I have a 22-month old daughter who seems to be developing just a teensy bit slow. She eventually catches up, but she seems to be a few months behind the milestones, which is fine. My husband, my daycare provider and I have taken steps to spend more one-on-one time with her, and it seems to be helping as she is saying more and more words and performs little tasks that she hasn't in the past. There are other little concerns I have, but no one else really seems to be worried except me, paranoid mom, because she is happy and healthy. I have scheduled her for the state's Early Start testing for late next week because the scheduler asked me a series of questions and said it might be beneficial. My biggest issue is that she has frequent melt-downs when it comes to trying to get her to do group activities. I understand she is very young and doesn't like to be forced to sit down to do crafts and activities, but the constant fits she throws worries me. I signed her up for tumbling classes, which is basically a free-for-all with 2 5-minute sessions of "circle time" where the whole class with their parents do some sort of stretching exercise with songs and movements. My kid is the only one screaming and throwing a fit each time and we are forced to leave the group. The other kids, some who are much younger, all cooperate nicely.
This happens in daycare as well. Thoughts? And can I be so bold as to ask you all to be kind in your responses. It's hard enough to post as it is. Thanks so much.
First of all, I wanted to thank everyone so much for all the support you've given me. It's been almost 2 months since the assessment and the results turned out very well. The assessment staff was wonderful and patient and she participated like a gem. There are a couple of things that we were told to work harder on with her, and the results have been amazing. She turned 2 last week and while she still doesn't like to do group activities, she does participate more often of her own will for longer lengths of time. Long story short, I am SO glad I went ahead with the assessment. I got a ton out of it and the resources I was given to help my daughters grow have been absolutely incredible. Thanks again!!
Try looking at Dr Harvey Carp's "Happiest Toddler on the Block" his methods help you to quickly and effectively prevent and deal with tantrems. It can help prevent the frustration that leads to the blow-up. I personally like the DVD, because I can see what he is doing and it seems like more of a quick start, but there is also a book.
Good luck!
R.,
It sounds like you truly love your children. Let them develop at their own pace. I work at an elementary school and children do not develop or learn the same way. At two years old, children do not want to share, and when they do willingly it is on their terms. I have not been big on organized activities for small children.(prior to three) Taking hikes, walks, exploring your environment in your town or other places will help your child feel knowledgeable and confident. Plus the added bonus of being with you. That in itself is fabulous and so special. If you spend the time having play days with others who have children, your child will get the socialization she needs. Throwing tantrums can be for control, frustration or just feeling irritable. I threw tantrums and finally out grew them. I didn't do them in public, but I definitely made my mom notice me at home.
I hope this helps a bit. Your children are blessed with two parents who love them and care about their quality of life. Life can't get much better than that!
E.:)
I haven't read the other posts, but it sounds like your daughter might have hightened reactions to sensory issues. What you are describing could be a sensory meltdown...some kids are overly sensitive to, well, their senses. Some kids can't seem to filter out the important senses (like a conversation with one person in a group of many) or they have trouble juggling one sense from another or too many sensations (people talking, party favors, music, lots of activity, lots of different foods etc) all at once. If you think this might be the issue, you can search sensory challenges or sensory meltdown on line. It can be extremely painful and scare for those kids with a hightened sense of sensory interpretation.
I work a lot with kids with autism and many have this so we work with them on introducing them to high sensory activity slowly. Even a trip to Walmart or the grocery store can cause sensory overload which if untreated (meaning that you get them out of the environment or limit it), then can lead to meltdown which looks like a tantrum.
J. K-V
www.AisForAutism.net
(((hugs))) R., it sounds like you have your hands full. I recently told one of my moms that I think her 20 month-old should be evaluated. For many of the same issues you seem to be experiencing. Nothing too obvious, just a lot of little things. My daughters also go to My Gym, which matches the description of the tumbling class you mentioned, so I can imagine the set up and what you are talking about.
I have a couple of thoughts, first, I think your daughter has a difficult time transitioning from one activity to another. You may need to develop a system to cue her that one activity is ending and its time to go to the next thing. At My Gym the instructors turn off the music and the kids know its time to go to circle time. Talk to the tumbling class instructors about being very clear on the cues, possibly repeating them a few extra times so your daughter will be prepared. You can also encourage others to touch her hand (nicely, of course) when speaking to her, so that you really have her attention and she processes the cue. You can also try rewarding her every time she cooperates within a group.
Another thought, she is still very young. My youngest started at My Gym at 20 months, it took until she turned two before she really became good and cooperative. Don't feel like your daughter is behind because younger kids are cooperating better, some may have started taking classes months before your daughter started. My husband (who takes my youngest) and I (take my older daughter) also take the approach that we are there for our girls to learn independence, so we tend to back off and let the instructors do their jobs. I wish you lived closer, Coach Yakov is so good.
