So I have not posted on here in awhile and I am planning on cutting down my usage a lot/
Here is my delema. My four year old son is in preschool and he loves going to school. he says he loves to play and the arts and crafts and he "says" he loves what Mrs. H teaches him. Unfortunately he will not do things for her that he will for me.
The school is having them trace letters. He will not do it for the teacher. But as soon as he gets home its " mommy will you draw "insert letter" so I can draw them too?" He will trace it and then make his own. I have shown the teacher this and we are both stumped as to why he will do it for me but not her.
There is the same issue with the color time. He will not use the correct colors for her or draw in the lines or even make shapes. Again he will do the same thing when it is our arts and crafts time at home.
Sorry this is not written well I am at work and kinda hurrying.
Anyone have a clue on how to fix this. he is so smart but wont show it at school!!!!!!!!!!
ETA I have been asking him why he only does it for me and he says it is more fun when Mommy does it. And as for his school They are a very advanced school but he will be going to preschool twice strictly because he was my first and I found out that I did not socalize him the best. He loves adults but could care less about kids his age.
I do agree that this could be a confidence problem because I am always telling him how proud I am of him and that he is doing great. (personally for a 4 year old he does do amazing at writing. he will indeed have imaculate penmenship) I will be talking to the teacher tomorrow to see if maybe we can work together to boost his confidence at school.
Also for the record I do not "school" him at home we just work on whatever we want at the time sometimes its mud and sometimes its letters. He has full choice. But as any other kid ( I think) learning is his #1 thing he wants to do
Maybe he's more advanced than what the teacher is doing, and he's bored by doing it (and isn't going to humor her by doing something that bores him). Or, he may be less advanced and afraid that he can't keep up, so isn't trying because he feels he won't compare. Have you considered Montessori? There he can work at his own pace and with things that are of interest to him.
Most four year olds aren't ready to sit down and do schoolwork. That's why kindergarten starts at age 5/6, because that's when most kids are developmentally ready to focus in a structured environment.
I'm sure preschool is really exciting and he'd much rather be building with blocks, doing puzzles, coloring, looking at books, running and playing with his friends (and ALL of those things are preparing him for real school even more than sitting and tracing.)
I'm really surprised your son's teacher doesn't understand that. Is this an NAEYC accredited preschool?
It's possible that your child is worried about doing it wrong for a stranger, so is choosing not to do it at all. When my daughter won't do something for someone else I always ask her why (she's older now of course) and she always says "I didn't want to do it wrong." Her solution is to not do it at all, or say she can't at all.
Also, sometimes her mind goes blank when asked to do something by someone else. Suddenly she CAN'T do it! She actually forgets.
We homeschool, but I know that's probably not a solution for you. But what I do is we drill it over and over until she's so confident that she will do it in front of other people. Also, sometimes she gets so tired of practicing and will just do it in front of someone so she can quit practicing it!
He may grow out of it. I call it "selective shyness" because my daughter is NOT shy! She just has a confidence issue now and then.
It's a maturity issue. Don't force it, and don't send him to kindergarten too early. If this issue turns into a tug-of-war, he will end up disliking school and it will be hard to turn him around. Wait until he is ready.
Meanwhile, do lots of things to make his hand strong and work those little muscles. Fine motor development skills are necessary for writing. Playing with play-doh, coloring, picking up little things like paper clips and making a chain out of them, screwing nuts and bolts together, etc.
He'll get there. Just don't try to push too hard.
Dawn
I see this as children that age doing things on their terms. There may be another reason behind why he won't do it at school. Have you spoken to him about it? I realize he's only 4 but often they have their own valid reasoning behind that type of action. Not sure if you'd implement this but perhaps promote him to show off what he can do to his teachers and classmates. I do not mean for him to show off that he is better than anyone but rather to promote his own self esteem in the classroom. Perhaps he doesn't realize that by doing things in class that he knows he can do he will be able to show just how smart he is.
I think maybe he is showing how smart he is. Bright kids tend to do their own thing. I think he feels free to follow his own "drummer" at school. Personally, I have been told that it's usually the opposite, kids tend to do things for teacher that they don't do for Mom. Have you asked him why he doesn't follow directions, is he bored and wandering onto his own path?
It sounds like you have good communication with his teacher, perhaps you can do a sort of homework, have him do the tracing and proper colouring at home and have him give it to the teacher. It'll help show her that he can do it, just tends to be picky about when. He is learning the skills. Keep it fun and keep him working, maybe one day his teacher will ask him to show off a little of his "work" while actually in class. "Your Mommy says you're doing so well, can I see you write a "B"?"
Good luck.
my four year old is opposite. forutnaly for me i can teach him other things ( address, where daddy and mommy work our names) but when it comes to recognizing the letters and numbers he will have nothing to do with it at home but at school he would. since he is only four i would actually wait it out till next year and see if he is acting like this with his other teacher. if so then it might be an issue. i would speak to him what school is about and how he needs to act towards his teacher and other adults. how it is school and he needs to learn what she is teaching him and he needs to show her how smart he is! doing these work sheets for her lets her know your brain is working very hard and exercising to become super smart (pep talk him)
Are you over praising him?? maybe when the teacher does not go on and on and on about how great he's doing he feels he isnt doing well for her so he doesnt want to do it for teacher. Just guessing here.... Read the articel How Not to Talk to Kids
Maybe doing it for you builds his confidence?
He is 4. Four-year-olds shouldn't even be in "school." I hope this school only is a couple hours long!
At age 4, kids learn to sing the alphabet and other songs, how to get along with others, how to play and get hurt and deal with it, fingerpaint, draw pictures on blank paper (not coloring sheets), stare at a bumblebee for 5 minutes straight, count simple things, hold a pencil, & page through the numerous books I'm sure you offer him. Short list.
Don't knock yourself or your kid if he doesn't want to trace a letter.
Most kids' brains don't wire themselves for reading or writing until late age 6. Yes, I know you get pressure from a lot of other parents who insist that their kids are brilliant. All kids are brilliant-- when they're allowed to shine when their brain is good and ready.
When teachers and parents push kids too hard to learn things they're not ready for, you run the risk of turning that kid "off" school--an attitude that can be extremely hard to break later.
It's a recent phenomena to move first grade standards into kindergarten (let alone preschool!) Lately, academic standards are unduly influenced by politicians rather than educators who actually know HOW kids learn.
Scandinavia leads the world in test scores. Scandinavian kids don't even start school until age 7. They understand that kids need to experience being a kid - playing in mud, learning their limits, discovering and creative play--all builds confidence. "Being a kid" sets the foundation for all future learning.
Please don't get caught up in the mommy competition. Let your kid be a kid. Do some reading on child development (and share with the teachers).
Boys Adrift, by Dr. Leonard Sax, is an excellent read for any parent of a boy. As women, we have zip experience having a boy's brain--so we are beholden to get some insight from the experts!
Enjoy your wonderful 4-year-old this summer!
