When Is Too Old to Be in the Women's Restroom

I have an almost 8yr old boy and a 4yr old boy, and both still come into the ladies room with me if we are out alone and in a large busy place. Its not so much the going into a mens room alone that gets me, its coming out and waiting outside the restrooms alone if I'm not done using my bathroom yet.

If we are at the mall of america or the airport or a busy place like that, damn right he comes in with me and if someone wants to give me grief about it, go ahead. I could care less what some old bitty in the bathroom thinks, I'm keeping my kids safe and avoiding any potential issues.

My son is 7 and if we are out alone then he comes to the women's bathroom with me , I really do not care what other people think , I'd rather know he was safe than send him off by himself to the men's , anyone could be in there for follow them in and at the moment I'm not ready for him to go by himself. As for the holding hands , I only do this when we are crossing the road or are in a busy parking lot , other than that he walks along side me.

My son is only 3 but when he is 5 I will most definitely still take him to the restroom with me. There are too many predators out there and I would rather get some dirty looks than have something happen to my child. If he lets you hold his hand, then I would still do it. Mine doesn't like for me to hold his hand but I make him when we are in parking lots or crossing streets.

I think the main issue is keeping your son safe.There are doors on all stalls in the women's bathrooms so he's not really invading anyone's privacy. So let him go with you until you think he is truly ready.

My boys are 5 and 3 as well and I too hold my oldest hand when we are out and he still goes to the girl's restroom with me. I do not know when I'd be comfortable with them going by themselves. Never forget an article about an 8 year old boy who was killed in the man's restroom while his aunt was waitng by the door. No way, too many freaks out there. Do not worry about the looks people will give you, it's your child.

A 5 year old is not old enough to use the restroom alone anywhere, in my opinion. My son is 6 and I wouldn't dream of letting him out of my sight in a public place. There are too many dangerous people in the world. If anyone gave me a "look" because my son was in the women's restroom, I would just smile and ignore them. I will try to hold my children's hands until they refuse to let me. They are little for a short time and I'm making the most of it. Do what makes you feel comfortable.

I have an almost 6 yr old and a 3 yr old sons... I will let them go in alone IF and that is a big IF its a bathroom that I know is empty and only has one door.
I try to look for the family restrooms first, the single person bathrooms second... and then I will take them into the womens room with me...

My question is this... Why would you get weird looks or give the looks?(i've gotten them too) Its not like taking a girl into the mens room where they have urinals... we use STALLS... So I guess some women are worried a boy is gonna see them wash their hands? lol

Don't know how old my kids will be before I feel comfortable with them going in alone... I'll probibly make them go in as a pair for a long time. lol I have a 5 foot 7 inch tall 13 year old brother and I still wait outside the bathroom for him "just in case" NO HE DOESN"T REALIZE THATS WHY. :-) He thinks I'm just waiting for him.

You are your kids first line of defense... Stand firm.

My son turned 7 in March. It's definitely getting to the point where the ladies room use is nearing the end. I decide based on the situation--how crowded a place, familiarity, etc. But I feel this year will be the year he'll be "all men's rooms, all the time"! As for the hand holding--that also depends. Crossing a busy parking lot, etc. my son still holds my hand (he's a cautious little guy!) but on our street, he knows to look and wait if he needs to cross to get something like a ball, etc.
Your boys are still little--Not too old for the ladies room OR holding hands with mom! :-)

You're the mom, trust your instincts and keep him safe. I did not let my son go into the men's restroom by himself until he was 7. Make matters worse, he is tall for his age and I definetly got some not nice looks from women, usually older women. I think that anyone that has been a mom recently and understands all the bad things that can happen to alittle boy even in just 5 min in a men's bathroom would understand. One time when he was just 6, we were camping and I took the kids (also daughter who was 4) to the bathrooms to brush teeth and stuff. This larger women came out of the showers with a towel around her. I could feel her glaring at me, so I looked over. She proceeded to tell me (in an almost yelling voice) that the shower stalls were too small to get dressed in there and that "what do you want me to do, give him a show?!" All I said to her was "he's only 6yrs old". Then I told the kids to focus on brushing their teeth. She stormed right on out of the bathrooms in her towel!!! I don't think she was a mother :)

most places have a "family" bathroom now... so it doesn't matter how old they are... and it is perfectly okay to give him a little independence, and also ok to ask someone else going into the bathroom to double check on your little one...they usually don't mind at all

