2 Year Old Hitting - Charlestown,IN

My sister had to switch her kid off of Claratin because it made him start hitting a lot. So you may just want to see if you can change one of the meds to another brand to see if it gets any better. But allergies do change every 3-5 years. I get allergy shots and I get tested at minimum every 5 years.
As for hitting my daughter was the worst one. She is STILL the worst one. Tests me every chance she can get. But if she hits, I slap the hand that hit me and send her to the corner. If she bites, I bite her back, but not as hard. Just enough for her to feel a ting of pain. And remind her I will bite harder if she does it again. I also tell her she should never to anything to someone that she doesn't want done back to her. What really got her also was her and her twin brother have a chart on the fridge of things they are to do every day. Like shoes in the corner, jackets up, brush their teeth and hair, do good deeds. I have like nickle, dime, penny for each thing. If they go all week without hitting or doing something bad. They will get a dollar. If they do something bad, coins get deducted. If they hit or bite someone, they have to give a whole quarter to that person. Maybe more if it was really bad. But oh boy when they see the money coming out of their piggy and going to someone else. You would think they were just beat the way they start crying. So lets just say, rarely do they ever hit me or anyone else anymore! Because they love to put coins in that piggy bank, but they hate giving it up!

C.,

Okay I know it sounds a little hokey, but I have a Peace Table in my house, (my kids dont use it much anymore, there older now) but I took a small kid table and took tracings of my childrens hands and placed them all over the table. (I used contact paper) Then everytime they used their hands for hitting or hurting I would take them there and I would tell them hands are for helping not hurting and they had to sit there and think about it, I even had a poem(sorry I cant rememberwhat it is) that was on the table too. I know your son is only 26 months, but I started this when my son was 2 and it really helped him to stop using his hands in a mean way. I often read to them when they were at the table for good reasons, I made sure it didn't end up a reward for hitting, we used it for art activities and other things. But mostly it reinforced that hitting was not okay and it helped to redirect their behaviors.
Other than that my only suggestion would be behavior modification with constant follow through, when you say no, mean it and even if you have to put him in a time out in public then follow through, been there done that as well. When they know it doesn't matter if you are out, and you will follow through, they learn to stop quickly.
goodluck, I know it is difficult being a single mom, and especially when you have concerns like these. I am a single mom, have been for 18 years, but I promise it doesn't always stay this way, the good far out ways the bad.

When my son was around your child's age he also got into hitting people a lot. You are probably going to think I am crazy, but I taped his hands together (only for a few mins.) I told him that when he quit hitting people I would untape his hands. After a few mins, he promised that he wouldn't hit anyone any more. That stopped the hitting for a while, but every now and then he will still hit sometimes and we make him tell the person that he hit that he is sorry.
In stores and stuff when were out in public with him, we would always make sure he had something in his hands to keep him busy while we were shopping or eating out. In the grocery store I would let him pick something out to carry and put on the register and that usually stops the fits in public. Good Luck!

Hey C.!
It sounds like you are a great mom. You have your hands full taking care of your son and going to school. I think you need to keep up the good work. It is in all kids to "get away with anything they can"! Also, TERRIBLE TWO'S are no joke. This could just be an age thing. The main thing is to stay consistent. Whatever punishment you choose, make sure you follow through with it. Because if you don't he will only get worse.
C.

Hi C.,

I was wondering if he is getting frustrated and needs a way to tell you he is frustrated and hitting is all he can grasp? When our little boy went thru the hitting phase we just kept telling him "No hitting" and then "love mommy or daddy" by also showing how to love such as a hug or kiss or soft pat. Also keep in mind that you are the only person he can really let his hair down with and show his true feelings. Maybe something in his day is really frustrating him and he doesn't know how to stop the frustration.

Sign language has worked in some instances for us also to keep communication to an understanding for our little boy when he can't say what he wants.

I hope you have someone to lean on or take a break when you need one also!! Parenting is a hard job and doing this by yourself is even harder. My thoughts and blessings are with you in finding a way to stop the hitting.

