Please Help - My Son's Teacher Memtioned Autism About Him

I agree with everyone else's suggestion that the teacher is not qualified and probably should not have suggested autism, however as a mother of a child with Asperger's I'll add this....

You say he was evaluated twice and the results were negative, by whom was he evaluated? Asperger's is especially hard to diagnose at a young age because they are typically more advanced in language skills as opposed to children with more severe autism. If he was evaluated by a psychologist or developmental pediatrician I would accept the diagnosis but if it was the school district doing the evaluation I would go to a professional. My son was evaluated by the school first and we were told there was nothing to be concerned about and 6 months later a developmental pediatrician diagnosed his Asperger's.

Yes, some of the things you mentioned can be some of the signs of autism, but each one on it's own can also just be part of a typical child's personality. Autism is a whole package of things, not just a few tendencies here or there.

If you have not seen a psychologist who specializes in autism or a developmental pediatrician, I would start there. If you have seen one of them (and you felt comfortable with their evaluation) I would simply tell the teacher that you've already gone that route, and you have been told that everything is fine.

Good luck,
K.

I am a teacher. It is not within my professional capacity to tell a parent I suspect Autism!!! I am only supposed to relay behaviors, not personal diagnosis! Your little boy sounds perfectly on target for a 5 1/2 year old. It sounds like the teacher might have unrealistic expectations of what his behavior should be, and is not trained in basic Child Development. Honestly, sending home "yellow cards" is so unprofessional to begin with and does nothing to build a good working relationship with parents. I hate those kind of teachers, so wiling to put blame on the child, to say without hesitation they have this that or the other, when the truth is probably closer to the teacher is not versed in positive guidance or has unrealistic expectations. Most kids at 5 1/2 don't know how to play with others properly, which is COMPLETELY NORMAL, and it is my job as a teacher to help teach those skills!!!
In my opinion I like to see the positive attributes in negative behavior. Such as:
tattling=noticing others actions around you and how they affect the whole group, which I think is a high level social skill that leads to altruism. Children have many years to develop the social grace to bite their tongues while making these observations, and I think it is COMPLETELY petty for this teacher to bring it up to a parent in the first place!

I am partially responding to you and partially responding to the posters who are convinced that the teacher was out of line and an idiot. I agree that the teacher was perhaps not as tactful as she could have been, and that she isn't qualified to make a diagnosis. However, she is qualified to address a child that seems out of the range of "typical" behavior in her classroom, and depending on how much experience she has, to suggest certain potential outcomes.

To be honest, it's hard to tell if this behavior is totally "normal" because a "strong focus" could mean "is really into" and could mean "refuses to play with anything else." The first is typical, the second is not. Given that you have had him evaluated twice, my guess is that at some point you were concerned that his behavior was out of the normal range as well. It might continue to be out of the typical range, but still not make it onto the autism spectrum.

I think that you can get really defensive about this (and who wouldn't, right? This woman said something about your kid!) but I don't think that would help anyone. I think that it would be much more productive to use this as a way to open up a dialogue with this teacher. Maybe you tell her that you've had concerns, have had your son evaluated and there was no diagnosis, but what insight might she have for you to help manage his problem behavior (and all children engage in problem behavior, whether they can be diagnosed with something or are completely normal). I would especially talk to her about ways that she can be instrumental in facilitating other friendships and not hyper-focusing on Jim, because honestly, that's not fair to either kid.

Maybe this teacher isn't great and won't be at all helpful. However, maybe you can find a way to take this not-so-great conversation and turn it into something that would benefit your son, you, and the other children he is in class with.

Good luck.

your son is fine. He does need help on how to socialize..and understand limits and personal space. But that's with training and consistency. All children go through a period where they are focus/interested in one area or another. My daughter at 2 was elmo, then at 3 was princesses, now 4 still princesses. My son is 1.5 loves spiderman and blues clues.

Frankly, if a child is not behaving appropriately, the worse thing is to label them with something. Because I think it'll only limit them. Now, not to sound completely Politically Incorrect, but growing up in my community/culture...nobody had autism, adhd, ocd blah blah blah. Of course these diagnoses do exist. But honestly, even if any of us had these labels, we wouldn't know it. My point is, when a child does do what's expected..the parents in my community just pushed us harder and gave no excuses. If you're not getting good grades per say, well then you just have to work harder than the rest. Rather than looking at us with limits.

