2 Year Old Fixation with Food

Updated on June 29, 2010
A.D. asks from San Mateo, CA
25 answers

Hi,
My 2 year old is fixated on food. He is large for his age (the size of a 3 year old) but we adjust for that in his portions. After every snack and meal he asks for more and he consistently grabs at other people's food and eats it as well. Most of his two year old tantrums center around the no's that come with no more food and no you can't have some of mommy or daddy's food. (This will be after a full meal or full snack.)

I do use time outs for the grabbing and I do say no when I feel he has had enough. The problem is he is always crying about it, grabbing it and he never seems to be satisfied. I do feed him organic, healthy, whole foods so it is not like he is not getting proper nutritional meals. I am starting to get a complex about it: am I feeding him enough, why has he chosen this to fixate on, how can I help him so he has a good relationship with food? I don't want him to get negative associations with it because I have to keep saying no. His doctor was not much help except to say he is very tall for his age but his weight is "slightly" more than his height meaning it will probably all come out in the wash but make sure he gets activity--which he does--at least 2-3 hours at the park each day.

Also, he is VERY verbal so he can express himself and what he wants very easily. He is speaking full sentences, potty trained and his level of understanding is quite high. I say this because it might have influence on what advice you give me.

He has always LOVED food...there is very little that he does not like and he is happy to try almost anything. That is positive however in the last several months it has gotten hard taking him places as he has food allergies and tends to grab his friend's snacks etc and I can't always be on top of it every second with a newborn.

Help! Any advice for me and how to handle this?

To answer some of the questions posed below:

His normal diet consists of yogurt/fruit/whole grain waffle for breakfast, turkey roll ups, PB&J, or something similar for lunch and dinner I tend to do what we are eating which could be all sorts of things...but we are vegetarian so mostly veggie meals although I do feed him fish. Snacks are cottage cheese with fruit, fruit alone, tomatoes with hummus, avocado, etc. He mostly considers fruit to be his treat but other than the occasional vegan cupcake (he is allergic to eggs) he does not get many sweets. He drinks non fat milk now which was requested by the doctor and come to think of it, this behavior has gotten much worse since we switched to that. Whenever he would ask for more food and we gave him the 2% milk he would be happy and calm down. Now he is on the no fat milk and I am not sure it does anything for him. He is not that into water so if I offer it throughout the day he will take a few sips and just put it to the side.

His exercise consists of swim class once a week, gymnastics once a week, and going to the park or playing in the backyard at least a few hours every day unless I have major errands to run and he may have 1 day a week where he isn't outside all that much. He is a VERY active kid. I can't really manage him well if he is not outside for some length of time each day.

I don't know if the kid gets full. Sometimes when my resistance is low and we are at someone else's house I let him eat what he goes after and it does not seem that he stops. It is almost like if the food if put out for him he will eat it.

I am 5'8" and my husband is 6'1". We both are in good shape, healthy, lean people. My son's build is very hefty if that make sense...not just tall but built with thicker legs and arms.

His reaction to EVERY meal and EVERY snack is "MORE". Sometimes he is fine when I say no and sometimes he is angry.

I do tell him no in a firm tone 90% of the time and he still grabs it after I say that. So I have resorted to time outs and that really makes no difference. Also, I am nursing my little one so when he knows I am stuck doing that sometimes he will go for food that is out of reach at that time.

The doctor said to get him exercise and watch his portions....he has been no help although I did make another follow up appt for next week to press the issue.

What can I do next?

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So What Happened?

Thank you to everyone who has posted. You have given me some great ideas that I am going to definitely research. I have to say I am a bit overwhelmed by all of this and I imagine I will be until we have something figured out. I made a follow up appt with our pedi and my husband is also going to take off work to attend. I think we need to definitely push the issue to make sure this is not a medial issue and just behavioral.

