Am I Stretching Myself Too Thin?

A.,

Firstly, I applaud you for even considering going back to school! We have 4 young kids, and my husband JUST graduated with his masters degree last week. It was a long-haul (many years) since he works full-time. I wanted to go back to school myself, and have taken a few classes here and there, but I learned to take it slowly so I don't become discouraged or overwhelmed. When you're both in school at the same time, it can be challenging to say the least. We found that our second life began at 8pm when the kids went to bed and we sat side-by-side on two computers doing homework/studying together. I would suggest just taking once class at first - and seeing how it works out for you.

It can be positive; in that you are both working towards a common goal and can be empathetic and supportive of one another. BUT, you'll really have to be a pro at time-management and organization. If you decide to enroll, I would suggest the following FIRST:

1. Get your house, car, closets, storage...CLEAN from top to bottom. Organize anything that you need to - so that you don't feel like you are letting your environment around you fall apart...so you can concentrate on school w/o guilt or distraction. It makes all the difference!!

2. Make up a family calender - putting "date-nights" with hubby down at least 1-2 a month. Get family/friends to sign-up for babysitting dates/times in advance. This is vital to your relationship, as the demands of school and life can really challenge even the best of marriages ;)

3. Menus: Spend a weekend deciding on meals that you can make/freeze in advance so that your dinners are a breeze. If you can, make a week's worth of meals at a time. This will really help keep stress levels down - and save you money!

4. YOU time! Don't forget to take time for yourself. Set aside time each day (even just 15 min) to meditate, do yoga, read, talk a walk, take a hot bath....without interuption. Tell your husband to do the same - and you can be each others' support to ensure that this "time" means NO kids, no phones, no computers, just peace and quiet. Close the doors, and get your relaxation in!

Best of luck!!!

C.

I haven't taken any courses on-line I have also thought about this also but I worry if it will get in the way of my job and me taking care of my children's needs. It is very easy to over do yourself. I am sure it would be worth doing but I would just maybe see what time you do have after work or any other free time and see what it usually adds up to and what you usually do in that time and see if there is room for that course you were thinking about. Well I know this wasn't much advice but I hope it helps some,Good Luck.

While it's admirable that you want more education, what do you really want from your life during this period of time? Your kids are young only once and in your description you say you feel like you never get enough time with them. School will only take you away more. So if your goal is to spend more time with your children, then you want your actions to help you achieve that, and school sounds like it won't be aligning your actions with your stated goal. In other words, it sounds like you should not do school, but maybe be looking for ways to cut other things out instead. I'm sure your kids would love more time with you, too. I'm sure you'll figure out what works best for you and your family.

I think you've gotten some good advice already, but I just wanted to add that if you do go back to school, think carefully about doing an on-line only program. As someone who works in higher education I can assure you that all degree programs are not created equal and on-line only programs (unless attached to a well known bricks and morter university) do not generally have the same regard as MBA's from traditional universities. The sad thing is that places like U of Phoenix often cost a great deal more than your local state institution but the local state institution has a better reputation.

Hello A.;
I would advise you to spend your time with your children, because they are small only once. This is the time they learn the most, share time with them, read, sing, play, experimenting and what ever with them. Later, I recommend getting your degree with Prescott College. I did with a full time job and young children. Students meet during the weekend, work together, and enjoy school while getting their degree. L. Bizahaloni

In your description of yourself you say you feel like you never get enough time with your kids... There's your answer. I think it is always best not to overload yourself when your children are small. It can actually be an advantage to further your education at a time when they are in school (later elementary) that way you are able to set an example of academics and do school work with them.

If you feel like you don't get enough time with your kids, spend time with your kids, instead. When your husband is finished with his degree, then you take your turn. The kids needs SOMEONE's attention.

Well congrats on thinking about going back to school. I say if you really want to do it and your husband supports you, then go for it! I am a single Mom to a 4 year old boy and as almost 15 year old daughter. I work full time. I am on the board of directors for the local chamber of commerce. The kids are involved in karate, band, etc. AND I have a side business making hairbows and other craft items. I also attend University of Phoenix online for my Bachelor's. I have been told I am too busy but I think it's a matter of perspective. I like to be busy. If you feel you are too busy already then you should probably wait, but if you feel you can handle it then do it! I think of my education as something I deserve doing for myself. Good luck with whatever you decide!

You're stretching yourself too thin if you think it's too much. My daughter was a single mom working full time and got her Master's. Now she is married, has 3 horses, several dogs and cats and one very busy 10 yr old. She is now working on her PhD on line. Oh, she still works full time.

My youngest daughter is married, has a 3yr old, a 1-1/2 mo old, works full time and is working on her Bachelor's on line.

It's up to you. Good luck.

it depends on what your goals are. i worked full time and had a 13 yrs old and a 1 yr old when i went back toschool. yes, i was stretching myslef too thin at the time but it was a matter of necessity. if i didnt go to school i would continue waiting tables for the rest of my life. i wanted something better for me and my kids. and i had help with my oldest being 13 but i think it is the best time to go to school when your kids are small. when they start going to school, they are more attached to you and its harder to let them go on you as it is with them. then they start school and you have room mom duty and sports and little league and soccer and plays etc. i think that is much harder to manage while going to school. at this age they wont so much as remember you are gone but when they are older they will be able to verbalizee the fact that you arent at their beck and call all the time and will make you feel guilty. if youare really set on a masters and it would better your lifestyle then yes do it while they are young. also make sure that the online school is what it says it is. ask for recommendations form other students before you apy for it. and one class at a time wont be bad. you can put the kids to bed early ad do you class. the hardest part about online is committing to the time and its easier if you do it at the same time each day. or do like i did, i would get up at 4 in the morning to do my school work and everybody was in bed by 7 in the evening.

