When to Tell Our Son We Are Pregnant?

I just had baby #3, my boys are 5 and 3 and we told them right away! They asked a couple questions, but never bothered me too much with the "when" stuff. They were excited to see my belly growing and feel the baby move. Plus, I wrestle with my boys, so telling them early let them know that they cannot jump on my tummy or play too hard.

My sisters, who all have multiple children, waited until after their first trimester to make sure everything was okay. I know we don't like to think about what can go wrong, but as someone that experienced a miscarriage, I don't know what I would of done if I had to explain it to a young child and then had to deal with all the questions that come with it.

I would wait until he comments on your growing stomach...when that happens depends on the woman of course but it will probably happen in the second trimester.
Before that, I would start asking him what he would think of having a sibling to play with, when you see a baby, comment on how much fun it is and talk about how babies need big brothers to look out for them, etc. Basically just start getting the idea in his head and suggest all of the positive things about babies.
When he asks [or if he doesn't, you could have your husband ask you about your stomach in front of him], and you've explained to him that he is going to be a big brother, then you can let him start helping by reading books to the baby in the womb, picking out clothes, painting a new toy box, and using fabric paint to make special onesies for baby

Again, not to be negative, but I have to tell you my story. When I was pregnant for the first time I told my good friend and neighbor. We told her 3 year old daughter too. I ended up having a miscarriage at 13 weeks. Her 3 year old asked me for months afterward about the baby in my tummy and what happened to it. It was devastating! We now have a 5 year old and are expecting again. I'm only 6 weeks along and definitley plan to WAIT to tell our son. At least until we see or hear the heartbeat, and are ready for all our friends and family to know--we can't expect him to keep that a secret!

There are amazingly wonderful books you can read to your son that are geared for preparing a sibling to anticipate receiving the new baby into your family. Some of the books you can get at either the library or bookstore
have great pictures that help to explain the process. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Maybe if both mommy and daddy are involved in reading the story to your son, he will pick up on the unity and feel the support of both parents. A thought to help your son understand the time involved would be to get a special calendar and have him mark off the days.

I would tell him when you start showing (or before so he won't be scared when you are throwing up for weeks). I hate to put it this way but you may not have 9 months. My 1st child was 12 weeks early & my 2nd child was born 4 weeks early (she died). My oldest was 4 when I became pregnant with my 3rd child & we told him early on (before I was showing).
If you tell him early you can get a calander & mark the day when you are due, then he can mark each day off. If he starts asking when the baby will be born show him his calander.
We also got a 'I'm a big brother' book & read it daily. Allow him to pick out a toy or an outfit for the baby. Help him wrap it so he can give it to the baby when the baby is born. Pick out a gift for him from the baby (small toys for the hospital for when he comes to visit you).

God bless!

Hi M.,
I am 19 weeks pregnant. We wanted to wait and tell my 3 1/2 yo son until I was a little further along, but he was getting confused as to why I was so sick all the time, and why I never felt like swinging him around in the yard, running him around in the wagon, etc. So we told him when I was about 9 weeks along. A friend of ours brought over their baby, and they let him hold the baby and give it a bottle. We asked him if he would like baby brother or sister. He said "YES!" and was very excited. We told him then that very soon he would be a big brother. We told him a baby was growing in my belly, but right now mommy feels very sick and tired. We told him he would have to be gentle around mommy, and asked him if he could help daddy do things around the house when mommy felt sick. He agreed, and he never asked anymore questions. No "how did it get there", or "where did it come from" etc. He has been so sweet throughout it all. When I am sick (which I still am) he comes in and asks if I need water, or if he can tuck me in bed. We find out the sex of the baby next week, and since has been so helpful and sweet, we are going to let him come to the appointment. We really want him as included as much as possible. We ask him fun questions like "What do you want to name the baby?" or "Do you want a baby brother or sister? Why?" What comes rolling out of his mouth is hilarious!
My advice is to just keep it as simple as possible when the time comes, and make your son as much a part of the pregnancy as possible. You might be surprised at how well he takes the news. Good luck on #2!

We are in the same boat you are but with a 4 year old girl. We are not pregnant yet but have the same question. My only concern with telling her early is the possibility of a miscarriage. My little girl could not handle that. She is such a sensitive kid as it is and that would cause her such stress. So I don't know when is best either! Maybe some other Moms can give us insight!