Your son sounds perfectly normal. Maybe a little intense. But that's a parenting thing you need to work on and keep at. I don't believe it's an autistic thing.

I personally think kids get labeled to quickly. My Sil had it suggested to her that her son was ADHD. This teacher felt this way because he wasn't paying attention to her. When asked what period she had with him the teacher said 7th(last period). They moved him to an earlier math class and guess what. His ADHD went away. Not everyone acts or learns the same way. I wouldn't worry to much about your sons behaivior at this point. My daughter went threw a faze that she only wanted to play with girls that looked like her (Blond/blue eyes). She soon got over it.

He seems like a normal kid to me.
There are tons of other kids, that do NOT play well nor nicely nor appropriately with other kids. Some kids, even at 3 years old, are Bullies already and mean. What about those kids?

I think, the Teacher just cannot handle a child that marches to his own drumbeat.
Him "focusing" on things like you mentioned, does not seem abnormal to me. My daughter, and son, also has great concentration on things and their interests. They are fine and normal.
"Tattletaling" is normal too. Kids this age are still learning. Be thankful he DOES speak up.

Next, the Teacher is NOT a professional child development assessment expert. So take her comments with a grain of salt.
You tested him twice already... and it was negative.

All the best,
Susan

we had a teacher mention autism re: our then 4 yr old daughter. She seemed to have inappropriate responses to different social settings, as well as a couple of other things. It turns out she was wrong and our daughter was simply having a hard time adjusting to our move & she was a little shy. She has completely outgrown her concerning issues. My advice would be to listen to the professionals. Does your son have a sense of humor? Is he affectionate? Take the teachers concerns seriously and do your research, but don't jump to conclusions. Best of luck to you. I know it is scary, but stay calm.

Your little guy sounds a bit like mine - Ben has ADHD.

A teacher cannot possibly diagnose Autism. Autism is a spectrum disorder - a teacher can SUSPECT it, but that is not a diagnosis. We heard Autism, Aspergers, Sensory Processing...you name it. It took a pediatrician, a psychologist AND a psycologist to accurately diagnose and treat him.

Hi! I'm a mom to a child with high-functioning autism (Asperger's). In my case, I felt something was off when she was about 3.5 years old. Considering you had your son evaluated at 3, I'm guessing you felt something was off as well. I asked the teachers for their input, and they kept assuring me that "You're daughter's fine! She's just really smart!" This delayed us seeking help for a full year! So, that's the flip side of the coin. Sometimes teachers can do harm if they don't say anything or are overly optimistic! I think it's better to err on the side of caution. The therapies are much more effective the younger the child is. Since my daughter got that label, she got help. It's been a little over a year since she started getting this help, and I already have a different child! She socializes better, is much more flexible, and is definitely happier! She's doing great in her general ed kindergarten. She's well-liked by her peers and is doing great academically! This would not have been the case if we didn't seek help.

That said, a question that screamed out at me when I read your post....When you got your child assessed the two times, did they do any observations at the school to see how your child interacted with the other kids? If not, I would recommend you get your child assessed again and make sure this observation is done. Asperger's can be really hard to assess in a psychologist's office. These kids can interact with adults very well! When I took my daughter to get assessed by the school district, the psychologist said, "You have the best kid in the world! She's fantastic--maybe you need parenting classes." It took a lot of arguing on my part to get her to do an observation at my daughter's school. A case worker who overheard our exchanges, intervened and said an observation could be arranged. She had another psychologist accompany the one we met. When they did the observation, they saw the problems immediately and concurred that she was on the autism spectrum.

Sorry for the long post, but Asperger's really can be hard to diagnose. If the teacher suspects something is up, she could be right. It's definitely worth checking out! Many of these kids don't get diagnosed until they're 8 or even 13. By then, it can really be hard to make changes. And if it turns out that your son is fine after the assessment, you can put your worries to rest!

