Hi Moms: My son will be 4 in November. He started a full-day daycare/preschool this summer. I then switched him to one closer to home where he would be with kids he will eventually go to elementary school with. The teachers have been working with him, but he NEEDs to sit on a teacher's lap to be able to sit quietly and listen during 'group time and story time'. He has trouble focusing on the task at hand, which I saw first-hand while trying to get him to do homework (tracing and writing the letter A a and tracing straight lines top to bottom and left to right). The childcare center is asking that we take him to a different center since they don't have the resources for him and he is also hitting other kids and himself. He WAY overreacts at small things (like dropping a spoonful of his dinner or pencil on the floor). He has never used scissors before, but there is concern over his fine motor skills (holding the crayon and the scissors). In general, they are concerned about his social skills (side by side play at school, but I've never seen this, he plays just fine with strangers at the playground) and an apparent developmental delay (fine motor skills).
Now, he watches entirely TOO much TV, which my husband thinks contributes to this. I know I haven't tried to make him use a crayon properly or to write letters (I didn't do that until 1st grade). In addition to going to the doctor and maybe having an in school evaluation, we will probably try to cut out all sugar and refined bread products (pasta, white bread).
Has anyone else had a nearly 4 year old son who overreacted to little things and had trouble focusing on tasks?
Help!! Advice, personal experience, anything.
Apparently there was another kid who was sort of instigating things. He is no longer there and my son is doing better. The preschool set up 3 evaluations by the Judy Center, 2 have been done. The Director wanted to have evaluations of the 2 teachers and herself on 3 separate days, partly because my son wasn't the only student with problems, there are a couple other boys, too. We are supposed to be getting a call from Parents as Teachers after the evaluations so they can come to our house and help us address any issues. We still need to figure out how to get him to sit still during group time without having to be on a teacher's lap. Keep your fingers crossed for us! Thanks to all the Mom's who sent advice, it was quite helpful.
Well first off there is no age for crayons my daughter has been using them since she was like 2 yrs old it prepares them for pencils. I think you need to help with these things at home. Read to him each evening setting on the bed. Not on you but next to you. This will help. good luck
B.
Get him out of that preschool! Not because there is anything wrong w/ him, but because there is something terribly wrong with that school! Homework? Wow. Developmentally your little guy is right on track, perfectly normal. The very first thing I thought of while reading your post is that your son's hitting and such is a reaction to the stress he is feeling from being overwhelmed in his situation. A full day, full time preschool is an awful lot to handle, especially at his young age. And a facility which is more focused on unrealistic, unnecesary, age-inappropriate standards is probably more than he can handle and may end up laying the groundwork for much bigger problems than are happening right now. You are NOT A BAD MOM and he is NOT A BAD BOY! He will learn to use scissors and crayons in a more mature way when he is more mature. Right now, "properly" using these items means using them in the way that is natural for him, if at all. When he is ready to learn to write letters or copy lines or cut he will. If you have those things availible when he shows an interest is a good time to introduce. Forcing them before he is ready creates a feeling of inadequacy and frustration that such a little person should not have to endure. There are plenty of other ways and lots of time yet to develop fine motor skills, etc., etc. His age group benefits most from a learning style in which teachable moments are taken when presented and they can happen when taking a walk, cooking dinner, riding in the car, shopping, everyday moments. Being forced to sit for a lesson plan is a completely unnatural style of learning for a small child and will usually not result in the desired effect b/c the child will naturally resist. My daughter just turned 4 10 days ago and she sounds very similiar to your son! She needs a lot of individualized attention and is very "passionate" in her approach to life! This is just her personality type no matter what, as is probably the case with your son. However, when I am asking too much from her (my expectations are too high for where she is developmentally), or she is in an otherwise overwhelming situation her personality can explode. I manage this part of her behavior pattern best by better assesing my own behavior and expectations, and trying to be respectful of who she is right now. It can be stressful and very difficult when you have a spirited child but it can also be soooooo much fun when you embrace them for who they are.
