3 YO Suddenly Says He Doesn't like Preschool

Updated on May 09, 2014
S.T. asks from Castle Rock, CO
13 answers

Hi moms. My son is 3 and a half, we have him in an "early preschool" program 2 days a week. He's been going since July. Of course the first couple months were an adjustment, but he quickly adapted and was always happy to go to school. He recently got a new teacher, who my husband has said doesn't seem quite as involved and passionate about the kids as his last teacher. My son was pretty upset his teacher left and he's had this teacher about 3 weeks. He's started telling me he doesn't want to go to school because the teacher is not nice - that she's mean. He's said this on about 3 different occasions now. He won't elaborate, and of course, he's 3, so it's hard to know if he's exaggerating… he could think she's mean for any small reason, but I'm concerned. I haven't met her yet, I usually do the dropping off before she's there. I'm a young mom, I'm new at all this and I don't want to be paranoid and cause any problems. Before now we've had nothing but good experiences with this place. What should I do?

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So What Happened?

Thanks moms, all of the responses really helped. I will give it some time, and I'm going to go in this afternoon to meet his teacher myself and ask her how things are going. He is moving up a class this Fall so he may have a new teacher - I need to talk to the director. I do work full time so it's out of necessity that he goes. However, since it's just two days a week, I haven't been as involved in meeting all the staff - and I should be. thanks!

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M.B.

answers from Austin on

Frankly, he is mostly reacting to the change.....

It is different, and he isn't used to it, so he isn't happy, thus he perceives her as "mean".....

Toddlers say a person is "mean" for lots of reasons..... maybe she is making him put toys away, and he doesn't want to.... maybe she isn't reading his favorite book... and he sees that as "mean" ..... maybe she isn't giving him the snack he wants...... you get the point?

He will have to learn to adapt to many changes in life.... it isn't always going to go "his way" ......

And, just as you saw at the beginning of the year, these adjustments may take a few months..... give it time.....

3 moms found this helpful

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V.S.

answers from Reading on

I never left my preschoolers with anyone I never met. I suggest you meet her. I would also let her know how he feels. She needs to know he's unhappy with whatever she is doing. This will give her an opportunity to give his comments context. If this is truly a preschool, it should be ending the year right about now so the point may be moot. If this is a daycare and will be continuing, I would address it with her and if you are not satisfied with her response and proposed solutions, I would look into your options for a new school.

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A.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

I would introduce myself to the new teacher. Without mentioning your son said she was "mean" I would share that you are concerned he is having adjustment problems with staffing changes. Change was unexpected, and it is hard. He misses his old teacher, and he will need some time to accept the idea of a new teacher. Has she noticed any concerns? He is 3 so obviously he isn't able to verbalize his feelings with perfect clarity, so I would tell her that you have not picked up specific details from him, but suddenly he isn't happy at school the way he used to be. Can she help him with the transition? Then give things a chance to improve.

4 moms found this helpful

I.X.

answers from Los Angeles on

What you do depends on why he's in preschool. Do you put him in preschool because you work? Or do you do it for enrichment, to get him Kindergarden ready, and for a mommy break? Is it out of necessity, or because you thought it would be good to keep him busy? If he's in a program and you don't work, I'd take him out. I think most kids at this age benefit most from being with a parent. They go off to school soon enough. If its enrichment and activities, and academic head start you are interested in, get online and pick up some preschool work book, and art projects.
If preschool is necessary, then by all means, stick your nose in there and get to the bottom of it. Maybe your kids does not do well with change. Maybe the new teacher is not all that.

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M.M.

answers from Chicago on

My son labels someone as mean the second they tell him not to do something. So I wouldn't read too much into that. She may just have different rules or expectations for the kids than the last teacher.

You could just have a meeting with the new teacher and ask her to discuss how your son is doing and has adjusted. That may give you a good feel for her nature.

4 moms found this helpful

D.D.

answers from New York on

My kids always said I was mean when I asked them to do something they didn't want to do or stopped them from doing something they wanted to do. Ask you some what mean thing the teacher did and see what he says. At 3 their usage of words is limited so what a grown up defines as mean isn't the same thing a child defines as mean.

