Jealous of Others with 3 Kids Close in Age :(

Oh, no real advice, but I just wanted you to know that I (sort of) feel where you're coming from. We always planned on having two, then waiting a few years, then having two more. Well, I have the two, and my husband just lost his job, and while there are prospects, it's going to be a couple years before we get our financial feet under us again. I have really been longing for another baby, and it's so hard to think about the fact that my family not not work out as I envisioned. I feel like everywhere I look there are pregnant people! Especially my friends!

I think if you want to have another one, and you're in a position to have another one, do it. The older two will adapt, and you'll have that much more one-on-one time with the baby. As the saying goes, you'll never regret having another one, but you might regret not having another one. Good luck with your decision.

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For all of the happy stories you'll hear about siblings playing together, cooperating, and delighting their parents, you can find at least as many parents (right here on this site!) begging for advice about exhaustion, conflicts between siblings, potty training regression, scheduling difficulties, health issues, discipline struggles, feeding problems, favoritism, extended family complications, adult siblings in conflict … the list is long. In fact, I'm surprised so many parents are willing to go for another pregnancy after reading about so many potential and real problems.

We never make a mistake, huge or otherwise, when we are living our lives realistically and within our means. Taking good care of the children you've already got, taking care of yourself and observing your own realistic limits can only be good. Suddenly wanting another child is its own issue, and since it has arisen for you now, now is the time to consider whether it's what you want to do.

My youngest sister was born when I was 8. She and I had a wonderful relationship throughout childhood. Not so with my closely spaced siblings. Age and spacing guarantee nothing.

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Maybe you should have two more kids close in age. I know people that did that and it was great.

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A large age difference between children is usually not a big deal. Even children that are a close in age do not necessarily play well together. I have two boys who are 20 months apart and never really got along when they were no longer toddlers. However, my last two are 24 months apart (boy and girl) and they get along very well and have done so from the beginning. (They are 27 and 25 now.) Also, keep in mind, you will be able to enjoy this child more for you are not splitting your energy and attention between two toddlers. Go ahead and do what you think is best for your family. It will all work out.

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Why not be happy with the two perfect boys you have? I know you're having all these emotional feelings right now, but having children shouldn't be about "keeping up with the Jones'".
Your family sounds perfect and your boys sound to be thriving. Be HAPPY you have them, because many women can't even have one!

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Even if you'd tried to have another "on schedule" your body might not have been ready. Kids come when they come. The oldest will have a special bond being so close in age, but they'll love a younger one too, and enjoy protecting them. Don't feel like you've goofed it up, just go for it if you want another one. :)

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So...4 and a newborn would be "too huge" of a gap? I have brothers 7 and 9 years older than me and we are very close.
Make sure you're not just getting baby fever b/c everyone else is pregnant! Good luck!

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you are not crazy but if you do have another baby, I think you will have some advantages that you may be overlooking.
I have 3...my first 2 are 2 1/2 years apart almost to the day. The 2nd and 3rd are 16 months apart. I went through extensive, extensive fertility treatments to have the first 2 and the 3rd one was a big, big surprise!
My baby is now 7 months old and since his birth, it has been a blur. I really wish we had a bit more spacing so I could enjoy each of them and each stage they are giong through. You would be able to do this if you have a third. There are very few things in life that are enjoyable when you under circumstances that are near chaotic. I am so grateful to have children and I don't regret at all how it turned out. I really thought at one point that I would be lucky if I had one with the fertility issues that I faced so I undoubtedly feel blessed. However, if I had the luxury of family planning on my side, I am not quite sure I would have planned it this way. I think each child deserves individual attention as they develop in the early years and when they are too close together, it is very hard to do this.
I know many, many families were they have an bigger age gap between one or two of the kids and these kids are just as close as those families with children close in age. It also does help with sibling rivalry in a sense....they don't feel the need to live up to what the other ones are doing.
Best of luck...I say go for the 3rd...it truly is a wonderful and joyous experience!
Proud mommy of 3