They learn so much just being awake and alive everyday. If it is neccesary for your child to be in full time care my suggestion would be to look into a different type of school that embraces a learning/teaching style that follows a child's natrual learning style and psychology like Waldorf or Montessori Schools, instead of one that focuses more on academic standards. I have a feeling your son will be much more succesful and more importantly, much happier in that type of environment, and so will you. No matter what make sure that he is not, or does not feel punished for is lack of "success" in THIS preschool, and that you don't punish yourself for not raising your child to these wacky standards.
Best of luck!
S.
Is he always unfocused or only if he doesn't enjoy the task? We ended up pulling our then 3yr old out of preschool because he was the only one who could not sit still for circle and chapel. There were 15 kids in the class and he needed a smaller, shorter group. (I was fortunate to be a SAHM) He also would not hold his pencil "correctly". He hated transitions,is sensitive to loud noises and heaven forbid if his banana or cookie broke while he was eating. He is not exactly athletic either. We had him evaluated with Child find and he tested "normal". At almost 6 he has improved(matured) greatly. But the issues are still there; the Kindergarten teacher has already asked for a meeting.
I highly recommend reading "Raising your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. It has some great insights and reminds you that you are not a bad mom. I was laughing and crying at the same time as I was reading and recognized the behaviors and realized I was not the only one:) I have also begun to realize how alike he and I really are. And take the Daycare's advice to find someone who understands and can work with him.
homework at 3? good gravy. sure, improve his diet and if you are really concerned have him evaluated but i would change schools. not because they asked but because they are obviously not a good fit. all kids have environment in which they will learn/play best. your son might do better with smaller class sizes, less focus on academics but keeping focus on age appropriate skills, perhaps one with more outside time? my dd is in a home daycare and they are working with a little boy who came with zero self control and he has just flourished with the small 'class' and warm personal attention. since your son isn't going to kindergarten next year (i assume) you might try a smaller environment with a less rigorous academic curriculum. learning your letters before learning self-control is really backwards. someone recommended 'raising your spirited child' and i second that rec. good luck!
B.,
You sound like you are describing my son (who is now almost 7) when he was that age. The preschool he went to said he behaved the exact same way. They didn't request he go elsewhere - thank goodness - but he did all the same things your son is. BUT, we didn't think it was too much of a problem until he started first grade and then all hell broke loose.
In retrospect, we should have had him evaluated right then and there in kindergarten, but we simply didn't know that the symptoms we were looking at were possibly the symptoms of something more than just a normal immature 4 y/o.
When he started 1st grade, everything you described just intensified to such an extreme that the teacher called us only 2 weeks into the school year and he was just being such a terror. He was getting very aggressive, argumentative, wouldn't do his work, and yet still wanted to sit on or next to the teacher at all times. He wanted to be the teachers helper all the time and couldn't understand when he was told to sit down or whatever.
Anyway, we put him in therapy right away. Honestly, we thought it was some sort of anger management for a 5 y/o. And we were at a loss as what to do with him. Believe me, we felt like horrible parents at that point. The therapist helped but she said he should be evaluated for possible ADHD or even possible autism. This totally freaked us out - the autism part. So immediately, I went into research mode and found that these two diagnoses have very very similar characteristics, so it was no wonder the therapist said to get him checked. We attempted to get into Johns Hopkins Kennedy Kreiger (they're one of the best childrens facilities in the country) but their wait list was around 18 months. I was frantic and was concerned he would fail 1st grade while we were waiting. I also contacted Mt Washington Pediatric Hospital (excellent rating as well) in Baltimore and although it took 6 months (6 loooong months) we got in and after the evaluation, they diagnosed him as ADHD. With their help, help from the therapist and our pediatrician, we agreed to try medication. It worked wonders. We've been very very lucky in that there have been no side effects but the meds have truly made a difference. Within 2 weeks, he was moved up into higher math and reading classes in school and the teacher (who worked so hard to make it as easy as possible for him the whole year - she was a saint!) was very thankful that we were to active and pushing to find something that would help our son be the wonderful boy we knew was in there.
OK, I'm not trying to push medication, I just know that we know what Duncan is like off his meds. He isn't happy with himself either since he just can't control all his impulses. Meds works for us and for Duncan. There are alternative therapies out there which I think do have merit, I just think each family has to decide for themselves what is the best route. BUT, you have to get to a doc and talk to them about these symptoms and see what if anything is going on.
