6 Year Old with Teenage Attitude Problem. Help!!! Pulling My Hair out.edited

May I suggest you read books on the middle child. I was the middle child and only girl. I am the one with the mouth in my family. I was the hardest to "control" and yes I could bring on the tears as well.
My mother (and father) were very consistant with me which helped me to become a very successful professional later in life. .
As children we all fight for attention regardless if it is positive or negative. Make her feel special about who she is. Regardless how angry you were, she felt like she won

Hi J.,

I normally am not this controversial (I don't think) and I am not a big proponent of spanking. This is one of those things I just have no tollerance for. Kids who are younger and don't have their words are going to act out instead. This situation is not the same. She knows words, all kinds of words, and she uses them with relish. She knows exactly what she is doing.

If she is watching programs like Hannah Montana,or the like, with teens and tweens who act this way, then I would put an end to that. I would put an end to all of the tv viewing that wasn't preapproved by you. The "sassy" girl has become the in thing and if you don't nip it in the bud, it will just get worse as she gets older.

I would take the time to write out a list of very specific rules as to what she is and isn't allowed to do and the consequences that would go with it. I would make the rules apply to everyone she knows, everyone she may come in to contact with and especially you. You are her mother and that affords you MORE respect than any other person in her life besides another parent. I would make the consequences swift and sure, and I would hit her where she lives so to speak. If she loves to go outside, she wouldn't. If she hates her room she would be there. I would tell her that she obviously had too much time on her hands if she was coming up with ways to be disrespectful and start doling out chores. "Since you want to have a nasty attitude maybe cleaning the bathtub will clean the attitude up, too." I mean I would make it something that she really, really didn't enjoy. And I would do it EVERY TIME she acted that way. I might even consider taking 15 minutes off her bedtime every time she did it. When she was in bed by 6 PM and right after dinner until the next morning she might rethink.

I know it all sounds harsh, but the thing is, you have a smart girl on your hands so you are going to have to convince her that you are smarter and there isn't a game she can play that you can't figure a way around.

I think we all go through this with our kids in some way or another, so just know that most parents find themselves in this boat right along with you at some point. Take heart, put your armor on and fight for your daughter and your place in her life.

get the book RAISING RESPECTFUL CHILDREN

You can write her a contract. Spell out the behavior you want from her and the behavior that you don't want and the consequences for beaking the contract.

Then you'll both have it in writing, she'll no longer be able to say she didn't know.

I remember this in myself, with me I was just so smart, I hated being told over and over things that needed to be repeated for my younger brother. I an also a middle child. She may be feeling the pinch of being in the middle, being treated "you know better" when it comes to her little siblings, but being treated like a child in comparison to her older siblings. It can be hard to be in the middle.

Good luck, it's not easy being the middle child.

I was a middle child, and did the same sort of stuff. A lot of it was because I felt neglected because I had two younger siblings and didn't realize they needed more attention than I did (but wasn't old enough to understand at the time). I don't know what her room is like, but it was never "punishment" for me to get sent to my room because I didn't want to be around anybody anyway.

A few things:
Don't let her fool you: She knows exactly what she's doing, and she does it because she gets away with it. The crying and claiming she didn't know it was wrong is an act, plain and simple.

My parents would not have tolerated any of that behavior. As Bill Cosby said in "Bill Cosby: Himself", "Don't you roll your eyes at me; I'll knock them right out of your head!" As Dr. Phil says, kids need to be able to predict with 100% accuracy the consequences of their actions. Rolling the eyes and mouthing stuff is disrespectful to you (or whoever she does it to), and the attitude can no longer be tolerated. If there are consequences EVERY time it happens, then she'll eventually reconsider the behavior if she KNOWS that you're going to follow through.

She needs to realize there are consequences to her actions. If she chooses the behavior (rolling the eyes, mouthing words, having extra air in her mouth, etc, which is all disrespectful), she chooses the consequence. If you're going to "put her in time out" (which is basically what's going on), then make it a real time out in an appropriately designated spot (out in the open, like in a corner, or on a step or on a bench in a corner) for 6 minutes (1 minute per year of age).

If you don't want to go that route, you can start giving her extra duties around the house like clearing the table or taking the trash out. If those chores are assigned to her brother, then he gets a "free pass" because he was behaving and not acting like that.

The last thing I'd like to suggest would be to set aside "special time" for her. Find an activity you two can do together; or let her decide what's going to be for dinner on Monday nights, and let her help. Something/anything to make her feel special. Sometimes the "middle kids" don't get as much attention because hte younger child is getting potty trained and the older child has some school related activity (sport's practice?) and then what's she got? Tuesday night is our night to take our 6 year old to gym class. We go to Wendy's for dinner, then to gym class, and she loves it. Maybe she could do something like that, or take ballet/tap classes?

Just some thoughts for what it's worth - good luck!

I agree with the tv show thing. About a year ago, when my daughter decided it was okay to show me attitude, I sat her down and said, "you know honey, I never thought about this before, but the ONLY reason I can think of for why you have been sassing me is because you're learning it on television. Because of this, we're going to stop watching Hannah Montana and ICarly" I was trying to make this a natural consequence, and not a punishment because I wanted her to realize that SHE was in control of her own attitude, so I also said "Now, after a few months, if I've noticed your attitude has improved, maybe we can watch a few shows together and see how things go" Well, about 4 months later, I sat her down and had a talk with her about how those characters on tv are supposed to be funny, and the way they act at times is not acceptable behavior in the normal world. Every once in a while, if I notice she's giving me a lot of attitude, I cut them out again. As a matter of fact, it's about that time again....lol

You are right that this must be addressed NOW.
Instead of sending her to her room(where I am sure that it is not a sterile, boring environment) find or make a spot that IS free of all distractions, and she must spend 6 boring minutes there EVERY time she does this disrespectful and inappropriate behavior after one warning!
If you stick to this, I think she will realize very soon that you are serious about curbing such behavior.
Same goes for meanness and any other undesirable behavior.
No six year old wants to be bored!

Hi J.-
I am currently reading the "Love and Logic" journal a friend gave me. It is my understanding that it is an entire program/series on how to get children to be more cooperative and successful. I have tried a few techniques and it works really well(especially with attitudes!).
I'm not sure if you can get it at the library or not but it would be worth looking into...power struggles with a six year old can wear Mom down pretty fast;-)

OMG I am going thru that exact same thing. Today was my daughters 1st day back to school since last tuesday, off for Thanksgiving, and she came home with the ATTITUDE from HELL!!!!!! We argued and I sent her butt to the corner. She always says she is sorry but it is a mess before that. It took us 35 minutes for her to read 1 chapter to me and write a sentence about the chapter.
I normally use the Smart Discipline system. There is a website and a book you can read. In a nut shell we have a chart, labeled a b c d e f g h, those are in their own squares...we have a list of 10 household rules, she breaks a rule and a square gets an x thru it, a b and c are freebie at d a privlegde gets taken away or she goes to bed 15 minutes early from there thru the square marked h. It IS hard for the first few days but well worth it. I only use the chart now when needed, but i use it for an entire week when I do.
I wish you nothing but the best in this and IF you find some thing that works well....please let me know! ____@____.com
Thanks and good luck
T.