Am I Being Weird About Giving My Daughter Gifts?

I don't count books as gifts. I view them as continuing and enhancing her education which is my financial responsibility.

Just give her the book. There is nothing wrong with giving her a present for no reason once in a while. It just sends the message I am thinking about you and will make her feel good. She is not going to get spoiled from getting a little gift once in awhile and besides, it is a book that she will learn from.

This post makes me laugh.

The child is asking for a book of presidents, not the latest trendy vampire novel. Just buy it, give it to her, and say, "I love you and am glad that I could give this to you and make you as happy as you make me everyday."

My daughter has always been an avid reader and books didn't really count as gifts from me. They were basic staples like shampoo and bread. Anything to encourage reading and learning is fine by me!

Books I don't consider gifts that need an event. I buy books for myself when I see a title I want to read, why would I treat the kids any different, ya know?

I don't buy a pony as a gift without an occasion...........

But a $6 book? That I would buy willy nilly silly just for funners.

Teach your child that you can't give into to just every impulse to learn stuff..... but occasionally she can go crazy and bulk up on the educational items.

I buy my son gifts when I see something I think he would like. They are not rewards - they are gifts. Don't you love when someone gives you a gift simply because they saw something nice that made them think of you? It makes my day. Why wouldn't I want to do that for my son?

Don't you like when your husband brings home flowers for you for no special reason? Why do gifts have to be associated with an "event?" Buy the book for her and tell her how much you love her, how much you appreciate her, and tell her to enjoy the book. She will likely remember this "event" more than if it were a birthday.

NO way it's not ridiculous to buy your kid a book! Thats one thing I wouldn't really put limits on. It's a book, y'know?

And I think an out-of-the-blue present is really nice. I remember a couple times my dad brought home something he knew I wanted it was such a nice gesture (he wasn't that type of guy really, my mom bought all the presents and honeslty he was kinda a miser with his money!)

So if you rarely indulge your daughter I think it will be a real treat.

This is coming from someone who buys her kids stuff in the $5 range pretty often.

In our household, books are a different category than "toys" and "gifts" usually. It's a book. Get it. It's $6. Get it.
Tell her (if you really feel like you must) that "You know I don't usually buy things just to be buying things because you want them, but I really thought you should have this." and then give it to her.

Less than stellar behavior at home of late? Hmm... perhaps a surprise book she has been wanting will kick her gratitude response into high gear, and you will have a different child for a bit. But I wouldn't mention it to her when you give her the book. Let it be of her own doing... not a tit for tat for you giving her the book.
If it were a collector's item or cost $20 or more...then yeah... I'd buy it and hold it until an "occasion" or I'd let her know I had it and will continue to "have it" until she can shape up and prove she deserves to have the gift. But a $6 book on presidents? Just get it and give it to her.

I never considered a new book a gift. To me books are like clothing, or food, a necessity!
Two out of three of my children would agree.
You can buy the book now and give it to her whenever you want :)

I am with the others. I don't count books as gifts. I can't always get all the books my kids want especally since my oldest is a book worm. But to me its part of their learning. Just get it for her don't worry about a special occation.

There is nothing wrong with a surprise "just because" gift! It will brighten her day and yours. Just give it to her because you love her!

Way overthinking it - it's a "because I love you" gift - and books ROCK!

Haha, yep, you are overthinking.
A book about the presidents is more of an educational tool for her arsenal, and not really a "gift".
I'd get it and then when you present it to her say something like "I was thinking about you today and got you this because I love you...."
Nothing wrong with giving our kids presents any time we want to, honestly.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with little gifts for our children every now and then, just out of the blue. Kinda like a love note. :)

I would get her the book just as a surprise, not really a "gift" just a "Hey kid, I love you and I was thinking about you. You lucky kid!"

My son has this checkmark chart for chores, social skills we're working on, trying new things etc. Anyway, because he has this whole token economy attached to the check marks, I almost NEVER get to just get him something I think he would like :(

Just enjoy getting it for her and enjoy watching her enjoy it. And really, I can't imagine her behavior will get worse because she knows too much about Grover Clevland!

You are over-thinking it BECAUSE IT'S AN EDUCATIONAL THING! :) You want her to have MORE time to memorize the presidents not less! And I admire your not overdoing it on gifts. I'm the same way. My kids rarely get gifts aside from birthdays and Christmas....but sometimes they do! I just "handed my daughter" the OshKoshBGosh overalls she's been wanting: for no good reason. As a surprise. That's what gifts are! She's got two other "wants" she won't get until she gets all the way through her violin book and math book.
Deal with the behavior separately. It won't make things worse to get her the book :)

We all enjoy getting "just because I love you" gifts ;)

I don't see the problem with buying her a book, one about Presidents at that :)

If you were running amok in the stores and buying things willy nilly for her - then that would be a problem. But, purchasing carefully selected items for whenever should not be a problem. Kids deserve a "happy" from time to time just because.

