Any Advice on Rekindling the Romance??

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First off, it's important to keep courting each other. What are the things you did when you started seeing each other? Often we leave out the very things that brought us together in the first place. Also, most men will be more tuned in to a spicier side of relationships verses the whole romance thing.

Have to say, for my husband and I, some of our best times have come from taking a typical activity and put an "adult" twist on it. My husband & I will play the board game Sorry. Whenever we do a move that puts the other person back, we have to say "I'm sorry!" and then make it up to the other person (nudge nudge, wink wink). Sometimes just a shoulder rub, sometimes a smooch, often we don't finish the board game.

Or, we will plan a surprise date. My husband will let me choose from 3 envelopes which will say "I want to do something that is (fun) (sexy) (romantic)" (each envelope has one of the options). Then inside it will give me a brief description (be ready by 7pm on Saturday, dress for being outside). As the date progresses, I get different choices. For instance, at 7 we may go to dinner. After dinner I get 2 envelopes saying "Now I feel like some more" or "Now I feel like going home." If I choose more, he takes me to another activity. If I choose home, I may get a massage. He has a fun time planning and it keeps me guessing and feeling special. I have planned some nights as well, and it is a ton of fun!

Hot Monogamy is a great book and helped me a lot -- particularly good if you can get your partner on board. Having a standing date every week that is different from the nuts and bolts planning meeting we also have every week also helps a LOT. For us, things tend to lag when we get busy with other things and become disconnected. If you have any fears about what's going on, it might be best to share them -- I nearly divorced my husband a couple of years ago because i had decided he didn't love me anymore and had "left" the marriage either emotionally or maybe through an affair. He just seemed gone. And I was acting as though that thought form was true, but never even asked! When I finally got upset and freaked out enough to say that I was afraid he was already gone, he was surprised. I think he had just genuinely been distracted by other things. So, my advice to anyone out there who is putting herself through hell based on what she thinks is going on in her partner's head or heart is -- ask! Good luck with everything -- I think the most important thing about rekindling romance is to keep trying and to not gather resetments if one attempt or several don't work. It's so easy to read things into a partner not wanting something right when we do, or not being turned on by what we expect to turn him/her on. Persistence, trust for a partner who has been trustworthy, and an open heart, all seem to help. My partner and I specialize in BOTH feeling rejected and like the other person doesn't want us (sexually, that's our big thing) at the SAME TIME, and both feeling lonely and sex and love-starved beyind walls of resentment, so when you've got two folks like that, persistence, regular opportunities to be close, open communication, kindness, and a good sense of humor all help!

Stay safe everyone,
M.

Hi A.,
This happens so often in marriages. We get comfortable in relationships and sometimes lose what made us fall in love to begin with, the dates, the snuggling, holding hands just that special time together. I have a job where I am able to help put the "O" in romance as well as provide a wonderful selection of products that help pamper your relationship. Visit my website if you would like to learn more kimberlywilkinson.pureromance.com. Please email or call if I can be of any assistance.
K.

Tease and flirt when you're not in the bedroom, even in front of your child it's ok to do this. It's great for children to see that mommy and daddy laugh, kiss and hug. I mean, subtle stuff. When baby goes to bed talk together, get your friendship strong that's how you get the romance back. I always tell my husband how sexy and handsome he is, everyday and he does the same for me. We kiss, play, tease each other with subtle whispers and "accidently" bumping into each other in the kitchen, stuff like that. I think it's the little things that keep the fun going and when you finally do have time for the bedroom it's that much more intimate. Good luck!

One thing my husband has done for me that is fast and inexpensive...He wrote on tiny fortune-cookie sized papers, "I love you. Tim." I think he did something like 30 of them. Then he hid them all over the house for me to find: one in my jewelry box, one under my hairbrush, one under my cell phone charger...You get the idea.

What I did for him was that I took a piece of paper and titled it, "Why I Love You." Then I listed little things he does that I appreciate but don't always say so. For example: "You always say 'I love you' before you walk out the front door. OR "You help fold laundry no matter how tired you are after work."

We try to make sex fun and spontanious! We sneak into the bedroom when our 3 year old son is watching a video or when he is napping. We try to mix it up (like in the closet... near the front door). Whenever the mood strikes let it happen. Our son is NEVER in the room and if there is a chance that he could walk into our room we get under the covers. It feels like we are sneaking around... which makes it fun!