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N.,

My oldest three children are all close in age. The years when they were all little and I was working full time is a blur. I remember being absolutely exhausted all the time. Some years later, hubby #1 one and I divorced, I remarried and my new husband and I chose to have a child together. My kids were 14, 11 and 9 when she was born (his were 21 and 18.) Having a baby later in life with amazing helpers around is the most incredible experience. My 11-year-old (now 17) brought me to tears on a daily basis (and still does) with his wonderful paternal instinct and complete adoration of his little sister. The joy is incredible and nothing like I experienced when I had three toddlers/babies clamoring for my attention.

Please, N., go for it. If your heart wants another child do not let what you thought was perfect "spacing" stop you from completing your family. When I was younger, my goal was to be finished having children by the time I was 30 so I could be a "young" mom. I could have never predicted the amazing strength and wisdom that comes with being just a little older, wiser - and better rested. All my kids have benefited in ways you can't even imagine.

Regards, L.

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DOn't be jealous. I went through a phase when my youngest was not a baby anymore that I also wanted another one. This too will pass. You should be thankful for what you have. Just think, if you don't have another one, Your kids will be raised sooner than the other moms and also you may be able to give your kids more because you have 1 less. Remember how difficult things can be with a baby especially if your husband still works long hours. Also think about those last couple of months of pregnancy. And labor! I know it is all worth it in the end but these are all the cons. I hope I dont sound like I am being hard on you because I don't mean to. I still would not be disappointed if I happened to get pregnant again.
If you still want another though, I would not worry about the age difference. 5 or even 6 years is not that much when you think about them being older. I have 2 younger sisters that are 7 and 11 years younger. We are pretty much on the same level now that we are grown. I will admit that I wasn't close to them when I was younger but we have a good relationship now. You do what you want to do. The kids will be fine.

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Oh lord, honey, not at all! I've got 3 (5, 4 and almost 2) and it's a HUGE HANDFUL to have so many so close in age, huge fights, huge tantrums, huge huge huge! I wish i would have waited longer in between the 3. I bet if you got pg now w/ the kids at the ages you have, you'll be so happy to have had them further apart! You have two automatic helpers who won't bear any sort of sibling rivalry for the 3rd, not to mention the slave work you can get out of them! HA! Pls don't feel bad about it, but I do know what you mean about being envious of pg women, i miss being pg (tho i never want to really be pg again, har), i loved being pg, was so happy and just loved every min of it. Good luck!! Things just turn out how they turn out, no need to bog yourself down feeling bad :)

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No, you aren't crazy. I have two kids and would LOVE a third but my husband has said no. So, I have my two beautiful wonderful kids and I am happy with that. THat is not to say, however, that I'm not a little jealous of the moms that do have 3 kids or are expecting a third. I have a friend right now that is trying to get pregnant and I love her to death, but a part of me is going to have a hard seeing her pregnant and preparing for the new baby.....because I want one. I am trying to prepare myself for that one.

One another note, the age gap won't be bad. Mine are 29 months and it is great. There are several moms with kids that are 4-5 years apart and they will tell you that they love that spacing. The older kids are helpful, not in diapers, in school so you have more time with the little one, etc. Good luck with your decision!

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My sisters were 22 months apart. I was 5 years earlier. It meant that the two of them were in some ways a little closer during parts of childhood, but it didn't mean it wasn't okay. And really it is hard to say how much of their closeness was largely related to sharing a room, and how much was related to age. Eventually we're all just adults. These days I am closer to the youngest than any of us are close to the middle kid because our personalities just mesh better as adults.

You're making yourself crazy about it and you don't need to be. Yeah, there's challenges, but at the same time, you probably have a helper who can learn a lot about being a good dad now too in your sons. If you want another baby, go for it.

