Am I Out of Line Here?

Updated on December 01, 2010
K.L. asks from Falls Church, VA
46 answers

This is an etiquette question. My husband and I often take our two little ones out in their strollers for long walks. Usually we walk side by side taking up the entire sidewalk. If we are passing another stroller or a bike or something, we will fall into single file, but most often other people walking just walk around us, so we don't have to. This weekend we were walking like that and a woman was coming the other way toward us. There was plenty of room on both sides of the sidewalk for her to walk around us in the grass. it wasn't wet or muddy or anything. I assumed she would walk around us like most people do, as they say hello and smile at our kids, so it just didn't occur to us to fall into single file for her. But instead, as she gets to us, she stops and throws up her hands and says "Share the sidewalk!" I was taken aback and thought she was being petty and rude. It would be so easy for her to take two steps into the grass to pass around us, whereas it is a lot more inconvenient for us to manuever the strollers into single file. Am I the one out of line here?

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So What Happened?

Wow, I'm glad I asked. I guess we were out of line. I suppose since I never think twice about walking onto the grass (and this was not someone's lawn - it was the public grass between the sidewalk and the street), to accommodate people with strollers or who are otherwise more inconvienced than me, I thought it was no big deal and would have just been the polite thing for her to do. The other people who move aside for us ordinarily do it so far in advance that they are clearly indicating to us that they don't expect us to yield. That is pretty much everyone, so I guess we got spoiled. We are usually just so engrossed in our walk or conversation that we were not paying that much attention. Now that I know that everyone else takes this so seriously, I will try to pay more attention and get out of the way!

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K.P.

answers from New York on

Honestly, it makes me crazy when people take up the whole sidewalk, especially if they can see me coming. One of you should have fallen-back to allow her to pass. Having said that, there was no need on her part to be rude. You never know, she could have passed several "two-or-three across" pedestrians before she got to you!

5 moms found this helpful
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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Oh just ignore her... everyone is different... and even if you went into single file... she still may not have been satisfied.
Maybe she was just having a bad day....
and how about people in wheel-chairs?
Or people who ride their bikes on the side-walk?

Just ignore her....
Do what you can and that's fine.

but yes... if able to... scoot over to single file. Don't assume people will go around you.

4 moms found this helpful
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R.C.

answers from Boston on

What a great question. You have received lots of responses, but this may add an idea for others who are reading. When some folks walk on the sidewalk they are reticent to move off it because of balance issues, which may not be apparent to others.
P.S. How nice that you all go out together as a family. Good for you!

3 moms found this helpful

More Answers

D.D.

answers from Chicago on

Honestly - you probably should have moved. You are probably irritating the other people that have to walk in the grass. They probably just haven't had the nerve to say anything like she did. Over the years, I have been overly friendly. I would probably do the same thing - walk by and smile. But inside I would be thinking "How rude!!!" Nowadays, I would walk by and probably give you a dirty look. Next time you are walking, just make sure to share the sidewalk. Your neighbors will probably like you better. Not trying to be mean- just honest!!

14 moms found this helpful
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D.W.

answers from Gainesville on

Yep, you are out of line and so was she for the way she said what needed to be said. But honestly, she said what 99% of those people who "just walk around us" are thinking.

She could have asked you to share the sidewalk in a better way but really she shouldn't have needed to say anything in the first place had you done the polite thing and fallen in single file while she passed.

The sidewalk is there for a reason and using it for walking, running, strolling is what keeps the grass nice and the surroundings beautiful for those strolls.

12 moms found this helpful

A.W.

answers from Kalamazoo on

You should share the side walk. It can't be that hard to move a stroller. Sorry JMO

11 moms found this helpful
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M.O.

answers from Chicago on

I agree that you should share the sidewalk. Although there may have been enough room for her to pass on the grass, I don't see why she should have to.

I felt the same way she did yesterday when I was at the mall with a stroller and four other kids and there were three women strolling along taking up the whole isle. I felt like calling out, "EXCUSE ME!" But didn't because I need to learn to be more patient and made a run for it when there was an opening.

So, my point is, just because people don't say anything and smile, don't assume that it's just the people who DO say something that are annoyed.

I agree, the woman could have been more polite. There's no need to shout at you. I understand your being taken aback.

But, to answer your question, yes, I think you were both a little out of line.

I bet if you do move aside in the future, people will still smile at you and say hi.

