3 1/2 Year old.....trouble at Preschool?!?!?!?!

I think I could have written your post a year ago. My younger daughter's nickname is "Bee," which is short for Busy Bee. She is always on the go, and lives life out loud.

It was the same deal for us at preschool, where the teacher came to me expecting me to resolve my daughter's issues while my daughter was at school. I pointed out (nicely) that I bring my child to school ready to learn. She is clean, dressed, and fed, and has a healthy respect for legitimate authority figures. What happens once I drop her off is the teacher's responsibility. To think that I am going to have any kind of effect on my child when I'm not present to correct her is pure insanity.

Well, it continued on where the teacher kept complaining to me that Bee was misbehaving in class, so I went to the Director and said, look, WHAT is the issue here? At home, my child listens to me. So this is not a case of my kid being unruly and bratty (believe me, I'd be the first to admit if it were). The director observed the class and agreed with me. The teacher ended up being removed from the position (not completely due to our situation) and the new teacher had no issues with disciplining our child.

So... ultimately, your job is to bring your child to school ready to learn. It is up to the teacher to enforce discipline in her classroom. If that's not happening, you need to address it with the teacher and then the director. If they can't/won't address the issue, then switch schools.

I teach preschool and one of the things I work on with my kids that have space issues is for them to try and understand that some people have bubbles that they do not like other people to be in. This visual seems to help most kids understand why they can not touch, hug and get close to everyone all the time. I just keep reminding them that they need to give others their space and ask if they want to give hugs.

During circle time I would give her a defined space to stay in, so that she does not disturb others. We use carpet squares for everyone, that way everyone has their personal space. because 3/4 will wiggle and move, they can do it with in that area.

I would try being proactive and teach/model the behavior you want. That way you can be more positive and encouraging. The other kids in the class will pick up on the teachers tone. Hopefully this helps.

I too have a daughter just like yours. From the time she could move she was into things and had to touch EVERYTHING. Forget going to our friend's houses who did not have children yet.... it was like an amusement park for her bouncing around from one thing she shouldn't touch to the next. She would get into moods, and you could see it in her eyes that she was in a mood, and would purposely bounce around from one thing to the next that she knew she should not do. Her first year in preschool she had a teacher that was on the strict side, and I can see looking back that there was a bit of a power struggle going on. She would completely stess the teacher out getting into her things that were not allowed like teacher supplies, and she would avoid eye contact when you tried to discuss the matter with her. I was really worried, and was embarassed to be the parent of "that kid" in class. She ended up settling down in time, and now in kindergarten is the teacher's pet! I could not be more relieved! She still gets in those moods at home from time to time, but it much better then it used to be. She does not suffer from any kind of disorder, it's just her temprement. I have 2 other children, both younger then her, and they are nothing like her, they both have the same calmer temprement. Just keep working with her and the teacher, prehaps with a behavior modification chart where she recieves stickers for keeping her hands to herself and good behavior, with some kind of reward after recieving an obtainable number of stickers. Hang in there and good luck!

My first child was a "high energy" child. She NEEDED (needs) to run, jump, play and is also very hands on. She would even shove other kids to engage them to play with her if they got tired or wanted to do a quiet activity.

After researching things, I determined she did not have ADD or ADHD. I found a wonderful book called Raising Your Spirited Child. It helped me as a parent understand how to "control" her when she was feeling energetic.

She never has had problems in school (even preschool). I never received reports of her being too hands on, jumpy in class, etc. If anything, her energy has helped her to excel because she never tires of learning.

I think you may want to consider teaching your daughter that hugs are for family. And that she needs to keep her hands off other people. "Hands to self" was what we'd say.

If teachers are "complaining" about her lack of attention, listening or jumpiness, maybe you do need to talk to your ped about a medical evaluation. It may determine that she needs some therapy or meds, or that she's perfectly normal. The key is to find out early.

We found exercise and discipline went a long way into turning our daughter into an exceptional student, despite being the youngest in her class. Set limits & expectations, follow through and don't get angry.

