What's Your Story?

We were done too. We were done with the first. Went to my yearly which was one year after I had my first and told my doctor the BC sucked and I wanted to switch. He got all funny and walked out of the room and came in with the US machine. There was a 16 week old fetus. LMAO. My husband hit the ground. He told us right away it was a girl. It was done our family was complete. We were done. Adamant about it.

Then our 10th anniversary came around and my daughter was going to kindergarten. All the sudden we started to kick around the idea of another. So we decided on our tenth it was a go. So we got pregnant within two month. A December surprise. Sadly we lost that baby in Feb but got right back on the horse as the doctor told us to do. That same cycle we got pregnant again.

Well he's sitting on the floor right now playing with his toys. He is now 9 months old and I feel like life was empty in a sense before he was here. I can't express how wonderful it is to have my 7, 6, and 9 month old. My older ones help out and are wonderful with their little brother. But yes I wouldn't Count yourself out. Wait and see. I would have never thought I'd have three and loved being a mom so much.

We have two girls now and I want another girl. I feel like someone is missing. If it's suppsed to happen then it will happen. You won't actually have 3 in daycare because your 4 year old will be going to kindergarten soon. So you can do 2 in daycare like you have been doing. I want to tell you want my oldest said once about year ago when she was 4:

"Mommy, before me and Emmy were born we used to play by a log by a creek that was far far away. You can't get there from here. Then we chose you and daddy to take care of us."

That took my breath away. She keeps saying she wants another little sister. My husband has had dreams of another little girl 3 times. He always dreams of our kids before they are born.

You need to get your little Leah here ; )

i have 5 children. At times our life gets really crazy and expensive; however, my children love each so much and are so grateful to have each other, usually. :)

My brother in law and his wife have a boy and a girl. Their son is in private tennis lessons everyday and travels for tennis matches. Their daughter is in gymnastics. They all have a "peachy keen" life as well. They came to visit us over the 4th of July. Their kids loved being with my kids and loved our 6 months old. My sister in law opened up to me and admitted to wanting another baby. She said her kids beg her for another one, but a few years ago they eliminated that option. Now, she would like to adopt an inner city baby, but her husband's not open to that option.

I will admit they have quite a life they live with their two children, but they now want something that money can't buy, another sibling.

Also, I don't use artifical birth control. We chart my monthly symptoms- mucus discharge and it's quality and know when it's safe to avoid or know when the time is right to achieve another pregnancy. It's always worked well for us!

Good luck with your decision

Well, you may be able to have "the best of both worlds." If you wait a year or 2, your oldest will be in school and your youngest will not be far behind. Waiting a couple of years will also give you a little time to save some extra money which may allow you to stay home with the kids for a couple of years after the baby comes. You may surprise yourself as far as what you can and can't afford too. Our children are 9, 6, 2 & 9 months and our older 2 are involved in more activities now that the babies are here than they were before. I also worked full time before our 3rd came along, and now I stay at home. Things can get tight sometimes, but we're still comfortable and our kids do not want for much. Don't let money be a deciding factor if your family is complete or not. You will know in your heart when your family is complete. BTW...just because you have a 3rd doesn't guarantee you a girl...my 3 older ones are girls and the baby (which we never "intended" to have) is our boy ;)

I wouldn't trade having any less than my 3 blessings....

I'm 40 with two teen sons. They are the light of my life - and it stuns me how fast the time has gone.

One of my greatest regrets is not having 1-2 more kids a year or two after my second child. At the time it seemed too "hard" from several different perspectives.

I later found out my fertility was basically GONE at age 37 (and probably sooner actually).

My only point - don't take this phase of your young life lightly - you can't get it back again. Temporary obstacles are just that - temporary. Your family is forever. It may or may not be the right thing for you to have more children - I just wish I had prayed about it a whole lot harder and taken the "long" view.

Good luck and God bless your sweet family (and it sounds great!)