10 moms found this helpful
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T.S.

answers from Sacramento on

Her reaction may have been over the top, but her general message was correct. While it's nice that many of your neighbors seem to happily step off of the sidewalk so that you don't have to accommodate them, it seems that perhaps you've experienced this act of generosity far to often and have come to expect it.

Out of politeness, you should always make room for oncoming walkers. If they indicate that they would RATHER walk around you, offer them a sincere "thank you." Whether it is more or less inconvenient for you to move than them, you have an equal (not greater) right to the sidewalk and should effort to make room.

HTH
T.

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M.R.

answers from Chicago on

You should always be gracious and share the sidewalk. Really, how hard is it to do? I have a BOB Duallie (read - enormous!) and when walking or jogging, if I see a walker or another runner, I will scoot over and give them the right of way or at least pause in the apron of a driveway so they have the sidewalk.

Unless she was running like a Kenyan marathoner, you had plenty of time to do the courteous thing and give her room on the sidewalk to pass.

9 moms found this helpful

S.H.

answers from Spokane on

I agree that many people will "walk around you", but do not agree that they should be expected to. You should fall in behind your hubby and share the sidewalk.

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I.G.

answers from Seattle on

Yep, please share the sidewalk and don't give "strollermoms" a bad rep.

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L.D.

answers from Las Vegas on

She didn't have to make a scene like that but I generally think that if you are walking in one direction on the sidewalk and you come across some one that wants to cross you, I think that you shouldn't assume that the other person will or should walk on the grass to make way for you. You should always move over regardless of whether you are walking with your husband or have the stroller. Sharing the sidewalk is just the courteous thing to do. Just my opinion....

8 moms found this helpful

J.P.

answers from Stockton on

sorry, I think that you were out of line....although her reaction didn't have to be so rude. I don't want to go on the grass to go around someone, and I don't expect others to either. Also, the sidewalk is public property, the grass is someone elses property, and it's kind of rude just to walk all over someone else's lawn....or let your animal relieve himself there (but I'll leave that rant for another day....) I think you should've moved into a single file line....maybe buy a double stroller???

8 moms found this helpful

C.G.

answers from Denver on

Sorry K., you should never assume any one wants to walk in the grass just because there is room.

I'm a dog walker and I have to say that I feel the same way when the stroller brigade commands the sidewalk. It is rude that 'they' don't scoot over.

Mind you, I have a little Shih Tzu, but we always step to the far side and wait if someone else needs to pass. It's easier to control the situation if we stop walking. Even the runners are courteous enough to yell, 'on your left' if they are coming from behind me.

Be kind and share the road.

7 moms found this helpful

M.R.

answers from Rochester on

I would not have said anything to you directly, but I probably would have thought "wow, why can't they move to single file?" too. I walk a lot during the work day and will walk side-by-side with a co-worker, and we always drop to single-file for people from the opposite direction. It doesn't really take that much time to slow down and scooch over, so I can see why somene would find it irritating. I also do not like walking on grass unless it is clearly a park or something--if it is a yard or shoulder or something I prefer not to step on it (some people are weird about their grass). So yes her response was a little rude, but her sentiment was understandable and I would just make an effort in future to to drop to single file for anyone else.

7 moms found this helpful

S.G.

answers from Oklahoma City on

i have to admit, i probably wouldn't have made a big deal about it, but yeah, i would've thought "rude" if a couple is trying to push me into the side walk instead of single file, why can't you or your husband take a few steps into the grass?? sorry but for everyone to get out of YOUR way into the grass seems petty and rude to me. either way, it's a side walk, it was dry SOMEONE could've moved over into the grass

better luck next time

7 moms found this helpful

E.K.

answers from Minneapolis on

Sidewalks are a two way street. One stroller should drop back to accommodate others going the opposite way.

Could she have simply said "excuse me"? Sure. But she should not have been put in a position where she had to ask to be granted her right of way.

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K.J.

answers from Chicago on

I never have the treat of walking with my hubby, but I would always assume that when coming across another person going the opposite direction I would go single-file. You never know WHAT lurks in the grass...pesticides, dog poo, so the sidewalk is preferable. When my son rides his trike while I am pushing his brother in the stroller, we always go single file past others, even though it IS a bit difficult to have a 3 yo understand that concept and comply.

She handled it poorly, but in the future, I'd just be sure to be more accommodating.

6 moms found this helpful

M.D.

answers from Dallas on

I think you should have shared the sidewalk.