This morning I let him eat whatever he wanted and it just turned into eating the entire house. He had a full breakfast (fruit, yogurt, whole grain waffle), followed by some cheese on toast, followed by blueberries, followed by an entire nectarine, followed by granola with milk, followed by 10 ounces of milk in his sippy cup, followed by 1/2 a vegan cookie since it was his friend's bday and then he was still asking for more food when he left for the park. I appreciate the suggestions about letting him eat whatever he wants but I would assume at 2 years old he would be full after all of that, no?

Thanks again for taking the time to read my post and offer me suggestions. It is all very much appreciated!

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R.P.

answers from San Francisco on

Try eliminating grains and give him more protein and fat. It sounds like nothing is filling him up so that is why he is hungry all the time. For breakfast instead of a waffle, give him some eggs, bacon, fruit , and milk. Whole milk has more fat in it and will be better. See how he does with that and hopefully he won't need a snack between breakfast and lunch. For lunch give him some kind of meat (leftover chicken, a hotdog without the bun, ect.) , a vegetable (carrot sticks, slices of cucumber, frozen veggies , etc.), and then some fruit if you want. If he needs a snack try some nuts like macadamia nuts (Costco has them and they are really good), fresh fruit, or pork rinds. For dinner a meat and two veggies. Oh and butter is not bad, we add butter to veggies and meat. It will give him that added fat and that will help. Fruit for dessert.
Try to stay away from bread, pasta, tortillas, and processed foods.
It will make a difference. It has for my kids. Good luck!

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M.R.

answers from Columbus on

Just a question, if you don't set a limit on him, does he ever get full? When does he stop eating at some point when he is full? How much food would be enough? If there is not point that he is satisfied, I would start to look for the reason why. Even over eaters get full.

Have you ever checked his blood sugar or thought about asking for a referal to an endocronologist?

There is a rare genetic disorder where children are never full. It is not thier choice at all. They are obssessed with food. It does not sound likely though, since you describe him as very verbal, as these children usually have cognitive delays too.

I would start looking for answers and ruling out medical issues.

M.

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A.C.

answers from Cincinnati on

If your son could eat and eat forever without getting full, you need to speak to a specialist. There are several health problems that can cause this, and some of them can be serious. Your pediatrician may not be aware of the risks of this problem.

However, if he does eventually get full, one has to conclude that he either loves to eat (all the flavors and textures) or he is still hungry after what you have fed him. What about having a selection of foods that he can continue to munch on after a meal? Pick foods that are low in calories and sugars, such as carrot sticks, cucumbers, or celery, and let him have as much as he wants after he has finished everything else. Cucumbers and celery in particular are great foods because they take more calories to digest than they actually have in them, so they won't contribute to any perceived weight problem but they will help fill him up. If your son doesn't want these foods, chances are he isn't really hungry - he just wants more flavors. A doctor once told me that the difference between a craving and true hunger is that, in the case of true hunger, you'll eat an unseasoned salad if that is all there is. ^_^

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H.A.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi there,

I didn't have time to read your entire post, so maybe you've tried this already, but what happens if you just let him eat what he wants? Don't take this the wrong way, but maybe it's YOU and that has an fixation with food, and maybe he's just hungry?

I haven't seen many complaints that 2-year olds are eating too much, it's usually too little. But what I'd say to a mommy of a child who isn't eating enough is, let them decide, if they're hungry they'll eat.

We went through a phase when our daughter wouldn't eat and I was SO stressed out about it. I realize that she was reacting to me wanting her to eat more than eating when she was hungry (this was when she was first eating, at about a year). Now she has a healthy appetite and is in the 50% for height and weight. We always feed her when she's hungry (we have family meals) and when she decides she's done, we don't pressure her to eat more.

Maybe this same approach would work with your little guy? Can you try it for a week and see what happens? Maybe he's reacting to all of the "no"s he's hearing, like 2-year olds react in other situations? If he's not unhealthily fat, why not just let him eat when he wants to? Just a thought.

Good luck and I hope you find a solution!

