12 Year ADHD - Parents Need Help

my friend is an herbalist. and they have something called Focus Attention, that isn't a chemical and works with his body and what his body needs, it really helps with ADHD. I can give you her contact info if want. just let me know! :)

Speaking as someone who has ADHD (I'm 27) I can say that I used to have similar problems. They were not quite as bad, but let me offer you a (hopefully) new perspective. When I was his age, I was always late for my classes. I got detention, didn't care, I had the threat of phone privileges being revoked, didn't care...but, I didn't know that I could get a note either. I would just get so distracted that time seemed to stand still. I was not diagnosed with ADHD until I was 19, so I was not using medication. I could not remember anything I read unless I heard the words. If I tried to read silently, it was gone. When I was younger, I simply couldn't read if I couldn't say the words. There are probably at least 2 different things going on here. One of them being, your son has obviously not found a study method that works for him (and he therefore probably just doesn't care because he thinks he never will and everything's a loss). Another being that he may not realize that he is staying up that late until he actually gets tired and thinks of getting in bed. With ADHD, you are either completely in your own world and have to be physically jarred from it, or you process everything going on around you at one time and cannot filter it out. The being in your own world part is a direct result of compensation for not being able to put those filters in place. My boyfriend can listen to 4 people talk at the same time and know what each of them has said (he does not have ADHD), but if I did that, I would mix all the words together and feel lucky if I could even tell you one word that each had said...thus creating a mess. I will be almost like in a trance and suddenly realize that an hour has gone by (or 2 or 3) and have no clue what I've been doing during that time. I was on ritalin at one time for my ADHD and took myself off of it because I did not want to need it my entire life. Instead, I started experimenting with things until I found some that worked. I can offer a few generic suggestions of where to start, but without knowing specific problem areas, it's a little difficult to get into specifics. I appologise if this seems a little scatter brained, I am being interrupted by my 3 year old as I'm writing this. I know this is getting pretty long also, please bare with me.

In class, I found that one thing that helped me the most was taking notes. It was easiest for me if the teacher was also writing them on the board, so I could copy, but just write down everything the teacher says that is relevant to the topic (if in question, write it down is how I always thought of it). My thoughts tend to wander, so anytime I realize I am not thinking of what I should be or think my thoughts might be in the wrong place, I stop and ask myself "what am I supposed to be focusing on right now". Another thing that has helped me immensely is having something to do (taking notes in class helps this) while I'm listening...such as tapping my foot, fingernails, something that is a very small and relatively undistracting movement for others, yet it allows me to move. Being ADHD instead of just plain old ADD, if I am not allowed to fidget or move about, but rather forced to sit perfectly still, soon all I can think of is moving. Perhaps your son can get permission to periodically stand behind his desk or walk around the room once in a while (not constantly). For remembering to do things (I am guessing that not doing homework is partly related to not remembering the lesson and thus, not knowing how, and partly due to forgetting all about it) you might try sticky notes or a specific notebook that he takes everywhere and writes down everything he had to do in...you can even start with something like chores and build up to homework and everything else. For most things to a person that is ADHD, out of sight, out of mind...if I can't see it, I completely forget that it exists. At work, I keep an inbox where I can SEE it and keep all of my projects in it and organized. I write everything down on the same calendar that I take everywhere with me, and I put post it notes up in the places where I'm at the most at home (my desk, the bathroom mirror, etc) where I KNOW that I will see it and not forget..especially for appointments because of how I lose track of time. One of the most key things is to find something that works, get in the habit of doing it every single day, and sticking to it. What works for me wont necessarily work for the next person with ADHD, but it is certainly a starting place, and I have tried many things, not all of which have helped me. They key is to try something until you find a fit. Try things you think might work, try things you think are obsurd or too cumbersome because you might just be surprised. If you would like some more specific suggestions for somewhere to start, or just to talk, ask questions, whatever, feel free to contact me here or through my email ____@____.com Having spent so long myself trying to find things that worked for me and getting so mad and frustrated in the mean time, I really enjoy helping others with the same condition I have. One last thing that might help your son is telling him that he doesn't have a "dissability" as he has probably been told by doctors, peers, teachers, general public, whomever, but that he simply thinks differently than most people and has to find a way to do things that works for him. That is honestly what I believe ADHD to be. For that reason, people who do not have ADHD were not of much help to me because they simply dont' understand the manner in which I think and process information. Just getting rid of the word dissability may help. Good luck to you. Sorry this went on for so long, but I sincerely hope it has helped. Please don't hessitate to contact me with questions.

