okay moms, my son is 3 1/2 and we have been having a problem lately - i have to say, he is quite well behaved, sunny, always happy and sweet, however, MANY times when i am trying to talk to him (i didn't expect this until he got to be older, like say, at least a 'tween!) he just keeps right on doing what he's doing! i honestly think he's just oblivious, not actually ignoring me, because, my beloved son, talks CONSTANTLY. even if it's just making car noises as he walks to the bathroom. he is ALWAYS making SOME kind of noise, bless his little heart! and i truly think he just can't hear me over his own voice. it is so irritating to call his name and start to tell him something, and he just keeps chattering. i have started to teach him that sometimes you need to STOP talking, and listen. it is such a hard lesson! and i find myself yelling at him to just overpower his voice, because he just doesn't hear me otherwise, and i hate myself for doing it. i mean i'm not screaming at him, but it's yelling, for sure, ADAN LISTEN TO MOMMY! is there a better way? it's so frustrating! (and i want to say before the armchair pediatricians come out - haha! just teasing moms - that i intend to have his hearing checked, but anything else he has no problem hearing, so i honestly doubt that it's a problem...)
THANK YOU! you guys are awesome! it is so reassuring to know it's not just MY son. thanks for the bracing words and kind advice. it's not the worst problem to have with a child, for sure...at least he's happy! lol....just oblivious! you guys are so great, and i just want to go kiss and hug the stuffin's out of him knowing he's just fine!...thanks again!
I agree with the others.
Get down to his level (whenever possible).
Make contact - touch his shoulder, arm, head, whatever.
Say, "Look at Mommy."
Then proceed to tell him whatever you need him to hear.
That worked with my chatterbox. Now he's 6 years old and he's a much better listener, so there is hope. :-)
Oh that is my son exactly! He is going to be 3 years old in less than a month and he does not listen to me one bit. I think he's got so much going on in his little head, not to mention he wants to assert his independence. I just posted a question myself on how to get him to listen! Good luck with your little guy!
We are having the same problem with our 4 1/2 year old grandson - I believe at times he is oblivious and so focused on what he's doing that it doesn't register that someone is talking TO him. Other times, I think he just doesn't want to be bothered. We are working on the idea that it is rude to not acknowledge that someone is or has spoken to you - the good manners side of the issue is very important, too.
Kids can be very focused on whatever they are doing at the moment (watching t.v., playing a game, coloring) that they can pretty much tune out the world. My daughter, who is super talkative also, did it when she was 3 and is still known to do it 3 years later. I have learned to make sure that I have her complete attention before I start talking to her; I no longer just assume that she's listening.
I agree with the other mommies, but I would like to say that I got the same advice and decided not to put her through having her hearing tested since it was just the age and the stage. After about a year of going back and forth we finally had her hearing tested and learned that her eardrums were not vibrating - she really couldn't hear. She got tubes and they cleaned out the "gunk" behind the eardrum and all of our "behavior" issues cleared up immediately. I don't want to be an alarmist, I just wanted to add that bit of advice from our experience. Good luck, and God bless!
Try using a different sound to get his attention: a sharp whistle, or a bell or clap or flash the light switch. When you do this and have his attention, make sure to follow up with a normal sounding voice, as if it was no big thing to ring the bell to get his attention.
This really is just an age thing for the most part and training partly too. If you continue to allow him to do this, he'll be self absorbed and talking like a magpie until you finally decide he's too old to behave that way. This is the most normal phase ever. But it's one that has to be changed like any other undesirable trait. Learning to be quiet sometimes is just as important to learn as how to color, brush his teeth, follow simple commands, and to pick up his toys. I tried to choose rather mundane and age appropriate things for him to learn to compare this too. It's difficult to know how to teach him when it's appropriate and when it's not. It's not unlike when a mom has to learn how to sleep and listen for her baby at the same time. When we go to sleep, we know baby will wake. It's part learned and mostly instinct to wake up. But some moms have less of that natural instinct and need to work harder than other moms. It's also not unlike learning to sleep on your own side of the bed. In other words, he's being rude and he doesn't know it. It's up to you to teach him that is what's going on. Tell him that while he's playing he must listen for you. If he doesn't listen to you when you call him, there must be some sort of consequence when you have to repeat yourself to make yourself heard.
It's so hard because making vroom vroom noises while playing with cars is appropriate. But being oblivious to others and their needs is not. If you allow this to continue, you couldn't take him out to eat without him annoying all the other patrons. If this continues into Kindergartin, his teacher would be besides herself trying to teach above his noise.
Some kids are much worse than others at this. I've had a LOT of daycare children through the years that had to learn to sit down and be quiet and play without making noise sometimes. You could make a game of the quiet times. See who can be quiet the longest, you or him. Make it fun. Offer him a prize if he can out last you.
My son still does and he is 7. He is humming or talking to himself in the bathroom, God knows what he is saying and I just have to put myself in his path for him to notice me. But once I have his attention he's focused on me and what I need to say.
He is in his "zone." Try gently touching his shoulder, and when he looks up at you......say what you need to say.
Say to him "Look at Mommy... (and point to your eyes)... "
My son is a talkative busy bee like yours.
:)
Next, is his hearing fine?
Next, my HUSBAND has the same problem. LOL
He says, he can't listen to me at the same time he is doing something.
LOL
Go right upto your son scoop down to his level and talk to him not at him this will help buikd his hearing what mama has to say it's not alwy's going to be easy to stop what your doing but it will help with communication and save the yelling for when it is needed...
I almost did the same thing with my daughter (hearing check) until I talked to other moms with 3-4 year olds and they all had the same problem LOL
The best thing is to make eye contact (get down to their level) and say their name.until they look at you .. if they don't respond, saying their name in a silly high pitched voice usually works, or whispering since they have to be quiet to hear you :) It is frustrating though, that is for sure!
"How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" is a GREAT book with lots of great advice on getting kids to hear you!
It does go away eventually, a little bit any way! She's 8 now and still some days I have to do the high pitched silliness to get her to look my way. My 2 younger boys do the same thing, so yeah, it's definitely one of the 'joys" of parenting! ;)
My son has no hearing problem but for sure he cannot hear ME when I talk to him! He is also sweet and well behaved and just ignores me.
We've always used the 1,2 ,3 Magic to discipline him and the only word he reacts to (from me) when he is busy with his own things is "ONE".
I have notice that he cannot "hear" me (or others) when he is busy. I have to put my face on is face and catch his eyes in my eyes, so he would listen. He is so much into his own world that he shuts the rest of the "real" world out.
My husband is exactly the same. He can study an engineering book in the middle of a screaming crowd, so, there are some benefits to this ability to focus on what he is doing. As for my husband, when I talk to him and ask him to do something (like, please pick up the laundry tomorrow), my last question is "what did I say". because he would say yes to all and after 5 minutes have no idea that I talked to him. I need to make sure that he was really listening.
Same for my little boy. Catching his attention is hard. I would say to him "if you don't come for your snack now, I take away your puzzle" No reaction (or worse, a 'yes" and no action). Then, I say "ONE". He looks at me puzzled. I ask him: "What did I just say?" and he either doesn't know or invent something ("you said I must clean my room")
In brief, my 2 tricks:
- saying "one" (if you do the 1,2, 3 magic)
- get to his level and make eye contact. Ask him to look in your eyes.
- touch him, so he can acknowledge your presence and the 'real" world around
I'm curious to read other mom's ideas on this one!
