Who's the Best Person or People to Help My Baby?

Hi my name is L...I live in San Jose. I have a home daycare and many years experience with babies of every degree of difficult.
I would be happy to talk to you....and offer any suggestions...sometimes its easier talking to another mom...

You may need a few hours a day break if you are a stay at home mom.
My email is ____@____.com

Dear AK,
I feel like I want to give you my phone number or ask if I could come over and meet you and your husband and your three month old. I imagine that there are others in your life who would feel the same if they read your plea for help.
Do you live on the peninsula?
I just want to say you are not failing and will not fail even though there are and will always be challenges!!

It can get very confusing reading all these entries and other articles that appear on the internet not to mention the different child care specialists who write books or have tv shows. Lifetime channel used to have child care experts like Penelope Leach and Dr T. Berry Brazelton who had wonderful shows and addressed all kinds of issues. They also have good books as is the one by the Sears doctors. I had Dr. Spock in my day in the 50s when my children (al five of them) started coming.

After they were grown and I went back to school and studied psychology and early childhood development and worked in day care centers as well as pre-schools, I learned a lot that I wish I had known earlier. I still read a lot about child care and child development and still baby sit with my great grandchildren as well as some of the children I formerly was a nanny for when they were babies.

If you would like to talk with me, please let me know and I will give you my phone number. I live in Menlo Park.

Great grandma N.

Ava at blossom birth in Palo Alto is awesome. blossombirth.org. go to one of the groups. you might find that everyone is in the same boat. Thats just kids. Good luck.

We live in Redwood City and recommend calling Elizabeth at Town and Country Resources in Palo Alto. ###-###-####. She is the baby nurse placement specialist, and has many professionals that can help you one on one, and also give you a little rest and ease in the process.
Their website is www.tandcr.com . Elizabeth has been their for 10+ years and has children of her own. Whether you want someone for one day or longer, she can help you assess your needs.

PS-you are doing an amazing job as a mom. Becoming a Mom is the hardest thing I've done in life. My daughter did the same thing by rejecting the bottle, and her sleep issues were intense. Being sleep deprived myself, I could not even find the energy to pick up the books or implement certain changes, simply because of pure exhaustion.

The one thing that did help when we got help, was us deciding first what parenting style we were okay with and what we weren't. There are different methods to sleep training, from letting them cry it out or soothing them to sleep each time. For us we desired our children to learn how to sooth themselves to sleep when they woke up, so that we were not up all night long. If I was getting sleep, that meant, I was able to function better through the day and stick with a healthy routine, which in turn helped our daughter sleep through the night. Also by helping them with healthy sleep habits, it allowed us to go on date nights because they were in a routine, and not dependent upon just me to put them to bed, but rather they were comfortable with a sitter.
We used Babywise, but its not for everyone. There are a slew of books out there another is Healthy sleep habits, happy child. etc...

Have you contacted your pediatrician about the bottle rejection? We did, because I was concerned that she wasn't eating. Come to find out, she started teething at 3.5 months. Just double check its not a bigger issue.

I hope your day is filled with ease.

Tasha

You do NOT sound lazy, you are not going to fail miserably. Having a newborn is challenging, but it really will get better in the next month or so and just get easier from there. :) In the meantime, do what you have to - you're almost out of the survival stage.

I feel for you! I had the same issues for the first few months. I feel like things really fell into place for us at around 4 months, even though I thought it would all sort of click at 3 months (desperately wishful thinking).

1. Mine also went through a bottle strike at 3 months old! It is very common. Keep trying, even just using an ounce at a time so you don't waste milk/formula. Try having other people (like your husband) give her the bottle without you in the room. Try feeding her while facing her out so she can look around. It took me an hour to get my son to drink 2 oz at times. When he started daycare there were no issues - he just up and took the bottle. It may be a month or so before she accepts the bottle again.

2. Sleep, oh sleep. I was the person who had their baby in the swing for naps AND night sleep. Sigh. But, it was the only way to get him to sleep. I definitely had moments where I contemplated getting a night nurse. If you don't have family who are able and willing to help (my mother in law visited and took care of the early morning feeding for us), then you could consider the night nurse option. Also, you can get a babysitter to come to your house in the day or drop your baby off at a friend's so you can just sleep for a few hours. I did that a couple of times. Get blackout shades for your windows (or eye mask) and a noise machine, or turn a fan on. It may help you sleep.

I don't know how you feel about sleep training, but in my case I just got to the point where I couldn't handle the sleep deprivation any longer. I waited until he was 4 months old and started with naps, then nighttime wasn't so bad for training because he was used to being put down in his crib to sleep.

Lactation nurses are very helpful for questions about nursing and bottles. Sequoia Hospital has a great helpline and also a new parent support group that meets weekly. It is a great community!

there's an 8 minute youtube video that shows you how to swaddle your baby to help her calm down. It is very kind to her and really did help our infant:
youtube.com/watch?v=ddRkI5wVIqQ

Also, I recommend counseling with Mary Sheedy Kurcinka - she does phone work and has done a lot of research and help with sleep and kids with difficult personalities. She has a website: parentchildhelp.com/ and there is a link for consultations.

This parenting stuff is HARD plus you are still recovering from pregnancy and birth. Congratulations for reaching out to learn more and your willingness to be open to new ideas. You are great parents!

I remember that my son was extremely difficult until about 4.5 months old. I think it's natural and your child is still learning about life outside your body and there's nothing you can do at this age to help that along.

If you're stressed, and have her around and on good terms, try talking to your mom about things. I mean, she did raise you.

I think my hubby and I went through 5 styles of bottle nipples before finding one that our son liked, otherwise feeding was a nightmare. Also, what sleeping issues are you having with your child? Mine used to sleep all day then play from about 7pm to about 5am for the first 4.5 months. It was horrible, I stayed up with him during the nights while my hubby slept in the bedroom so he could go to work in the morning. And I still couldn't sleep during the day because the sun was up and my body couldn't sleep, therefore, I think I was a zombie for almost 5 months.

3 months is way too young to involve a child consultant. I know you don't want to hear this, but it is natural and you're just going to have to have a little more patience and take a lot of deep breaths. Good luck to you both.