18 Vs 21 vs 20 plus as an Adult?

Updated on August 10, 2012
C.W. asks from Union Hall, VA
15 answers

Hi all you parents-

I have some concerns...based on both experience...and some literature/research (and a recent post regarding an 18 year old 'young adult')

WHEN does one call a 'baby' of theirs an adult?

At 18 now is what the law says...

They can vote...drive...get married...and be drafted...but cannot drink...

On the other hand, many studies indicate the 'brain' is not fully 'mature' until several years later.

I can ONLY say...that it is ONLY with my 'special needs' kiddo that I can feel sure she will always be a kiddo....

NOT sure at ALL when to draw the line with my more 'typical' kiddos...

Hmmm

What say YOU?

Thanks
Michele/cat

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Featured Answers

F.H.

answers from Phoenix on

I think they are an adult when they can "act like one"...move out, hold a job, pay their bills, act responsibly with alcohol and other temptations, etc. But all 3 of them will ALWAYS be my babies....

3 moms found this helpful

L.M.

answers from Dover on

Well, 18 makes them legally an adult but since they can't drink for three more years and are typically still a student they are not a self-reliant adult so the term "young adult" comes to mind for those aged 18 - 22. To be a full adult I think they need to be at least 21, working, supporting themselves, and acting like an adult.

However, my kids (age 5 & 20) will ALWAYS be my babies!

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

L.A.

answers from Austin on

I honestly think it depends on the person.

Some people think 18 year olds as just teenagers, but I know many people who are 18 that are way more mature than people much older than them.

I was married when I was 20. We paid for our own wedding, honeymoon cruise (my husband turned 21 on the ship).

We never asked for financial help, we made career choices.. all sorts of things.

Our daughter was born old. She has had more sense than many adults I know. She was just born ready to take responsibility for her actions.

She will always be my baby, but she easily could have lived on her own at 16, if her education had not been so important to her.

I also am amazed how many people underestimate their children. You give them high expectations and tell them you know they can do it.. and most times they can.. I see it all of the time. The children are alot more capable, when we support their choices and ALLOW them to make mistakes and learn from them.

7 moms found this helpful

J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

My babies will always be my babies but I started calling them adults when they moved out. :)

Even with Andy, my special needs, there are moments of insight and maturity and he is only 13. Pretty sure even that one will fly the coop eventually.

5 moms found this helpful
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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

Well, they can still be an adult but not trusted with all the same things. Just ask the insurance company what they think of an 18 yr old vs 25 yr old behind the wheel.

I don't really think of SD as a full adult. Kind of a proto adult. Technically, she is grown. She can sign for things herself. But she can't rent a car. And she's never lived on her own, held a professional job, or bought her own car. So she's an adult with no experience being one - yet.

Which is not to say that we didn't support her brother through college and then in the first months before he got a job. But did we have different expectations? Yes. Like paying his own insurance, being responsible for his own healthcare, contributing to the household without whining. Laundry? Allllll yours, buddy. I'm not touching it. But you'd better not pull my laundry out and leave it in a wet heap, either. But if I didn't get some respect for my home from another adult who could and should contribute? Yeah. Grown enough to figure it out somewhere else.

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J.K.

answers from Wausau on

I was an adult when I was 18 - I graduated high school, moved out, went to college on my own dime, got a job, etc. I have never had to depend on my parents after moving out, financially or otherwise.

My mom would have preferred that I stick around a little longer, but I'm just too independent to allow myself to be coddled. :-) My younger brother is 25 and not an adult. He lives with mom, doesn't have a job, no goals....he's a child in a man-sized body. Unfortunate, because he's not stupid. I think he's mostly just lazy.

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S.E.

answers from New York on

ill be 24 in a month and have a 2 week old daughter and i still dont feel like an adult lol .. just thought id share that with you .. to me its about the individual child/person.. some kids are just more mature than others

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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

I consider a person an adult when they are responsible for their own care and feeding.
That means having a job, moving out of your parents' house, paying your own bills.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

In terms of familial and maternal emotions.... our kids will always be our "babies."