Last of all, I truly hope at that evaluation they tell call you a Paranoid, Nutty Mother. If not, then I'd love to hear what types of strategies they give you. I'm really worried about my little guy, but his mom wants to wait until he's two.
Best Wishes!
N.
R.,
I would be more concerned about her "group" behavior than about the fact that she is a teeny bit behind. If you've been taking her to tumbling more that a few sessions, her extreme response to sitting down and doing something with the group is unusual.
Have her evaluated by a child behavioral specialist. It may be her personality, or it may be something serious like autism. The sooner you know the better for her.
TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS! Going through Regional Center and Early Start is the best thing you can do. Also, not that I'm saying this is your child, but read a little about Sensory Integration Dysfunction/Sensory Processing Disorder and see if that sounds like your child. www.sensory-processing-disorder.com (I saw someone else also mention it in a post.) Also check out the book "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy. You are the only advocate for your child so do all the research you feel necessary and do not stop until you find an answer that you are comfortable with! I've been there! Please contact/email me if you ever need to talk.
My thoughts are with you,
M.
My nephew did the same thing when we signed up for a class at park and rec. My sister had to leave and was very frustrated. At that time he was about 2 1/2yrs old. She also had him tested with the school district since he has a few other little qurcks( he doesn't let people touch his hair, and he doesn't like it when strangers talk to him even just to ask his name)He also didn't speak well. he seemed to use his own version of sign language because he would get upset if we didn't know what he was trying to say. He has since started the preschool through the school district and he is doing great. He speaks much better now. It is like night and day. He just got it one day. He was about 3yrs old. He still has his little things but he pretty much conforms in social situations. Every once in a while he still behaves irrationally and will not participate if he doesn't want to. Just have patients and go forward with your testing. I'm sure your daughter will be fine. T.
Hi R.,
My 3 1/2 year old didn't like group activities either. She is very bright and her vocabulary is much more extensive than any other kids her age. I started taking her to these activities classes at around age two. She just refused to participate and said 'No!'. So we just sat and watch. I found it best not to force her to do anything she didn't want to. If I even showed any hint of insisting, she would go nuts and scream. I always stress that it's ok if she didn't want to do something she didn't have to, she can sit and watch.
Now she is much better. There is a reading program at the library that we go to a few times a week with songs and dance. She used to just sit next to me and watch. Now, she just runs down to join the other kids and dance.
What helped was when we get home, we do the activities we saw in the group setting. This allowed her to practice these new activities in an environment she is comfortable in. It's taken us over a year, but she is much improved.
She's not a social butterfly, but she's comfortable around social settings. I'm sure your daughter will be fine, just give her time and space to be who she is.
Just a little background info. My husband and I aren't the most gregarious people in the world either, so we don't expect our kids to be. We've learned to interact with others through the years and to look at us now you wouldn't think we were quiet people, but by nature we are. We've just learned to adapt. Kids imitate their parents, so try to be comfortable in any setting with your kids and they will eventually be comfortable too.
I've been there, my dear! :) He's now 7 yrs. old--and you'll be happy to know they grow out of this--and he also at different points was a slow developer. Yes---my kiddo wouldn't be in the circle, wouldn't anything! It was so mentally hard!! The early testing is awesome--totally do that--whether she qualifies or not--my son did qualify based on speech AND behaviors similar to these--and it put him in a 2 mornings a week preschool type program--and then at 3 yrs. old he was 4 days a week and at 4 we were in normal pre-K. Being in those classes was the best thing for him--he did NOT want to be there--he hated every minute pretty much of the 2 yr. old program--the 3 yr. old program got better about 1/2 way through the year--and by the time he was 4--golden! HE literally had to learn to sit and do what the other kids did. Literally! So hang in there--keep doing this type of stuff---one day she might last 5 minutes---the end of the session she might do 15---don't expect the whole class to go well--if it's like mine, it won't. :) But go for SMALL wins! And I have to applaud you for the extra time you, your husband and care provider are spending with her. That one-on-one time as you've seen is golden!!!! That's the stuff that will make her jump ahead in small doses. EXCELLENT!!!! And I LOVE that you're taking responsibility here--this is what I did and in the long run it pays off HUGELY!!!!
Good luck--you're doing everything right--hang in there! :)
XOXO,
R.
hi momma.