I think 5 is about the age when I stopped taking my son into the women's restroom. I'd let him go into the men's, but stand right outside and talk him through it until he got the hang of doing whatever he needed to do without making a mess or taking forever. My daughters (ages 7 and 9) take swimming lessons. Recently, after a lesson, I had them in the womens' locker room. My youngest had taken off her swimsuit and was about to walk over to the showers (she was fully naked). Right then, another mother walked in with her kids, 3 boys. The oldest one looked to be about my youngest daughter's age and the first thing that flashed into my mind was "THAT'S inappropriate! He's waay too old to be in here." I didn't say anything, but I think the involuntary, shocked look on my face, and especially my poor daughter's face, told that mother everything we felt right at that moment. What if that boy had been a classmate or friend of my daughter? In second grade, the last thing you want is a boy classmate seeing you totally naked. So thanks to that mother, my daughter now refuses to get naked in the women's locker room, and no longer believes me when I tell her "it's only women, you're allowed to be naked in here to shower and change". So, in my opinion, at around 5yrs old, boys should use boy facilities and girls should use girl facilities. Use common sense and be aware of safety issues, of course. Don't send your 5yr old into a large public restroom without peeking in to see if there are any "strangers", or make sure you stand RIGHT outside the door where you can hear EVERYTHING.

Good question.
I always took my son to the restroom with me, even at 5. Even at 6 or 7.
Now, it depends on the circumstance, but I'm a single mom. If I took my kids to the fair or some other event where there were tons of people, I wouldn't dare let my son in a bathroom with men unaccompanied.
And, I never got any weird looks either.
I think you should never worry about the look on a woman's face. Honest to God, my son and I were in a store just before Easter and he mentioned to me that this older lady kept giving him filthy looks. I didn't see it, but sure enough, when we got in line....he nudged me. There she was. She looked madder than a hornet.
I just told my son, "Honey, I can bet you that's the same face she woke up with when she got out of bed this morning and it's probably the same face she'll wake up with tomorrow."

I let my son go into a male bathroom, but it was usually after I watched and made sure that there was no one else in there. And, I've let a stranger watch after him, which I know sounds weird....but I could tell the guy had his own boys in tow. I stood right outside the door and listened.....
I can't tell you how many times I've been asked by a dad to take their daughter into the ladies room to potty because he didn't want her in the men's room and ladies might freak if he went into the women's restroom.

At 5, they might not so much need the holding hands thing, but when it comes to public restrooms, we have to be careful and we have to let them earn our trust too as far as not wadding an entire roll of TP into the toilet and flooding it or something.
A 5 year old in a women's restroom is not that strange in my opinion. Like I said, if it's a case where you might get separated or not know what's going on, it's best to keep a little kid close. Not all people are freaks or anything, but better safe than sorry.

Again, just my opinion.

:) your question made me smile..I'm not even sure if I have a good answer so I'll take the time to read what other moms have said to you after this :)

Mine is 3 going on 4 this summer and I still take him into the women's bathroom with me...honestly I wouldn't feel safe at all sending him in the men's bathroom alone pretty much anywhere...he goes into the stall by himself but sometimes he still needs some help getting his pants properly adjusted and reaching the soap and paper towels :) my vote is until they can do all aspects independently take them with you, and try to do all pottying at home (otherwise make sure dad is in tow) haha

As for the holding hands...I think kids just go through phases, he may be embarassed holding your hand for awhile...just take his cues...mine sometimes already doesn't want to hold mine, I'm fine with it as long as he stays very close to me in situations like crossing the street or in public places etc...and if he doesn't then he can still hold onto the cart or something other than my hand if he wants...they just want to feel big and independent :) especially in front of their friends. Just think, someday you'll be holding onto HIS arm to cross the street ;)

I run a swim program and the rule we have is all kids 6 and up must use gender appropriate locker rooms and bathrooms. When you have a lot of people changing and using the restroom, 6 year olds are really aware of their surroundings. We have found that most people like this rule and can live with it. Everyone is comfortable with the age chosen for the division.