A., I am curently working on my masters and will be finished in December. I had started three years ago and picked it up again this past summer. I took three online classes this summer and two campus bound classes this fall. I work full time, married, have one adorable 21 month old, and am four months pregnant. So, its been quite interesting, but worth it in the end :) I think you should take one class for now and see how it goes. If that was not too bad, then take two the next time. Just watch and see how much time it takes away from your family, if you feel you are missing things, cu back. Nothing is worth missing time with your family! HTH!

T.

Sounds like you already got a lot of great advice. You situation sounds similar to ours. I'm a SAHM of our 4 year old son and our 1 year old daughter. My husband is currently working on his MBA and will graduate in may. I had to put my school and work on hold so I can support my husband and take care of my babies. I was going to work part-time, but my husband and I discussed that it would be to much on the family with everything going on. Besides, the kids will only be young once and they grow so fast. Even waiting until one child is in school and my husband school being done, then it will be much easier to go to school, one class at a time. In our situation it has helped my husband with his school for me not to be going at the same time.

There was a time a couple of years ago we were both going to school for our BS, and it was just a nightmare! We had our son only back then and we both felt like he was getting left at the sitter to much in between work and school. We were both asking the crazy questions like, what did he eat today, and we both just didn't have a clue, because we were running around back in forth from work, school, and library to study. Since that time, i put my school on hold to support my husband finish up, and when he is done I will go back. So far it has worked out pretty well and he is almost done.

The thing about going to school is you need a lot of support from everyone around you. So if both of you guys are going to school how can you guys support each other and take care of the kids?? I'm not saying it can't be done, but it's kind of like being a jack of all trades and a master of none. i'm not sure if this helped or not, but I hope it did.

For me figuring out if I am stretching myself too thin is answered by how I am doing right now. Am I grumpy, tired, impatient with my children or husband? Do I constantly feel like I am barely holding things together? Am I laughing a lot? Do my kids ask me to play with them? (For a while my kids knew better than to ask me to play with them. Now they ask.)

It is true what they say about childhood - it goes fast. Can't believe my first is already 7. A lot of people don't realize how much of being a mom is being with and available for your children.

I'd say if you don't feel like you get enough time with your kids now, it probably is not a good idea to add more to your load.

who do you have to come help with the kids...they need you so much at this age..maybe wait 2 years until the one is in school and the other is preschool age and then so it then. they need their mommy and you need them right now at this age. You will be glad you waited I promise. But listen to your inner voice too and see what you feel is best.

What would your babies want? Probably a mom who has enough energy to give them all the love and attention they need 24/7. It's all about them right now.

For both you and your husband, make sure that the extra letters behind your name will really help with your salary increase (some people forget that the student loan will zap up that increase anyway...).

I would think that you are pushing it to add another activity with your youngest only one year of age. Although I needed to get more credits, I have since regretted taking the time from my young son. Those times will never come again with that child. You're probably maxed out with your job alone. S.

Hi there! I am currently working toward my PhD online. I am a SAHM with a 3 year old and one on the way. I have to say, I have mixed feelings about it. I feel first of all like there's no time like the present--if I don't do it now, I never will. I also struggle sometimes with dividing my time between my studies and my child. I get guilty feelings, founded or not. I also tend to procrastinate a lot, until the need to finish the class overrides my guilt. If you can be assertive and ask your husband to help when needed, and can balance your time effectively, you should be able to do it. I wish you the best of luck however you decide!

I am in a similar boat myself, just as an undergrad. I am working full time, going to school and helping my husband start back to school(while working full time, too). I think it is bit challenging, but I have a lot of support. If you feel you are doing too much just back off a bit and remember that even one class at a time is progress. It may seem like it is not worthwile to go so slow, but your kids are only young once. I hope all goes well for you. Good Luck on whatever you decide. Just don't forget to take care of yourself.

Your a little about me says that "you feel like you never get enough time with your kids". So if it were me I would have to think if I already felt like I didn't get enough time with my kids, I would be getting way less if I took an online class depending on the time you need to spend online or doing homework while the kids are awake. Is it something you can do after hours? Will you be able to get enough rest to function on the job and still spend quality time with your kids? Can you wait till your kids are in school? And here is the one thing we all know and have to appreciate...they are only little once give them all you got! Good Luck with your decision. You will make the right one for you and your family.

I think you have three full time jobs (wife, mother and your 9-5) and with school it might be a bit much. Unless of course your lucky enough to have family that are willing to help.

A.: Colleen had many great points. I think you have to listen to your heart and see if the timing is right. You may be feeling an urge to finish, but consider if the timing is right and if you have a good support system. Does your husband help with the kids and around the house? You said you are working full time too. If he is not that helpful or supportive, I think I'd wait until he is finished. Also, your kids are pretty young now. And as others have said, they are only young once. If you feel overwhelmed now, it will be harder. I have 3 teenagers and am going back to school and it is not easy. As you get older, your memory starts to fade and it makes it harder to be motivated. But hey, whoever told us life was supposed to be super easy! We can have joy in the midst of whatever circumstances we are in.

I will be praying that God will direct you to do the right thing.

Take care,
K.

While I started a little earlier than you and only had one baby when I started, I also took one class at a time, but I had to go into classes, which were a hard strain (especially since my baby couldn't stand anyone but me and would literally scream for 4 hours while I was away). I think you should do it. It will be well worth it in the long run.... and if you don't do it now it may never happen. Many times good intentions end up being just that- intention that are never fulfilled.