ADD? Now I'm Confused!

Updated on October 20, 2011
M.P. asks from Greenville, SC
19 answers

Long story. My daughter just started 3rd grade. She's always had a problem paying attention- every one of her teachers has mentioned it. Homework is an unbearable chore, for her as well as for me. At the end of last year, one of her teachers mentioned that it seemed my daughter was dealing with ADD. This never registered with me- everything I know about attention problems falls under ADHD. Nobody ever talks about ADD. I thought about this long and hard and decided to see what the next school year brought. Well, here we are, with regular 4-hour homework sessions, so I decided that I really needed more information. I talked to the school counselor and our pediatrician. And I gave questionnaires to her current teachers.

Her current teachers do not see a problem. At ALL! This is seriously the first time anyone has NOT addressed her attention problems. And when I brought it up with them, they were both surprised. The questionnaires they filled out reflect their opinions- on a scale of 0 to 5, with 5 being a problem, my daughter got mostly 0s.

The thing is, though, that after reading the questionnaires and the resources the counselor gave me, I really am starting to think she IS suffering from ADD. When you gather all the symptoms together, she's like the poster child of ADD, she's got all of them. But her current teachers don't see it. Every other teacher sees it, but not these ones. So now what am I supposed to do? I'm not calling the doctor and saying "the teachers think one thing but they are WRONG". I'm just really baffled about what to do next. I don't know if the teachers are just really dynamic women (they are really great) or if my daughter is out-growing some of her problems. I really just don't know!

Does anyone have any experience with ADD, not ADHD?

EDIT: I'm not just throwing up my hands here and pleading ADD, this is something other people (her teachers and guidance counselor) have convinced me to look into. I HAVE talked to her teachers. Previous teachers are not surprised, because they have similar problems with her at school. It is only THIS year's teachers that disagree. She does understand the homework, and she actually WANTS to do the homework, she just can't. I've tried every tactic recommended to help her tackle this, but nothing has worked. And I feel like a jerk for ignoring her teacher's suggestion that I have her evaluated, and I realized I wasn't doing her any favors by assuming it was a personality thing and that she would have to learn to cope with it. So finally, after years of gentle suggestions, I'm pursuing it, only to be told by THIS year's teachers that she seems just fine to them. So I don't know it it's a teacher thing, or an age thing, or what. Because last year's teachers still think she has a problem (I gave them the questionnaire to fill out as well; I've only got one back so far, but it's mostly 5s).

What can I do next?

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M.J.

answers from Sacramento on

It's actually ADHD-inattentive type now (ADD is the old term). What you need is a more thorough assessment. Pediatricians aren't qualified anyway to diagnose, so get in with a child psychiatrist. You really want a specialist to say "it is" or "it isn't." I read on here recently about someone's daughter being able to do fine at school but disastrous at home. Usually you don't see that (it's very consistently a problem everywhere), but maybe that's the case here, too. Input from the teachers won't make the final determination and is just one factor.

No matter what, you want a specialist making the determination.

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B.

answers from Augusta on

Well ADD is just ADHD-I or inattentive type.
There no longer is " ADD" it's all refered to as ADHD , now there are subtypes.
ADHD-I ( inattentive), ADHD-H (hyperactive) and ADHD- C ( combined ).
You will need to get her evaluated. By a child psychologist not just her ped. .

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J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

I grew up with ADD that was not treated. Some teachers are just interesting enough to get someone with ADD involved.

The other thing is they do learn to compensate. We were part of a study trying to figure out my younger son. They used my older daughter as the control person. I filled out all the questions and they came back with why did you ever medicate her. She has ADD, she can tell you the effects, she is just that good at compensating for it.

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C.M.

answers from Chicago on

Just because a child doesn't pay attention or has trouble with homework doesn't mean they have ADD or ADHD. I've worked with so many children over the years, some with ADD and ADHD.

The ADD and ADHD ones are definitely different. A child who is spirited, energetic or simply not interested can be worked with. An ADD or ADHD child is one that nothing seems to work.

My daughter is spirited and spunky. If she's not interested, she's NOT INTERESTED and that goes for schoolwork. She has been evaluated and does not have ADD or ADHD. Oh, she can display the symptoms like there is no tomorrow but I can work with her. If she's not interested in her work, but she can't go to a party unless it's done, suddenly her skills come back! Suddenly the thing she couldn't do she can suddenly do. She also is a slow learner, so sometimes she just "gives up" and then she's goofing around instead of paying attention. If someone works with her and helps her, she not only understands what's going on, but is interested in the work and can pay attention perfectly.