Often we have sex only once a week... sometimes twice. My husband is not into the 'romantic/trying to hard' type. I bought some 'cooling cream' from a bachelorette romance party... that stuff rocks... (it's cooling lubricant... hubbie loves it too). You could enter a nice langerie (sp) shop and see what kind of creams and lotions they have. Don't try to hard!!! Have fun!!!

With us, all of the romantic stuff is just too much. I feel like that puts too much weight on that one night. Try for a week to be intimate every night. You do not have to... but make physical contact, a massage during late night TV, showering together is great. Laugh together! Nothing brings out our wild side, like belly laughing together. You do not have to necessarily scoot the kids out the door, but it is very nice to have an adult overnight sometimes if you have someone to watch your son. Make the effort for a week or so and see what happens. One night is not enough and candles and romance are not sustainable. Good luck and have fun.

My husband and I have been together for 11yrs we have a 11month old and a 5 yr old so we are really busy we were going thru the same thing so I planned a scavenger hunt for him so he had to do it and find me. All the places he went had a note to go to the next place where he ended up finding me at a hotel it was just for the day but something new it started new fun for us..good luck

We went through somewhat of a dry spell, with the exception that we've been married 28 years. I had to stop, relook at myself and why I felt things were drying up. Did I still love him as much as before? Was he the same wonderful guy who used to steal my breath away with his smile. When I thought about it, I realized we had just become to busy with our lives that we forgot to take time with each other. We have started playing golf together every weekend. We have one nite for just us to be together, even if it means we go grocery shopping together. It has been so much fun. I started teasing him, or flirting with him again. It was a little weird at first, but the more response I got from him, the more fun it became for me. Now... he flirts with me! It has brought new life to our entire relationship. So, my advice... go back and look at what brought you together in the first place and start bringing that back into focus. Best wishes!

my husband and I have been married for almost 15 years now, make sure you plan a date nite for just the 2 of you every now and then. I know its not easy with hectic schedules but you deserve that time together to just have fun and enjoy each other.

A.,

Something that helps my husband and I keep things going is taking a shower together. Sometimes nothing happens afterwards but it gives us some intimacy and time to talk or to be playful. He likes the shower colder than I do so when he starts to rinse I like to turn it to really cold. We also wash each other's backs. If we are planning on keeping things going after the shower then we wash each others full body. This isn't the only way we keep things fresh but it definitely is a fun way. This has even ended a disagreement before. It's a little hard to continue to be angry at someone when you are in a shower together. It doesn't mean do it every night because sometimes I still like my time in the shower but here and there doesn't hurt. Some weeks we don't do it at all and other weeks we will do it a few times. Good Luck
M.

Hi A.,

Great suggestions from the other moms as usual.

I've been married almost 25 years and our relationship is better than ever! Its not that we aren't busy - we have three awesome sons and two rewarding careers!

Regular dates are great. Spontaneity and playfullness is also great. Make time on a daily basis to sit together and visit - even if you can only fit in 10 minutes. We love to have coffee together on the front porch on the weekends. Intimacy of any type is fueled by a sense of connection, playfulness and open communication.

You've already taken steps to strengthen your relationship by recognizing you want this and asking.

I can offer more suggestions on growing a relationship that lasts if you'd like to contact me.

Good luck,
J. B
Parent Coach

A couple of years ago, my husband and I went through the same thing....all of the other moms had great advice! The thing that became really fun for us was using our camera phones to "communicate" if we were both really busy. It is so fun to check your phone, thinking it's some boring message from work or something, only to find a naughty photo waiting for you. We *still* do this every now and then and it's fun every time ;)

Hi A.,
I was just going over some of the old posts and I this suggestion is probably gonna be a bit different than the rest. My husband and I had a very bad spot in our marriage at one point where we were practically not having sex at all. There were other things going on too- but the lack of intimacy was killing me. So I gave him the ultimatum of finding us a marriage counsellor or something akin to this.

What we ended up doing was going to a marriage class at Hill Country Bible church based on the book of Solomon. It was all about the physical and emotional intimacy between lovers and it was one of the best things we ever did.

We re-learned or remembered what is was to be a lover to each other and how God desires married people to flourish in their relationship, especially sexually and emotionally. Hearing about sex in church was a first for us, but it was exciting and wonderful to be hearing something so real. The teachers also had been married for over 20 years and had survived an affair, so they had experience to share.

Look around for good marriage classes that are offered through churches, especially the Song of Solomon course- you will be pleasantly surprised and it may turn your marriage around in ways you could not have expected.

Take care!