A New Baby

I got pregnant with my son when my daughter was 3 1/2. We didn't say anything to her until I started showing a bit. And then we would just say things like, "Aren't you excited about having a new baby brother or sister?"

Other than that, I just wouldn't really say a whole lot. As my belly got bigger and the baby started moving and kicking more, my daughter would just start getting more and more excited on her own.

Good luck!

A lot changes developmentally from 2 to 3 - my opinion is (take it for what its worth) you are pressing the issue WAY too early. Why would you even include him in the decision to get pregnant?? He is way to young to be an active decider in this type of thing. Also, things will be quite different once you are expecting rather than now it is a mood point and not even a reality furthermore a vague concept. When you are several months (6 or more) into your pregnancy that is the time to introduce and talk about the impending change for him. Before then is merely an opportunity for introducing a stress in his life. Remember 3 year olds do not understand time the way we adults do. What are you going to do? Say, "baby will be here in a few months." That is meaningless to a 3 year old. I say, wait a bit and enjoy the secret between you and your husband. We did not introduce this to our daughter who is very involved and excited until we were well into our 7th or 8th month. After that we have spent a lot of time discussing and seeing videos but not before. Why stress her? Now it is very real to her rather than several months ago when there is nothing happening for a while. Good luck with your decision and hang in there. It'll happen soon enough before you know it.

I don't think there is a need to say anything to your daughter until you are 3-4 months pregnant (or later if you're not showing yet). At her age, even if she is bright, it is too much to comprehend and the wait for the new baby will seem like an eternity to her.

When I got pregnant with my second child, my daughter was exactly 2-1/2. We waited until Christmas day to tell our families, but we told our daughter the day before so that she could spread the news. She wasn't very interested in the whole baby idea until it was much closer to my due date. By then, she was old enough to understand what was happening and was very interested in helping to get ready for the baby, picking out names, etc.

My husband and myself never planned any of our children but when we got pregnant with our second daughter my oldest was 3 when we had her.

We never left any of the major decisions up to her she is not at the age of understanding. When she seen mommies tummy growing and feeling the baby moving she loved it. But until then It (the baby) is not a real thing and they really don't care.

She always said she did not want the baby because she was the baby. Then we had her sister and she wanted to be there at the hospital helping mommie and daddie and the nurses taking care of her sister. So She was our "Lil' Miss Mommie" she always changed her baby when I changed her sister and she fed the baby when it was feeding time. She was and still is the Lil' Helper and I always included her in the doctor appointments that way she could see the sonograms. She still has the pictures up hanging on her wall.

My husband and I decided when we were going to start trying to have another baby and we didn't include our son in that decision. We waited until after I was pregnant and after we heard heard the heartbeat to know everything was ok. Then, we talked to him in a fun way saying that he was going to have a new baby brother/sister. My son was your daughters age at the time, and he was like "oh". They don't really truly understand at that age I don't think. I brought him to most of my ob appointments and he got to listen to the heartbeat with me. He knew it was the babies heartbeat. Then, as the baby got older, I would let him feel him kick and move, but only if he wanted to. You can't push them or they will think negatively about the baby. Then, when our youngest son was about to be born, I went through photo albums of my oldest son with him and showed him pictures of him as a baby and how he was going to have a brother real soon and that mommy may be holding his brother a lot. I talked to him about some babies cry a lot, etc. I also told him how much fun he would have with his brother, etc. to try to get him more excited. When his brother arrived, I had his new brother get him a gift. We also had a birthday party for the youngest brother, where the oldest got to blow out his candles. So, there isn't much you can do at this age to get them excited, as they don't really comprehend that a baby is coming, until it is here.

With my oldest she was 14 months when my middle child was born....she was all about being the mommy.....She was turning six and my middle child was turning 5 when the baby now 9 months was born...I made them part of it....They went to my dr's appointments that I knew I wasn't having a vaginal exam to hear the hear beat and I let them got to the store and pick out cloths, sheets, diapers, name it they picked it out.....I made them feel special about it.....Their baby brother has worn everything they have picked out for him plus....I still let them help me with him as well as give them each a little mommy time to themselves....Just let her feel as though she gets to be part of the process...

I think you should consider keeping the whole thing quiet until you are big enough/far enough along in a pregnancy that she starts to sense something is going on. I think pregnanies for the adults seem eternal because we are anxious and excited. Imagine what that seems like for a little kid! Besides, you never know if you'll get pregnant the first month you try, or the 8th month you try, or somewhere in between. The last thing you need is an anxious and curious 2-3 year old asking daily where her sibling is.