M.

I understand the behavior can't be allowed and otherwise would have a coupla suggestions, but having grown up on many different allergy/asthma meds myself (I'm still on a nasal spray and zyrtec daily) may I address the other issue?

All allergy meds (no matter which brand) affected me physically, mentally, and behaviorally. I've been through nearly everyone ever on the market. They affect everyone a lil differently, but make no mistake: they definitely change one's thought patterns, ability to exhibit self-control, and overall ability to deal with the sensory input received from the rest of the world.

As a child on those meds, I was always grouchy, tired, didn't want anyone to touch me, sensitive to light and extremely sensitive to sound. I couldn't stand to be touched. Your body feels heavy and light, hopped up on caffeine and drugged up on morphine at the same time. It just makes you "prickly", for lack of a better term. And they make you much more aggressive about, not getting what you want, but being left alone. You don't want to be that way, but you are. And as a child, I had absolutely no ability to restrain what I said or did in order to be left alone. Because alone is the only way to stop the extremely irritating sensory input. It's almost like being a raging autistic.

As an adult, zyrtec continues to make me feel this way a bit...but as a child, it was overwhelming, but it was either that or be sick and absolutely miserable all the time.

My son has had a few days he's had to take zyrtec and it just makes him insane - can't stop talking, bouncing (literally) everywhere including off the walls and beds....

Who your son is on the allergy meds is not who he is. It's a synthetic existence that changes one's personality for the worst. If you can take him off any one of the number of meds he's on, or take him off for a season (I got to where I'd only take meds on my worst days in the spring and fall), try it. If he can have any significant time free from the meds (usually not possible, tho), I'm sure you'd see a significant difference in him and your relationship with one another could heal a bit.

In regard to the hitting, yeah you're right - it can't continue. It is, however, normal for this age. (Most children I've known either hit or bite...my son did both, lucky me). My suggestion: let him know that hitting is wrong and why. If you're a believer, our family uses the If-Then chart from Doorpost.com...we point to the offense, read what Daddy God has to say about it, explain in no uncertain terms why it's wrong (in this instance - God created us and therefore we are precious to Him. To hit someone who is precious to God is to demonstrate a lack of love and respect for them, and thus for God. We are called to love those around us, especially our families.), then point to the discipline (age and context appropriate - at two we would use a hand slap and isolation until restoration), perform it, then when the child is ready to restore the relationship, they must come, apologize for the offense, ask for forgiveness. We then evaluate what could have been done/said differently for next time and never bring it up again.

I know it's a long process, but it's consistent and the child always knows what's going to happen if he makes the choice to misbehave in some way. And it keeps us accountable to consistency.

Good luck!! Give your little boy a big hug for me and let him know that (altho it may take 20 years) he may eventually grow out of those allergies and asthma (playing a tuba helps...)!!!

Hi C. -
I can relate entirely, my 2 year old daughter is going through the same thing - but they will move on to bigger and better things to test. My daughter has a "naughty chair" in our living room, in the corner, turned around so it's facing the corner. When she hits, bites, kicks, etc., we get down on the floor to her eye level, take her by the hands and tell her very firmly, "we don't hit,(kick, bite), whatever the situation calls for. If she refuses to go to the naughty chair, we put her there. She stays in the naughty chair a minute for each year old she is, (I know, 2 minutes doesn't seem like much, but to them it's a lifetime!). If she throws a fit, which most do from time to time, she gets extra time until she stops crying. It doesn't work right away, but we've seen a lot fewer offenses.

Hi! My name is K. and I am hoping that I may be able to help, as I have been a student and a mom.

I found that Chelsey (my daughter) would act up more when she felt that she wasn't getting enough quality time with me. Being a student, I had my classes to go to and a short period of time at the college to study. Then going home and starting that race. And when I had a job, then doing that also. As I didn't have too much help, I pretty much had to do it all. I would only have short periods of time to spend with my daugher. Luckily, I had a good daycare at the college, but it wasn't the same as when Mommy was there.

