until after the baby is born, but here's what I did. First of all, buy this book:
(great for a newborn also)
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr Marc Weisbluth

Very helpful for me; my son was 2 also and still not sleeping through the night.
Here's what the recommendation was, in summary:
Do your normal bedtime routine, and when you are getting him in bed, expain that you and he both need your sleep, and he will be going to sleep by himself from now on.

Put him in bed, sing to him or whatever you do, then get up, turn off the light and walk out of the bedroom. Wait just out of his sight; as soon as he pops out of bed, take his hand and walk him back to his bed and put him in it. Here is the crucial part. DO NOT SAY A WORD! You have to be completely silent; no comforting him or getting mad.

And repeat! The first night, he will pop out of bed until he eventually is too exhausted to continue; then he'll fall asleep. If he wakes in the middle of the night and gets up, walk him back to his roon (silently) and put him in bed.

The first night I did this, my son probably hopped out of bed 40 times, but it was all within the first hour of putting him to sleep. He then slept mostly through the night, woke up one time and I put him back to bed and he slept til morning. The second night, he got up out of bed only 2 or 3 times, and then slept...

It was the first time in his life that he had fallen asleep on his own, and that is the crucial part. Once a child can fall asleep on his wown, when he wakes up he is much more likely to fall back to sleep by himself.

This method works, as long as you do not talk to him when he gets up out of the bed...

Good luck!

We've had this issue with two of our four kids. With our oldest son we compromised and said he could sleep in his doorway where he could be closer to us and that was good enough for him. After a few months he started sleeping in his bed on his own. With our other son (who still tries to come in early in the morning) we give him hugs and kisses and send him back to bed. The second time, no hugs and kisses- just back to bed. Unfortunately there isn't much else you can do. Just keep putting him back. It is exhausting at first, but after awhile it does work. Our son is coming in less often and he goes back to bed immediately when told without fuss.

Yes, this is a bad routine and it needs to be broken right away. You say he is a little older than two and sleeping in a big boy bed. He's old enough to understand that he needs to stay in his bed and what you need to do is begin tucking him in and leaving his room. When he gets up the first time, you must take him by his hand, tell him ONCE that it's bed time and that he must stay in his bed. The next time he gets up, take him by his hand, remind him that it's bed time, you've already tucked him in and he must stay in his bed. When he gets up again, you take him by his hand to his bed but say NOTHING this time. Leave his room. Every time he gets up after this, you must take him back to his room but say nothing to him. Yes, this will be exhausting for you but you need to break him out of this routine. I've seen this technique on Supernanny numerous times and it does work because I've had to use this technique on my children. The important thing is to remain CALM, but remember that after you've taken him to his room the second time and reminded him that it's bedtime, after that, you say nothing no matter how many more times he gets up after the second trip back to his room. By you speaking to him, he has your attention and that is what he is seeking. When you open up the opportunity to interact with a child this young, they know that what they are doing is working for them. Good luck...it may take a few nights of this but it does work!

Hi...My son has had horrible sleeping habits too! His dad & I broke up right before he turned one, and I got in the habit of just letting him sleep w/me. It was just SO much easier, since he has never been a child to sleep thru the night. Anyway, now that he will be 3 in March, I really wanted him to be back into his own big boy bed...(plus, i just met someone, so ONE DAY there might be someone else sleeping in my bed, & i certainly didn't want to kick jayden out of my bed then! lol) Anyway, bc of being used to sleeping with me, he always wants me to lay down with him. Instead, I use the ottoman to his rocking chair, and I sit next to him. When he asks me to lay w/him, I just say his bed is just for him...It has worked perfectly. I let him lay in there for awhile by himself, and then if he calls me, I'll go sit in there & rub his back. He has done such a good job of being a big boy, and last night he fell asleep w/o me being in there! :) Persistence is the key..even tho it is VERY hard, esp when you're exhausted! Good luck..and congrats on the upcoming baby! :)

gradually start laying down a bit further away.
so one night it's snuggled up
next night it's maybe a hand touching
then some space
before you know it you're sitting by the bed
then you move the chair further and further away
then you're out...

Hi C.,

I am a mom of 3 with 1 on the way (due mid-March) and have breast-feed all of my babies & allowed them to sleep in my bed for that time. When it came to weaning & of course moving up to their own beds I did the same thing...lay with them until they fell asleep routine until I knew that it was enough. So I know what you're going through. My youngest daughter is now just over two and I have finally trained her to sleep in her bed at night. The trick is consistency. You have to get down on your son's level and explain that you will not be sleeping with him any more and that he is a big boy and must sleep on his own now. You must follow the same nighttime routine so he knows what to expect (i.e. bath, story, brush teeth, etc.) then give him a hug & kiss goodnight. He will try you...by getting out, etc. You have to physically put him back in as many times as it takes until he gets that he is not going to win the battle. As tired as you are and trust I know how hard it is lugging around this extra weight and the pains but you have to muster up the energy to do it. He will cry and carry on and such because he knows that it works - our kids have ways of knowing how to be professional mommy manipulators & know what to do to push our buttons. You will have to ignore his tantrums and stay focused on your main goal here...let him cry but if he gets out then you put him back in the bed...even if it takes 50 times. Lastly, try giving him a special stuffed animal for comfort or a night light if he is afraid of the dark.

I can relate I have a very similar problem with my almost 3 year old Daughter, and am 5 months pregnant, and very worried about how is it all going to work with the new baby. My Daughter makes me still rock her and sleeps with me daily. Like you I'm to tired to fight it, and cant stand her getting so upset. I don't have any advise unfortunately just symphony.God Bless.
C.