H.

p.s. I'm surprised your Dr. suggested non-fat milk. I remember always having whole milk when I was a kid, and we have that in the house now. Something about how your body needs the fat to properly absorb the protein or calcium (I don't remember). If your son's weight is proportional to his height, why worry about his fat or his overeating at all? It sounds like the poor guy is on a diet, and THAT causes food obsessions. Really, I don't mean to offend you. Just another way of looking at the issue.

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

All good questions below.
How big or tall is your husband? Maybe your son will be a large/tall person.
Do you think he is going through a growing spurt?
Does he ever get full?

Is he a child that is a grazer? Likes to eat all of the time because he eats small amounts of food each time? Keep healthy fruits and veggies always available for him. Yogurt or yogurt based dips for him to eat with the fruit and veggies.

Does he get enough protein?
What does his doctor say about his size?

How active is he?

A good over all rule is" hands to yourself" and "hands only on your plate".
That covers it. Make it a rule and just keep reminding him.

Remind him that after dinner there are no more snacks. He will need to make sure he has eaten enough.

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D.S.

answers from San Francisco on

I'm not a nutritionist, so I'm just guessing, but I definitely agree with everyone guessing that he needs more protein and fat -- the 2% milk issue you pointed out is a big tip off. Also definitely agree with the suggestion to see a nutritionist and also an endocrinologist to rule out a medical problem. In your most recent post, you mention what he ate for breakfast when you allowed him to keep on eating -- and honestly, that doesn't sound completely crazy to me for a big two year old boy (maybe on a growth spurt?). Yes, it's a lot -- but I can't tell portion sizes from your post. The other thing is, it sounds pretty low-fat and low-protein -- which won't keep him feeling full. I can also tell you that when they are in what my husband and I call 'eating mode', my boys can and do eat more than I do. In particular, my younger son -- who is big for his age, but not at all fat -- can put it away. At 3 years old, out to eat at breakfast, he could eat: 2 scrambled eggs, a small share of my veggie omelet, a glass of low fat milk, say two handfuls of fruit (melon, berry, banana), and 4 pieces of whole wheat toast (4 slices of bread) minus the crust. Again, he's not at all heavy -- just big and very active. We also frequently eat vegetarian, but always have to provide extra protein/fat sources for the kids, particularly the one who doesn't like tofu. There's a great book on kids and eating that you might want to look at -- How to Get Your Kids to Eat, But Not Too Much, by Ellyn Satter. She has a 'golden rule' -- parents are responsible for _what_ is presented to the child to eat and when, while kids are responsible for _how much_ or even whether they eat. Hope that helps.

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L.G.

answers from San Francisco on

I Jjust want to lend a bit of support. My child, now almost 3, is also a bottomless pit. She is not agressive but is verbal. She eats a wapf-influenced diet- easy in carbs, no sugar/sweetener, and lots of healthy fats (processed fat free milk has almost no nutritional value if you consider absorbency rates) I think for us it's partially a cultural issue - a party at our house means sitting around the table noshing and shmoozing.
Bott line: it IS possible for a child to eat with their eyes, for company or pleasure, and I certainly would not let my girl gorge herself in hopes she magically knows her stopping point. I am going to ask about all the disorders mentioned at our next appt just in case.
As someone who has been battling with bad food attitudes instilled in childhood I want to remind all parents that children DON'T know what's best for them when it comes to portion sizes any more than they do what it comes to nutrition or crossing the road. That's why G-d gave them parents 

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A.C.

answers from Sacramento on

My kids are both the same way! It is nothing you are doing--you are doing a great job. My daughter started to outgrow this at about age 3. The only thing I would allow her to have seconds of is fruit and veggie...
I think the peer pressure at pre-school helped my daughter to see that not every child acts this way...so maybe enrolling him in a mommy & me preschool?