I think it's more likely that your son was in a certain routine. He knew the flow of how the day would go and got use to his teacher. Now it's a new routine because it's a new teacher. Some kids adapt to change well and others... not so much. You can talk about how things change and sometimes it's hard but it's a part of life. Use examples in nature and even how your son was a baby and how much he's changed.

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S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

three year olds also develop sudden aversions to carrots, or their formerly favorite shoes, or taking a bath. they also don't like change, and it was doubtless disruptive for him to lose a favorite teacher.
calmness, patience and understanding are what he needs. don't quiz him, just mirror back to him what he tells you. 'i'm sorry you feel mrs thingummy is mean. i wonder if she's sad about something?' or 'yes, you have told me in very good words that you don't want to go to school. sometimes i don't like to go to work either. on those days i like thinking about what story we'll read together at bedtime! what do you think about to make you feel happier?'
let him know he's heard, but don't try to fix everything. he's figuring out how to deal with life's occasional unpleasantnesses, and you want your message to helpful and drama-free.
khairete
S.

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R.K.

answers from Appleton on

I agree with Mom B but if this continues I would go to his school and observe, without the teacher knowing you are there.
She may be a bit more strict or just not a smiley type person and he may see that as mean or she could be honestly mean.

I was a young Mom too. When my oldest went to first grade I didn't listen to her because her teacher always seemed so nice. Well.... My daughter is dyslexic, this teacher was 'old school' and didn't believe in dyslexia and simply said my daughter was stupid and lazy. It colored the rest of her life. I wish I had listened.

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C.T.

answers from Santa Fe on

Everyone has a different personality. Some preschool teachers are sweet and loving and all about the kids. Some are task oriented...keeping everyone in their place and doing what they are supposed to do. Maybe the new teacher is a little strict and not as sweet. Can he switch rooms and have a different teacher? My daughter's teacher left and the new teacher, while amazing at setting up activities, field trips, and cool things for the kids to do, is more task oriented. She seems kind of stressed sometimes. She's not sweet and loving and I often hear her reprimanding kids (not mean...but firmly). She doesn't greet them when they come in. She's always working on a task. The other teacher was full of smiles and hugs. We are switching our daughter to a different preschool in the fall because of this. She just looooooooovved going to school with the old teacher bc she loved her teacher so much. The new school seems to have a sweet, loving type so hopefully it will be good. Other than that I was very happy with her current preschool. Oh well.

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D.D.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Is there only 1 class he can be in?

Sometimes a particular kid and a particular teacher just don't click. My son had been going happily to daycare. He moved to a new room and started protesting going to school. I knew the teacher - she taught my older son - and I knew she was a good teacher and my other son liked her. Younger son continued to resist going to school. Finally, I talked to the director and asked if we could try a different teacher. He moved to another class, and he loves school again.

I know this teacher is a good teacher (she recently won a major award for preschool teaching). And yet, she just didn't click with my younger son. It happens. So, I say talk to the director. No need to speak poorly of the teacher, just express concern that your son isn't happy and ask what your options are.

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R.M.

answers from San Francisco on

Switch classes or put him in another preschool. Your son is only 3, and there's no sense in making this experience miserable for him. That's not the point of preschool. He could learn more by being with you.

Give it a little while for him to adjust to the change, and then if he still doesn't like it pull him out.

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M.M.

answers from Boston on

Go meet the new teacher and maybe observe for a bit. She's probably fine, just different from the other one who may have had more of the "warm fuzzies"....maybe talk to her about his adjustment to the staffing changes...and then take it from there

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J.O.

answers from Detroit on

Is it year-round, in summer, too? You said he started July.
I was going to say school is almost over so don't sweat it.
But if it's all year, then try to find out why...kids can be vague, I know it's tough.

All 3 YO's say this about school sometimes. It is normal.
3-year-old isn't really early preschool though. Normally a 2-year-old class is early preschool. 3 and 4 is just regular.
He might need more time to adjust to the new one. Just going 2 times a week can be stressful because it's not really enough days to be routine.

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