K.A.
Hello C.,
One important thing to remember is your desperation extends from your love, compassion and devotion to yourself, your precious daughter and family. As parents we often try to hard to act as filters for our loved ones that we forgot the simplicities of life. Our children are reflections of us in nearly every capacity. Often our faults, fears failures seep in and have too great an affect on them. No matter how hard we try to change them, force them to be better than we are or blame it on the other parent. We still have to face the facts and accept then confront these issues.
I’m sure you have thought long and carefully about your approach to this matter. It is never easy to admit to ourselves that help is needed or things are getting out of hand. You have accomplished the first few main steps by simply acknowledging the concern and reflecting on the events that inflicted, inspired and instilled the fear, anxiety and apprehension.
Being an anxiety victim myself I have learned that my greatest conquests have been the results of combinations of tough love, redirection and association. Similar approaches may work for you and your family. I wouldn’t venture to say your daughter is traumatized
Remember children are more susceptible to our emotional and physical behavior than we are often aware or give them credit. While we try to look strong for them in the face of danger they can sense the tension and fear brewing within. Unintentional reactions may tell a different story then what you can recall. I’m sure you’ve reenacted each scenario countless time by this point. Everything from the embrace you may have given when she was an infant; the look of caution when the dog circled and pounced. I’m certain she recalls the confusion and rage that may have resulted when the family pet simply wanted to show love and affection.
1. Face your fears-
You can try simple tasks such as take her to safe places like the local pet store. The controlled environment can help ease some of the confusion, angst fear or frustration you all may be experiencing. She can have the opportunity to see other kids enjoying the animals; seeing that there truly isn’t much to be concerned and frightened about.
This is also a great time for you to be as positive and supportive as I know you have been to demonstrate the Mommy isn’t afraid and there is no reason for them to be. The shop keepers can talk to her and explain things about the pets and possible help answer questions she may have. See the dogs and other pets behind the glass and relaxed can relax her as well.
Other suggestions are the zoo, petting farms/zoos or movies and television programs that illustrate the more positive behaviors of animals.
2. Guilt by association-
As I mentioned previously, some of her fears may be fueled by actions of those around her and this could be perpetuating her seemingly worsening conduct. The same as when a child says a bad word and the adults laugh or longer term issues like bedwetting or fear of the dark. The way people around us has a direct has correlation with the way we react and thus behave.
This is where the tough love may come into play for you (or her). Of course you cannot stop going to visit family, friends and other places where animals may be and your little ones need to understand that. Hopefully the 2 year old has not begun to exhibit the same traits as her sibling.
Help to rebuild her self-confidence and self assurance by taking her to place where pets are and tell her but let her know that she has to be strong like mommy and back up that statement by being the role model you have been thus far. Get the family involved to show her that pets are part of the family and love her all the same.
3. Lion, Tigers and Bears Oh My!-
Expose her to as many cute and cuddly animals as you possibly can with out making the family insane. Without falsely convincing her that ALL animals are friendly ALL the time; we need to show her that animals are all around us everyday and we all live together. Fortunately, there are tons of media, books and actual animals to help you with this venture.
4. Relax, relate, resolve-
Don’t try to fix everything all at once. She is still very young and has already grown into a big girl right before your eyes. She has feeling, thoughts, abilities and gifts that will continue to amazes, astonish and aggravate you. But, we do this because we love it.
RELAX when the subject arises and help calm and sooth the moment. She will respond to this behavior more as time goes on.
RELATE to what she is telling you and she can help provide you with guidance to the conflicts and confusion she faces.
Resolve what you can when and how you can and let others help you with the rest. Remember, as much as we feel like we do this by ourselves there is always someone out there who can help even if just by listening.
As the old folks used to say, “Chil’ let go and let…” well you know the rest.
I may be one of the few Fathers in here; but I do have to be “Mommy” as well at times. I have two boys 6 and 4 so my challenges are monsters and darkness. Stay strong and keep doing what you are doing the answers will come. Thank You for taking the time to write.
There are actual terms for what she is going through. You can learn more about them and if you don’t feel she is making progress maybe someone has a good recommendation for a therapist. Let’s hope we are a long way from that.
Cynophobia (cy•no•pho•bi•a) - a morbid or abnormal fear of dogs
Zoophobia (zo•o•pho•bi•a) - a morbid or abnormal fear of animals
Nyctophobia (nyc•to•pho•bi•a) – a fear of night, darkness; also called noctiphobia
Regards
K.