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I.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Ask for a referral to a dietician and arrive with a diary of everything your child eats. Have the dietician calculate the makeup of the food intake... maybe even by the meal so you can identify possible low blood sugar or nutritional deficiency waves during the day. Have you had a full panel of testing to identify other allergens? You've already mentioned an egg allergy. Eating other people's food might even be dangerous to him. Allergic food intake can sometimes trigger addictive behavior. If he isn't allergic to milk then bump the fat content back up. If he can do nuts or nut-butter have them handy to signal each meal's "finale". Once you've determined he's eating enough of the right, allergen-free food you can pick one that is always offered when the "more" request is given. Make it portable, low-cal, and crunchy if your kiddo is into that (we use Oatios). Is he getting his 2yr molars? Seeing LittleSib "snacking" all day long just reminds him of food... try offering him a "special' toy or book that he only gets while you're nursing.

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H.P.

answers from Sacramento on

My primary thought before reading the comments (which in general seemed to agree with this thought!) is that perhaps he's not getting enough protein and fat because of the veggie diet. I know that if I snack on veggies or fruit it just absolutely does not satisfy me and I remain hungry. So I make sure I always include something with good protein or fat with each snack to help me feel full. Fat delays gastric emptying and will help you feel more full for longer.

Talk to a dietitian or nutritionist, and have him checked out for any health issues that could cause him problems. But I think a few changes in _what_ he's eating could really help. It may be difficult for you to feed him a non-veggie diet, but that would probably be the easiest way to help him out. Although a good nutritionist may be able to help you with recipes that have enough fat and protein without the meat.

Good luck to you!

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J.W.

answers from Boston on

Hi,

I have to agree with Lin that it sounds like he's not getting enough fat. And with Heather who questioned your doctor giving him fat free milk. In fact, you admitted he is worse since putting him on fat free milk, so why don't you experiment and give him 1% or 2% milk? His little body and bones really need the calcium and it sounds like he is burning all his calories, so I doubt very much putting him back on regular milk is going to make him fat. :)

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K.B.

answers from San Antonio on

What is an example of your 2 year olds daily diet?

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A.K.

answers from San Francisco on

My son was also a little on the hefty side at age 2 and quite tall for his age. We called him the "barracuda" because he would eat everything he could get his hands on. He also was extremely active. I eventually stopped fighting his desire for more food (I was also dealing with a newborn) since I'd heard from many people that kids usually eat as much as they need, and let him eat as much as he wanted so long as he was eating healthy food and getting some outside time. His eating slowed WAAAAAY down once he was about 4 years old - in fact, now that he's almost 6, we have to sometimes beg him to eat (something we never thought we'd have to do). He's leveled out at 75% for height and 50% for weight (weight used to be slightly MORE than height, percentage-wise, and that has since switched). I have a feeling once food becomes less of a focus (which is probably heightened anyway since he has food allergies - we have those too), and he gets a little older, his demand for food may naturally subside.

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G.T.

answers from San Francisco on

You already had lots of great answers.
What I see in your post is healthy foods, good exercise, healthy parenting.
You wrote you are vegetarian:
- is he getting enough proteins (they help feel full) like tofu, beans... ?
- is he getting enough fat? (I think that is strange that the doctor switched him to non fat milk at this age. His brain cells need fat!)
If yes, I would go back to the pediatrician (or another one) and try to rule out physiological/ medical issues (thyroid, hormones, genetics...)
A visit to the nutritionist or dietician may help figuring out his needs (for example, good fats help assimilate important nutrients and nutrients interact with each other. Calcium and iron cannot be assimilated at the same time as they use the same vectors, ...)

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J.H.

answers from Sacramento on

As I was reading your post, I had two thoughts maybe he has a petuitary gland disorder or he's not getting enough protein.

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L.M.

answers from Modesto on

My guess is that he is not getting enough fat, yes fat. This is a still a young child who needs fats in his diet to grow. Fats are an important part of the human diet and of course shouldn't be overdone, but in trying to feed an adult-like diet, you may be depriving him of things that his body needs to grow. Fats also make us feel full. They release certain chemicals int he body that also tell our brains we are full. Your baby really shouldn't have to be vegan until he can make that decision. There is virtually no research on giving a diet like this to children. I suggest loosening up. Best wishes with this.