L.

Check out Time4Learning.com. This program single-handedly turned my ADD son from hating learning and functioning well below grade level to excelling even in his "worst" subjects.

Good luck, and hang in there.

As a mother of an ADHD child I can tell you that you are not alone!!!!!!!!!!!! He is very typical ADHD. They have no emotion tied to materialistic things. There is no connection to consiquence either. It's not that they are bad childs, they just don't think the way "normal" kids think. There is an issue you might want to address with his provider... some kids that are ADHD diagnosed can actually be bipolar, and or both. The lack of sleep is also normal and can be controlled by seraquil or other meds like it. The difficult mornings are normal too... YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND YOU ARE NOT A BAD PARENT!!!! A great book to read is "The defiant child" I'm not sure of the author, but it is white with a scene of a boy on it. It is helpful! Also become a member of CHADD. It is a website for ADHD children and their parents. Let me know if that helps. Try to figure out how they process information rather than reward and punishment. It's in the processing that they get lost. A.

High quality nutritional supplements can drastically improve this situation. A colleague of mine says that after taking the supplements for a short time her ADHD son's teachers were asking her what kind of medication he was on. Let me know if you are interested in learning more.
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M. in Olympia

I was going to ask if you have an iep but I reread your question and see that he goes to a charter school. Does your son's charter school have any kind of services like tutors or education plan for students with disabilities? Does he see a psych or a couselor of any kind? Who diagnosed your son? ped or psych? A psych can diagnose better and knows more about meds. Some of the problem is he is going through puberty now and that plays a part. Also, sometimes meds need to be adjusted at this point because of changes due to puberty. I am not giving you any great ideas, I know. There is a message board I go to that has alot of really great people and they are parents of adhd kids. It is at adhdnews.com. It sounds like you are trying your best. Remember positive is better than a negative with our kids.

I too have a son who is 11 and diagnosed with ADHD. Unfortunately he is my stepson and lives with his mom who has decided since the age of 5 to have him on medication. I agree with meds if they help the child but my ss is failing the 5th grade and has a 2nd grade reading comprehension. I wonder how does the school allow him to move up with this lack of progress. And why his mom allows the meds to take over his life when they're not working. We have taken away all video games when he's with us but it's still no motivation for him, as he gets to play them at his mom's. It's very unfortunate and I feel for you. I'm very scarred to see the future of my ss. Goodluck and let me know if you find anything that helps.

Hello C.! I was a mother of an adhd child who was diagnosed when he was very little but officially when he was 7.
I tried the medication thing, but all it did for him was make him not eat and the meds were only good for a certain amount of time. Needless to say I took him completely off of his meds. I took him to a specialist in the tacoma area named Dr. Daniel Schneller who is a specialist in young adults and adhd, etc.

I ended up keeping him off the meds and we started a regimented routine for him. For the most part it really helps. In school when he would start to be disruptive they have a 504 plan do you have it in place? It allows him to get up and move around when he is starting to feel disruptions coming on. He needs to learn when the signals are coming at him. My sons writing became very poor and irratic looking when he was feeling that way.

I did end up a few times setting in his classroom with him. But today he is in the navy, he is still having issues from time to time with the issue but he has learned to assess himself for when the disorder is getting out of hand.

It is very time consuming, but in the end you and your child will have less headaches from this.

Hope this helps a bit and if you have any questions please feel free to ask me.

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This must be very frustrating and difficult for you. I would recommend getting an evaluation from a child psychiatrist who specializes in ADHD. You could ask for names from the American Psyciatric Association if your pediatrician can't recommend one.

It sounds like you're going around in circles trying one thing and then another. Having one professional involved would help with consistency as well as learning ways that have been effective with other children similar to yours.

I would also look for a Parents of Children with ADHD support group. Often we can learn from other's experiences and benefit from being around other parent's dealing with similar issues.