One of the things I have never denied my son is a book. Though we use the library much more than the bookstore, because I am on a budget.

Um, so yeah, I think you are over thinking the book - just give it to her. LOL

I think if my kid asked for an educational book I would run as fast as I could to get it. Foster that love of learning while you can. Too soon it turns into hating school.

Haha...yes, I think so. If you don't always run out and buy her things, she's not going to think you will from one book. Sometimes, it's nice to just give your kid something.

I think you're over thinking it. I don't buy my kid things everytime she asks for them, but I do "surprise" her with things she's shown interest in or that I know she'd like quite often.
My main reason for responding is to show a kid's side to this situation. I didn't get "presents" just because. If I asked for something, it was kept on hold until Christmas or my birthday (June). Even if it was something small and inexpensive, like a book about something I was currently excited about and interested in, I had to wait for a gift-receiving event. I'm sure my parents viewed it as you do, wanting to make sure I didn't feel entitled and wanting to instill a real appreciation for the gifts. However, kids change their interests often, so all the waiting meant that my interest in the item I requested several months earlier had waned. While I might have played with a toy non-stop when I asked for it, I had already dismissed it as something I wasn't going to get and had changed my interests, by necessity, by the time I received what I asked for. Instead of all the waiting creating more appreciation, it killed the interest and I was then told I wasn't appreciative enough of the gifts I received because I didn't play with them enough. Then that was used as a reason not to buy what I asked for right away and to make me wait to "prove" I really wanted it. No matter what I did, I couldn't win.
The long and the short of it is this-buy the small items the request while their interest is high and give them gifts randomly. This ensures appreciation and makes a child feel loved because, as my daughter says "you got me something special because you knew I'd like it". That feeling of understanding goes much deeper than "I behaved and you bought me something".
Good luck!

I'd say stop worrying that she'll get spoiled. I don't think we will have to worry about that with you...... because you are worried enough about it for all of us. There is nothing wrong in buying a little gift once in awhile. Especially a book! Look at it as encouragement to learn.

Oh just get it.

She doesn't sound spoiled or with an attitude of entitlement.
Oh wait, you said her behavior at home was less than stellar lately.

How old is she?

I do things like that too sometimes. But my kids are not greedy. They know, that Mommy loves them and this is special.
They appreciate it.
That's the main thing.

You know, I grew up in a house where I rarely rarely rarely got "surprise" gifts because the money wasn't there to do that. However, every once in awhile I'd come home to my bedroom spotless and a small gift with a note from my mom letting me know how proud or thankful for specific things. Maybe this is one of those occassions for your daughter. Just let her have a surprise waiting for her, it's ok and it shows your daughter that you are always thinking of her birthday party/christmas etc... or not.

I totally understand your thinking. There is nothing I dread worse than an ingrateful child. Ok, there ARE worse things, but you know what I mean. :)

However, a book like that... I'd just give it to her. She can use that forever, and it's for learning.

I would give her the book. You did tell her that you would get it. Let her know that her grades in school have been excellent and for that you got her the book.

Attitude at home is a separate issue to be worked on.

Any time I see a child interested in the written word I am all for helping them go further.

You don't go out daily and buy things so it is not going overboard. She can do a report or two from the book this summer.

The other S.

PS I love bookstores. My problem is that I can't get out of the store under $75 usually more.

I'd pick a day where she was really good at both school and home and give it to her then. Tell her you appreciate how well she has been doing, so you thought you would give her a surprise.

Hi! Books are treasured family members here and we have always encouraged our kids to have and read as many as possible. If you were talking a stupid toy or overpriced, unneeded outfit I'd be with you. But books are the key to our past and future and should be heartily encouraged. My daughter has a friend who says she "hates" to read. It makes my Sarah so sad that her friend is missing out. I'd be grateful she wants to read.

OMG she wants a book its not like its a toy. Get her as many books as she wants. Foster it. Wanting to learn is an amazing gift in itself.

I think you should just give it to her and say that you know she wanted the book, she's kept up her end of the bargain and here - thanks for being a good kid. I think sometimes it's good to surprise them and it's not like you bought her something huge. It's a small token saying you're important and special to me. That you remembered something she would like/wanted.

I think she will appreciate it regardless of the "event" and sometimes things given at events get lost in the noise. I don't know about you, but I like things on a random day. Flowers on Tuesday because he wants to show he loves me. How many of us want appreciation every day and not just Mother's Day?