I had a friend in high school whose sister was two years younger than him, when his parents decided to have another baby. Yeah, they weren't as close, 17 years later, but they were still family, and she had more help changing diapers.

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There is no age gap that is wrong if it's right for your family! I know people who have 3 kids that are 5-7 years apart and swear that's the best way... I also know people who have 3 kids barely a year apart and swear that's the best way.

If you know you want another child I'd say go ahead and go for it! There's no reason that 5-6 years is too far apart. Sure, they won't be doing the same things for quite a while but look at it this way: you'll have plenty of help from the older two! :)

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I would not let the age gap stop you. I can relate to you... somewhat. I had my first two 14 months apart, then 5 years later my 3rd and 2 years later my 4th :)

I had a fourth to keep the third company. I felt she needed a buddy... older sisters were starting school. It worked out well. Now my little two are in elementary school together and my older are in middle school.

Don't let the age gap stop you. If you want to have another child go for it! Life goes by so fast. When they get older (adults) the age gap does not matter.

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I grew up with lots of friends that were about 10 years older than their siblings. They loved it and the parents had some extra helpful hands.
My son is 7 and I'm a single mom, but if/when I get married then I'd love to have another baby.

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They're not too far in age, my brother is 8 yrs older than me and ten yrs older than my little brother. I'd go for it...maybe have two more so the third one can have a playmate closer in age!! :)

If you want to get pregnant i would start trying asap and quit procrastinating as long as our partner is game with you go for it. our youngest isn't too old yes bt ouwait anoter year or two they will be.

N.,
If you desire to have another baby GO FOR IT! My boys were 20 monthes apart, my oldest is 7 and my middle child will be 6 in two weeks. We have a 10mth. old little girl now which is so fun for the boys and let me tell you from having the two so close together it is just so nice getting to enjoy having one little one around the house. My boys are a big help and even if they are not helpful with her they are able to "take care of themselves" so much better at their ages, that I am so glad that we had them 5 years apart. Don't not have another baby becasue of the age difference, trust me, I think you would be pleasantly surprised! :) Good luck whatever your choice! God Bless!

I have four children 12,10,4 and 2. There are pluses to both close and apart. On the pluse side the two older are a great help with the younger ones ans love to be with them, on the downside it was like starting all over again. I mean the two older were in school could get themselves up on the weekends and watch tv for a while now I am up everyday at seven after working until12. All in all I wouldn't change anything.

"I would love to get pregnant again but am concerned that the age gap between my kids now would be too big."

Too big for what?

My daughters are 22 and 23 and my son is 12. I was done having children then I met my second husband. I love my daughters very much, but there is something very special about that boy. Also, I find that I am a better parent. I am more relaxed, less worried about every little thing. I don't panic over things.

Not crazy. My oldest and middle are 2 years apart. My youngest is 7 years younger than my oldest. And the youngest is close to them both in different ways. My oldest hasn't ever had the highest regard for the middle, but I think that stems from having been the only child for a while and being upstaged by another. In his eyes. They can get along. And I wish it were a better relationship, but...boys will be boys. The youngest has always embraced both of his big brothers. All 3 became 2nd degree blackbelts in martial arts, and are 3 of the best I could ask for.
So go for that third if everyone agrees on it!

That sounds like the perfect age difference. My mom had her 3rd baby, my little sister, when I was 10 and my brother was 7. The 3 of us are SO close!

I have a 4.5 year old and a 2 year old. My baby was just born 10 weeks ago. My two oldest keep me so busy that I don't have as much time as I wish I did to just cuddle with my baby. With you having older children they'll be more independent and allow you more time to just enjoy a newborn. Most likely they will also love having a baby in the house. My mother was 12 when her baby brother was born and she used to dread leaving him when she had to go to school. So, I guess what I'm saying is "Go for it!" and enjoy!!