You are doing fine... dont make her do things that are not very important...sitting in a group is an individuals choice...give her the right to choose if it really does not concern her survival. you go sit, may be she will join you after a while, maybe not. come kindergarden she will learn all of this :)
I am glad that you are having her evaluated by the state agency, even having another set of eyes on her and someone to talk to about her will help you. My daughter was also prone to meltdowns and it really threw me. I read this book "Raising Your Spirited Child" and it helped me to understand her a little better. The book helps you to analyze her temperament in nine different traits, and your temperament, too. My daughter is sensitive to new situations, slow to warm up, has extreme responses to things (as in screaming fits) and is very analytical. Now she is six and she continues to have all of these traits, but I understand them now, can predict her outbursts and I am helping her to manage her own sensitivities to situations and reactions. Also, if there are any parenting classes in your area, sign up for them. In Maui, they have awesome (free) classes and the parents all seem to be in the same boat, so it is a good networking opportunity and you can all share ideas of what works and doesn't.
Good luck...keep socializing her, it will get better!!
I understand your concern. My first child, who is now 8, was very quiet when he was 2. He did not want to socialize with others at all. If I encouraged him to play with children or if other kids approached him to play, he would run away and cry. I thought he was just shy or scared so I continued to encourage and signed him up for 'gym classes', but he still stayed to himself. He did whatever was told and followed directions well, but did not socialize. I just started taking him to places where there were more children, but did not encourage him to play with them, he would just watch and play by himself but he soon began to get closer and closer to where other children and soon began to interact a little. He is now 8 and does very well in school. He is picky about who are his friends and has only a couple of 'good friends' as he says. I think that his personality is just this way and when he was 2 he had no other siblings yet so he didn't know to socialize. Maybe your daughter is not ready yet. Watching other children will help her socialize slowly at her pace. Sometimes when we encourage too much they probably get scared and run and cry. Good luck. I do believe she sounds just timid and shy.
R.,
What you are describing sounds like the little gym. I signed my daughter up too. She will be 3 at the end of August. She hates the circle time and doesn't want to be part of the group. We both have similar experiences with the meltdowns. I have had her tested as well. She tested above grade level in everything. Slowly, my daughter has started to show interest in being part of the group. (every extra minute counts) My point to all this is, its like potty training. If she doesn't want to you can't make her. Keep us posted!!
I wouldn't be too worried R....I have a little guy who just turned 2 in Feb. and he was always advanced for his age. He began speaking sentences before he was 20 months and he never liked the group thing. I had enrolled hom in gymboree at about 18 months and I was a nervous wreck every week because he would would not do the circle thing. All the other kids are clapping hands and stretching and my guy is screaming "No more kids!" as he's trying to dive into the ball pit. Of course we as mothers take it personally, asking ourselves and others, "what am i doing wrong here?" But you know, we forget that they are little people with their own little personalities. To this day he still is not one to sit still for a group activity for more than a couple of minutes, but he seems to play well with others on his own terms. Maybe your little mama has that same independent streak. I ended up leaving gymboree after only a couple months because I was tired of apologizing and sweating and not to mention paying an arm and a leg for my son to fit a mold he wasn't ready for. We instead go to the park or public play area so he can interact with other kids. He seems much happier and gets along well with others when it's not so structured. We're easing him into the structured activities slowly and without any expectations..we all seem to be doing better that way!
You sound like a great mom! Keep in mind that every single child is different---your daughter may be one who is over-stimulated in a group situation? Just keep trying, don't force the issue and one day, she may settle down and join in without any problem!!
Hi! R.,
First, if the other people around you are not concerned, don't be. Each child developes at their own pase. Second, some children feel more comfortable when they are sure of what is going on. Our #2 daughter, would stand back and watch what was going on and then when SHE was comfortable would join in. You might want to ask that she be allowed to just watch what is going on. Maybe one of the teaches at pre-school will hold her outside of the circle and just let her watch until she want to partisipate. Also, as a family, sit on the floor and do things together. Sing a song, roll a ball, etc. and let her see that she is not going to be made to do anything that she doesn't feel comfortable doing.
Hi R.,
Not sure where you are located but there is a great school in Thousand Oaks called Horizon Hills. It is offered through the adult education. They are huge supporters of letting kids be kids and encouraging parents that all kids develop at their own pace. My youngest is 5 and he was one of those kids who would rather do his own thing he never wanted to go sit at circle time like many others did. He will be starting kindergarten in September and he is growing so much. Try not to get discouraged every child is unique. My son had some speech problems that everyone kept saying he was fine but something in me said it wasn't right I finally got him tested and he is way behind he has been in speech for about 3 month and I have seen HUGE improvements so I say go with your gut moms do know best. Good luck. If you beleive in prayer pray specificlly for her needs prayer DOES work. God bless.