It is hard, stressful, and scary going through all this but the earlier you attend to this, the better - but keep in mind. It often takes weeks/months to get appointments with psychiatrists who are the ones who make the diagnoses, so this is not a quick process which makes it harder because each day your getting more and more stressed because the behavior is still so out of control.
I wish you luck and please feel free to contact me if you have any questions or just want to talk. (sorry this is so long!!)
Julie
I agree that he simply may not be mature enough yet for full-day preschool. That's not saying there's anything wrong with him or with your parenting -- maturity comes along at different times for different children.
As someone mentioned, it couldn't hurt to have him evaluated by the child find program, but probably he's just still immature for a full-day setting that requires him to (a) move from activity to activity when the group does and (b) not react so emotionally when little things go wrong. Those abilities are criticial to coping in kindergarten, so many preschools do rightly emphasize them, but he sounds like he's just not there yet.
He may need a day care or preschool that focuses on socialization and play and doesn't get around to forming letters etc. for a while yet. He would probably do better in a half-day, socialization-based preschool than a full-day program where he has less "down time" that's not organized for him. You may have to do a lot of shopping around, visiting and sitting in on preschool classes and talking frankly with the directors.
And definitely turn off the TV--how many studies have shown that TV revs up young brains, especially in kids 3 and under? (There was an article in the Post about it again recently.) The time he now spends on TV, spend interacting with him -- drawing and coloring (yes, that's holding a crayon, but not necessarily making letters), crafting (great for motor skills and can be as simple as spreading glue on paper and sticking it together) and having play dates. Does he have other kids he sees regularly for play dates at your home or theirs and at the park, or does he just meet up with kids he doesn't know at the park, play and go home? Play dates or play groups are good, controlled, one-on-one ways to start getting kids to share better, play both alongside and with others, etc.
I know this is a tough prescription if you are in school full-time or working full-time. But it sounds like he might benefit from day care or preschool that is not full-day, and like he might need more play dates and adult interaction.
One other thing -- he's not all that far from kindergarten age. If he is not totally ready for kindergarten when the time comes, if he cannot follow directions from someone who is not you, if he frustrates very easily, if he still hits other children, if he has difficulty moving from activity to activity without upset -- do not send him to kindergarten at that time. You do not have to start him just because he's five. If he's not mature enough it's much healthier for him to hold him out for another year of preschool than to send him for a nightmare year of kindergarten. I know I've seen postings on here by moms who said they never regretted keeping a child home another school year before starting. And friends of ours sent their son, who was off the charts on intelligence tests, to kindergarten when he was not socially ready for it and the result was a tough first four years of school. Smart isn't what matters at kindergarten decision time; being ready to move with the group and listen are. Do what you think is right for him at that time and pay attention to his maturity level, not whether other kids his age are all going to kindergarten. Good luck.
You're not a bad mommy. You're just trying to do what this crazy society thinks is appropriate for a child your son's age. He's not even 4 yet and he's supposed to be doing all the skills you're describing in your message? Wow! Well, there may be some kids who are ready to do all of that when they're 3, but very few. You said yourself that you didn't do some of this stuff until 1st grade. That's 7 years old! Your son is telling you (through the behavioral "issues" he's displaying) that he's not ready. If I were you, I'd have him start pre-school next year and just let him play some more this year. He sounds like he needs a little more time to just play until he's ready to do all the stuff they're requiring of him in class. What's the rush? He'll catch on a lot quicker when he has another year under his belt. He'll be more confident and happy. And, most importantly, it's no reflection on his "intelligence." He's probably channeling the energy he needs for these tasks into his growth or other aspects of his kid-ness. As a mommy, you see his behavior as cues to what you need to do next. Don't let the social pressure of having your son in school keeping up with other kids (who are probably mostly older than him anyway) keep you from doing what your son is asking you to do, slow down. Good luck!
B.,
I like all of your ideas regarding the TV and the diet. Although the preschool may be pushing him too much (my three year old would not be able to handle scissors- that seems strange) they HAVE seen lots of kids come through their door. If they think there is an issue, why not get him checked out? It can't do any harm. Better to deal with this now. Good luck to you!