Good luck

I too like the idea of teaching her the behavior you do want and rewarding her for that. I also like this book called the Social Skills Picture book by Jed Baker for reinforcing social skills to young kids in a kid-friendly way.

Is it possible to get her into a school that more fits her personality. Kids need structure, but at 3yrs old it's hard to pin them down for too long.

Something you could try is roll modeling social behaviors that you want you to do. Make it fun make it a game. You could use puppets or stuffed animals or even you, daddy siblings. You can pretend the stuffed animals are kids in her class. Show her by demonstrating how close is appropriate. Say I am going to stop here when I come to say hi to Sara because that is respecting her personal space and that is nice to do, or something like that. If she wants to give hugs she can ask the child if she can give them a hug. If they say yes you can hug them, if they say no that means they don't want a hug right now, so you don't give them one, say OK, and go on to play or say hi to someone else. I think I would roll play she could even run from teddy bear to teddy bear and say high at a reasonable distance. Whatever you want her to do show her, then let her practice it and do it with her. She will love the time with you, as well as learning good social skills. Since we learn through repetition do it several times a week. If that doesn't do the trick I would look into the OT option. If your not already doing this one on one time with you or dad or both having your undivided attention for at least 20 minutes each day is wonderful for both of you and goes a long way in resolving behavior issues on it's own. One more thing just want to throw this in something cool I have learned children and adults learn best when they are comfortable and enjoying themselves. If there is yelling or tension or worries that is not a good learning environment for the brain. There is a book that I love it's called "The Incredible Years" It focuses on parenting from age 3 to 8. I hope all goes well for you and your daughter.

C.-
I work for an Early Intervention program in Chicago and what your describing is something that I have seen before. I would really recommend that you have an occupational therapy evaluation for you're daughter. What your describing to me sounds like she has sensory processing issues. I know some other books have been recommended but I would strongly recommend reading "The Sensory Sensitive Child" by Karen Smith and Karen Gouze. Because she is over 3 years old she is over the age limit for the Early Childhood program in CO so you can ask your pediatrician for an OT or call your insurance. Make sure that whoever conducts the evaluation has sensory integration/SI trained.

I have seen kids like your daughter not get occupational therapy and it can really impact their education, self esteem and relationships with others. I really hope that this is the answer because it is very treatable. Good luck!

My son was and still is just like what you described. He can't keep his hands to himself and can be a very in-your-face kind of a person. All I can suggest is try to work with her more at home, see what the rules are in her teacher's class and try to reiterate them at home too, keeping the structure the same at both places.

Also, be prepared for teachers to start pushing you to get your daughter evaluated for ADHD. It seems that teachers these days want little zombies or well behaved robots in the classroom and when they get a child that is more spirited, they automatically want to drug your kid up. That's what they did to my son within the first week of kindergarten. Then we moved to CA and again, within two days of starting his new school his teacher told me I needed to volunteer my time to help control my son during class time. I was very upset about this. It is the teacher's job to help each student in the way they each need help, as each child is different and learns differently. But they don't seem to want a challenge and try to find a way to conform that child to her expectations. Good luck.

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Hello...I am in no way any expert or have any idea that this is it...just something from my life experience to throw out as a possibilty. A friend of my oldest daughter has ADHD as does my niece. The description you write and my experience of being around them seem very similar. Not ADHD specifically, but this is something you might bring up with your pediatrician.

You described my daughter! I too was so embarrassed to have "that kid" last year, but talking to the teacher regularly, my child about social skills, demonstrating, reading books with her on touching and friendship, and talking to the other moms (we do co-op preschool) was a big help. And from the day she turned four she never acted like that again. For us it was a stage, so I say don't jump to conclusions about specific disorders just yet unless there is more to it than what you listed here. She just loves school, other kids, and wants a little attention! And may not know just yet how to express those big feelings :) show her!

that's not autism is it?