Wow, my son just turned 2 and he has no clue there is a baby in Mommy's tummy, even though we talk about it. I think that if you're ready for another baby, your daughter's "readiness" shouldn't be a factor for when to start trying. And it's not like you'd tell her before you start trying, because what if there are complications? How do you explain that to a 2 year old? I think that by the time you'd get pregnant and be showing enough for it to be obvious to her, she'll be old enough to understand what a baby means and even to be excited about being a big sister. I have a friend who's also pregnant (and due the same day as me!) and she waited until she had her first ultrasound at 12 weeks to tell her 5 year old that she was pregnant. Granted she's older than your daughter will be, but if you wait until there's "proof", it might be an easier and more exciting concept for her to grasp. Her daughter, by the way, is thrilled. Also, play with her baby doll with her, talk about babies, visit babies, read books about being a big sister. There are lots of ways to talk it up and get her excited. I'm sure she'll be great.

Good luck!

She's very young yet. Dont' say anything until you are pregnant and really showing and definately past the highest risk time for miscarriage. Nine months is a lifetime to a young child and they simply can't grasp the concept of something happening that far in the future. My son turned 3 just 2 days before my daughter was born. We told him about hte pregnancy when I was 5 months pregnant and starting to look definately pregnant. Those 4 months took >forever< to pass... every single day would ask "is my baby coming today?". No matter how often we told him it would be summer, "after the snow melts", he just didn't get it.

I recently gave birth to my 3rd child just a couple weeks after my daughter turned 2. She totally did not get it. We talked about it alot (after we told the kids when I was 4 months pregnant) but she just didn't understand what "having a baby" meant.

A few bits of advice I've heard over the years.... never ask a child if they want a baby. It doesn't matter what they want - the decision is up to you and your husband. When they say no and you do it anyways the child can feel like their opinion doesn't matter at all. There are lots of books about having a baby... give age appropriate answers without alot of additional detail. Most kids just want to know that they will still be loved the same after a sibling comes along.

What great advice you've been given! I have only one thing to add:

You may get pregnant exactly when you want to, but what if you talked about a baby and then your desired pregancy was delayed? My husband and I tried off and on for three years to have our second child and didn't talk to my daughter about our plans as we could not predict our success (P.S. we were older parents). Finally, around age six, SHE started asking for a baby and said she did not to be an only child. Instead of an agonizing and disappointing four years, she only had to wait one! Her baby brother was born when she was seven and she couldn't be more thrilled.

Good luck!

J., I wouldn't try to get too deep when explaining a baby
to your daughter. She is only 2 1/2 and she will not really
understand what you have told her. But do be sure to make
her apart of the baby's life as much as possible, it will
be frustrating sometimes (ok maybe alot of the time.) if you
do that she will feel like a big girl, and will adjust really good I think.

Yeah, I agree with the other moms...I wouldn't even mention it to her until your belly is big and she can feel the kicking. At that age, there is no concept of time. To her you will be pregnant forever if you talk about it too soon.

There's alot of good advice given here. Two and a half is too young to go into alot of detail, but when the time approaches (I agree with when the belly is getting big, or even later), then start to explain, in very short, simple terms. She'll eventually have her own questions as time goes by, so you'll have plenty of time to talk about it, but at her level.

If you find out the sex of the baby in advance, and when you pick out a name for him/her, then it probably becomes more real to them. Also, read books - I'm sure there are plenty of books out there for little ones about becoming a big sibling.

Speaking from experience, don't say anything to her about it until you are at least 12 weeks pregnant. Get thru the first trimester - you don't want to get her all excited then have a miscarriage (that would NOT be fun to explain). Just keep it really simple. My daughter was almost 2 when our son was born and she had no idea what was going on, despite what we told her, until he actually arrived. Good luck!

HI J.,
I'd say that you are kinda putting the cart in front of the horse on a couple of counts.
First, 2 1/2 year old kids don't decide on adult issues. They aren't capable. Their brains won't be completely built until they are at least 18 years old, and they currently aren't really capable of abstract thought.
On the other hand, their emotions are what run them most of the time.
So, they'll pick up on your feelings and will respond. Mostly, they'll feel scared.
They aren't ready to answer questions much beyond if they want to eat, poop, or play. Anything else will tend to cause them to feel anxious.

Second, this is an adult issue. It's none of your child's business how many kids you want (or don't want).
The adult job is raising the child. Not asking for the child's input on how he or she wants to be raised.

Just think how goofy this could get in the future.
At 13 the average kid is probably all for driving a car, and doing all sorts of things that he or she hasn't a real clue about.

If you begin setting a precedent where your kids actually expect that they are capable of rendering adult decisions, the boundaries between what is adult and what isn't will vanish and you will have your kids arguing you with stuff that is none of their business, and stuff they know nothing about. They'll be telling what they should eat, how much sleep they need, why school is not for them, and all sorts of things.

Good luck!

Tell me how it goes.

R.