Hi B.,
You may want to take him to get evaluated--it sounds like like it could be a processing issue and he may have low muscle tone in his fingers which would account for the fine-motor difficulties. I'm a former special education teacher and currently an ADD Coach/Consultant so these are characteristics I'm familiar with from my training and experience. You might want to have him evaluated at no cost through CHILD FIND (that's what it's call in Fairfax County). If you're not in Fairfax you can check with your county schools to find out about their free educational testing program--it's open to kids up to age 4 or 5, I believe. I took my daughter there when she was 4 because I was concerned about her "gross motor skills" and coordination. It turned out not to be a problem, however, because I'm so attuned to those issues, I wanted to be sure. You could also ask them about the tv watching. I personally don't think that watching tv too much would be the reason for his not being able to sit still or for low tone in his fingers, though. Hope that helps. If you'd like some resources on ADD, you can PM me, and I'd be happy to point you in the right direction.
Hi
You said yourself he seems to have some issues with fine motor skills , plus a few other things like a complete over reaction to the smallest of things , why not contact child find (if you are in Fairfax county , not sure what the equivilant would be for other counties) and talk to them. They can arrange for him to be asessed and if there are any issues then the sooner they are addressed the better that will be for him.
Good Luck
K.
almost all ALMOST four year olds have problems with what is
known as fine motor skills and one on one socializing , thats perfectly normal for the age group. from my experience, i would have to say that the pre school is
expected waaay too much. they are basically expecting a
three year year old to behave exactly the same as what you
would expect from a five year old. almost four year old
typically overreact to little things, they are like teenagers at that stage, only shorter. you are not a bad mommy, the pre school is just expecting too much from the child. have you talked to the other parents to see what they have to say about the preschool. you never know, they
might be having the same problems with them that you are
K. h.
My nephew had stuff just like this and turned out he was diagnosed (late) with Asbergers.
His school put him in classes to learn how to function and now, you would never know!
Good luck. I would listen to the school. They usually are trying to let you know what is going on. If they bring up a concern it is usually VERY valid. They usually DON't say anything unless it is REALLY apparent. And if it is, the sooner, the better as far as treatment goes.
B.,
If you are worried about your son my suggestion would be to call your local school system and have him evaluated. It costs you nothing, doesn't harm him, and would give you peace of mind. If any concerns do come up, they can help you. Your son (if there are any areas that are 25% delayed, or significant enough issues) may even qualify for a county preschool that should be no cost to you...a place they CAN'T kick him out of and they will address his issues, and help in areas that he struggles in. It can be a little scary to go down that pathway, but don't let that hold you back. (I know from personal experience...my son has lots of issues.) It can also give you peace of mind if everything is OK. They may even offer him some services at his current preschool so he can stay there. There is a range of what they may do. It is better to ask now then to wait until kindergarten.
Good luck!
N.
Our son gets easily frustrated, has a short attention span and delays with his fine motor skills as well as speech. He's just 2, but I have a feeling these will still be issues when he's your son's age. We went through Child Find and are getting speech and occupational therapy as well as an education specialist to help with his overactivity. One thing that calms him down is compression therapy, as well as sandwiching him with pillows. We're threading boards and beads to work on fine motor skills, since he isn't using his utensils or coloring with crayons. You may want to look into getting help through the school system. Good luck.
Hi B.,
I went through the same thing with my son when he was that age. I was a SAHM at the time, but he had a very hard time dealing with little things (like dropping something or not being able to find something) and with staying focused on a task. We ended up having him evaluated for ADHD after he was held back in the first grade. Now that he is older, you can definitely see that he is ADHD, but back then they would not evaluate him because he was not in school and they wanted a "professional" opinion on his behavior.
As far as your pre-school, I would look for another, but only on the premise that they are not trying to work with your son's issues, they just want to pawn him off on someone else instead of helping him. Sometimes, these children just need a little extra encouragement to be able to do those things. When I am in a classroom and have a child that does not want to sit, I would give them a small task like holding something beside me (it makes them feel like they are helping, and they love that!).
