What to Do? - El Monte,CA

Hold the fort. The back story doesn't even matter. And this is hard to follow. But my point is that YOU reached out to her TWICE to clear the air. She met with you the second time and now you get a wedding invite. Since YOU tried to make up with her, I think you should go to the wedding and if hubs doesn't want to, take a friend.

As far as you were supposed to be in the wedding and talked about it when you were young. Well, yeah, my cousins in CO whom I've only met ONCE when we were all about 12 said that we were going to be roommates and live up in the mountains of CO together. Well, I'm 46 and have not held them to that. I mean really?

So unless you were not sincere in trying to patch things up with her, you should go and show that you meant it. If you weren't and are unhappy you are not in the wedding, then send a card with some cash and call it a day. JMO. Good luck.

Weigh the repercussions of

going = swallowing our pride, salvaging whatever is left of your friendship, and being the bigger person even if it means some humiliation of not being a bridesmaid or maid of honor and being treated disrespectfully

vs.

not going = a lifetime of anger and bitterness or worse, a completely severed friendship for the rest of your lives covered in regret.

Go to the wedding. Don't be friendly if you don't want to be, but don't be rude. Hug her, eat some cake and leave. 2 hours of your life at the most. A year from now you are going to be the one who can sleep at night and she'll be losing sleep at how lousy she treated you.

Good luck!

You've not had a relationship for quite some time, you have tried to mend the relationship more than once. Now that she is getting married, she agrees to meet you are suddenly ok enough to be invited to her festivities. Hopefully I am wrong but she sees your attendance as a way to generate more $$$$/gifts.

I do believe the friendship is broken. If you truly want to mend fences, go play nice at the wedding but don't go in with any expectations.

If it were me, I would not bother to attend because I would interpret the invitation as an invoice. If I were not good enough for her to mend fences when I was honestly trying in the past and now to suddenly be accepted.... I read her as a .......USER.

Leave Donna out of the entire drama.

It sounds like you've been the bigger person and reached out to her on 2 occasions to try to renew your friendship. Now she's invited you to her wedding. Go, be a guest and hope for an open bar. Who cares who she picked for her maid of honor? That's her choice, and if Donna is a fake friend than that's her problem.

This is obviously someone very important to you and someone whose friendship you must truly value, despite what has happened in the past year. If you want to move past it, attend the wedding. If the day comes - next month, next year, or in five years - that you're as close as you used to be, you will regret having missed out on her big day. View the invitation as an olive branch and attend.

If you think the shower is going to be small and potentially awkward, I think you could decline that but still go to the wedding. When you decline, make sure to tell the bride - not just the host - how sorry you are that you can't be there and how much you're looking forward to celebrating with her at the wedding. If she thinks you're blowing off the shower because of the fight, she might reconsider inviting you to the wedding. Make it clear that you want to be part of her big day.

You don't really want to be her matron of honor. You don't want to do anything but attend the wedding. Go with your daughter. Let your husband stay at home.

There is a consequence to her for the things she said to your husband. They will never be friends again. She chose Donna over him and that's just the way it is.

If you want to "move forward" with the relationship, you should go to the wedding. But you need to understand that you two will never be close again. Embrace it, because she showed a side of her that you don't want to be close to anymore anyway. If you don't go to the wedding, you will just throw away the trying you did with her.

Hope this helps.

Go. With or without hubby, if you really want to be friends with her again GO.

When my husband's brother got married a couple of years ago, I forced him to go to the wedding. They weren't speaking at the time and he did NOT want to go. He was only invited because they were brothers and their parents kind of made the one brother invite my hubby. Anyways, this is what I told my husband.

"You may hate him now, but I can almost guarantee you that you will not always hate each other. This day will only happen for him once and if you do not go, I can certainly guarantee that he will always be at least a little bit angry about it. We are going!"

So yes, you should go. Just remember that it is the bride's day and she does not need the added stress that drama creates. So keep your mouth shut and go :)

If u want to resume the friendship, go. This is her olive branch.

Updated

If u want to resume the friendship, go. This is her olive branch.

Go to the wedding. There is no stigma or issue with going on your own without your husband. It sounds as if he might make things worse for you if he goes anyway -- he likely would at a minimum gripe under his breath the whole time if you push him to go. You'll likely be seated with your sister anyway.

Yes, you are right, this all does sound childish, but it's good that you can see that fact. Go to support her; your going does not necessarily mean you are happy she's marrying this particular guy; it just lets her know that you are there for her on this day.

The fact you say you feel hurt that you're not IN the wedding -- Please re-evaluate that. Why would she ask you to be in the wedding party after such a nasty bust-up between you? When you have not even spoken for so long? It's a bit surprising she even invited you as a guest. It is, as someone else said, her olive branch, so take it, or she will remember forever that you didn't bother to come.

The fact she used to talk about your being in her wedding long ago is...childish, and based on a childish fantasy of a wedding. Go and be an adult who is there for her friend but do not expect it to be some magical day where you and she fall into each others' arms and make up forever; she will be otherwise occupied. It is a day to "see and be seen" by her, not to make up or even to talk beyond "Congratulations; it's a lovely wedding." Don't put too much emotional weight onto this wedding for any reason and be glad you're not in the wedding party after all-- that would mean far more contact with the fiancé you hate.

If I were you, I would go to the bridal shower and take your daughter with you (since she's the god daughter) unless kids aren't allowed at that too.

I would definately go the the wedding.

Don't bother going.