5 seems young to me too to go into a restroom alone. Depends on the circumstances - crowds, safety etc. And as far as holding hands... hold on to it as long as you can : ) - he'll let you know (as he already is) when he needs you to let go - they all do!

My son is 5 also and I still take him in with me - if my husband isn't there to take him to the men's room. I don't care what looks I get (and I HAVE gotten some) because I know I'm keeping my son safe. Women go to the bathroom in the stalls anyway where no one can see, so what's the big deal I think? And back to the safety thing - it is NOT safe at all in my opinion to let your son go into the men's room alone. You have no idea how many boys get raped or mollested in bathrooms because they are alone!! And even if nothing quite that bad happens, I've heard many of my husbands friends admit to being "propositioned" or confronted as a child in restrooms! (yes, seriously!) So I believe in not taking chances - and I would never ask some strange man to check on my son in the bathroom as another lady suggested here. You have no idea who that person is and you can't tell by the way they look or dress if they are safe! If there's not a family restroom available, take them in with you. And when they get too old to do that, then they are old enough to hold it until you get to a family restroom - or someplace safer. OR - another option I've seen a mom do is she waited til the men's room was empty (actually going in a calling out if anyone was there) then she let her son go in alone but she stood at the door and wouldn't let any other men go in until her son was done! lol She just stood blocking the door and as they approached she said, "if you don't mind waiting just a second, my son is in there and he'll be done in a second." Don't get timid - your a mom! :)

B.: I have twins that are 8 (boy/girl) and I still will bring my son into the restroom with my daughter and I on occasion when I'm alone with them. There are too many creepy people out there (and some may lurk in public restrooms, as I've heard). Your son's safety is more important than what some stranger might think for a moment. Go with your gut. Good luck!

My youngest is a boy, hes 6 1/2yrs old and even I won't let him go into a mens public bathroom without worrying someones going to try to touch him, or try to sneak out of the restroom with him. I will most definately take him into the restroom with myself and my daughter as a group if my husband is not with us.

I know my son feels weird. He even says its silly to go in the womens restroom cause hes got the feeling women will look at him werid. But its whats safe for me and my children. These children are my life and if I feel its not safe to let them go in alone yet, I can stand dealing with a person running their mouth or looking smeark at me. Cause personally I will gladely give them something to look or feel stupid about. Cause personally if they don't understand the reason the child is in the bathroom in the first place they probably don't have any mothering skills in the first place or were never meant to enjoy the experience of holding onto the ones they love at any extent.

This is just another situation and experience we all will deal with. I personally havent had any rude facial expressions made towards my family but it could happen. But I'm not going to give up 5 minutes of my life and my childs for them to experience something terrible in a public restroom without the company of myself or spouse at this age.

Just go with your gut at what age you feel is comfortable for your child to have an understanding of what is to expect of strangers when entering a restroom alone. What is acceptable and what is not.

If women's rooms were more exposed, I might have an issue, but they're very private, and I personally don't mind if a boy is in there because his mother has accompanied him to use the bathroom. By 6-7, perhaps there's less to be worried about.

I'm less concerned about the people in the mens' room - I'd likely stand outside rather than letting them go by themselves in a restaurant, Costco, etc - but, I'd be more concerned at this age about them playing around, not washing hands, etc. Even at 10, my sister has her older son (16) accompany his brother to the bathroom as much as possible for those reasons.

I guess the best question in my mind is when you're somewhere and need to use the restroom, is your child safer in the restroom with you (at 5 years-old) or standing outside by himself? I'd rather have mine with me.

As far as hand-holding - I think that's a personal thing. Some kids will probably have a greater tolerance for it than others. If he lets you, I'd go for it. If not, it's just part of the process of them growing-up, I guess.