I would speak to your child's doctor and see what they say. Tell them what the school suspects and just see if the doc is worried as well, and if they will do an evaluation. If not, get something in writing from them to give the school. I would also start trying to do little things with him when you are with him. Coloring with him would be a great start, that way you can show him the right way to hold the crayon and say something like, "can you hold it like mommy?" I know in our schools here, the children are expected to be able to do a lot of things BEFORE they enter kindergarten (they are doing things A LOT faster than they used to like introducing cursive writing in the first grade now) and it is things that we did not do until we were in the first or second grade.
As far as his hitting, the other children may be antagonizing him in some way. See if your pre-school has camera's in their rooms (many do now) that you can sit in another room and watch what is going on. This could give you lots of insight as to what is going on with your son.
My last bit of advice is that no one knows your child as good as you do. If you suspect a problem, then I would go with your instinct on it.
As for those who are opposed to homework at that age it is really good for keeping the parents involved in what is being taught, as well as giving the child a chance to show his/her parents what they have accomplished. It is NOT something that is "graded" so much as it is to get the parents involved. I would be more concerned if they were not teaching him anything, like the last place that I worked in (I am an early childhood educator) where we were not allowed to introduce letters or writing or anything that they could not learn through play.
I hope some of this helps! Please keep us posted!!
Hi B. - don't worry about being a 'bad mom' - each mom has her own style...but definitely cut out the TV! He is too young for too much tv - and he needs to have more sedentary activities so he can learn to focus and pay attention without the constant stimulus of tv. Commercials and cartoons, etc are designed to hold attentions for even the more attention deficit people - they actually have an exact science (thought you may be interested since you're a biologist)that determines how long someone is willing to stare at a single frame - that's why camera angles change every 3 seconds or more - you can count it! A child that is used to a constant change like that would find it very hard to pay attention to a boring old teacher!
Also, diet is a good thing to start improving....so good job there! That should help.
Try spending some more time with him one on one - he should be able to use scissors/crayons/pencils, etc and he will thrive with a little individual attention by you...but don't coddle him because his teachers will not have a chance to give him undivided attention and they shouldn't have to....
He will learn and improve with age, but it's all about what he's exposed to and what he gets used to. In the summers between school (and before Kindergarten started), I would work with the kids on things coming up the following year - there are some great websites that you can Google with tools you can print out - like worksheets with the alphabet so he can practice, and coloring sheets/craft activities, etc....those will expand his knowledge and creativity way more than mindlessly staring at the tv. It will be hard to implement because change is always hard, but make a rule chart and tell him the new expectations and limit tv to one hour MAX and give him Stars when he does something good - like completing a worksheet or paying attention and following your directions...even cooking with you or something can help his measurement skills and coordination/attention span, etc.
Good luck - let us know how it goes!!
Having a child with fine motor skill delays does not make you a bad mother! And becasue children choose to do what they are good at, it is not surprising that he wouldn't have spent much time with crayons or scissors until now. I'm surprised about the preschool homework - it should be for fun and learning social skills.
I have three active boys who are older now but had trouble with fine motor skills. Our preschool tried hard to entice them away from outdoor play and the blocks and dinosaurs by having them make comics. They also had legos which are a fun way to work on fine motor skills. One of my sons still struggles with motor skills and has a 504 plan at public school which allows him to type papers and tests (it was the teacher's suggestion and started in 5th grade when the teacher worried about the state writing exam). He had some help from an occupational therapist starting in 3d grade, arranged by his teacher.
We opted for piano lessons and martial arts for more motor skill development over the private occupational therapy which would probably have helped.
I love your description of the child sitting on the teacher's lap to be still. He sounds like a warm and enjoyable child - if you are a warm and loving teacher. One of my sons has ADD. Some of his teachers were wonderful with him and others were awful. The gym teacher tried to "punish" him by making him hold hands with her in second grade and lead the kids around the running track. To her surprise, he liked holding hands and leading the kids. Sometimes, a hand on a shoulder can quiet a child without giving too much attention to negative behavior.
It sounds like you are on the right track by cutting out junk food - check out the Feingold Program. Exercise also helps improve focus. Some kids take longer to settle down and learn at desks. It's not the kids who have the problem, it's our schools. Waldorf schools do a great job with active kids.
