When to Tell... - Omaha,NE

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

Not to be the bearer of bad news - but I would wait until 20+ weeks. I lost Alexis at 20 weeks and my boys - 4 and 2 didn't understand what happened to their little sister.

4 to 5 months is an ETERNITY for a child....you can tell her..tell her that you and Daddy have been working on a baby brother or sister for her and you are doing your best to make one...if she notices your belly getting bigger - tell her - that's where we're working on it!! But it takes time - A LONG time...that way she won't be expecting it to happen tomorrow...

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We announced both of our pregnancies early, as soon as we tested positive to friends and family and Facebook announcements with the 8 week ultrasound. If you have no history of miscarriage, I seen reason to wait. We started talking about the baby in my belly immediately with our daughter, then only 16 months and by now she knows that her baby brother is in there and she talks to him, kisses him and cutest of all plays peek-a-boo with him through my belly button. I'd tell your daughter soon, maybe bring her to some ultrasound appointments and make it a part of everyday conversation. I also recommend a book called "A Child Is Born" which has developmental photographs from conception to birth. I used it to help my daycare kids understand my first pregnancy and they loved it. Great way to help them wrap their minds around what can be a pretty abstract concept for kids. It helps them understand the time frame of the wait if you put it in terms of holidays when you're talking about it (ie. After Halloween, after Thanksgiving, after Christmas and Hanukkah, after New Years, after Valentine's Day, after St. Patrick's Day, THEN the baby will be born). Good luck and congratulations!

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I think if you feel like you want to tell her now, then you should tell her! I don't ever understand the waiting to tell thing. I believe you should share the happiness as a family, and God forbid anything happens, but you would grieve as a family too. I do not think it would be irresponsible at all to tell her now, or anyone else you want to know for that matter. Yes the wait will be long but teaching your child about waiting is something they need to learn, anything longer than 5 minutes is long for a child! So unless you want to wait until 5 minutes before the baby is born (so its not long for her to wait) I would tell her now, and teach her along the way about what is happening with baby each week. For example, baby's developing legs this week, or baby is getting fingernails, or baby is growing hair. It is a great experience to share with your older child. Have fun with it!

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We told our son as soon as we found out with each pregnancy. He was a few months from being three when he found out about his baby brother and he had just turned four when he found out he was going to be a big brother again. Yes it does make the wait a bit long, but it also gives you time to prepare the kid and usually they have waited so long, that they are more than ready to meet the baby and help out! Congratulations!! :-)

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I think it totally depends on your kid. My oldest is a very concrete person - abstract things are tougher for him to deal with, so we chose to wait until we knew the gender (5 mos). (He was 3-1/2 when we told him, just one month shy of 4 when his brother was born.) He honestly did not notice my belly before then (even though I felt huge, it was actually kind of fantastic to have him as a reminder that i did not look all that different.) Then when we did tell him, we were able to talk about "baby brother" in concrete ways, AND he only had to wait a few months (and those were the most obvious mommy-belly and home-preparation months.) Follow your gut, and do what will make the most sense for your daughter, what will help her transition into "big sister" in the smoothest way.

The advice I was given when I was in your position was......don't tell her until you're ready for everyone to know - exciting secrets are hard for everyone to keep - basically impossible for a 3 year old! Congrats! :)

We told our 3.5 yo daughter and 2 year old son we are expecting when we had the 20 week U/S and could tell them whether it would be a brother or sister on the way. Our daughter had been asking for a sister for the last year....ha! It is a boy! I think it was perfect timing because my belly was getting bigger and it is getting closer to the end now. 9 months is a LONG time in a child's perspective....remember how long the school year seemed as a kid -- pregnancy is basically the same length of time.

My close friend who had her 2nd in December told her son (who was 2.5 at the time) when she was 8 weeks....that was too soon in my perspective but to each their own. I would wait until you hear the baby's heartbeat on the doppler around 10-13 weeks personally or the end of the first trimester at the earliest.

Congrats!