Overthinking - a little.

Why not use it as a carrot? "I have a special surprise if you can behave until the end of the day/week/month".

Books are one of those things I NEVER told my kids no if they asked for one. ANY book. Reading is SOOOOOOO good for them and I'm an obsessive reader myself so would be kinda hypocritical of me :)

Buying her one book for no other reason than she asked for it isn't going to make her think you just run out and buy stuff for her whenever she asks for it :)

Now if you did that for EVERYTHING she EVER asked for ... then yeah .. she'd think that :)

Buy the book, present it to her just because and watch and cherish the joy on her face when she gets it.

Books are like vegetables - they are good for her and she needs them!

Haven't read the other responses, but I am totally with you. I don't like to get my kids things just because they ask for them. I want them to know that they aren't entitled to whatever they want whenever they want it. I too like to wait until "events" to give them presents.

However, I probably wouldn't be quite as strict about something educational like a book about Presidents. Maybe give her a chance to earn it, like have a sticker chart to reinforce positive behaviors if you are having a hard time with her at home?

a) it's a book. always let them have books.
b) you already promised it to her and have reneged. keep your promise. get her the book.
c) it's not even a junk book, it's a GOOD book. get her the book.
c) great students should never be denied books. get her the book.
d) there are way better ways to deal with less than stellar behavior than to withhold promised books. get her the book.
today.
khairete
S.

Are you serious? Books, when a child WANTS them and eats them up, is every parent's dream come true! You're improving their learning and education by giving them books. Remember that libraries often have book sales too, for cheap, so you get more bang for your buck!

GO FOR IT!!!!!

I havent read other responses, but to me thats weird, thats how we grew up, not because of same reasons, but because we were broke and we only got things on christmas and birthdays, and mostly from other family. So... I get my girls stuff all the time, if Im at the store, and I see stuff they like, ill pick it up, But as far as running out and getting it, no. It also depends on what it is, my kids want the hungry hungry hippo game, bad. But they really dont play the games they already have, so I wont get it, but my job just had a book fair, and I bought like 8 books, so. Different strokes, for different folks

I can see where you're coming from. I don't want my kids to be spoiled and think just because they want something they're going to get it. I'd get the book and wait for the right moment to give it to her. Maybe it'll be right before a car trip where she'll be bored? There's nothing wrong with treating your children, as long as it is in moderation! :)

It’s not like you are running out after every commercial and buying what she sees. I am sure kids would love that but let’s face it most parents do not do that.

I recently bought my daughter a new bicycle. We sold her last one a few months ago and I told her we would put that money towards a new one. She hadn't mentioned wanting one until recently so we went and picked one out. My daughter has been on the honor roll all year and doesn’t usually give me a hard time. I also don’t have to ask her to help around the house she always offers when she sees me cleaning.
I think that kids should get stuff once in a while as long as they are not acting up all the time. As adults we can buy things that we want when we can afford them even if we act up.

When it's a book, I don't hesitate. Especially when I can get them for a good price. =)

Books are different. I let my daughter have books. They are good for her. One of the better activities she could be doing in a day. DOnt worry bout it.

I would go ahead and get the book, but hold on to it to see what her end of year report is. Like you told her, if it's good, give her the book. If not, hold it, don't tell her you got it and then at a time when she's done something good and is not expecting a reward, surprise her!

I would just buy the book and then give it to her as a "gift" when you catch her having good behavior at home. Use it as a "thanks for trying really hard to behave better" and a "thanks for working so hard at school" gift.

Although, I suppose you wouldn't want her to think that she gets gifts every time she "recovers" from bad behavior and accidentally encourage "bad" behavior (guess *I'm* over-thinking this now!).

I dunno. But then again, I buy random little gifts for my daughter all the time. Just to let her know I was thinking of her. :)

For one your over thinking n it ok to give ur kids things but maybe wait till she has better behavior first at home. N maybe part of her behavior could be related to school so be careful. N if she's asking for stuff that helps her learn why u dening her to read?

We get new books all the time! We read every day and get new books mostly because WE get tired of reading the same books over and over again. So yeah, if my kid asks for a book (and in this case it's even educational) I buy it no strings attached.
Now toys on the other hand we only get for special occasions. We have a reward system in which my DD earns quarters for certain tasks (especially those she doesn't like to do voluntarily) and when the jar is full we cash it in and she can pick a toy. Other than that she gets toys only for her B-day and christmas.

I will get my kids books.. I wont necessarily buy them tons of books.. but I get them tons at the library.

I buy them things they ask for. it does nto have to be a special event.