My dd's friend called and asked for her to come over to play so I said yes. She has been there before. The mom and I made plans for me to pick up my daughter @7:45 pm b/c the other mom wanted to go to a friend's house after the play date.I was under the impression that the girls were at the mom's house b/c the mom said that she was going to a friends house later after the play date. I called at 7:30 pm to let them know that I was on my way and there was no answer. I called again at 7:45, 7:50, 8:00, 8:10 and 8:15 no answer. So I went over to pick up my daughter. There was no one home, lights off and everything. So I tried calling the mom's cell phone and no answer and no voicemail for me to leave a message. Long story short she took my daughter to her friend's house directly after picking her up at me home. She never went back to her house. My dd does not have a cell phone as my husband and I think that an 8 yr old does not need a cell phone. My dd called at 10:00 pm just as my husband and I were about to call the police. She said that she was ok and that she was at the mom's friends house. I was furious and scared at this point. I had no idea where my daughter was. Yes I do take some responsibility here in that I should have told my daughter that any time that she goes with friends that if the plans change she has to call me and tell me, but I have NEVER had some parent just decide to take my daughter some where after being picked up for a play date at their house. The mom was very defensive about my being upset that she took my child some where without my knowledge or consent. She asked me if I trusted her to take care of my child. At this point I was flabbergasted at the events. Am I crazy or what. Would any of you other mamas felt the same as me? TYIA!
Well I am glad to know that I was not over reacting to the situation. We are limiting the outings between these 2 and I am super glad that school starts next week as this will further help to reduce the requests for playdates. Thanks for all the support. I really needed it.
I would flip my lid if someone did this with one my kids. Take them out to eat, ok. But, over to someone's house. And, it was 10 pm. OMG. I would be sooooooo upset.
You are absolutely right IMHO about one thing. Another parent should NEVER take someone else's child somewhere without talking to the child's parent first. You have no idea who her friends are or who might also be at her friend's house (or what they were doing). This is a live and learn situation - since everything worked out okay, you just know that your daughter cannot go to that girl's home anyone.
That all said, there was already a huge red flag at the beginning of this situation, since the mother did tell you she would not be there. Who did you expect would be watching the kids, as they are certainly too young to be home alone? And do you know the husband or other family members well? If not, then you did make a mistake at the outset. But, again, this is all live and learn.
I had a very similar situation in that I would let me older son go play two houses down and the mom was not always there or would leave while the kids were playing. I later learned that dad was expected to watch the kids, however, I went over one time to get my son and the father said he was not there. So, of course I was frantic, but when the mom got home and the husband told her, she told him the boys were in the game room watching a movie and she called and then sent my son home. That was the last time he went into that kid's house. I later learned that the father was an alcoholic.
And, then we had another similar situation with my younger son, where the friend's parents took him to someone else's home for a family birthday party. So, this is basically the same as your situation and my son, who tells me about everything, said that the adults were drinking and that his friend told him that he had his first beer when he was 10. So, I never let him go to that boy's house again. But, there's really no point in trying to explain to folks like this why you are upset. They clearly have different standards as to how they are raising their kids. You're going to find this more and more and you will just have to be more selective about who your daughter can associate with. If you explain things to her now, that you're looking out for her best interests and that sometimes adults don't do what's right for kids, you will pave the way for dealing with this situation when she's a teen and make her aware that she should have asked to call you to let you know the change in plans. No, she doesn't need a cellphone, but she does always need to be with responsible adults at this age. I'm quite clear with my kids that I am a "mean" mother. I am fairly strict and let them know that it's my job. And, I make sure to get to know other parents well. As my kids have gotten older they have associated with kids that I'd rather they not and I explain my view of why it's not necessarily a good idea so they'll be aware of the hazards (for example, the rich kid who has sports car - IMHO that's a recipe for disaster).
Anyways, way more info than you needed, but don't get too bent out of shape over this situation, as it's really quite mild compared to what's down the road.
What a phycho lady! She should have, as an adult, known to call you in the first place! I would've flipped out! 10pm is an hour past my dd's bedtime! You are absolutely right in being upset.
I think that you were right. I would have felt the same way you did. She never should have taken your daughter somewhere without your knowledge or permission. She should have also called you at the designated pick-up time to at least let you know what was going on. Not leave you to worry for over 2 hours.
I'm very sorry that you had to worry about your daughter to the point of calling the police.
Holy Freaking Molly... I would have reported her to the police anyways. What in the world was she doing that she had 8 year old girls out until that time of night!
Technically, that is considered kidnapping! I would be absolutely out of my mind, I was sick to my stomach just reading this. You have every right to be upset!.
E.
You have every right to be upset! I would of been furious. I am very protective of my children and who I let them go with anywhere. If anyone ever took my kids somewhere without asking me first, that would be the last time we would speak.
When I was 5 years old, my parents dropped me off at my soccer game and continued on to my 2 brothers games. They had previously arranged for me to go home with a friend on my team. When the game was over, the friends grandparents had just arrived in town and they forgot about me. They drove off and left me alone at a park at night. Fortunately a mom from another team heard me crying and my coach had not left the field yet. My coach took me to my Nanny's house, which was behind mine. However, this was before cell phones and there was no way to reach my parents and we did not know exactly where they were. My parents did not discover I was missing until they arrived to pick me up. The friends parents did not remember they were suppose to take me home, until my parents arrived. Thankfully they did not worry for too long. They drove by the soccer field and then straight home where they found out that I was at Nanny's. I have never forgotten the fear of being left and my parents have never forgotted the fear of loosing a child.
All of my friends know about what I have been through and call me as soon as they have my children and before they take them anywhere. If they were a true friend, they would never of left their home with your child without checking first.
I pray that you never have to experienc anything like this again, but I can assure you that the first moment that I realize my child was missing, I would of called th police.
You are absolutely justified in being furious. It has nothing to do with you trusting the lady, it's the fact that she didn't tell you or give you the option to say no I'd rather my daughter not go at this time, we'll wait until she can just go to your house. She knew darn well she was going to her friends house as soon as she picked your daughter up. Sorry, I would have been P*****ED. Well and you can tell your daughter all day long, you call me if things change, well if she's not near a phone or whatever she may not be able to call, especially until they get older and are teenagers. But that mother is ridiculous. Not saying she is a bad person, because I don't know her by any means, but VERY VERY BAD ERROR IN JUDGEMENT in my opinion. I think I would be very hesitant to let my child go play over there again.
You trusting her, I would say I don't trust you to inform me of what you are going to be doing while my daughter is with you. Obviously you trust her with your daughter because you let her go this time, but after these incidents you don't feel comfortable, if she can't understand that then oh well.
Hope you've calmed down by down, because I got pretty angry for you when I read this!
OH MY GOD, I would be furious with her too. What if something had happened to your child. I would not let your daughter go with that parent again and have the play dates at your house. Is a simple phone call too much for people to do.