We have 4 daughters and I was never "wishing" for a boy or "trying" for one. I just enjoy being a mother more than anything else. I sometimes wonder why. They test our patience and do the exact opposite of what we want. But they are also pretty, creative, fun, funny, and awesome to be around. Of course, my grandson is handsom as all get out!

We put 10 years between our 3rd and 4th. I'm so glad we had her and would do it again, even now at 43. But my husband does not agree at all. He's gone so far as to freeze me out of the bedroom since he is too gutless to do the snip-a-roo and I won't tie my tubes because I just won't in case....well in case he has a last minute change of heart.

I actually do daycare in my home and I've often wondered about woman that have 3 children and then come to me wanting some huge discount because they can't afford the 3rd child. When it comes to daycare and children you do have a few possibilities. You and hubby can work opposite shifts. That seems hardly worth it in the long run because then family time is out the window. You can do daycare like I am doing. But that's a huge can of worms and I'd never suggest to quit a good job for it. Too many woman try and never even get the first child. Competition in daycare is fierce. I've really never struggled getting kids. But I know many that do and have recently met 4 woman that are not making it. 3 of them have never gotten even one and one of them only has one after many months of advertising.

The other alternative would be to find someone else in the same situation and swap out daycare with them. Maybe you could pay your normal sitter during the day and then offer night and weekend care to off set the costs of regular daycare. You wouldn't need too much to make a huge difference. Many parents are willing to pay 40 bucks for 2 kids or 60 for 3 kids just to go out on a Friday night. If you did that 3-4 nights per month it would go a long ways towards paying at least part of your daycare for the 3rd child.

Also, don't forget to sit down and look at the tax implications. A 3rd child means another 1000 off the tax bill directly plus another 3500 dollars you don't pay any taxes on. I'm not sure what the maximum amount of daycare you can deduct is. A 3rd child in care might not change your taxes much. If you have the dependent daycare thing at work where they take it out of your check though, then you don't pay taxes on any of your daycare.

Also, remember that the 4 year old will start school one day and it takes 9 months to have a baby. So that gives you time to at least have one of the kids in 1/2 day care or even just before and after if your district has full day Kindergartin.

As for the costly and time consuming outside lessons/activities with the kids...I think people put far too much emphasis on those anyway. We are becoming a society that thinks we need to schedule our children to death and more family time around the table, walking in the park, riding bikes, or watching a movie together would go FAR in putting family back as a priority in this country.

Please don't let the fantasy of wishing for a girl override the reality of what's involved in taking care of 3 children. If you have the option then make do with the two, if you're already in the position/pregnant, then keep the 3rd as a blessing. What if your 3rd is another boy, would you be happy, think about that too. If you don't care either way and can afford to, you can try for as many times till you get the girl..but there are no guarantees - then what!

We have decided to have two children because we want to give them our full time and energy. However, I come from a family of four--we were 16,13 and 10 when our youngest sister was born. She was sixteen when my oldest was born, but we are very close.

I would say that you have plenty of time to think about it. Make a decision because you both want it, not because of anyone else (even your son) or because you think you should (have a girl, have them a certain age apart). You will be the parents, so you need to be happy about being parents!

I or no one eles can tell you what is best for your family just what was best for our families . We have two very amazing kids a boy and a girl but we thought long and hard if we were going to have a 3rd . It all came down to what can we offer the two children we have and it was a wonderful life . But if we had a 3rd it would be tight and the things we could offer was going to be less and our lifes would change allot . We chose to stop at 2 but that was our choice . I to this day wonder if we had 3 children how would our lifes be . But I do not regret my choice . A child is a blessing but when you have to wonder from day to day how are we going to pay this bill or that bill . How our we going to be able to pay for the every day things that people .Do not get me wrong we could of afforded a 3rd child but we are happy with the blessings we have . You only know what is best for you and your family . Sorry about my going on and on .

An earlier posted mentioned the possibility of adopting an "inner city" child. Adoption is always an option, even if you are no longer fertile. If you adopt locally there is very little expense and there are financial and insurance incentives to help defray the costs of another child. We have adopted two children and they are in their teens now. We have given them a stable, wonderful life when they would have been neglected, abused, ignored, unstable, in poverty, etc. if they had lived in their birth situation. It was a win-win situation.