And since he looks to you for a reaction to his hitting, it has a feeling that he is wanting that attention. And he since he gets your "full" attention when he hits you. He may now think this is "the way to get way to get Mommy's attention". Because whether it is good or bad attention, it is still attention. Even my 11 yr. old still needs that time when it is just her and I. Or when she needs that praise or boost when she is feeling about school.

So what I am trying to say is look at your patterns. How much time are you being able to devote to your son? Or are work and school demands taking up a lot of your time? Try to find a way to set aside a few hours, at least, a night or morning that you can just spend time with him. Do some type of fun activity that you both can enjoy. And if you are able to, read to him at night before you put him to be. My daughter still asks me to read to her when she goes to bed. So that is a good habit to get into. It also helps when you want to get them to bed on time. ;-) And try by asking why he does this. You will be suprised how articulate 2 yr. olds can be. :-) He may not be able to tell you exactly, but listen to what he says. Maybe he is unhappy at daycare or with the time that is able to be spent with him.

I hope this has helped. As usual I am long-winded, but I wanted you to see that while his medication may not be helping it still could be something even deeper than that. I know I went through a short period of time. Until someone took me aside and helped me. Good luck with getting hitting under control because it will only get worse as he gets older. Take care!

Hi C.,
I am going through similar power struggles with my 23 month old, the same ones I went through with his older brother at age 2. They test you. And they will for years. If your son is hitting you, then looking to see what you do, it is surely a test. You can say, "Don't hit mommy, that hurts." Rub your hand and make a sad face. Make him apologize to you. Show him how to do a soft, gentle touch. Hug and kiss, then move on. Engage him with something else, hand him a snack or something to play with. Do these things every time. He may get it eventually. Fighting with him will make things worse, and I don't recommend hitting him back. This will just make the cycle continue.

Once, a couple of years ago, my older son had a screaming tantrum in the grocery store. I left the cart and put him in the car. I told him, "Now we won't have any yummy food to eat." I drove away. People were staring at us! But believe me, he has never tried that again!

The one thing I have learned from my boys is that they need to know that mommy is serious and she means what she says. It's hard work. It'll wear you out, but if you're consistent, your struggles will be less.

Also, my son was on a steroid once for poison ivy. It made him violent and unable to focus. But I don't know if what your son is on would affect him this way, ask your doctor about it.

Good luck! Remember, mommy is boss!

Have you tried the ignoring negative repetative behavior method? I know it's hard to do and embarrasing, especially in public but sometimes they will do it just for the reaction. Of coarse your child doesn't WANT you to be angry or hurt, but he likes that he can get a reaction out of you every time. Maybe try giving a stern look, so he knows your not pleased, but ignoring the behavior and trying to redirect his attention. I worked in child care and sometimes this worked with the kids who were testing their boundaries or into getting any kind of attention they could, even if it was negative. Also, and I'm sure you do this , but ALWAY make sure to point out when he does something well or behaves nicely. Then you try to show them that they can get attention just as easily...and positive attention feels even better!
Good Luck!
S.
PS- I almost forgot...It most likely has to do with the steroids....if that makes you feel any better. My son was on heavy dose steroids after his bone marrow transplant and it TOTALLY changed his behavior and personality..(for the worse). God Bless him, it's so sad because it's not their fault when it's a side effect of the medication, but letting it continue obviously isn't the answer.

My daughter does the same thing. When she doesn't get something she wants she will scream and hit. She's actually still doing this but not as often. I try a couple different things depending on the situation. If she hits me more than once I grab her up and hug her so she can't hit, sometimes I put her in the playpen for 5 minutes with no toys, usually she continues to scream but after a couple minutes she's quiet and I get her out. I also try to distract her. Grab a toy and play, ask him to help you do dishes or laundry, or grab a snack. I'm always sure that when she hits to tell her that it hurts mommy and that I don't like it when she hits.
I don't think his medication has anything to do with it. I think it's just an attention grabber or him trying to let you know that he's frustrated.
Btw, what is he doing before he starts to hit you?