3 Yr Old's Attitude Toward Memaw..

Hi K.,
This could stem from the idea that your daughter just lost her home (in her view) and now has to live with Memaw. Her anger over the move is being placed on Memaw. Perhaps she sees this as Memaw's fault. Sit her down calmly and kindly and talk about this with her. Don't ask her about it, because at 3 she probably doesn't even know what the problem is either. Try, "I know it was hard to move, and Daddy and I miss our house too. Memaw is being very nice letting us stay here and soon we will have our own house again, with our own stuff. Until then we are all going to be extra nice to Memaw for everything she does for us." You could also try rephrasing her statements for her when she does say something mean. "How can we answer Memaw in a nice way?" or "The right thing to say is Hello Memaw." Give her some support in that area, but be absolute with your expectations.
I hope you find something that will help your little one feel better.
Take care,
B.

TIme to be firm with your daughter and do not allow it. When she is disrespectful, remove her from the room, sit her down and look her in the face and tell her being disrespectful and mean is NEVER allowed!! Put her in time out and even take away priveledges. Kids around 3 are still self centered in that they do not realize the power of their words, but worry about just their own feelings. Making her very aware of how she is being disrespectful, that her words hurt her grandma and how kind Grandma is to let her stay at her house.

She may be frustrated with the move and taking it out on Grandma.
Your husband needs to get tough too as she sees him take it lightly and it cause you stress. He has to be behind you on the punishment or she is getting mixed signals. Kids that age are smart! :)

I would have your MIL look her in the face and sincerely tell her how it makes her feel when she says mean things to her.
Do not put up with it for a second longer, you have others that will follow suit in her behavior if they see it is okay.
Find out what is making her so angry too, maybe by playing a game and just matter of fact ask if she is happy or sad, what makes her happy or sad, kids sometimes in playing will let things slip out they otherwise couldn't express.
Hang in there, but do not allow it. Disrespect for grownups should be a big no no always for kids.

Have you talked to her and explained that we don't talk to people that way? She may have heard things like that on TV. Tell her how it makes Memaw feel and remind her when she does it that we don't talk that way. If she keeps at it for over 3 or 4 months, then it might be time to get some professional help to try to figure out if and why whe resents this grandma.Maybe it is simply that she feels that she has to share her family with one more person or something like that.

This is a great age to teach respect. Your daughter is probably being disrespectful for a reaction. Be firm and consistant about what you want. " You WILL NOT talk to memaw like that. You a nice tone and nice words." Make her say she sorry. Your MIL and husband will have to be firm about it too. Everyone must be on the same page.

With repitiion manners and respect can be a great habit to teach.

If she is upset about the move, talk about her feelings so she knows she has been heard. But then let her know that this is our situation and well will be on our best behavior. If you allow it, it will only get worse.

Kids will "try out" attitudes. Just put a stop to it as soon as possible. Let her know what will be allowed.

Are you sure that memaw hasn't done anything? Don't get me wrong, I am NOT okay with kids being disrespectful to adults, but then sometimes something upsets kids and they can't articulate to parents what it is without being asked. Maybe when memaw was alone with your daughter, maybe while you were at the store, taking a shower....anything, maybe she had to yell at her, or said something to her that made her feel bad about herself....maybe unintentionally, or maybe even not? It could be that your daughter is now responding to her this way, because with you around she feels empowered to do so, because your mother-in-law probably doesn't override you when you are around, right?

Here's my suggestion, talk to your daughter about it, ask her what happened to make her so upset at Memaw. Be understanding so she'll feel comfortable and supported talking to you about it. If she says "nothing, I just don't like her," then you need to support your mother-in-law and you need to do it publicly. If your daughter talks back to your MIL, then you immediately take your daughter by the shoulders, look her in the face and tell her sternly, that she is NOT to speak to her Memaw like that and that she needs to apologize now. And make her apologize without being sullen. She needs to learn (if nothing else has happened) that she cannot be disrespectful to adults, especially not in a public fashion and that you will not be embarrassed to deal with inappropriate behavior in public either, because that is a lesson she will take with her and start using against you later on.

I hope nothing else has happened and I wish you all the best!

my son does this too. My mom will say "hi" or "good morning" and he yells stuff like that at her. She doesn't take offense at it and now she doesn't look at him or talk to him in the morning until he decides he's ready for interaction with her (which is usually 5-10 min or so.) Although he's not quite 3 and it started when he was just a baby before he even turned 1, if certain people would say anything to him,(both grandmas, his grandpa, aunts, uncles, strangers at the grocery store, etc.) he would get really mad, yell grunt and moan and turn away from them. Since it started when he was so young, I didn't really discipline him for it. I would just ask him to talk nice but I didn't force the issue. They were all just extremely nice and loving to him (he's the first grandchild) and there really was no certain event to cause him to act like this. I just figured he was uncomfortable with other people and I wanted to respect his feelings. I was extremely shy as a child too. I hoped the adults would just be understanding which they have learned to be. I still handle it about the same just a little more firmly because he is getting older and he can understand that he needs to be nice to others. It has improved a lot, now he usually just wont say anything and turn away, rather then yell at them. The other ladies before me had great advice. Good Luck!

When my niece was 3 she did the exact same thing to me. It included "I hate you" or "I don't like you" or "get away". She and I are/were extremely close and it hurt my feelings terribly. She grew out of it though. I know that doesn't fix the problem now but I think it's pretty normal. Make sure she knows that disrespect to any adult is not tolerable. Enforce your rules! Make sure memaw gets involved and says "excuse me young lady? It's not acceptable to speak to me that way." Enlist dad's help! He might say "You will not talk to my mother that way." This shows that memaw doesn't just belong to her but also to dad. Maybe she doesn't realize she's HIS mommy.

Good luck!