You have probably received lots of advice, but I sorta relate to you. First off - you must always trust your instincts!!! second, let me tell you, my dr wanted to send my son to regional center for speech because at that age he wasn't talking, he was always "late-normal" in milestones too!!! I'm gonna try to make you feel better and say, at 7, he's super advanced in almost EVERYTHING!!! the non-speaking turned into sentences just after the "normal" time to begin 2 word phrases!!! he's an amazing kid and i'm very proud of him, although i still focus on developmental stuff coz i got used to that!!! i'll bet your daughter is absolutely NORMAL!!! my kid still doesn't like circle time and hated it when i tried him in classes. he HATES art, but once in a while will do a project for me. he wants to move, play, get into trouble : ) really, your daughter sounds smart and knows what she wants!!! i'll bet it's more that than a problem!!! good luck with the assessment though - but please, take it with a grain of salt (i work in special ed, etc. and know that the results of "tests" are often not accurate coz the tests aren't created for children who are just plain different!!!)
Hi
From an outsider's point of view I would venture to guess that perhaps these classes just aren't the right fit for her. Even though we as parents think the classes are fun and enjoyable, our kids might have a totally different perception and that is OK! Go with your gut feeling and if YOU feel she is not thriving in these situations then move her into something else. She is very young and just might take longer to adjust. Best of luck to you.
Hi R.,
I am the mother of 3 who are now 26,24,& 21. I had a "gut feeling" that something was not right with my children. It's a VERY long story, so I won't go into it in detail. What I want to share with you is this: If you are waking up at night wondering what is going on with your daughter, YOU ARE NOT CRAZY. You know that saying, "Where there's smoke, there's fire?"
You may not know what "IT" is, but odds are, you are right. NO ONE on the face of this earth knows your child like YOU do. I learned the hard way, but what I preach now is "There may be medical experts and there may be educational experts, but by God, I'M THE EXPERT ON MY CHILD!"
I'm glad to see you are having her tested. Do NOT listen to those who say you are "LOOKING" for something to be wrong, are borrowing trouble, or assures you that your daughter is "NORMAL" --whatever that is! It is better to be safe than sorry!
Please keep in mind that once your daughter is 3 years old, you may submit a written request to your local elementary school to request a full individual education plan testing. This is called an IEP. They are bound by law to conduct the tests within a set time frame and report their findings to you in written form during a personal meeting reflecting your daughter's full scope of developement ie: cognitive, physical, etc. You can request they do this from the time she is 3 years old until she is 21 or graduated from high school. All evaluations are done at NO COST TO YOU! If deemed necessary, your daughter may recieve special therapy, tools, and placement in class room situations.
Let me also share with you the "other side." After many broken bones, therapy sessions ( physical, occupational, educational, speech, visual, swim, etc.), hearing loss and more, I finally found out what "IT" was. My family has Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. This is a genetic defect of the cologen. It appeared in different ways for all three of my kids. I know now that I have it, as well as my mother and sister. I shared our story at a family reunion and found many of my cousins also carry the gene.
I did not discover this until my oldest was 16 and had 4 knee surguries to the same knee. I contacted an agency in Solvang, CA called Direct Link for the Disabled. They are connected with all the major research data bases throughout the US. I called them, told them everything about my daughter from the time she was conceived, and 48 hours later, I had a 2 inch stack of papers delivered to me describing this condition that only effects 1 in 20,000. I called the pediatrician and informed him that I thought I had found "IT." He arranged for my daughter to be seen by a pediatric genetisist, and it was confirmed.
Now, all three of my children are in college and work full time. All three make and maintain a 3.5 average GPA. My eldest daughter, Maggie is engaged to be married in September.
My youngest daughter just bought her first house at the age of 21 without any help from anyone. My son works for the Boys and Girls club as a sight supervisor and was recently appointed to a group of 10 out of over 1500 candidates.
I have never allowed by children to "USE" their disability as an excuse not to do something. I figured out a long time ago that they would see themselves the way I saw them. I told them "to thine own self be true." They know their limitations as well as their strenghts. I have always told them that everybody has a few quirks, we just know what their's are!
Good luck, honey. Remember YOU are very important in the life of your daughter. Trust your instincts. You know more than you think you do.
K. Kalisek
Hi, R.. My son is 26 months old, and he has had a hard time around other children since he was 12 months old. I brought my concerns to our pediatrician, but he was certain my child was fine. Nonetheless, we had him evaluated by a ped neurologist, and he is fine. Be careful with the Early Intervention evaluation, it seems these days they are over diagnosing autism (per my pediatrician). My son is very observant, sensitive and prefers to be with family than anyone. It is natural to worry about your children, but sometimes we have to accept they have their own personalities! Believe me, I know it's hard when you look around and your child is the only one not participating. That happens to me all the time. You are not alone. Hang in there. It sounds like she is normal. We are all unique and created special in our own way.
I'm not familiar with the testing you mention. What is it for and is it really possible to "test" someone so young?