I found with my daughter that her ADD SYMPTOMS (and she doesn not have ADD) appear as a coping mechanism. She doesn't understand what's going on. She goofs off. You solve the issue (work with her on understanding what's going on) and the symptoms disappear.

ADD children just can't pay attention even though they may want to.

Your daughter's teachers must have found a way to work with her. Maybe your daugher also matured a bit.

Why don't you talk to the teachers about the difficulty you have getting her to do her homework and maybe they can lend you some insight on how to help. Her problem may be academic, not ADD.

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✿.K.

answers from Boston on

http://www.chadd.org/Content/CHADD/Understanding/Symptoms...

The problem I think you are having is that add is not a term used anymore but yet most people only think of the impulsive/hyper behavior when they think ADHD. My oldest is ADHD-inattentive. The day dreamer, can't focus, forgets what he does with things, can't get organized, etc which is what it sounds like from your post.

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R.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

ADD is an old term, it IS a form of ADHD.

My nephew in 5th grade is as you describe your daughter, he's fine at school but at home has crying fits when it's time to do homework, he's been doing this for years. He'd been struggling for several hours with homework nightly since early last month so his parents decided to follow the teacher's recommendation of "x" amount of time per subject. (He HAS been diagnosed with ADHD, yet my sister and BIL have held off putting him on medication, getting counseling for him, anything.)

Problem is he received his quarterly progress report early this week and is not doing well at all, due to not turning in homework. Following the teacher's recommendations he's not finishing even a third of it nightly. And this year homework is worth 50% of his grades, so even in the areas he's acing tests and quizzes he's only getting an "C," in others he's failing. My sister and BIL have come to the realization he needs to start on medication (it can always be tapered down in the future) and counseling, they can't just ignore it any longer and hope he'll change on his own.

There's different types of ADHD, children with the inattentive type, formerly called attention deficit disorder or ADD, have trouble focusing. But they are not overly active and usually don't disrupt the classroom, this may be your daughter. So, if YOU see something in your daughter that others do not, you can and should still have her evaluated. Ask your school for an evaluation for her and go from there.

http://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/ss/slideshow-adhd-in-children#

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R.M.

answers from San Francisco on

IMO it is really wrong for teachers to make medical diagnoses.

Why don't you err on the side of caution and assume her current teachers are correct? If she's getting 0's, even if she has ADD she's obviously managing it okay.

Her teachers say she's fine.. Maybe she IS outgrowing it. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Homework battles can happen with children who don't have ADD.

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

My grandchildren have ADHD. My understanding is that the main difference between the two is that with ADD there is not the difficulty of being hyperactive.

I suggest that the reason the teachers do not see a difficulty is because they are starting new with her while you're continuing with patterns built when she was having difficulty. I strongly urge you to wait and see how the year unfolds before getting a diagnosis.

I suggest that you talk with the teachers to learn ways of dealing with her behavior at home. What works at school and how can you implement it at home?

Sounds like homework has become a "battle field." I suggest that, with the teacher's approval, that you confine homework to 20-30 minutes. Your daughter turns in what's done along with a note from you stating that she worked for 30 minutes.

By doing this you take the stress out of the homework. It will take time before she realizes that she doesn't need to fight against doing her homework. Gradually she will learn to focus during that short time.

This involves you supervising but not pushing or nagging. Give her the responsibility for doing the work. You're just there as a consultant.

This worked with my granddaughter.

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

Easy-Peasy

You just take the forms from the teachers from LAST year. The doctors will be fine with them, as they had your daughter all year, while the current crop have only had her a little over a month.

AND (As JoW said).. some teachers just work WELL for ADHD kids. They're interesting, and have breaks at the perfect times, and don't MIND/ even notice the wealth of things that drive other people up the wall. EX: I take my niece and nephew... ADHD-h & ADHD-i for my inlaws from time to time. I DIG ADHD kids. They're fun for me. 3 or more ADHD kids in my house -my son's ADHD-c- is a grand old time. If *I* filled out a questionnaire based on *problems* (there are several kinds of ADHD q's) they'd score super low. If my in-laws did the same q's... they'd score super hight. ((Now if I filled out a DSM questionnaire they'd score very very high. It ALL depends on how it's worded. I have NO problem getting all 3 kids to pay attention. But it's because I know how to engage those kinds of minds... because I *HAVE* that kind of mind.))