5 is still a little young to me. My son is 4 and he still needs help going to the bathroom. Does your son look older or is big for his age? I wonder if people maybe think he is older.

I think 5 years old is too old to go in the womens bathroom. Have him go before you leave home and then while out you can go to a place that has a family bathroom or just let him go by himself. He goes to the bathroom by himself at school. Just be close to the door so you can hear if he's playing around.

I had two boys the same age. It depends where you are, but when you are in a relatively "safe" location, send both boys together. Giving responsibility to the 5 year old if he is ready for it. However at a shopping mall, they would still be with me at 5 and 3. Let the lady look!

My son is 8 and I always look for a "family restroom" first then if one is not available I take him with me into the ladie's room. The only exception is if we are somewhere that is not busy and I can verify that the restroom is empty and then stand outside the door while he is in there.

At 5 I would not have even considered letting my son go into a men's room alone.

Good luck,
K.

I take both my boys into the bathroom with me. They are also 5 and 3. I will stop taking my older boy in when he is a little older. I will let them use the mens room at the library together, but there aren't any men there during the day, so it's not a big deal.
If someone is giving you funny looks, just ignore them. Or smile really big and say,"Hi! How are you today! Man, it's hot out!". Anyone who would question a mom bringing a kid into the bathroom is out of touch. It's not like it's the mens room with urinals. You are in a stall. With a door. Who cares.

Five starts to be pushing it, because by that age they are aware that boys and girls are different. They may not totally know why but they do know that the two are not the same.
I understand it gets complicated when you need to use the bathroom and you have your two boys with you. Around here they have "family rooms" or nursing rooms which are gender neutral. It's essentially a room for mom or dad and often has a bathroom in it. Usually they are only at the big malls, but they do help when you have opposite sex children with you. I'm guessing that's not an option for you?
At some point, if you don't have the option of family bathrooms/nursing rooms, he will need to learn to go by himself and I would say he's probably already there. And if not now certainly by age 6.
Good luck!

5 seems doesn't seem too old to have a boy in the public restroom. Mine is 6 and I make him come with me. Of course I look for the "family restroom" first, but I wouldn't send mine in alone. Who cares is people are looking, as long as your son is behaving himself and not looking under the doors or something they really shouldn't have a problem. My son isn't tall enough to reach the soap/sink in many of the restrooms so I have to help him to wash his hands anyway. I don't take them into the stall with me though.
Hold his hand as long as he lets you :) My 6 year old lets me hold his hand, but my 5 year old daughter doesn't. As long as she says close to me, or holds the cart, I let her get away with it.

Keep taking him into the restroom as long as you are comfortable with it and he is too. Who cares what others think. Better safe then sorry and as someone already said there are stalls with doors. Noone sees anyone do anything in a womens restroom. Now dad taking girls into mens room is a different story. I am not sure what age I started letting my son go into the mens room alone. But I know I always checked to make sure no one was in there and stood right outside the door watching it like a hawk. Made some men uncomftable to go in while my son was in there but oh well, they are big boys and can hold it. As for them messing around.......... they can and sometimes will do that at any age. Even teens so that is something you just have to get used to.
Hand holding also depends on the child. He is not too old to hold hands if he can't be trusted to stay right by you... as in within a foot incase you need to grab him. Now if you are insisting he holds hands while walking in the mall that is extreme but crossing a street or parking lot. Totally your call. My children (including my 11 year old son) walk directly beside or infront of me. Never behind. My 4 year old still holds hands when she wants to as does the 6 year old. Sometimes even the 11 year old will hold hands as we stroll but not often. If they break a walking in public rule (like stepping off sidewalk into parking lot without me or getting too far away, no matter what age, they have to hold hands every trip we have for usually about a week.) Once they have done this once they don't enjoy not being trusted so don't break rules frequently. However once they can be trusted, if you insist on hand holding they will probably fight you on this. If you are not yet ready to loose that bond/connection I understand but forcing them too will not help. Not sure exactly what hand holding area you were talking about so thought I would add that one in.
Hope this helps:)