As for her milestones, children go along at different paces and I wouldn't compare her to others. She is her own little self. One on one will definitely be beneficial for her. How long is she in daycare each day. If possible, adjust your hours so she has more time at home. You and your hubby are her first and best teachers.
As far as group time, she is less than 2. At this age, children don't like to be in groups but on their own exploring. What are the activities she doesn't want to do? Will she sit for a story or song? Her attention span is very short at this point and it's OK. During the group circle time with parents, can you sit off to the side and do the activities. I wouldn't force her. Perhaps you can stay in the group time while she is off under your watchful eye. If she knows you won't go with her, she may come back to the group.
Most important, though she isn't sitting and following the group, she can still hear and absorb what is going on. Children learn in different ways-they don't always have to sit down to get a concept.
Hope some of this makes you feel better. Your girl will get there when she is ready-then you won't be able to stop her!
Please follow your instincts. If you believe that she is developmentally delayed than you are more than likely correct. Don't worry about labels...(I agree with the last member) please take the services and educate yourself. You are your child's greatest advocate. An expert in Early Childhood should be able to run assessments and give you their opinion on where your child's development lies in a generalized format/table. If your answers are not satisfied than go to another organization or see individual professionals. Please don't wait until your child is 5 or 6 to receive services. If intervention occurs early in a child's life many "problems" or delays can be corrected and they will be well on their way to being successful in school.
As an Early Intervention Specialist I am happy that you are taking extra steps in helping your daughter to reach all her milestones. Spending as much time as you can 1:1 is extremely beneficial!! Also, do keep your appointment for an assessment it may be nothing but let the professionals in that field be of help. Not all Dr.'s understand what Early Intervention is all about. If you have further questions please feel free to e-mail me at ____@____.com. There are a lot of people who can help
Hi there, my name is T.. We live in Simi Valley and as my son was approaching his 2nd birthday we too noticed that something wasn't quite right. My son's speech was definitely behind his peers. We had the speech and developmental evaluations done at the Child Development Center in Simi Valley for the Early Start Program and that is when I learned that my son indeed had a Speech Delay and Sensory Processing Disorder. I am not at all trying to diagnose your daughter, but I think you are absolutely doing the right thing by getting her evaluated. The therapists are fantastic!!! And if she requires any services, they are sooo... much fun! My older son now 4 sounds similar to your daughter and with early intervention he is doing Fantastic and is expected to enter a typical Kindergarten at age 5. Now my younger son age 2 is just getting started with services and we expect amazing progress from him as well. Don't stress... there is still a lot of time and a lot of wonderful people to help your daughter get on track. I wish you the best of luck. And if you have time Google "Sensory Processing Disorder" and see if any of that stuff fits your daughter. It is very complex to understand, but it definitely fit my son.
Don't let anyone make you feel like you are the only one worried and to let it go. I have always believed that a mom should trust her gut. Keep doing the due deligence until you feel better. Remember that milestones are guidelines and every child develops differently. Joining groups, sitting still and participating....my four year old doesn't always want to do that let alone my two year old. Go do the test next week, get that data and then re-evaluate how you feel. If you are still considered schedule a meeting with your pediatrician. Not an examine visit, but a time to talk one on one about your concerns and don't leave until you feel there is a plan of action in place that makes you feel better. Hang in there.
First of all, trust your instincts. If something feels a bit off you're probably right. Just remember that testing is not considered a realiable gauge until the child is 8. Early testing may indicate tendencies and having that info defined might give you a chance to provide your child with more directed needs, but nothing is written in stone. What I'm trying to say is don't freak out if they give her a lable, just take whatever services are offered and remember she's a child, not a label.
Re the group stuff. I have 3 typical kids and 2 of them hated group stuff. By the time school rolled around they were able to participate. Encourage her to join in but don't sweat it. As she get's older you might look for a team sport that interests her - soccer, t ball etc.
I would just say to try to relax and not worry so much about your precious little girl. She sounds completely normal. And from what I understand about milestones, there is a huge range of "normal" so if she is only a few months behind, she is probably right on track. I have a 23 month old boy and it is very difficult to get him to do group activities, too. I don't push those things with him, he's still very much a baby to me. He likes to color sometimes, but the thought of sitting him down to do a craft is almost laughable. He occasionally likes sedentary activities, but most of the time he has to be moving. We just started a gymnastics class once a week (my 3 year old son just started, too). Both of my boys seem to be the "trouble makers" who don't want to follow what the others are doing, and they sometimes have little fits. I have talked to the staff about it several times - they assure me that it is very normal and it doesn't bother them at all if I want to keep them in the class. But if your daughter continually melts down and it bothers you, I would try to bring a little more peace to your life and don't take her. She may outgrow it with time so stick with it if that's what you want her to do, but otherwise, don't worry about her not doing what a few other kids her age are doing. Frequent melt-downs can be a sign that something may be wrong, but it is also a sign of a completely normal toddler, so don't let that worry you. See what the test results are, it's always good to know early on if there is an issue, but don't worry otherwise.