If you haven't been tossed my 2 favorite resources yet;

www.additudemag.com

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy?!? by Kate Kelley & Peggy Ramundo

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E.G.

answers from Atlanta on

First and foremost it's all going to be ok! I have ADD not ADHD. It is much more prevalent for girls to have ADD then ADHD. She's pretty lucky that you are recognizing this now and not later. Girls have a tendency to "make things work" and not get diagnoised until later in life, like me (16 when they figured it out). When it goes undiagnoised they will be more likely to develop other problems like depression, eating disorders, low self esteem.
I do not know what the process is now. When I was diagnosed it was shortly after the American disabilities act was made law and my mom (thanks mom!) fought tooth and nail to get me to someone to diagnose the problem. Once I sat down with the councilor she said I had one of the most obvious cases of ADD she had ever seen. Notices went out to my teachers and they ALL said "Ohhh, why didn't I see that it all makes sense now". With my diagnoises, the councilor and I had several more session on coping, strategy, and methods for my personal issues (how to study, how to write a report, wear earplugs during tests, ect.). I was also put on medicine and my grades went from A-D to straight A's in one semester.
Just keep on this, the school is required by law to get you to the right person to help. If this years teachers don't see it, oh well. Your the mom, you know best. I can't express enough how much I appreciate my mom for having my back all those years ago. Or the councilor who taught me it's ok to do things different as long as you get the right answer. Or those teachers that would let me take a test after school so it was quiet. Or the alarms on my cell phone so I don't watch a bug crawling across the floor, space out and forget to leave to get my kid from the bus stop.
You can do this, she can do this. Like I said, it's all going to be ok!

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B.L.

answers from Atlanta on

Although my daughter is too young to diagnose, we think she may be ADHD. She has been evaulated by a phychologist, who said she seems fine and normal for a 5 years old. However, we do go to counseling frequently for her behavior issues. She also has a counselor that comes to her school once a week. Maybe counseling could help your daughter? I believe a psychologist can evaluate her and prescribe medication if needed.

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K.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Your daughter's teacher reminds me of my daughter's first grade teacher. I approached her about having my daughter assessed through the school but the teacher insisted that she didn't need that. During the year the teacher istituted one disciplinary technique after another. The teacher ended the year telling me to have DD evaluated and that she was referring DD to start seeing the school counselor the following year. Our ped sent us to a behavioral pediatrican for assesment then he sent us to a psychologist for a full neuropsych evaluation. Now she sees a psychiatrist for treatment of ADHD. I get angry thinking that that teacher convinced me to waste a year.
Dont listen to a teacher who has had your kid for a month over your gut feeling and past experience. And dont worry about the questionaires, they are only part of the diagnosis process.

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L.M.

answers from Spartanburg on

It could be this year's teachers have not been around her enough to really notice it. They are, after all, getting used to a lot of new kids. I would have previous year's teacher fill out the forms as well and submit ALL of it to the doctors, etc.

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K.P.

answers from Atlanta on

I have not read the other responses. All I would suggest is to think very hard about attaching a 'label' to your child. This will stick with them for the rest of their lives. I'm not saying don't get help for her if that is what is needed but please be mindful of this as she will internalize it and so will others about their perceptions of her. This happened with my child. He was diagnosed (but not the way they do today) and was placed on meds. After about 2 years of the ups and downs of medicating my child and having an IEP and meetings with the schools, etc., I decided to take a leap of faith in myself and take him off meds, change his diet, got him extra help and allowed him to MATURE. As he grew older, he grew out of many of the problematic behaviors that are so closely related to ADHD and he is now a wonderful, thoughtful, 'motivated', independent young man. However, he remembers the labels and the ups and downs of the whole thing. And I am telling you, people out their, including "professionals" will swear up and down your child has "this" or "that". Trust your gut! Again, I'm not suggesting you don't seek answers/help...but rather to be mindful of all the information you are receiving - including the teachers that are not seeing a problem. Maybe they are engaging her in a way that is more motivating to her. In my sons case, being allowed to have the time to grow and mature was exactly what he needed. I am also not suggesting that other children who have a diagnosis, are on meds. have IEPs don't need this, but I tend to think there are more kids out there that just need to be allowed to mature without the help of that other stuff. Just a thought.

Good luck with all of this. I know your heart is in the right place and all you want is the best for your little girl. It can all get very confusing.

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S.M.

answers from Atlanta on

The teachers may not be clueless; your daughter really might be doing fine with them. It could be that your daughter is starting to mature and grow out of some of these issues. Maybe just enough to be able to keep it together when she's in school but not yet quite enough to be able to keep it together the whole day (so she still falls apart when she gets home).

If she's still having these issues at home then of course it's worth pursuing with a doctor. But if she's doing well in school this year--that's great! It could be a sign of a developmental growth spurt or it could be that these teachers really know how to motivate her and keep her focused. Either way, befriend these teachers, don't antagonize them. That way you can try to learn more from them about what they're doing that is working so well for your daughter! Help get them on your side so you can get some help figuring out how to get her through her homework without such a battle.