4 moms found this helpful

M.L.

answers from Houston on

Yes, move over into single file next time. You shouldn't assume one is going to step out of pace to get on the grass... she could have just as easily expected you to roll through the grass to accommodate her. Though, she was a little ruder than she had to be, maybe she's tired of encountering it and lost her cool on you, or just ha a bad day. I agree, most people are kind when we are with our stroller and move before we even have the chance, but not everyone, so it's always best to move over just in case.

4 moms found this helpful

R.M.

answers from Modesto on

I think naturally going into single file mode would be the appropriate thing to do, almost seems like it would be impulsive to do so and you would have to actually "think" about "not" moving for the other pedestrian.
Most people that would walk around you if you didnt give them the room probably wont say anything.... but this time you got one that did ;)

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M.G.

answers from Dallas on

I am wondering why your and your husband have 2 strollers for 2 kids? I assume they are very close in age, so why not get a double stroller? If you had a double stroller, you probably wouldn't have taken up the entire sidewalk - or would you have?

I do agree that you or your husband should have gone into single file. Maybe you and your husband can find another walking trail that is either a) less crowded, or b) has a wider sidewalk so you won't have to move (like a forest preserve or something).

Updated

I am wondering why your and your husband have 2 strollers for 2 kids? I assume they are very close in age, so why not get a double stroller? If you had a double stroller, you probably wouldn't have taken up the entire sidewalk - or would you have?

I do agree that you or your husband should have gone into single file. Maybe you and your husband can find another walking trail that is either a) less crowded, or b) has a wider sidewalk so you won't have to move (like a forest preserve or something).

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J.F.

answers from Philadelphia on

You didn't do anything wrong. If she had plenty of room to go by you had no reason to move.

EDIT I read that wrong. You shouldn't make someone walk in the grass that is just rude.

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K.F.

answers from New York on

Her reaction - over the top but really sharing the sidewalk is courteous, polite and pleasantly neighborly. You were out of line but not such a big deal.

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L.S.

answers from Tampa on

Sorry sweetie! I agree with everyone else, share the side walk. I believe your heart is in the right place. I personally would have walked around you simply because I love children and I know the work it took just to get them in the stroller and out of the house w/o leaving a bottle,diaper etc...I have found out that some people are so selfish that it's just better to give a little and let them have their moment so that they will not spoil your day.

3 moms found this helpful

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

she was rude, but we also don't know what was going on with her. she may have medical issues that make moving onto the grass difficult for her, and you may have been the umpteenth 'my strollers take precedence over everyone else' moms she met that day and was done.
it aggravates me when oncoming traffic, whether it's strollers or lovers holding hands or just friends yakking, just plow on and assume i'm the one who must yield to them. sidewalks are generally built to comfortably accommodate single file going in each direction, and there's an expectation that people will prefer to do so courteously.
is it really that hard to maneuver strollers into single file? really?
khairete
S.

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

She reacted badly, but you were rude to not move over.

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S.G.

answers from Dallas on

Sure, we all share the sidewalk, but "Some" people believe that anyone with a stroller, bike or on skates is going to be hassle. I believe the comment was a bit harsh; yes she could have walked around like a lot of people do or you two could have single filed it. It's a give and take. There have been times when my husband and me are out with our youngest in the jogging stroller and we do the single file when others come by. Then we come across the ocassional walkers without kids or strollers and they do not move ( which is their choice) so we trek off into the grass but never give harsh comments. I prefer the grass and hills but my hubby wants the sidewalk. Just remember...we can't please everyone some are just more hostile than others; I'm sorry that happen to you and your husband. Keep enjoying your walks. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

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T.W.

answers from Denver on

She totally overreacted so don't take her too personal but you should definitely go single file for others, it is rude to expect people to step into the grass, wet or not.

Happy walking!

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S.M.

answers from Washington DC on

You know, I imagine that she had already moved to the side within the sidewalk to accomodate you since most people walk down the center of the sidewalk until they are passing someone. She could have been more polite in her reminder to you that she had just as much right to the pavement as you do, but since the civil rights movement, there is no expectation that one person step off the pavement for another. We pass on the right in this country, by the way. In case that was your confusion.

In case you think I just don't understand - I have two children 10 mos apart and an 85lb dog. I know that we take up room and have to share.

2 moms found this helpful

J.E.

answers from Erie on

Why is it such a big deal...walking in the grass?? lol. If I came accross a family with 2 strollers I wouldnt think twice about stepping aside into the grass. Maybe Im odd lol but I think its silly to worry about whether youre walking on the sidewalk or the grass next to it. ::sigh:: some people.