My sisters are 11 years and 6 years older then I and we have a great relationship as adults. AS a child I didn't know them so well because they were off to college when I was young, but they have been great role models and such a huge support to me as I go through things they have already been through. My 3 kids are close in age (not by choice...just happened) and it is crazy. They do play together, so that helps. But at times I wish I'd had more individual time with them. I don't think either way is wrong. Do what works for your family.

I have 2 boys 3 and 5(23 months apart) and 12 weeks preg with our 3rd. We plan (God willing) to have 3rd and 4th close togather. Do not let the age gap stop you if you and hubby want another child/ren.

This might not be right for you, but I know several people who had two close together, then a gap, then two more close together. I would have loved to have done that myself, as I have two boys 13 months apart, but my marriage went down in flames and now that I am with my current hubby we have all we can handle with my two and his three!

When I was considering having a 3rd I asked the question to alot of people about how far apart in age their kids were and how the kids bonded, etc. (mostly people with grown up kids). I first 2 are 11 months apart and I was planning to have the 3rd about 4-5 years later. Alot of people I talked to actually said that the oldest and youngest were closer or that all 3 were still really close. I think alot of things come into play, like their gender, what sports/activities they play when they are younger and when they are older when they get married, when they have kids, where they live will all make a difference in how they bond. If you want another child and are ready to go through all the baby stuff again, I do not think you should worry too much about a 5-6 year difference. My brother and I were 5 years apart and we have been close most of our lives, but our situations (where we live, etc) have changed that off and on over the years. I think the more kids you have (if you can deal with more kids), the more family your kids will have to turn to when they are older no matter what.

Look at it this way if you get prego in the next yr or 2 you'll have 2 great older helpers who are out of diapers out of toddler yrs and can fein for themselves if needed.I have 3 kids ages 6,3,1 with my last baby my daughter was only 18 months old I felt like I didn't get that much time with her till we had another child my son was older 3 and that seemed to be the right age he was potty trained well mannered.If you feel that you made a mistake then that is how you feel explain to your husband that your ready for another child.Being jealous of siblings close together that's alot of work speaking from a mom myself of 3 under ager 6

Don't be concerned about the age gap. I don't think it really matters. If you don't feel like your family is complete then don't live regretting something that you can do. Have another child. My older kids love having a baby around. They are so exited to teach him things when he gets older. They will have a bond no matter what, the age gap isn't going to feel so big when they are 20 26 and 28. or 10 16 18,. Go for it! You never know you could have a girl this time!

My step son was 6 when we had our daughter, and is 8 and we are expecting in August. And we are planning on having another one or 2. I will say that it's a bit different with having a step son that age, then your own children, but it's the same. The kids all go through the same process at that age. If you wait too much longer, the older ones, may not bond at all with the younger child, and you may be better off having 2 more, just so they can bond together. But if you do it soon, they will bond better.

As long as you are happy with your decisions, it's never a mistkae. you did what you needed to back then, but if you want more children, go for it.

A lot can be said for spreading out the ages of your children. My daughters are 8 and 3 and baby #3 is due in about 4 weeks. I actually cherish the fact that our kids are so spread out. I really had the opportunity to enjoy each child and each milestone as they grew. My very good friend has 3 boys under 3! I don't know how she keeps her sanity.

I say that if you still long for a third child, don't let the age gap get in the way. Complete your family. Whether your kids are spread apart in ages or close together, you'll find advantages and disadvantages.

Good luck!

I don't know how old you are but I'd say go for it if you feel this is best for your family. In terms of your kids' ages, it's definitely not too late. You might want to have 2 more a couple of years apart even. Children learn so much by being part of a larger family - very good for them!

You will spend a lot less on babysitters! Go for it!

I agree with most of the other moms. When you have them so close together you don't get to enjoy the "baby time". I have a 6 month old and Lord knows she keeps me busy enough, I could not imagine another 2 year old or younger!

Plus, my sister is 9 years older than me, and my brother is 12 years older, and we are all close. =) (I think I was an oppsy haha)