About to Be a Death in the Famly!

Updated on November 02, 2006
S.D. asks from Providence, RI
5 answers

Well this request is really for a friend of mine, my goddaughter's mother but her frist child is 5 and she is very close to her grandmother and she has been in the hospital for about a month now and she got to talk to her almost everyday but for the last couple of days she hasnt been able too talk to her well come to find out her father called her mom and told her that his mother is intensive care and they dont think she is going to make it and no children will be alowed back there and the daughter be asken for her everyday and the sadest thing the day she went into intensive care she wonted to see this little girl but they never went well I am really looken on some advice on how to help this single mom of 3 out on what and how should she tell her 5 yr old what is going on with her grandma.

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W.D.

answers from Boston on

My daughter was 5 when my mother in law died.. keep it very simple.. sit her down and explain in lay terms, gramma was sick, not sick like a cold, but sick so the dr's can't fix it. she died and is heaven now with God (or whatever your belief is or even leave that out if you wish) and now she is happy and not suffering or in pain. She will be with you in your thoughts and heart and will be watching over you every day. you can talk to her and she will hear you if you want and yes it's ok to be sad and cry.

1 mom found this helpful
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C.K.

answers from New York on

I was 10 when my grandfather died after a prolonged illness. His last request the day before his surgery (the one that killed him, unfortunately) was to be allowed to see me. He'd been in intensive care for about a week and I wasn't allowed in. He had the doctors and nurses wheel his bed close to the door and, unbeknownst to me, unplug or hide some of the cords that helped him breathe. They sat him up in bed and propped the doors open so he could tell me he loved me. At the time I didn't know it was the last time I would ever see him but I cherish that moment so much it has me tearing up as I write this. The doctors and nurses are willing to work with the patient as much as possible. See if they can do something like that for your godchild and then go to the library. There are a lot of great books on dealing with losing a loved one. All you have to do is ask a librarian and tell them that she's 5. They'll direct you to the right books for her age level. Hope my story helps you.

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C.P.

answers from Buffalo on

Well my 5 year old daughter lost her grandpa last year to lung cancer. Diagnosed on a thursday and dies the following week. She was his shining start and they were ever so close. I wish I wqould have thought to bring a viseo camera to the hospital to allow him to say good bye to her. Once he did pass though, what seemed to calm her was talking about him everynight. Explaining the circle of life, and depending on what your beliefs are, telling her that PaPa was in heaven and when ever she wanted to see him all she had to do was ask him to talk to her in her dreams. Amazing enough he has and it has comforted her. Its a trying time but remember at 5, they need to be able to say how they feel without judgement, thats the best thing you can do for her

R.A.

answers from Providence on

I was six when my grandfather died of lung cancer. Although I don't remember what my mother said to me, I can only remember that I was not able to say goodbye to him. He lived a long way from me, so I can imagine that it is equally hard if the child is so close to a grandparent and sees them often. It helps if their is something that the grandparent has that the child be given that. Something they can touch and hold on to, especially when they aren't allowed to see them. Looks their already is advice on here on how to talk to the child about what is going on with her grandmother, so i will just say that I pray for the family in hopes that everything will work according to God's plan.

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E.F.

answers from New York on

my advise is to be honest, but not overtly blunt. let the child know that her gramma was sick, and that she is now with god, or whatever. she will not be coming back, but she will be in memories, etc. my 6 years old had asked me why old people die, and my response was that they live their life, and then they die when god wants them back, and doing so makes room for the babies who are born. It is like one great big circle. She seemed satisified with the explanation. she asked if she was ging to die soon, and i told her not until god wants her. she said she doesn't want to die, and when seh grows up she is going to find the way to live forever. I told her that is fine, but if everyone lived forever then no new babies could be born. anyway, the best thing to do is to be honest,the hcild is young, but not stupid. treat the child like she is intelligent, and tell her as honestly as possible. it will make the world less scarey, and it will show her she can trust the adults in her life to be truthfull with her. good luck.

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