26 answers

What to Say to My Nbr Who Keeps Asking for Help

i always seem to word my questions wrong and then i end up sounding like a mean spirited person. okay, my nbr & i have become semi-friends since i've lived here. we have each other's keys. she's my emerg contact, etc. she's watched my boy a couple times when i needed her to. i pay her everytime & it's a wage we both agreed on. she's single, she has no kids, and she doesn't work. each time she sees me she complains, alludes,then basically straight up asks me to come help her clean her house. she's never home, always at her moms, but when she does come home she asks me to help. i work FT and i'm a single parent. i have a plate full of responsibilities as it is. she's offered to have her mom watch my boy so i could help her. i told her no b/c my only REAL time w/my boy is on the wknds & i don't wanna give that time up. she's also asked our two other neighbors to help her clean. she doesn't need a one time help moving furniture. it's just to clean. idk...i don't want to hurt her feelings b/c when we do hang out it's fun. but she keeps asking me to help & i for real do not have time to do that. it's hard for me to keep up w/MY stuff. i don't have any support either - no husband, no mom, no fam members. hence...her being my emerg contact. i ALWAYS pay her when she's watched my boy, which has only been 3 times. i'm not a mean person or selfish, i'm just looking for a good tactful way to set boundaries and/or to tell her no. i was working from home today & when she saw my car she asked why i was home & i told her i was working from home and she said, "too bad, i sure do wish i had some help cleaning my house". i'm like, wth?! i clean my house by myself! geez louise! anyway, i've seen it on here a bunch of times where y'all can help on what to say, not say i'm a horrible friend. please don't b/c i'm not!

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

i did mean to say she is NOT on disability and is NOT disabled. she said she just lacks motivation & wants someone to keep her focused while she cleans. does that change my answer? for me, no, b/c i need motivation, support, physical assistance myself - but i don't ask for it or get it. basically she just wants me to come over and SIT. like i have time to sit & when i do, it's when my boy's in bed and i'm SITTING at my own house...or cleaning my OWN house, lol

y'all are giving me a backbone, thanks so much!!!! i lol at grandma t.'s response though - "you don't have to ask me anymore" - HA! (i probably won't say that but that's exactly how i feel - QUIT ASKING ME!!) lol :)

Featured Answers

I'd probably say something like this:
"Wow! I know! We working women could all use a cleaning lady, right? If only I could afford a maid...I'd get one in a heartbeat. It's all I can do to keep up with my own cleaning! hahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

6 moms found this helpful

I kinda know what she is talking about "help her clean" by sitting there yakking with her while she cleans. I havent a clue WHY I am better able to clean when someone talks to me while I do it. Maybe she just needs some company?

4 moms found this helpful

Let me get this straight? She's single, no kids and doesn't work and she can't keep her house clean herself? How does that make sense? I would just tell her, "Sorry but I have my own house to clean, a child to care for, and a job to do, so any free time that I have will be spent playing with my son. Maybe you ought to hire a maid to come in to help you." That should hopefully put an end to her asking you all the time. Very strange. I just don't get it why she can't manage to clean herself. Very lazy if you ask me.

4 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Just be humorous with your responses like "I know what you mean, sure would be nice if the housecleaning fairy would show up once a week huh?" Or, "I hear ya, I just finished doing all my chores, get going on yours and they'll be done too, I can't say that I'd love to help you, it takes everything I have just to do mine so honestly you dont have to ask me anymore."

9 moms found this helpful

I'd probably say something like this:
"Wow! I know! We working women could all use a cleaning lady, right? If only I could afford a maid...I'd get one in a heartbeat. It's all I can do to keep up with my own cleaning! hahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

6 moms found this helpful

"Sarah....are you kidding me?! I can't help you clean your house because I can barely keep up with mine! When you have a kid and a full time job THEN you can ask me for some help."
I don't see what's so hard about saying that. You wont be losing a full time babysitter or anything and then maybe she can take a look at herself and see how selfish she is being. Believe me, you don't need friends like that.
Laura

5 moms found this helpful

Let me get this straight? She's single, no kids and doesn't work and she can't keep her house clean herself? How does that make sense? I would just tell her, "Sorry but I have my own house to clean, a child to care for, and a job to do, so any free time that I have will be spent playing with my son. Maybe you ought to hire a maid to come in to help you." That should hopefully put an end to her asking you all the time. Very strange. I just don't get it why she can't manage to clean herself. Very lazy if you ask me.

4 moms found this helpful

What the? I'd think my neighbor was lazy and cuckoo if she ever asked me to clean her house. I think any of the responses below would work. Sheesh!

4 moms found this helpful

I kinda know what she is talking about "help her clean" by sitting there yakking with her while she cleans. I havent a clue WHY I am better able to clean when someone talks to me while I do it. Maybe she just needs some company?

4 moms found this helpful

In all these years, I have never asked one of my friends to help me clean my house, nor have they asked me.

It's this easy: "Sorry, I can't." With no explanations. After a couple of times of your saying this, she should stop asking, if she's normal.

Don't let her use you. She can clean her own house, like everyone else, or hire a maid.

4 moms found this helpful

Tell her to check into Flylady = ) sorry, that is all I have for you...I do not think you are a bad friend...boundaries are a GOOD thing.

3 moms found this helpful

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