My husband and I are going through the same decision making right now. Our son is 4...almost 5 and going to Kindergarten this year. Our daughter is 3 so will be two years behind him in school. We would try to plan a 3rd (if we decide to have one for sure) child to be due the summer of 2011. That way I could be home with all three kids for the summer and save some money. Then there would only be two (my daughter and possible 3rd child) in daycare for one full year...then off to school for my daughter after that and only one in daycare. It is a money thing for us, if it wasn't for that I would want four children...we'll see. For my husband, it isn't a money issue, but the ability to give each child the attention that they need and deserve. I guess I don't think we are going to deprive anyone of love or attention, but things will change and I think overall our kids will gain more from having another sibling as well. My kids are always asking me when there will be a baby in my belly. After reading through all of the other comments it makes me feel even more like it would be right for us to have another. Somehow the money and time issues will work out, I don't want to ever regret not having another later when it isn't an option for us any longer.

Good luck with your decision! Oh, and don't forget that just because one is in school doesn't mean that you won't need before/after school care and daycare (or something) in the summers.

We have a 16 year old, which we had by choice after almost 18 years of marriage. We are now 52. We've used condoms and/o diaphram for most of the time with fine success. It's ok to be happy with two by the way. I think a larger gap of even 5 years is ok, course no guarentee you'd have a girl.
S.

Obviously, this is not the time for you to have another child. My kids are 10 and 8, and only now are we considering having another. The big age gap can be beneficial-- they can help out and be role models to their younger sibling. We've given our daughters the world, and their bond is very strong because of their closeness in age. Yet, i've always felt the desire to have another-- I just love babies and kids in general... I love being a mom. As far as preventing pregnancy, I can't take pills either. We use condoms, and if used properly, they work. Good luck.

My husband and I have one child. We both come from larger families. When we got married I was in my thirties and he in his forties. We both agreed that a couple of kids would be nice. Then we had our son. He was quite a handful as a baby. He can still be quite an intense child. We have never really felt the need to have more. Now that our son is mostly independent we aren't too keen on going back to the baby stage where you have someone that needs you all the time. People used to ask us when we were planning to have another. Since we are the ones that would be raising that "other" child or children we never let that bother us too much. It's easy for others to put pressure on you but they will not be the ones with the midnight feedings or walking the floor with your colicky child. I've often thought the only reason I'd have another would be for our son to have a sibling but in the end I decided that isn't the right reason for us. If we have another child, I want it to be because WE want that child. Our son has friends at daycare and in the neighbourhood. While that isn't the same as having a sibling, I think it works out well for us. He can play with other kids around his age but he can come home and have his parents' full attention.

Having said all that. Not having another child was OUR decision. If you and your husband decide that you really do want to add another little bundle into your lives then go for it. Just make sure it's your decision and not someone else's or pressure from others. I also wouldn't let the lack of opportunities for your boys stop you from having another. When I was growing up, we had so much fun just playing and doing things as a family that it didn't bother us too much not to be involved in sports or other community activies.

Just as an aside...I'm sure you know that there is no guarantee you will have a daughter next time round. My parents had six daughters before deciding they were done trying for a boy.

The age gap doesn't matter. I have two half-sisters that are 8 and 9 years older than me and we all still had a lot of fun together. It's not like your boys would love a sibling any less because of an age gap. In fact, I always got along with my sisters, but my brother is only a year older than me and we fought all of the time, even through our teens.
I would wait until at least your oldest is in school. That's only a couple of years. You could even wait until your 2 year old is school age and you'd still be plenty young enough to have a baby.

I have a friend who has 2, a boy and a girl. She told me if the girl had been first, she would have been the last. Her boy was SO easy and agreeable, she thought another child would be a piece of cake. Her daughter turned out to be a normal but very fussy, challenging child with lots of constant drama. You just never know what you will get sex or temperament wise.
I just have the one son, and he's such a sweetheart! I love being able to spoil him for all his good grades and helping around the house. I wouldn't want to take anything away from him. When he was very little he said a few times he wanted a brother or sister, but as soon as he saw all the fighting his friends did with their siblings, he was/is very happy he's an only child.