Dont worry about it mama! Just my 2 cents :)

Updated

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M.P.

answers from Washington DC on

I haven't read what other people said -- but I think you are not out of line. Obviously, you are a family out enjoying your walk. If I was walking the other way, I wouldn't have any issue with getting out of your way. I think people are way too uptight and people in the U.S. who don't have kids are often way too intolerant of kids and the needs of kids. I would say do whatever you want and don't worry about it too much. If you start worrying what everyone else thinks is rude, you will never be able to take your kids to a restaurant or event because there will always be someone who is intolerant.

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E.W.

answers from New York on

I guess maybe you should have shared, but I would have probably done the same thing. What if you had a double stroller, there wouldn't be an option for you to go into a single line. I guess me being a M., I usually cater to M.'s- especially if I don't have my son with me. I open doors for M.'s with strollers and would have gladly stepped aside for you. I think people need to lighten up.

1 mom found this helpful

K.E.

answers from Spokane on

Wow. What a mean lady! She was probably just having a bad day. Don't let it get to ya. You were not out of line, IMO. I wonder what she's like when she's behind the wheel of a vehicle. EEK!

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E.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

I'm like you where, if I was the singleton walking and encountered a family with strollers would think *nothing* of sidestepping to the grass to make things easier for them.

1 mom found this helpful

A.G.

answers from Houston on

she must have been having a bad day, or was just forced into the mud on a skinnier sidewalk. perhaps you should have "single filed it", but her reaction was much worse than what you did.

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S.K.

answers from New York on

Instead of single file, one of you can just stroll a little ahead if you see someone coming. That way you do not have to keep realigning the stroller and the other person can have use of the sidewalk. When all is clear you can walk side by side again. Please, people really should lighten up...it is nice to know other families enjoy time together like my family.

1 mom found this helpful

M.D.

answers from Washington DC on

Sounds like SHE is way more out of line and insane. I can't imagine flipping out for having to walk in the grass! Shoot, on the walk home from the bus stop my neighbor or I always ends up walking in he grass because the kids are running off their energy. But the lady flipped out for really nothing - gosh, can you imagine being her? Her life must be rough. That being said, yes, always make room for others. You should move far in advance for other people. Or walk in the street, if it is not too busy.

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J.B.

answers from Houston on

I think her attitude was rude. I mean she could have just said, "excuse me" without acting like you guys were sidewalk thieves. I am sure you would have said "oh sorry!" and moved. I don't think there are rules about how to walk on a sidewalk. I mean, you could have moved sure, and I think that would be good, but I don't think you were trying to irritate this lady while on your family walk and the fact she felt so free to sort of tell you off is rude in my book. If I saw a beautiful family walking down the side walk side by side I would not do that. My two cents...:D

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A.A.

answers from Chicago on

One of you just needs to stop so that the lady could pass--rude to expect another person to have to side-step you by walking in the grass.

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K.R.

answers from Fort Collins on

I always move my stroller aside to make room for other walkers or bikers to pass on the sidewalk. I don't think it's a big deal, but I would have probably allowed room for her to pass. It's just a common courtesy I think.

K

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J.L.

answers from Lexington on

My husband and I also walk/run with big strollers. We would never assume others would or should go into the grass. We always go single file when passing others and if the sidewalk is thin, we are usually the ones to move onto the grass.

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R.M.

answers from Cumberland on

People are funny when it comes to stepping off the sidewalk and onto the grass, I suppose. Maybe she had on her $1200 Manolo Blahniks? I guess the safe thing to do is to fall back single file for everyone-and not assume they mind stepping aside-but keeping the same standard for everyone. I wouldn't have wanted you to-but then, I love children-kiss their little heads for me!

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M.M.

answers from Washington DC on

I would have gone single file....sorry! Just because we have kids and it's harder for us doesn't mean we're entitled to the whole sidewalk. Most people are considerate, but she shouldn't have to walk in the grass. While she may have been rude, you should have shared the sidewalk with her.

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S.D.

answers from Washington DC on

Don't feel bad! As a mother, I think everyone should accomodate me! LOL But not everyone is accomodating. I'm mindful of that. The scene in front of your children was innapropriate. I would have said something like "sorry, now move on lady!"

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J.M.

answers from Washington DC on

Yep. You are totally out of line, and frankly, it's telling that you're even asking. If it isn't such a big deal to take a couple of steps over and walk on the grass, why didn't YOU do it? Because you have a stroller? You said it wasn't muddy or wet or anything. SHE'S being petty and rude? Look in the mirror!

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