Good luck and remember that you can create a safe and happy home for your son to be himself after a tough day out in the world!
I think you (and the preschool) are pushing him too fast. My son started a Montessori preschool when he was 3 1/2. They wouldn't let him (or anyone else in the class) even try tracing letters till he was closer to 5 yrs old. There are quite a few first grades where the kids are not allowed to use even safety scissors. (And many of the kids don't have the sense not to try cutting their hair.) They don't have the small muscle control in their hands yet. A lot of them still have trouble with spoons and forks when eating. Holding a pencil is a lot harder. Kids that age have a very short attention span. If you don't want him watching so much TV, turn it off (and make sure what he does watch is age appropriate and educational), and hold him on your lap and read to him - often - every Dr Seuss book out there (Hop on Pop is a great place to start and slowly work you way up to Fox in Socks. The How Do Dinosaurs Eat, Go to Sleep, Get Well Soon, etc books are great too.) Laugh and giggle with him while doing it. Get him some big crayons, color with him, and see if he can stay within the lines some of the time. Your son is 3 yrs 10 (or 11) months old, and keeping in mind that development happens within a wide range (all of which is normal), what's the rush? Enjoy your little boy while you can. In 20 years he will be an adult and you won't be able to hold him on your lap anymore. My son's in 5th grade right now, is gifted and reads at a freshman collage level. I don't push him to do it. I make sure he has access to books that interest him that he can read whenever he wants to (after his homework is finished).
A "bad" mommmy would not take the time to look into this....I removed all sources of artificial colors & flavors from my son's diet and it made a huge impact on his ability to focus, stay still and manage his emotions (to the extent that can be expected of a young child). He now only eats organic foods and knows that red foods and corn syrup are NOT his friends. MSG, which is pretty much in everything, really hurt his behavior (it's in Goldfish to name a common kid food)so we carefully read labels (note: even things that say 'natural' flavoring could have MSG since it essentially starts from vegetables)and keep 'normal' treats in moderation. We also give him LOTS of opportunity to get his wiggles out, with outside play and activities. We did have him evaluated by Child Find (they are WONDERFUL) regarding some of his fine motor skills when he was 3 1/2 (he had not, and has still not at 5 1/2 chosen a hand and remains 50/50 ambidexterous) and they said that they would not really start to worry until first grade.... I agree with your husband on the tv, which is hard since it's the only thing that really makes him ZONE out, but we use it as a behavioral thing...he earns tv time when he works on managing his behavior.
B., If you live in Virginia you can go to ANY public school system and get him tested if you are worried about him. They do have classes for motor skill problems, occupationl therapy. Yeah, like others, he just might have a transition problem. My son had that but they figured out how to deal with it. He might be hyperactive but wait a year or so before and see how he does. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to email.
S.
I would recommend getting him checked for any delays that you may think he has along with bringing this up to his pediatrician and see if other possibilities need to be looked at. Also, the school should be able to give you the number for child find. Mention the IEP (individualized education plan) people if they do not understand what you are asking them.
On another note, this sounds like an actual school with homework but at this age, I agree with the other response about letting him be a child. Get him into a daycare and just let him play. My son did not get schooling until he was four and that was in VPK in florida. Children are smart and he will catch up but now is not the time to teach him to write. He just needs to learn to scribble which will lead to writing. It is amazing what they will learn in Kindergartern.
I think when kids are 3, they are still babies. They need time. What's wrong with a snuggle or a cuddle? I think he has learned to manipulate the system to his advantage - if I act up, I get to sit in teacher's lap.
The boy is 3. He isn't going to act like a 4 year old. There is a HUGE difference between 4 year olds and 3 year olds. Boys are notoriously behind both socially and physically. They don't have the motor skills. They don't have many of the social skills. I'd be sure to hold him back in school - he would turn 6 in kindergarten if he were mine - I did this with my own son and don't regret it for a second.
His overreaction is probably because he is stressed out. He's trying to be like the other kids and he is just NOT ready.
As for fine motor - please... scissors at age 3? I think not. My children weren't exposed to scissors until age 5 when they went to kindergarten - and that's when my oldest cut my youngest's curls off....