C.
www.littlebitquirky.blogspot.com

Does the teacher have the qualifications to make a medical diagnosis? Are the things that the teacher is complaining about even real concerns? sounds like normal 5 year old behavior to me. If he is shy, he is probably just excited that he made a good friend that is fun to play with.
You had evaluations at age 3 and 5 by I am assuming a doctor that specializes in developemental disorders, if you are not comfortable with the doctors evaluation and results I would recommend that you get a second opinion from another doctor that specializes in developmental disorders. I was a very shy kid and my friend meant the world to me, she was like a safety net for me when I was at school. Best to you

Hi W., I have had 2 children in my daycare that had autisum, one was 6 the other was 2, the 2 year old was a m ore serious case than the 6 year old. Autism is easy to diagnose. both children kept to themselves, they both had a certain focus, the 6 year old it was a playschool playhouse, the 2 year old, from age 2 to age 4 was a beautiful stuffed bird i had hanging in the living room. the 6 year old was distructive, and neither the 6 or the 2 year old were potty trained. My son and my daughter in law were TA's In Tucson AZ and they worked with kids that had autism, they both lacked normal socializing skills, the little boy worked with had a very bad temper, he actually attacked a female teacher and broke her caller bone. The little boy my daughter in law worked with was the opposite as far as he was very mellow, could pull numbers out of his head, he was a math expert for his age, but like other children with autism he had no social skills, I should say very poor social skills. Just so all you moms know who are coming down on this teacher, you do not have to have a degree in that field to know whether a child has possible autism or not, I'm just a daycare provider, but i can have a pretty good idea when a child has autism. She may not have addressed is tackfully, but we need to assume she meant well. As far as the yellow card goes, the Elementry schools that i have vouleentered at here and over seas, had the card system, the one teacher hated that, well the card system has been around sense i was in school, and I'm 54, it's a tool teachers use to communicate with the parents. I'm not going to say your son's behavior is normal or abnormal, I do know that hitting of any kind or wrestling has never been proper behavior at school. The one mom was right, everything a child has a behavior problem, they want to label them, and most of the behavior problems can be corrected with the right form of discipline. W. for peace of mind, see his pediatrician. As parents especially us mom's we don't like any one saying anything negative about our children, but because we love our children we owe it to them to find out if there may be some valitity in what someone is saying. Hope this helps. J.

I agree with Karen B. I too have a son with Asperger's Syndrome. His language skills are and have been well above average from the time he could talk. He is a math whiz, knows everything there is to know about Yu-Gi-Oh cards as that is his current obsession, and is a social mess. I love him with all my heart, so please don't think I'm a bad person because I'm willingly offering the negative aspects of his personality. It's a common issue with Autism spectrum kids.

If you've had your child evaluated by a developmental pedi or a child psycologist and there has been no mention of Autism spectrum behaviors, and you are comfortable with that diagnosis, then there you have it. If you feel that something may have been missed, find someone who specializes in diagnosing ASD and have your child evaluated agan, sharing with that practitioner that the teacher has concerns.

Our son was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of four, had a massive stroke at the age of six, but wasn't diagnosed with Asperger's until the age of nine. How I wish we'd had the proper diagnosis before age nine, it would have made a huge difference.

You are the parent, and as parents (especially moms) we can sense when something is "off". Sometimes we are the only ones who can tell, but if you gut tells you something needs to be looked at, don't stop until you find a doctor that answers your questions.

Assure the teacher that you are looking at all the options and ask her to send reports home on any behavior issues or other things that happen at school so that you can plug those things into an evlauation.

Good luck, our kids are our biggest treasures.

My kids and my friends kids all go to 3 different schoo systems, each one does the colored cards, green cards, yellow cards, and red cards in class. If they get green they get to do something special, one school it's pick something out of the treasure chest, another it's got to the Director's office,(It's a private preschool) and pick a treat from her candy bowl. They are a good idea, a good way of letting the parents know how their child acted in school that day.

Teachers have years of experience with hundreds of children. It's pretty easy to pick out a child that is not responding like a normal child should. It may just be a case of your child needing more direction in the classroom at playtime or other times but the teacher came to you with concerns. Maybe you could sit down with her at a scheduled time and discuss what options there are fo working with these issues with your child. If the behaviors are not better after a while then I think it would be benenficial to have him reevaluated by another professional. But simple behavior modification may work too, try setting up an appointment with the school councelor to discuss this too.

I don't think the teacher can make a diagnosis like that. You might want to bring it up with your Dr and have your son evaluated, but a teacher saying so doesn't make it so.

Hi W.,
I and a few other moms I know were talking about this the other day. I had never heard of this before and I am sure I am not going to spell it right, aspberghers, they say is a form of autism, I am not really sure about it at all but this is maybe something you can research a little. Well I know it is not much help, but good luck and I hope you find out. Hopefully this is just a little stage he is going through.

Blessings,
T.