When a "child" is an "adult" varies per culture and environmental/societal demands. And it is not all congruent or homogeneous, in its connotations.

In our country, they call it at 18 years old. Or at 17 years old.... "Kids" go to war, can enlist in the Army etc. In my State and most others, you have to be 21 to drink or buy alcohol. Legally. Dichotomy. Right?

And yes, the human brain is NOT fully developed, physiologically and per emotions, until 26 years old.
The National Geographic Magazine, last year I believe in October, they had an article on "The Teenage Brain." I have this issue.
Here is the link, for the article:
http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2011/10/teenage-brains/...
It is a very good enlightening article.

My late Dad, always called me his little girl. I am. And wish he were still among us.

Then, there are "Adults" that are still not mature yet, either.
Regardless of their age.

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H.W.

answers from Portland on

I think I consider 18 as 'being legally able to' do the above listed. I consider true adulthood more of a reflection of how someone acts.

Likely, they want us to consider them adults from the time they're 14, ha. But I'm with SH, who often posts that their brains aren't mature enough to understand long-term consequences proactively until they are in their mid-twenties. That said, when my son is 21, I'll likely call him an adult for HIS sake. Certainly, not mine!

4 moms found this helpful

R.D.

answers from Richmond on

I wasn't mature at 18... but I raised a kid (three, now, they're works in progress)...

Will I always be 'daddy's little girl'? Of course. Will I always love my 'mommy'? Of course!

But at 18, I made the choice to have a kid and start my own family. Mentally, was I ready? No. But did I do it? Hell YES.

Now, at 28, with 3 kids, I am WAYYY more mature than people almost twice my age (take my 40 year old almost ex husband as a prime example).

I have an old soul. I am ALL about medicine and research, but everyone matures differently. I always have been, and always will be, MUCH more mature than my age.

Age is just a number. To each their own!

When it comes to my kids, they will ALWAYS be my babies... even when they have babies of their own. Again, to each their own :)

3 moms found this helpful

A.G.

answers from Dallas on

I think it completely depends on the individual. For example, my 14 year old son is much more mature than my 58 year old relative. I'm not saying my 14 year old is an adult, but he's acts more like one than my relative.

I teach seniors in high school, and I can easily imagine some of them out on their own soon, but others . . . well, it's a struggle.

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L.G.

answers from Atlanta on

At 18, yes they are leagally grown but the mind is not fully matured. I look at an 18 year old as being in the category as a regular teenager. They have no clue about life and sme are just learning what its like tobe on there own. However, I think it is unfair that some of them fight for their country, carry a gun but cant even drink! What kinda sense do that make? That law need to be changed. At 21, I see them as being grown but in my eyes they are still very young.

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T.H.

answers from Norfolk on

every kid becomes an adult when they are mature and can take care of themselves. that's what you mean when you are saying that your special needs kid ever will become an adult. so if you are talking about it that way then apply it that way to every child. in this case kids can become adults very early around age 16 purhaps. even younger if the laws didnt say that they couldnt get a job and own things like property and such before they are 18. they cant even rent a car til they are 25. i think the laws hold them back. other kids are happy to never leave the nest and couldn't hold down a job even if their life depended on it.

if you mean when are they truly adults by definition then look it up in the dictionary and you find that it's a person who is fully grown or developed or of age. of course that brings us back to the maturity level but at least brings our age up to about 16 when a normal person stops growing and if you want to add in the brain part i think that's age 25 which is also i believe when the vocal chords mature as well. so all in all it depends on what you are refering to. but i guess by 25 unless the child has a "deficency" of some kind.

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K.L.

answers from Washington DC on

I graduated from college, moved into an apartment with a friend and got my first job all a few months before turning 22. My parents were done paying for everything and I was on my own! I think that is when I became an adult. Of course, they would still send me a plane ticket to come visit once in awhile and that sort of thing. I guess they knew I truly could not afford anything besides basic necessities and if they wanted to see me they'd have to help me out a little. I got married at 24 and got a better job. That's pretty much when the hand outs stopped completely. Was I an adult at 18? NO WAY!!!

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