I hope I have been gentle, that is my goal, forgive me if this came across as harsh in any way.
My only personal experience would be that my DS seemed to be waaay behind on talking until he turned 2. It was a HUGE source of frustration for (both) of us. It caused major tantrums on his part because he couldn't communicated his needs. He's a feisty, active, passionate, extreamly sensitve child which also made for a difficult toddler-hood. I would constantly have conversations w/ his DC provider who (in her wisdom) would assure me that many kids are more like my DS than EVERYONE elses kids that seemed to be fully conversational by the time they were 2!! I never did schedule an assesment for him and wouldn't you know his speech took off just after he turned 2? Now at 4 YO he never shuts-up!! LOL!
It's hard not to worry, I still do. There are times when I just don't know what's going on in his head, when I quiz him on his ABC's he'll skip letters, or quickly loose interest. When he counts he always misses the #15 for some reason and he gets easily frustrated. I worry how he will do in school, and for this reason I will hold off another year before I start him in kindergarden.
Now my sister on the other hand from the almost from the time her DS was born felt something was wrong w/ him. I can't tell you how many IEP meetings she went to, how many Dr's Psychologists, school counslors and many other "professionals" she'd talked to. If you spend a few hours or even a day or so w/ my nephew he seems like a normal kid, but a mother can tell, who spends more time with a child than the mother? He had SO many dignoses labled on him and even taken several meds. No one supported my sis thru all this, everyone kept telling her he was fine, a "typical" boy. After years of this she, after much persistance, finally got an order from her Dr. and school to have a study done on him at UCLA. After several days and a panel of Dr.'s and psychologists they conculded that he had what they are calling a "mixed nureological development disorder." He didn't fall into any catagory, but displayed many charateristics of many different disorders. She felt vindicated when she recieved a very thick report from the study proving that she was right. It was hard accepting something was wrong w/ the child, but after many years at least she had answers.
I guess what I'm trying to say is it's normal to worry about your child, Lord knows I do, esp. w/ the family history of my nephew! You can go thru a barrage of tests and meetings, and still not have any 'real' answers. I think it's a good idea to get an early intervention test done, but it's not an end all to everything.
It was hard for me to accept that there could be anything wrong w/ my nephew, for in doing so I would also have to accept that there might be something wrong w/ me, and there could be something wrong w/ my children. But I realized that everyone has something wrong w/ them. We are all unique individials, God made us special each in our own way and even the "negitive" things about ourselves can be a positive. The Bible says men intend things for evil, but God can use them for good (not an exact pharaphrase). Wheither it's genetic, enviromental, emotional, developmental, we all suffer from the same condition: the human condition.
She is developing at her own pace and letting you know she still needs you. She needs your reassurance and is telling you when she is ready to get more independent. Its okay for her to take her time. Just be patient with her and she will be more confident in herself.
I sit my daughter on my lap and she lets me know when she wants to play with other children and if she does not want to play, its ok. My daughter doesn't last long in a circle either, she gets bored, she needs to be active. The Dr. Sears books and website have been very helpful to me. My daughter is high need but like yours, very happy and healthy. Enjoy and don't worry about the pressures of the group activities and conforming. This is a time for love, nurturing, exploring, and lots of fun. I do lots of exercises and activities with my daughter at home, I really like You Baby's Mind by Dr. S H Jacob. It has exercises up to 24 months. Best of luck, you seem like an amazing mom.
Hey R.,
I have to start by saying you're not a paranoid mom, you're a concerned mom. If you think there's something wrong with your child seek help. You know her better than anyone else. She just might be the type that prefers one on one interaction and doesn't like being in a group. Get her tested, keep an open mind and take it one day at a time.