I have found that the best gifts I have ever given my children are their siblings. There is a three year gap between the first three and the youngest is came six years after my third. I never planned the gaps. That is how long it took. I have found each child teaches our family new things. Our youngest is teaching all of us how to be less selfish with our time and our treasures. I know the best lessons my kids have learned have not been at some softball activity, or some other sporting event. It has been with their brothers and sisters. We used to do far more activities outside the home when we had just two, but I know my children would say they would rather have a brother or sister than to do all those things. If it were me, I would have another.

We plan on having a third. We have 2 boys now (3 1/2 and 1). We also could not afford 3 in day care, so we plan on waiting a couple of years for baby #3 so that the oldest will be in school. As far as the decision to have 3, I have always had that number in my head (I'm the youngest of 3, so perhaps that's why!), but my husband could go either way. I honestly just don't feel like we're done. But I only want 3 and that's it!

For birth control, have you looked into the copper IUD? They are super effective and have no hormones. It might be a good option for you. I believe they're good when in place for about 5 years. There's also Mirena, which is an IUD with low dose hormones. These options can give you some time to just take it easy, enjoy your boys, and let the decision come to you in time. You're young yet, so you don't have to make a decision any time soon!

Good luck!

One sentence you wrote stands out "You were only thinking about another because of your son". That, alone, is not enough reason to have another kid! Sure your son wants a sister, but don't do it for him!!! If YOU and your husband really want another child, then do it for you, not your kids!

You do have to think about if you were to get pregnant in the next few months, your son will be out of daycare in in Kindergarten (assuming you will be sending him next year). This would reduce the cost greatly.

We have two children - ages 3 (girl) and 1 (boy). I still would like 1-2 children, but we are not having anymore (or trying for anymore) until my daughter will be getting ready for kindergarten. I realize there will be a larger gap in the ages, but we could not have afforded daycare for three and we only have a 2 bedroom house.

Don't expect that you'll have a girl either - you may have another boy, which would be easier (clothing wise), but either way I'm sure it would be a blessing.

It sounds to me that right now, you are not ready for another child. But, don't rule it out!

you have a ton of time to make that decision. don't put pressure on yourself, enjoy your boys and time will tell. i have a step son thats 17 and he has a little sister that 3 and a brother thats four months. he loves them so much. i wouldn't worry about a gap and in the future the boys could help you. just take it day by day. im 35 and life is so different than it was when i was 28:) good luck!

I don't think you should have a child for your child. You and your husband should be the ones to be able to decide when and if you have another. A four year old should not dictate this and neither should anyone else.

We have 6 children (ages 10, 8, 6 1/2 , 5, 2 1/2 and 10 months) and still don't know if we're "done yet". We try to live a frugal lifestyle and have the kids choose one activity to be involved in which keeps costs down. For example, we did swim lessons this summer which they all loved. But that was it, no baseball or soccer. During the school year, they all dance because that's the one extra activity they've chosen.
We don't use artificial birth control, but instead chart my daily temperatures and cervical mucus. This has been very effective for us. I know the conception dates of our children which helps predict fairly accurate due dates. And, after you pay to take the class to learn the method, it's absolutely free and doesn't have any side effects. (www.ccli.org is a good site to find classes in your area) My husband and I talk about whether or not we're ready to be open to another child each cycle, so it's an on-going discussion.
I recently heard someone say that the days are long, but the years are short. That's really how parenting is. Some days seem as though they'll never end and that you don't have what it takes to get through the current struggle. But, then before you know it, ten years have passed and you wonder where the time has gone. I'm not trying to glorify large families, it's hard work but always totally worth it!
I have yet to find a mother who said, "I wish we would not had that last child." But have talked to many who have said, "I wish we would have been open to have more."
Hope this helps.
God Bless!
H. :-)