4 1/2 Year Old with Out of Control Tantrums

I also have a son who has had these behaviors as well. He is now 9 and has much better control of them. The 1st thing we did that helped (not fixed) tremendously was taking Red dye #40 COMPLETELY out of his diet. When I 1st heard of this I looked up info on it and it fit my son 100%! It made his tantrums less often and he was able to pull out of them quicker. Also, an incredibly helpful book for me was 'The Explosive child' by Dr. Ross Greene. We have had to continue working on his behaviors in MANY ways, but still to this day when he has a really bad tantrum, I can look back at what he had to eat that day and always trace it back to something with Red Dye #40. Good luck, hope this helps! If you have any questions or need tips let me know. (If you can from here?) :-)

sounds like she may be borderline hypoglycemic, i am as well - i tend to get VERY irritable when i'm hungry, my blood sugar drops way down, which in turn makes me very tired, and thus even more irritable... try to make sure she is eating/drinking something with a carb and a protein(pb + crackers) every couple hours - if her blood sugar is anything like mine, she's better off with 6 mini meals in a day as opposed to 3 large ones. make a point to keep something in her stomach VERY frequnetly the next several days and see if you see an improvement. run her to the DR for a quick urine sugar test if you can.

1) is she tired or over-tired?
2) Is she hungry?
3) does she get enough sleep?
4) does she know how to express herself?
5) Does she know her feelings? ie: was she taught about the names for feelings and that she is 'allowed' to say it? Even if she is grumpy or happy?
-kids need to learn that. It is taught.

6) Does she know, right and wrong?
7) Are punishments, explained to her? If not, a kid does not get the cause and effect, reasoning understood.

8) She has to just learn, that no is no.

9) TELL her "even if you scream, I will not give in." Then don't
Tell her, this is WRONG. It is not acceptable. THEN... go away, sit down and read a magazine. Tell her, you will not help her if she does not help you... by being nice.

10) Use yourself as a time-out. Meaning, when she is that way, DO NOT CATER TO HER OR GIVE IN TO HER. Tell her "Mommy will only help you if you are nice... and use a normal voice....." Then tell her "Redo that...." and give her a chance to REDO her reactions and voice.
If she does not, then put her in her room.

11) YES, kids get moody and impatient/melt-down... WHEN HUNGRY. It is their blood-sugar levels dropping. When they are hungry, they cannot be civil.
I am this way too. (wink).

Feed her.
Have her nap.
It is a MUST.

12) Kids NEED snacks and to 'graze' throughout the day. They are growing. When my kids are having growth-spurts, I KNOW. They are HUNGRY constantly. Even 10 minutes after a main meal. My kids, are allowed to graze throughout the day. Because I feed them healthy stuff.

YES, and their 'mood' WILL improve, after eating. Because, that is what they NEEDED. BIOLOGICALLY. AND when a kid or human is fed, their Blood-Sugar levels.... get more even.

My daughter has a very high metabolism. She gets hungry all the time. IF NOT... and does not eat, she gets MOODY and melts-down. THUS, because I know this about her and KNOW her... I feed her.
Simple solution.

Just feed your child. Simple solution.
A child NEEDS to graze, throughout the day. More than just 3 main meals a day.
ESPECIALLY at growth-spurts.

My kids, eat IF hungry. I feed them.
They do not eat out of boredom or for emotional reasons.
They eat, because they are hungry.
I KNOW that.
And it does make them feel, better.

May I suggest, rather than focusing on the cause first, that you give her a "go to" for a different behavior. If you look up Dr. Kazdin's Parenting the Defiant Child, it will address this exact behavior in short order and give you some tools to help you change the unwanted behavior. I have seen it work for children that youl would think were certainly lost causes. It is a quick read and WELL worth your time, effort and money.

Best of luck,
T.

Hmm, my oldest son fits your description to a T. He is now 8 years old and was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. I'm not saying that every child who has out of control tantrums is Autistic, but kids do things for a REASON even if we don't always know what it is. Just my two cents.

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My friend has an almost 5-year-old whose temperment and behavior are similar to what you've described (and he has multiple food allergies, too). She finally decided to get some professional help because he is starting kindergarten in the fall, and he needed some new coping skills. After just 4 sessions with the behavioral therapist, they began seeing remarkable changes. (The first session was my friend and her fiance, giving the therapist the down-load. The second session was mommy and son. The third and fourth sessions, he went in by himself while she waited in the lobby). At home, mom and fiance were careful to help him verbalize his emotions when they could see that he was ramping up: "You seem like you're really feeling angry about ____" "When your sister did ____, I could see that her actions hurt your feelings", and her son started using the self-calming/behavior control techniques that the therapist was teaching him. My friend is relived, her child (and household) is/are happier - she wishes they'd sought professional help earlier.

I would like to know how you resolve this issue. We are having the same problem...same age but a boy. He has a few other factors to deal with though. I just wrote a similar post about him :dealing with anger due to split home. We pretty much know why he is angry but the situation can't be changed. We don't know how to help him work through it. S.H. has some great suggestions...all of which we are currently trying but not making too much progress because he is having a hard time understanding and verbalizing his feelings.

I'm always on the quest for books about how to handle my daughter and I have found some good ones. The one I'm reading now is called "What Your Explosive Child Is Trying to Tell You" by Douglas A Riley and it's great. So far, it's the only one that seems to be easy enough to actually implement. Or, I guess it's the only one that seems to be less information and more about how you can solve the problem. It gets into food sensitivities, sleep issues, etc. that may contribute and it has a method of behavior therapy that seems like a great approach to me. I firmly believe that Exposure Therapy could be the answer for my daughter to rewire her brain. I've used it in the past for my own anxiety and it works, so I was happy to see something concrete like that in this book.

just wanted to say that even if she doesnt test for hypoglycemia, she may just be sensative to low blood sugar. i have always gotten grouchy/ sometimes shaky and sick if my blood sugar gets low. i dont (medically) have a condition tho.
it sounds like she is already eating often, which is good. does she eat much protien and some fat with all meals/snacks? a higher protien/fat content helps me a lot- when my diet gets carb heavy i dont feel as good.
good luck dealing w/ the tantrums too.

My daughter threw tantrums when she was about that age. I put her in her room when she started to throw one and told her quietly that when she was done she could come out. It worked.

Allergies: Try NAET.COM. Took care of my and my friend's allergies.

Speak positive words over your daughter. If you are worried or tell your daughter you are worried she will get something - doesn't matter if you tell them they are a brat or if they are stupid or not quite smart or if it is some type of disease such as diabetes. Whatever you speak over your child then that is what will happen. I know lots of cases that is what happened is that people called their child stupid or I am afraid you will get such and such and guess what - that is exactly what happens.

Speak positive thoughts and tell the child they are a good child and they will be good because they have to live up to your expectations of themselves and that they will be healthy and happy.

N.