4 Year Old Refuses to Poop on Potty

I know this sounds weird, but in your daughters life, that is the one thing that she has control over. She is probably very stressed and apprehensive about the moves you and your family make. It is very important when you do move that you include her in decisions that will affect her... (which room do you want, how do you want your new room decorated, etc...) You may also want to talk to your hubby about his routine with her at home. Children thrive in structured environments. They know what to expect and when to expect it. They know what they are to do and what is expected of them!
With the military that is very hard to keep the macro environment the same, but you both have complete control over the home environment.
If your hubby doesn't already have a routine then, he may want to start a very structured one. (Not discipline, but timing) Start a routine, although flexible, is always pretty much the same. I.e. Get up and immediately change out of jammies for the day (at whatever time), Play time (Include both solitary play time and time with Daddy), Eat lunch at roughly the same time, errands or free time or nap or playdate or whatever works best for your family). Do this day in and day out, but tailor this example to what fits your family needs. I know it is more difficult to schedule when adults go to the bathroom, but maybe Daddy having to take a time out during play time with his daughter to "Go to the Bathroom" she will feel more comfortable following his lead. (Definitely announce that he is going to the bathroom, but don't ask her if she needs to go, until this is an established pattern) Like some of the other moms said... Don't pressure her.
Good luck,
W.

My 3 1/2 (and 2yr old as well as my girl friends 5 and 6yr old) love magnets I have a magnetic reward board for both kids. They will do just about anything for one. My big struggle is getting my kids to clean up toys, but it may work for the potty too. I would say if she is stressed by the whole idea since she gets punished for not doing what she is supposed to i would do a full reverse and use rewards for positive behavior. Competition is also huge. I know the baby is only 10 months old but get her a baby potty and praise her for even sitting on it. The 4yr old will need to do more for a magnet/praise but she will want to compete with her sibling. A little work but in the end totally worth it... if this turns into a lasting problem she could become impacted or give herself a hernia. Not something you really want to happen overseas (we are AF in Japan...which is very nice but a very challenging language as well). Best of luck!

J., I too lived in Turkey and loved every minute of the three years we were there in 2003-2006 (if you have time take Mehmet's Turkish class through UMUC-it will help tremendously with the language barrier).
If your daughter doesn't like the potty chair, have her sit on the "big girl" toilet; that is how my 3rd child liked to potty-she would not go for the little potty chair. However, I would suggest getting one of those little seats that fit on it so she would slip in:). Also, yelling or punishing her will not help with the potty issue. Pottying is a difficult decision for a young child to make; especially if they become impacted from not having bowel movements. I would go and talk to the pediatrician to find out if her little colon is impacted; that happened to my son who was at the CDC when he was small; they placed so much emphasis and punished him that he just stopped going to the potty and ended up on IVs from throwing up (if it doesn't come out the right end, it will eventually make them sick). Good luck!

It sounds like she is telling you that she needs to feel more secure. If her surroundings (things that are familiar to her) have been changing pretty regularly, then she probably needs more security during the times that you are as a family. An example: The same morning and nighttime routine. It would also help her if you were to spend special BIG GIRL time with her each night. Something she could always look forward to. Whatever you can make a constant do that. Once she feels more secure and that you think of her as a BIG GIRL then she will be more willing to let her guard down and show you how big she is. Hope this helps.

Wow, well I know exactly what you're going through. My daughter too was completely potty trained at 2 and a few months later we moved out of my mothers house and into our own (I was a very young mom), that's when the "accidents" started happening. About 9 mths later I left for basic training, my husband and both daughters (3 yrs old and 1 yr old at the time) moved to Mississippi w/me for Tech school. She turned 4 there and was doing all the same things that your daughter is doing...hiding, holding it, but she would never wet herself either. Finally after we got to Texas my first base, I took her to the Dr and he said it was probably just stress and not to push her. He also said that we may have potty trained her too early. Needless to say, after about 6 mths in Texas and less pushing on our parts (it was very hard to get my husband to ease up on her...we used to fight over this more than anything) she did start using the potty and thank god b/c she started school that year! Honestly I think it was all the moving and stress, so my advice would be just to wait it out...let her be ready but don't give up....talk to her about it, maybe if she feels like it's on her terms and she's not being pressured into it then she'll be more apt to go. (By the way I'm in Germany now and my daughters are now 12 and 9)