I'd have him tested - just to prove to myself and everyone else that he's 3. My son had many ear infections and because he couldn't hear, he missed some developmental milestones. We put him in Karate at the doc's advice and were very structured at home. He focused his energy in a positive way. He learned how to deal with people. He caught up - no problem. He is now a sweet and very motivated 16 year old who is getting ready to go off to college in just over a year...
I'd also move him to a more age appropriate facility. He is 3. He doesn't need to be tracing letters or doing homework. He is a child... he needs to play and be a kid. There is plenty of time for school work - LATER.
YMMV
LBC
a new school can be really stressful for a child and your school should help with the adjustment. my daughter had some similar issues about wanting to be in a teachers lap and my son is very active and social and is the same way as your son (a little younger just turned 3). Based on his age, most schools in my area would put him in the three year old room (anyone not 4 by sept 1 would go into the 3s) and in the 3s they have not started writing letters or even started cutting with scissors or tracing lines. So it could be that the skills are just too advanced for him and he is acting out because he is not ready to master them. You may want to see if they can put him in a lower level class for a while. What helped my daughter was we found a school that only had 8-10 kids in a class. With a small group she got the attention she craved and needed and with a caring teacher her social skills blossomed. please take the things your school tells you with a grain of salt. I remember one teacher telling me my daughter could not talk and she we couldn't get her to stop talking at home. Good luck.
Wow - I read some of the responses and some of them bothered me a bit. I would have him evaluated by your school system just to see where he is developmentally. All kids develop differently so having him evaluated will just give you that peace of mind that he either doing fine for his age or you will learn that he needs to work on a few things! Either way it would be good for him and for you!
As for the daycare, the "homework" issue is very strange but being able to use scissors, hold a crayon correctly, etc those are all tasks he needs to be able to do before entering school (so he still has plenty of time). My son is 3 yrs 4 months old and is in a full-time daycare program and he has been using scissors for a few months (obviously the kid kind) and he can hold a crayon/pencil perfectly. He thinks he is such a "big boy" for being able to do these things. At his daycare they work them individually on these tasks and only for a few minutes so as not to frustrate them!
As far as him not sitting still or hitting, those should come with time. I am not sure how long he has been at the daycare but some kids take a longer time to adjust.
So my suggestion is to have him evaluated by your school system and to also talk to your pediatrician about your concerns. It can't hurt anything!
Good luck!
Maybe he is too "young" for pre-school. Full day pre-school sounds like a lot for a three year old... especially for boys. Although there are children out there that CAN do that, it isn't for everyone. How about getting nanny to care for him and taking him to small classes (like gymboree) and playgroups that only last an hour or so... that way he can get individualized attention AND socialization. With our budget, we can't afford a nanny, so if that is your case as well, I'd REALLY try another preschool- especially if they are suggesting it themselves!
BTW, I am very familiar with the overreacting. My 4 year-old daughter (almost 5) has been like that since she was two. She is actually improving now, and laughs when we catch her overreacting sometimes and tries to correct it with a fairly good attitude. Let me tell you, we would have NEVER guessed that she would so gracefully get out of that looooong stage.
poor little guy. only 3 and all these heavy expectations! poor mom too, so much social pressure to be a 'good mom' by having a kid who performs (and that word is accurate, like a trained seal) at a higher level than 'average.' no one wants an 'average' kid so superlative skills have somehow been elevated to the norm.
being normal is just fine. a lot of those kids who've been baby einstened, flash carded and taught latin from the womb are weird and unhappy. let him be three. three means a degree of anxiety and wanting the comfort of a lap, a window of adult-level focus that is much shorter than adults', and certainly an inability to read or write or color in the lines. it makes me SO sad to see tinies like this expected to write letters neatly and focus on 'homework.' his job is to play, explore, get comfortable in the world, and have mom to range back to when the world overwhelms, which it does a lot because he is three.
you absolutely should turn off the tv except for a few brief carefully selected programs. but the tv isn't making him a three-year-old.
take him out of that daycare and find him a nice montessori group that understands children and doesn't try to suck away their babyhood.
khairete
S.