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J.B.

answers from Denver on

My brother eats like food is about to disappear for eternity. He's 6"2' and 175lbs, now. He was a little chunk growing up, tho.

My daughter is 28 months, 39', and 38lbs. She's a BIG girl, but she's not fat. I feed her wholesome foods with as little additives as possible. I do NOT feed her processed cereals. She eats lots of berries, yogurt, an egg a day, some cheese, milk and whatever protein and carbs/veggies we eat.

If you've had him adequately evaluated for medical issues, I would let him eat till he's sated, but maybe schedule his food so he can regulate his hunger.

I feed my daughter on a fairly tight schedule so she knows when she can expect food, that way her body knows too. I feed my daughter almost no sweets and give her juice sparingly (boxes are great bc they're preportioned and you don't have to worry about going through a whole bottle before it goes bad). If you're feeding him healthy foods and he's not obese, I wouldn't sweat it too much.

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L.D.

answers from Modesto on

Well I agree with Lin and Martha. See an encodrinologist asap to rule out any hormonal or genetic problem. Kids do need fat in their diet - that's why most kids are recommended to be on whole milk. Peanut butter and avocados have healthy fat. Meat is a good source of protein and fat too which both make you feel full-perhaps give it a try and see if it helps. Let him eat as much as he wants at mealtimes and see if he really does gain a lot of weight - he may not gain as much as you think especially since he's active . Perhaps set a time limit on mealtime (a generous one-maybe 45 min ) and let him eat as he pleases within this time and see if he gets full. Record to the best of your ability what and how much he eats to show the encocrinologist. If your son does have a medical issue, be sure to have your second child evaluated as soon as is appropriate regarding that particular issue. Good luck. I hope he's a happier, less hungry boy soon!

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N.K.

answers from Madison on

Two things need to be ruled out: a hormonal/physical problem (as Martha suggested) that causes him not to feel full; and doing this to get attention.
A relative on my husband's side has a son who became overweight as everybody kept talking about how much he ate, etc, and he was getting a lot of attention by eating/overeating.

In case he is doing these to get attention:
Sounds like he needs to be disciplined to stop grabbing other people's food. This may be similar to toddlers biting to get attention. When he grabs other's food, you may simply take it away and say with a firm voice "we do not take other people's food" without showing any reaction or negative/positive feelings, and ignore him for a minute or so. If you do this consistently, he will learn that he is not getting any attention by grabbing food.
Similarly, if he cannot get any attention by overeating, it should slowly go away.

Of course it is possible that he simply does not feel full. It may worth trying to give him as much as he wants and see when/if he gets full.

You can also try offering him water quite often, which may help to fill him up.

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L.C.

answers from Yuba City on

Could he have a thyroid issue? I wish you the best if luck!

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D.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Lily, It may just be that your child has a high energy body and really does need the fuel to sustain himself. Being that he is what you call large-- I am confused by that term tall or fat? and in your eyes or the doctors?. I have a3 yo granddaughter that is as tall as any 5 yo because her mom is 5'11" and dad is solid as a rock muscel from his work-- but is still a little tiny built girl and she is always eatting becasue she burns it off.We have no stop button for her and never have. We keep fun vegetables with 3 different kinds of dips in the bottom shelf of the frig or in an icechest for her to go to when she feels the need to snack. We also make sure she gets several small meals during the day vs just when we sit down to eat. That works best for her. Also fruit juice and fruit frozen bars( she hates the taste of yogart all of a sudden), but I know when she comes I make Konx Blocks using fruit juice the recipe is on the side of the knox gelitin box and that is a fun snack that is also good for them. Her peditraction is adamit about not giving anything but whole milk as her bones are still growing and feels it is healthy until age 5. So you might want to think about it. .
I would rather see you find wholesoe foods now and not have a problem later in life with food becasue he thought he was denied it. Good Luck, it really sounds like you are trying all your options. Nana Glenda