You don't give your son's age but if he's a teen you have other issues in addition to the ADHD with which to deal.

I come back to the idea that you need a professional support person for both you and your son's benefit. Perhaps you do have such a person and are just looking for ideas. My only experience with ADHD is with the possibility that my daughter, at age 7 had ADHD. She came to me as a foster daughter. She was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress disorder instead. Another possible disorder for her was Oppositional Defiance Disorder. She began weekly therapy which helped.

I am not saying that your son could have these serious disorders but from your question I wonder if there is something else in additon to or instead of ADHD that is affecting your son's behavior. This "something" could be a psychological issue but then it could be physical as well. When you say he can't get up in the morning and stays up late at night my first thought was that the medication is causing this. Feeling groggy and drugged could be causing his lack of motivation and inability to complete assignments, etc. And medication can make anyone cranky and uncooperative. Being a teen or preteen would certainly add to this.

I do hope that if you don't already have professional help that you will get some. You must be worn out trying to deal with this.

My husband had a lot of problems with doing his work in school, especially around that age. He has always hated anything with extreme repitition and that is what school is a lot of. He didn't have ADD or ADHD. He has a very high IQ and it was boring! My son is starting the same issues and he has been tested and placed into TAG (talented and gifted). Schools are teaching students to learn through repitition and for people that already get the information the first or even second time they do it, it gets SO boring. Can you blame them for not wanting to do something that is boring? I don't know about you, but I hate being bored and if something is boring I won't do it.

Since your son is excelling in math I would consider high intelligence. Math is challenging. Both my son and husband LOVE math (and apparently I'm pretty good at it even though I don't like it LOL).

I have NO idea on how to advise you, but maybe you can find ways to decrease the amount of repitition he has to have and find ways to challenge him. It might help.

I PERSONALLY do not believe in ADD or ADHD and I also PERSONALLY do not believe in medicating children. Their bodies are growing and changing and no matter how much testing is done, no one can know what long term effects the chemicals are doing. My brother was highly medicated starting at 6-7 years old and it was just because he had problems dealing with my parents divorce. He had a stroke at 7 years old because of the amount of medication and now has some major learning disabilities (20 years old and reads at a 1st grade level). After his stroke he stopped all other medications but Ritalin (a common med for ADD/ADHD). All of us kids (me and 3 brothers total) are convinced that his problems stem from the massive amounts of medication at a time when his body was developing. But again, this is just my opinion. You must do what you think is right for your child.

Teenagers are notorious for staying up late and sleeping in and it sounds like he is starting that phase or is well into it. :) I am dreading that bit with my daughter because she is hard to get up in the mornings now. But, I just stay next to her and do not let her doze in and out of sleep. And bedtime is bedtime, lights out.

Good luck!!! :)

Helly C.,

You and I are in the exact same boat. The only thing I can add that hasn't already been added is I have found the comment made about giving resources to help him figure out what organizes his study time. I have just started with my son so if you would like to e-mail back and forth to see what works please do ____@____.com.

Hi C.,
Something you might think about is getting another opinion on his diagnosis. He might not be ADHD but high functioning autistic. It's often misdiagnosed as adhd. It is called Aspergers syndrome, here's a link to some info http://ezinearticles.com/?What-Are-the-Most-Common-Symtom...
My bro in law has it and was misdiagnosed for years.
~M.

Wow- this is a really difficult situation with no easy solutions. Going back to the basics I would ask does he have a good bedtime routine? Is it possible there is another school or possible homeschooling that might fit his needs better?

I would request some more evaluations.. and check with your son's doctor to see if your son could use some help from anti-anxiety medication (my 12 year old dd has been dx ADHD for about 4 years now in on Zoloft and it helps) anxiety with ADHD is also common. Request the school do some testing to see if there is a learning disability.. it is common for kids with ADHD to have a learning disability too. He may be very smart... but something may be stumping him. Even if your son goes to a private school, you can request an evaluation at no cost through your local school (whichever school he would go to if he were going to private school)

if he stays up til 1 or 2 - it could be the ADHD meds.. or anxiety... check with the doctor. he or she might also recommend something to help with the sleep.

I have another with ADHD that has problems with staying up (anxiety related) .... she is on Zoloft too... and it has helped some.