I think you may want to wait to tell him too. When we were pregnant with our third, we told both boys (5 & 2) after I had been to the doctor. They were excited, but then I found out at 10 weeks that I'd had a miscarriage. It wasn't a big deal to our 2 year old because he pretty much just forgot about it, but we had to explain it all to our 5 year old. He talked about it for several weeks and told everyone about it. It probably didn't help him that my sister-in-law was pregnant at the same time either. When we got pregnant again last year (the boys were 6 & 3), we decided not to tell anyone until after the first trimester. I started showing not long after we told the boys and they loved it. They were amazed at how big my belly got...of course, they both let me know that my booty was getting fat too! But, they were so excited and could not wait to have a baby in the house. We told them it would be a few weeks after their school started which worked out pretty well. Our 6 year old didn't ask too often because he could understand the concept of time a little better, but our 3 year old asked a lot. He wanted his sister to be born, but he also wanted my lap back! The questions really weren't that bothersome though. They were just excited and wanted to talk about it. Enjoy it...it's a lot of fun experiencing it with them!

I'd also advocate waiting for awhile, just to make sure everything is ok with the pregnancy. We told our son a little (but not much) earlier than the first trimester, but mostly because I was feeling so tired and nauseous that I just wanted to explain why.

Also, my son is a child that needs a lot of prep for transitions, so it was helpful to let him know that a baby was on the way relatively early to get him used to the idea. He really hasn't driven us crazy with questions, but he will be 3 years and 5 months when the baby is born, so a little younger than yours. The questions he has asked have usually been really fun and sweet, so in that regard, it was actually really cool that he's known about the baby for so long.

I just found out I was pregnant a few wks ago and I have a 3 yr old who will be 4 in October, so close in age to your son. We told him right away. We were too excited to keep it to ourselves. We just told him that he was going to be a big brother and that mommy has a baby in her tummy. He was really excited. I too was afraid of him constantly asking when the baby is coming, but it really hasn't been an issue. I just explained to him that the baby is really small and has to stay in my tummy for awhile until it grows bigger. He has asked a few questions that I wasn't expecting at this age, such as "how did the baby get in your tummy" and "how does the baby come out". I just told him that God put the baby in my tummy and the doctor is going to take it out. He still questions the baby coming out part, but I'm not ready for that conversation yet, just keep telling him that the doctor will take care of it for lack of a better answer. I don't regret telling him early. We really wanted him to feel involved. Good luck with the baby making!

Why not get him involved in "deciding" how much fun a little sibling could be, planning how best to be a big brother, and anticipating the pregnancy?

To forestall endless questions (which may not ever become an issue), once you do get pregnant, link the baby's arrival with an upcoming season or holiday, as well as the growth of your belly. It will be good training for your son in the cycles of the year.