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M.B.

answers from Sacramento on

Okay it sounds like it could possibly be that he is not getting full. I can't believe that his dr. put him on non-fat milk. That is like water and not very filling. What was the reason from switching him fom full fat milk? If he's not allergic to it, can you put him back on it? By the way, I love our Ped. but I find most peds are no help in these types of situations. :)
Also, it must be that he is hungry and not about wanting what he can't have and you just wanting to teach him manners of not grabbing what is on other people's plates and teaching him manners. It could be just that he is still hungry. Since your vegetarian just make sure he is getting enough protein to fill him up. Carbs get burned off easily since he's so active. Also, can you make your own protein shake to give him?

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I.T.

answers from San Francisco on

It sounds like your son keeps active - which is a good thing. But perhaps that may be why he's hungry all the time. Maybe he's not getting enough "fuel" to keep up with his activities. I agree with Lin M. about the good fat that your child needs and also balance it with good protein (like peanut butter or cheese sticks, etc.). You may have to start including chicken into his diet. I also think that vegetarian diet may not be good for your son at his age. That type of diet is alway tricky because of the lack of portein portion (you can get a blood test to make sure he's getting enough protein or he's lacking in some type of vitamin deficiencies). The non-fat milk is not a big deal because he gets his nutrition from other sources. The main reason for milk is for the calcium and vitamin D.

I suggest the same thing as the other mothers. Let him eat as he would like. Try it for a few days. If he does get full, then it may be the type of food or the portion. If he's not, I would seriously see a specialist. There is a condition where signals doesn't get to the brain that the body has had enough to eat or it could be hormone imbalance.

Hope that helps!

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A.M.

answers from San Francisco on

I have read a portion of the answers to your question, and wanted to add my personal experience, because our behavior around food is so very complex. When my son was little, he always wanted to eat more. He ate very quickly, was always very possessive of the food on his plate, and never seemed to be full. When he was 7 he broke is wrist badly. The heavy, full cast, on for most of the summer, really slowed down his activity and by the time the cast came off -- he was very chubby. Still, he always wanted more. Eventually, he was diagnosed with ADD, and his food behavior really did seem to be tied to that. He began taking Concerta in 4th grade. While I understand it does act somewhat as an appetite suppressant, it also seemed to help him slow down and realize when he was full. Once he was able to recognize full, he was able to reduce portion size and number of portions. Please don't think I am suggesting at all that your 2 year old has ADD! This is simply my personal story.

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B.R.

answers from Sacramento on

I'm thinking perhaps you need to try to see another Dr. who may have more insight into this type of problem... or possibly a nutritionist. I can't believe that a two year old who is so intent on eating constantly doesn't have some actual physical need for the food, or for a change in the diet.
You mention giving him time outs. That probably isn't an effective approach to this problem at all. Try instead to use some re-direction strategies. Find something else that he has a definite interest in doing that you can send him to in order to get him away from the food.
I've dealt with small children who were big eaters... we have one in our childcare who started out that way at about age two, but now that he is 3 1/2 we are seeing a change in his eating habits and sometimes he actually will leave the table without finishing the first plateful of food. He was never as aggresively fixated on food as you describe your son. What we have always done with all of our children is to have regular times to eat... we serve them breakfast, lunch and a morning and an afternoon snacke... and when a child complains of being hungry in between times we simply remind them that the next eating time will be coming soon. We have allowed only water in between those times. Our meals/snacks are scheduled so the children get to eat something every two hours, except during naptime when it may go longer because they are sleeping.
Another thought is are you giving him any type of vitamin supplement? If not, perhaps there is something in that line that his system is lacking and the food you are serving doesn't happen to fill that particular need. This is something that possibly could be addressed by a Dr. or nutritionist who understands those things. Perhaps a blood test would show up what is going on in his system in that regard.

I think you can tell I'm simply putting out "shots in the dark" so to speak. Hopefully some of it will be helpful.

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