Oh, you poor mommy!! I COMPLETELY understand!!! I have two daughters that were so cooperative and easy going, they would follow direction and do circle time at 12 months, etc. then my 3rd. daughter was born.... WOW... Now she is four and it has gotten better, but she still has her days or I should say moments. At 22 months though, she would not have done circle time for any bribe in the world and she was not a good communicator with words, she would show happiness and anger through emotion. Now, she talks so much I sometimes I wish I could tell her to stop. However, some social situations were still very hard for her up until a few months ago. Yesterday she wanted ice cream and I told her that she could have some when her baby brother went to sleep for a nap and if she ate all of her lunch. After she ate all of her lunch, she watched me put him down, stated to make a lot of noise and he did not go to sleep. I kept telling her if she keeps him awake she won't get any ice cream, well.. he never napped and she did not get any ice cream and she threw a kicking and screaming tantrum for about 45 minutes. This only happens about 1 or 2 times a month now, but before she could verbalize it was 1-2 times a day. I was so worried, my older daughter's were speaking in sentences by 12-13 months, new all of their colors, shapes, etc. and she did not know any of it and was barely talking at 2 years, BUT.. Her physical ability was incredible. It really got better around 2.5 years and then at 3 it was getting much better and today at almost 5, we rarely have any issues and she is just as advanced as her peers. Don't worry too much, I understand though. Be careful of what "label" they put on your child. Parents tend to treat their chidlren with an attitude of "she/he has a disability ie: ADD or Autism so this behavior is accaeptable" she will grow out of this!! I was very concerned for my daughter and having my older two made me worry even more. NOW... I see God was preparing me through my daughter for my son ;) he is 2 and quite a handfull!! I don't worry as much though since I have been through it with her!! I read a great book called The Strong Willed Child by Dr. James Dobson and it truly gave me such a different perspective, she was and is just a very different child than my older two and now I see so much strength in that. The fiesty side will benefit her if she uses it for good and the learning happens, they do catch up!!
Good luck and keep on her loving her the most when you feel like it the least!!
God bless you & your family,
W.
Hi R.,
I have a four year old daughter who has had fits, meltdowns and temper tantrums since birth. I have found great insight in this book- The Explosive CHild by Ross Greene, phd. The book claims to be a new approach for understanding and parenting easily frustrated, chronically inflexible children.
Good luck to you, I know its hard!
P.
Hi R.,
I wouldn't worry about her not sitting down with the group. Both my daughters kind of danced to the beat of their own drum. Now one is 21 and the other is about to turn 11.
My youngest would not sit down for more than 30 seconds at Gymboree, she would rather play on all the cool stuff they had out. So I took her out of there, and to parks where she could either play by herself or join kids in the sand box. Some kids are a little shy of other kids, or just take a little longer to be able to share and connect. I have one friend who's daughter threw temper tantrums when she was between 2 and 3. Her mum thought she would harm herself, but she didn't and now she is 8 and smart and cool as a cucumber. I would try and make things more of a game for her, and try giving her a couple of options and let her pick and choose, in this way I think it helps them to grow.
Just see what they say about her when you do the testing. I have so many friends that have kids and they are all so different. If she is diagnosed with ADD or something, please don't allow them to talk you into her taking drugs. There are plenty of alternatives. You could even try right now and make sure she does not have refined sugars, no food coloring etc, some kids are allergic to this stuff. But most of all just love her and hug her and treasure every minute, they grow up way too fast. and be patient
A.
First of all, good job mom! Not sure what to say other than sounds like you're doing everything right. My friend's daughter too could not stand any group activities when she was that little. She's fully outgrown it and has no developmental issues. My daughter, I think, went through her early childhood years with an undiagonosed (probably slight) sensory disorder meaning large groups, activities, stimulation sent her over the edge. Her first trip to Legoland sent her into a screaming crying fit all night long (she seemed fine at the park) that could not be calmed. I wish you the very best and want you to know that this too shall pass.
G.
Hi R.,
I wouldn't worry. In some ways, your daughter's behavior is age appropriate. She also may have trouble with the over-stimulation of a group and this should eventually go away. For now, since she is so young, I'd just accommodate her as much as possible and not sit with the group. If she's fine tumbling with others around her that's great, just move away when it's group time. Some kids are just more sensitive than others and that's their personality, especially if she's always been this way. Does she have to be in daycare? If so, it sounds like the provider you've chosen is a good, caring one and is trying to work with the situation. If not, have her at home for now.
V.
Don't feel paranoid. There could be something to it, but don't jump to conclusions until she is assessed. I have 1 daughter with a mild form of Autism and 1 ADHD, both have Sensory Integration Issues -- dislike noise, chaotic groups, etc (My now 6 yr old actually got so upset at a Kindergarten party she threw up during her Freak-out.) Once you know what may or may not be the problem, you will have a better idea of how to proceed. If after assessment they say it is nothing, wait a while and if you still think it is a problem, find someone else (psychologist) to assess her -- This is why I say this. I knew since my daughter was 3 there was something -- my guess was Aspergers Syndrome (form of Autism) but I got several diagnosis besides autism. 6 years later I finally got the autism diagnosis. So be persistent -- you know your child best. Good luck. If you get a diagnosis and want to talk later, let me know.
C.
Hi -- my son is similar in group situations. We finally realized that he wants to be able to watch the group, see what's going on, then (maybe) participate. We had a similar experience with a gymnastics class, and soccer was a bust.