Hi C.,
You have learned what a lot of 2nd time mom's have (me included). Taking the "shortcut" to get them to sleep only works for a while, but then it can't be sustained.
One question I have you did not address in your post: What did you do at bedtime before he was moved out of the crib? Did he go into the crib still awake? Or did you rock him to sleep? What was the routine?

I learned (a little late, but in time for #2) that it is best to train them from very early on (by 6 months) to go into the crib still awake. Drowsy, but not yet asleep. This lets them learn how to go to sleep without you right there. This is a very important skill (as you have found out). There are a lot of different books and methods about how to do this (I did Ferber with our daughter), but the important thing (after ensuring that they are awake when they go into the bed) is that you are consistent in whatever method you choose.

With my first child (son, now 10 yrs old), he was an early walker/climber/crib jumper.. and was on the crib mattress on the floor by about 15 months old. He didn't have the self control to stay in his room on the bed to go to sleep. I had (thought I had) to lie down with him each night. This sometimes dragged into hours long when I was exhausted. But, I was exhausted and lying down was "easier" than the alternative... for a while. Eventually (baby #2) things had to change.

You have gotten good advice about slowly moving out of the room, not talking after he gets up, etc. But I don't think anyone has really stressed the point about him being awake when you leave the room. With my son, I planned a 5 minute routine for when the light went out. After the whole prayers, story, last sip of water stuff, the lights were turned out. I layed down on the bed with him and sang him the lullabye I had sung since his infancy - a minute or so long. Then he liked to snuggle with an arm around my neck. At that point, I told him that in 3 minutes I was getting up to go ___ (fold laundry, go through the mail, clean up the kitchen, anything that he could HEAR me doing so he could picture me doing it). Then I counted in my head to 180, said, "it's time for me to __" , gave him one last kiss, "retucked" him and left. Occasionally he would call to me, but I never came back past the doorway. It became so easy.
At first, you will have to be strong and consistent, walking him back when he pops out of bed, just like the other moms said. But if you are consistent, he will learn the routine and just go to sleep.
Don't feel bad about having fallen into the routine you have now, lots of us have done the same things... Just remember when the new baby comes what the longer term consequences can be, when we indulge in what seems "easy" right now. :))

By the way, my husband also was often already gone to bed when "bedtime" rolled around, so I know the exasperation and exhaustion you are experiencing! Day in, day out. Every night. You and your son. So many times it is helpful to have Dad provide an alternate way of doing things, but if they are not available, there is not much help they can be.
And YES, you do have time to work this out before your new baby makes its arrival! Don't stress about it.. no sense crying over spilled milk, as they say. Just go from here forward and create a new routine.

God Bless you. It is tough.
Stay strong!

I have nothing helful to add, as my 18 month old is still in her crib, but thank you for asking the question. The Mamas responces have given me some isight for what's ahead. We just recently moved her crib from our room to her own room and it's the first time she has ever slept through the night. Here I am thinking I am done with sleep problems and you brought up the big boy/girl bed! I guess the whole game changes when they can choose to leave the room. Good luck and don't forget to tell us what happened!

I think Lynne hit the nail on the head - Go Momma!
I had my 2 daughters that had this issue, my oldest (now almost 12) was so bad at NOT staying in bed. She would get up and play and wake up her sister for company!! She would turn on the light, come out of the room, anything not too stay in bed. I always sung "Lullaby" to all my kids before I would lay them down. Eventually I did the type of thing Lynne said, I just would put her back and say nothing, stay within ear shot and as soon as she got up, back to bed she was put. It did take about a week but she finally got the message.

The ONLY word I will say to you is CONSISTANCY, don't give in honey. God bless you all and good luck.
M. F

Try trading off warm milk and a bed time story-ONLY if he agrees to go to sleep on his own. Or the night time tea. My girls both love the tea and it does make them sleepy! Good luck & God bless you all..
Kathy N.

I more time then not lay down with my 2.5 year old. I also have a five year old.Sometimes I will say I have to go to the bathroom and I will be back, I go for a little and then come back, IF he trust I will come back he stays in bed I make these trips longer and sometimes he falls asleep before I get back. I have also tried siting by his bed and holding his hand but would get bored with that. I know there is a lot of books , lot of things cry out or not and so on that I do enjoy reading and getting input from and then in the end I do what we are happy with and what works for us. For me I do enjoy laying down with my children and getting that snuggle time,that is what works for me, I do still get up and do breaks so he will get some time in the bed alone while he is awake. If laying down with him is not working for you maybe the short breaks will work, just find what you are happy with not what everyone says it has to be, for example I co slept with both of my children for a while and got some negative input but I enjoyed this and did not feel it was damaging so get advice and then do what works for you

i had the same problem with my daughter when i was pregnant with my son. except she slept in the bed with me and was still waking up every 30-45 mins. it was terrible. however, i had to have a c-section and stayed in the hospital for about 3 days. and i had my husband stay with her instead of having someone else in the family watch her, and when i got home she was sleeping all night long and would go to bed by herself. i think that sometimes the parent who doesn't normally deal with the issues are the best ones to resolve them, so when you have your baby, having your husband do the change in routine might be just what is needed.

God bless you, honey. My kids are grown; but I recall the 24/7 . It's all a part of their development and your resilience to the constant change.
New baby will bring excitement to your toddler. Jealousy, yes; but you can teach him responsibility; and consideration for the family. He can bring the diapers, the wash cloth for bath time...etc
It seems like forever; but the time does go by quickly. I wish you love and many blessings, S.