Interesting answers, since I was the exact opposite. I know this is gonna be long (too long, probably) but I'm just laying out what we did to prepare my oldest for our awesome baby. It was all over the space of 8-9 months. My son was 2 most of the pregnancy; he turned 3 one month before the baby was born. We waited til like 2 months, when it was "typically safe" to know the baby "took" and wouldn't be a miscarriage.
Once that was done, we just came to him very happy and excited and said "Do you know how your good friend __ is a big brother to __? (his playmate had a big brother of 6 that my son adored)....GUESS WHAT!!! You're going to be a bubba just like him! YOU are going to be a big brother!" My son's mouth dropped open and he gasped, trying to take in that he would be like "Bubba", the boy he thought was so cool. Young kids will quickly read your emotions and go with them, so don't be all trepidatious when telling him, be excited and happy.
We would talk about the baby coming (it's gonna be awhile, but we'll wait for it), we talked about what big brothers do, etc. DO NOT make the mistake of asking if he wants a brother or sister, since he doesn't have a choice. We were having a baby, until we knew it was a boy and then we told him "Oh my goodness, it's going to be a baby BOY!" We went to the library and got nearly every book they had over the course of the pregnancy on bringing home a baby, being a big brother, life when the new baby comes, etc. We signed him up for a sibling class for young children at our hospital that I attended with him which was very very cool.,
He wore his big brother Tshirt very proudly and would tell everyone that made eye contact with him "I a big brother!" or "mommys baby in tummy". He did get upset when he thought the baby was kicking me and being mean (he's always been very protective), so I told him the baby could hear him and was excited to meet him; he was going "knock knock, lemme out!"....that made my son laugh, and he liked that answer.
We gave our son a "big brother room" because he's going to be so big now, with a fresh coat of paint and a few new things to spiff up his room a bit. We cleaned out his room as well, and took care of his room before we did decorating and setting up for the baby. That way he wasn't forgotten or all the focus on the baby (but it worked well because we didn't know for sure whether we were having a boy or girl until later). He went to every doctor visit with us! He got to hear the baby's heartbeat, sometimes he got to see the baby although he was excited to do it, but wasn't impressed with the "pictures" on the TV. He even went with us to see the 3D sonograms which were awesome. He seemed intrigued when the video was clear, but would get a little clingy and jealous of daddy during this time. Still, he kept wanting to go with us and it is a memory and experience he has had and can feel big about. We put him in a 2 day/week mother's day out program that helped ME rest 10 hours a week, gave him a social life with some friends, and he is big because we call it "school" not "mother's day out". We did that as soon as we could (but it was the beginning of the third trimester before we could) so that he would have a place to go when I needed some quiet time with the baby later, but he wouldn't get the idea that he was sent off because of the baby, ya know? I also got him a new Spiderman backpack that I knew he'd think was awesome, and made a "big brother bag" for the hospital with a couple new hot wheels, a coloring book and new crayons, a comic book and a big brother book, a couple snacks, and a disposable camera that he could use to take photos of whatever he thought interesting. All stuff he'd never seen so it was new, special, and kept him quietly entertained while hanging out after the baby was born. He didn't see this bag until we were having the baby.
We made arrangements for my mother to come, which was awesome because he rarely gets to see her. The deal was that she would come and keep my son with her in our house while I was in the hospital the 2-3 days after the baby was born. I left a folder on the table with our basic daily/weekly routine, a page with important phone numbers/addresses (doctor, hospital, our cell phones, his school, the emergency lady he may be staying with when she came to town if we were already in the hospital, and 2 neighbors / friends if she needed assistance with anything). I chose a friend from Bible Study to keep him if I went into labor before my mom could get to us (but had a couple backups in mind, and they said yes), and I invited her to our house for dinner, then we went to her house for dinner so he could play with her dogs and explore her home and feel comfortable. She was his "friend" and he loves her, so that was awesome. He felt it was just fine by the time he actually went there. He helped me prepare a month's worth of meals in advance (with a new baby, guests that don't cook, etc I knew I wouldn't want to be worried about that) and helped me stack it all in the deep freezer. I'd chop stuff up and he'd dump things into bowls and stir, little things like that---gave me special time with him, and he was helping me get ready for his little brother. That made him feel important.
We found a book that had OUR plan in it: a big brother's grandma comes to visit him and play while mommy is in the hospital, they get a phone call, and find out he's a big brother. The baby comes home in a few days, and doesn't do much but it's special to be a big brother anyway. We read that book together daily (mostly he "read" it to me after the first few days) for weeks. My hospital bag was already packed and in the car, as was the baby carseat, weeks before the baby came. When the time came, we just said "Guess what! It's time.....I'm going to go to the hospital so the doctor can help us get the baby out and you're gonna go play with __ and her dogs!" He thought the sleepover was for him, lol, so he was excited about that. My friend watched him while mom was at the hospital, but after the first few hours she went home to be grandma.
He was very happy about his own busy life, but always knew what was going on, and I wouldn't have it any other way. For one thing, it was an experience for him too, and I wouldn't want to take that away from him. Secondly, preparation is a GOOD thing....mentally, emotionally, physically.....it's something to feel the downtime, and helps SO much when the downtime is over. And what's wrong with questions? I feel that if you talk openly to your children (but on age appropriate levels) they don't ask as many questions, or at least I don't notice it because it's a conversation not being assaulted with questions.
Even with all the preparation and excitement, he is still just a 3 year old and has always been a daddy's boy. He was very happy and proud, held the baby at the hospital, etc but we did go through a few "quiet days" where he wouldn't look at the baby up close when we came home. My parents were here a week and he'd spend time back and forth between us and them, but we just made sure to not push the baby on him ("Do you want to hold him? No? Ok--when you feel ready"). We did quiet things together like all pile up on the couch together (sleeping baby included) to watch cartoons or a movie, and that gave reassurance and understanding that we are ALL together. On the 2nd day, he crept over and touched his toes. I put his feet up against the babie's feet, hands against hands, etc and showed how he's just a little boy, just like big brother, but he's very little right now so we have to be very "soft" with him. He seemed intrigued by that. The 3rd day, he gave the baby a paci. By the end of the week he'd be more engaging and ok. No matter how much preparation you do, it's still going to be a shock to go from the theory of a baby to the actual "this kid isn't leaving?" feelings. We don't push. But now he will hold the baby with us (not often though-he IS very heavy for a baby), he plays on the floor with a rattle or whatever, sings to him, they chat. He explains that the baby can't play soccer because he has little feet, and I agree. But I showed him his own baby pictures and how he grew up to ride horses and play soccer, and his little brother will grow and do fun things too. I think the positive anticipation helped the transitional time go by quickly and without tears. Good luck, congratulations, and think about letting your son be part of this special time!

good morning, i think you should be glad for the 9 months of questions. it will be a great time to bring him closer to the baby. and you. it will help him adjust when it is no long all about him. you can show him his importance in the family as a big brother. he can help pick out things for "his" little brother or sister and all that fun stuff. i think it will be good for him. you willl be surprised at the lack of questions. mom of 7, R. good luck and god bless.