Also a good book to check out from the library is The Out of Synch Child:

<http://www.amazon.com/Out-Sync-Child-Recognizing-Processi...;

It's about sensory processing issues which depending on who you talk to ADD/ADHD is part of. Sometimes sensory issues are misdiagnosed as ADD. Anyway, check out the book and see if it resonates for you and then look at their suggestions for how to provide the right balance of activity/sensory input to keep your child in a good place to learn and achieve.

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M.B.

answers from Athens on

I feel for you, and understand completely! I found with my daughter that is now 19, that the first half the year was not a problem in the school environment. At home, homework, and other things not being done when asked created big issues with accomplishments and relationships. After the holidays, the teachers would start to realize there was an issue. I even tried not to say anything to any of the teachers just to see when the realization would kick in...and the fact of not wanting my daughter labeled.
If the teachers and the classroom environment your daughter have now are very structured, then they most likely won't see what you see at home, or in the past. Routine and consistency is a must for ADD students, and I was not good at either in the home environment. So I enrolled my daughter in afterschool programs, to give her the school type environment in order to complete her homework. We tried everything but phycological therapy, from medication to no medication. My daughter never passed an end of course test, she had to take the CRCT Math portion in 8th grade twice before passing, and repeat the Science portion of the Graduation test before passing. These were given in a small group setting, to help keep her on task. She has not been on medication since the beginning of 11th grade but we did have an IEP, this is a contract between, Student, Teacher and Parents that follows the student grade to grade in order to keep my daughter on track. Wish we had this earlier in her education, most view it as for special education, but it is not neccessarily, even though ADD and ADHD are learning disabilities. After much testing, this has given her the best circumstances for learning and accomplishing her school work. It followed her to the college level, but she had to ask for the assistance when needed.
Good luck! Hope this gives you ideas that can help... it isn't easy knowing how or what to do in these circumstances, each individual is just that, so what works for one person may or maynot work for another. But will give you ideas to try.

M.

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S.F.

answers from Columbia on

I havent read all of the responses but whether she has ADD, ADHD, or nothing at all...a diagnosis or not doesnt matter. Whats most important is that you are trying to find solutions to issues you see or that some others may see in your child. I dont think you are attaching any kind of label to your child. I mean if she has ADD or not it is what it is. It is the truth. Its not just attaching a label to her. You are her Mom and you are helping her. Im thinking about what Kathy P said about her son remembers all of the ups and downs and labels and to be careful with that. Well I would say to kathy P that because of the ups and downs and the "label" she found a way to really help her son be the best that he could be. Regardless of a "label", diagnosis or whatever...the most important thing is that you help your child be the best that they could be.

Another thought is maybe because it is a new classroom, new teachers, and new classmates she isnt bored and able to really focus. I am curious to see as the year goes on if it changes. I wonder if her new teachers will start to catch a glimpse of what her previous teachers saw. If they dont and she improves it may just simply have been a maturity thing. I say this because I have often wondered if teachers will think my daughter has ADD once she starts school. Boredom may not be the right word to use here but once the thrill of something has worn off or the "newness" of something is gone then the focus is gone and the "boredom" sets in and the inability to focus on it anymore. My daughter loves activity books but she can seldomly pay attention to directions (even the simple ones in the book) to do much of the activity.

Good luck to you though and great job for actively seeking to help out your daughter in anyway possible!

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J.M.

answers from Washington DC on

It would likely be helpful for you to consult with a (child) psychologist who has expertise in the area. Perhaps your daughter undergoing a thorough psychoeducational evaluation might assist in narrowing in on your concerns regarding how she is performing academically and whether attentional problems are a genuine contributor to her difficulties. If you want further suggestions or information, feel free to send a message.

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A.R.

answers from Dallas on

Cheerful M described my son perfectly "I found with my daughter that her ADD SYMPTOMS (and she doesn not have ADD) appear as a coping mechanism. She doesn't understand what's going on. She goofs off. You solve the issue (work with her on understanding what's going on) and the symptoms disappear." We had several teachers tell us my son was probably ADD, and it wasn't a surprise since his father is ADD. However when I mentioned it to his 3rd grade teacher, a gifted & talented teacher with years of experience, she laughed. She said ds was capable of behaving, he just CHOSE not to. We got him into counseling, ironically with a counselor who we didn't know specialized in ADD, to help him learn coping mechanisms. His problem was impulsivity, and he learned how to use more self control through counseling.

I would start by taking your daughter to a professional tutor. See if the one-on-one help from a professional can pinpoint where she is getting derailed with homework. It might be ADD, but it might also be bad study habits, or just not paying attention, or some other type of learning disability and maybe a tutor could help you begin to sort it out.

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