A Full Time Working Mom with Stay at Home Mom Friends...

Hi T.. I think you should tell them how you feel. If they are truly your friends they should appreciate your honesty with them. In fact it may enlighten them to the fact that a working mom doesn't have it so easy. Although they do not know what it is like to be in your shoes, perhaps they will refrain from making hurtful comments in the future. I stayed at home for the first 9 months of my daughter's life and then returned to work. I can honestly say that being a stay at home mom and being a working mom both have pros and cons. When you stay at home you have no break and it can be frustrating. On the other hand going to work is hardly a break and it also comes with the price of feeling horribly guilty for leaving your child. Either way you look at it, motherhood is not easy. You just have to remind your friends of that fact and bond over the things you have in common such as how much you each love your babies. If these other moms are not willing to hear you out they are not your friends. I would at least give them the benefit of the doubt before you walk away. If they let you down after you have shared your feelings I would say that would be the time to pursue making new friends.

T.;

You need to tell your stay at home friends how you are feeling in a friendly way if possible. I have been a stay at home mom for the past 20 years, and I have had friends that were working moms, believe me neither position is fun for any of you, but you need to put your foot down and let them know that the things that they are saying are hurtful.

I hope that this helps.

While I don't have any great suggestions to repairing those friendships, as it seems like your friends simply don't understand & don't want to make the effort to understand, I would suggest that you find yourself some fellow working moms to befriend. Perhaps if you had a few friends who did relate you'd be more tolerent of your other friends lack of understanding.

I'm a 31yr. old mother of two in Henderson (a 2 1/2yr. old girl & a 1mo. old girl). I'm currently on maternity leave, but I will be returning to work in April. If you ever want to get together for a playdate, let me know!

~M.

Hi T.,
This all sounds like the same old gripe we all have. You (not you personally) always want what you can't have and feel the grass is always greener on the other side. If you were at home with the baby, it would get old and you would probably find yourself complaining about something. And IF they worked outside the home, they would feel the pressures you do and would dream of staying home.

My husband and I gripe at eachother over the same nonsense. Just try to stay focused on other things that do not pertain to your working or stay at home lives, because you no longer have that in common. If it gets brought up, change the subject. If you accidently bring it up, cut it short and go back to talking about something fun. It is not easy, but worth the friendship.

I'm glad a few moms responded to you yet also surprised ONLY a few moms responded. There are so many moms who are signed up for this website and I know there must be several in your shoes OR stay at home moms that would be sympathetic to your situation. I used to work full-time in a hectic job with long hours. I had to quit my job in order to relocate to the Las Vegas area due to my husband's new job. Before I could get a new job I got pregnant! Now due to cost of daycare, no family or friends who can watch the baby for us we decided I'll stay home for a year and see what happens then. Staying at home has it's rewards and minuses. Yes I get to be with my son and see all the wonderful new things he is doing and learning. Also, I go out of my mind due to the lack of sleep, lack of time for myself, and cleaning the house. Not to mention several other fun things I used to do with my husband. Moms today are torn between staying at home or working...but it always comes down to money. That wasn't always the case but that's the way things are today due to high cost of living. Yet for many single moms that's not a choice due to the fact that they have less income. I should know, I was raised by a single mom and she worked really hard to provide for all of us 5 kids.

A true friend would understand your situation and instead of lashing out at you they should support you and continue the relationship.