I would wait as long as possible, 12 weeks at a minimum. The main reason is that if you had complications or a loss, you won't want to let her know. She's too young to have to deal with something like that. The second big reason is that they don't get how long it takes for a baby to develop. If you tell her now, she'll be expecting a younger brother or sister any day now. Wait until at least 2nd trimester. With most of my pregnancies, I waited until around 20 weeks or later to tell because that's when I started to show and little ones can get it a bit more if they can see your body changing and growing. With my twin pregnancy (I carried for someone else) I did have to tell them early because we wanted to tell friends who were waiting to hear the news and I didn't want the kids to hear from a classmate or something, so we told them after our 12 week u/s. Congrats to you, but be patient and wait to tell her.

Sorry, but I agree with everyone else and say to wait. My son was 3 yrs 8 months when my daughter was born, we waited until I was about 18-20 weeks to tell him. That was plenty of time for him to adjust and we had ultrasound pictures that looked more like a baby so it was a little more real for him. Make sure when ever you do choose to tell that you stress the fact that the baby needs lots of time to grow in mom's tummy and it will take a while for them to get big enough to come out.
Congratulations!!!

I would wait until at least 16 weeks. Also be sure other family members and friends don't tell her. 4 months is a long time for a child. If you tell her when you start showing, she'll be able to see the baby growing inside of you.

I went through the same dilemma recently. I can't remember exactly when we told my kids, but I think it was around 9-10 weeks. That was my first drs appointment. My son asked, why is mama going to the dr? Is she sick? We said no, Mama's not sick. Mama has a baby growing in her tummy and the dr is going to look and make sure Mama and the baby are ok. That satisfied him. We don't hear much about it anymore. Unless I have a drs appointment. Then he always says the dr's going to check Mama and the baby? My 18 mo is the funny one. While I'm pretty sure he doesn't understand little ones sometimes understand or know more than you think. He comes over and pats my belly and says baby. He kisses the baby and cute things like that. I guess when you tell your child depends on you and your beliefs. If something was to go wrong and you had told your child how would you explain it to her? Also, would you be able to hide your sadness when she is around? If not she might wonder why mommy and daddy are so sad.
I knew a woman who told her kids and then had a miscarriage. The thing was around that same time her youngest had an imaginary friend with a girl name. They don't know if the baby was a boy/girl, but it was comforting for them and him to believe this "imaginary friend" was the spirit of the baby.

we told at the end of 1st trimester after heart beat (and SINGLE pregnancy) had been confirmed. Then she called my mom on her (my mom's) birthday to tell her the news. Timing just worked out good that way, and I knew she wouldn't keep it a secret and I waited to tell work until after 1st trimester. By the way, my girls are about the same age difference, and it's GREAT!!! (most of the time anyway!)

I am also pregnant and have a 3.5 yr old boy. We told him when i was 10 weeks. I was planning on waiting till after the 1st trimester, but my husband was so excited and just kind of blurted it out one day to our son. Luckily, I am now 19 weeks and everything is going good. My son is super excited and talks about the baby in my belly all the time. I explained to him that it takes a long time for the baby to come out because it has to get bigger and that it was going to be summer time when it did (i'm due in July). That we had to wait for winter, spring then summer. I think he gets it, because he has never asked again when its going to come out. Just refers to summer as "when the baby comes out". I am not sure how far along you are, but maybe just wait a few weeks and then let her know. Its really up to you. Good luck and Congrats~

I will wait.
I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks and my then 5 y/o DD was so sad about it too... just wait the 12 weeks.....

Congrats!

I would say Wait - chances are everything will be fine, but if something did happen, it would be hugely confusing for her. Take the time to hit the library and find books on toddlers getting siblings, how to tell, etc. It'll give you something to do to keep the excitement manageable :)

Yeah, wait -- one month is like a year to a little one, so even if you don't tell her till month 4 she'll have lots of time to get used to the idea.

We waited until the 8 week ultrasound. Once we knew all was good, we had him come in and see the baby. Once you hear the heartbeat, chances of a miscarriage go down quite a bit. Congratulations!

I would wait till past the 12 week mark. As much fun as it will be to tell her now, there is no need to put her through the pain of "loosing" her baby brother or sister if you would miscarry. It will be just as great to tell her when you are further along.

I miscarried at 11 weeks and our kids were 1 1/2 and 4. We had not yet told them that we were pregnant and SO glad we waited. Our daughter would have been very sad had we told her as she was waiting for a baby.....