How do they handle it in daycare? Does it change depending on the activity? By that, I mean is it different if they are sitting down to read as oppossed to an activity?
What if she's with a group but not in a circle? Like a bunch of kids sitting down for story time?
My opinion (and, of course, I have similar issues!), is that it's perfectly normal to be a little freaked out when you are asked to do group stuff with a bunch of screaming 2 year olds. :)
How does she do with 2 or 3 kids? We have found that our son has gotten better as he's gotten a bit older (he's 3 1/2), but he is still reluctant to join group activities (although he's fine in school). We don't force it, he's got plenty of time.
We also switched schools and he is now with a wider age group, and that has made a huge difference. As hard as it may be, I think it's fine to accept that maybe she's just not a group person!
The Early Start people are great and I think that is a great direction to go. I have no idea if your child's behavior is in the normal range, but I have two perfectly normal twins who at about her age were in a gymnastics class where for 10 weeks they were the ONLY 2 kids who would not do the group stretching, singing, clapping, etc. I was mortified. They would just resist any effort on my part to get them to engage. My daughter is still a little bit like this at age 6.5--she really has to want to try something, I can't make her.
Go with what the Early Start People tell you--but just letting you know there is a wide range of normal.
R.,
As an Early Intervention Specialist and an Early Start Service Coordinator, follow through on the assessment with the team! With all of the services available to infants and toddlers, it is best if you get assessed by them now rather than waiting until she is 3 y.o. I noticed that one or two members wondered what type of testing can be done with a 22 month old. Assessments can be performed from birth...typically with a 22 m.o. it will look alot like playing and a parent interview. They will explain the services available and assist you with accessing them.
If she qualifies for services, you and the team will write up a legal document called an IFSP (Individualized Family Service Plan). This is the document used to fund services from birth to three.
Good Luck!
At circle time at the play place, my 2 year old freezes up and just tries to hide in my lap, the only one in the class who would do this. He would not say his name even though all the others would. It was hard to see for myself, but I tried to not force him. I would try to tell him he better do something or I'd tickle him and he is so ticklish that he sometimes gives in, but not always, sometimes it backfires. Although my child doesn't throw a tantrum at circle, I must say, I have seen plenty of two year olds not want to sit at circle and want to go play instead. The parents usually give in and they just miss circle, which is fine, she is only two. If your class leaders are understanding people, they will not be offended if your daughter misses it.
For things like this, I don't believe in forcing the kids to do things they don't want to. I save that sort of battle for things like brushing teeth, etc..
Good Luck
R.,
I'm really glad you are having her evaluated. It will either tell you what is wrong so you can help her or it will tell you nothing is wrong so you can quit worrying - so I see it as a win-win situation.
My 4.5 y.o. son has autism and sensory integration disorder. Your concerns are red flags for autism. I'd highly recommend you do some research on autism and sensory integration disorder (sometimes called sensory integration dysfuntion). If the Early Start people tell you nothing is wrong, you may want to follow up with an evaluation by a Developmental Pediatrician (this is a specific specialty and it must specifically be a developmental pediatrician - you can usually find one attached to large teaching hospitals or children's hospitals - or they can at least give you a referral). If that isn't possible (can't find one, can't get in right away), consider looking for an occupational therapist who specializes in sensory stuff for an evaluation. Not every child with sensory integration problems will have autism but virtually all kids with autism have sensory issues. An OT who knows their stuff can help tremendously.
Now I totally understand that "autism" is the absolute last thing you want to hear in regards to your child but there are a lot of services available and lots you can do to help if that is her issue.
My son hit all of his milestones but pretty much at the end of the normal range for everything. He is very smart and very social. But as he's getting older it is easier to see that he's not necessarily "appropriately" social. He's very interested in other people but doesn't necessarily understand body boundaries, facial clues and that type of thing. Those type of problems aren't obvious at 2 but they are by 4.
At less than 2 years old, his most noticable problem was his lack of speech. At 2 years old, he said 5 words. His second most recognizable problem was that he had difficulty in groups, problems transitioning from one activity to another and he'd freak out for no apparent reason at really random times (now we know it is sensory issues that cause him to freak out). Any one of his issues could be easily explained away as being just a weird quirk and all kids are quirky. That becomes an issue when they have enough quirks or the quirks are severe enough to interfer with fuctioning or development.
All that said, if you find out that your daughter does have a developmental issue, it is a long road and at times a hard road but it is still a good road. Your child is still your child and you love them just the same.
If I can help you in any way, feel free to email me directly. I know when I started this journey I was very sad, very stressed and felt very alone.
T.
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R.,
Have you had any reactions with her after her vaccinations. Has anyone ever mentioned what is in them and how they affect our children, especially if they are not feeling well when they get them. You can email me offlist to discuss further.
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