My Son Is Soooo Incredibly Looouuuuddd!!!!!!!

What a problem! I'm not clear from your request whether he even has an "inside voice." Is he able to talk softly at all? If he never has, then I'd wonder about whether the sound transmission through his own skull is normal, even though his ability to hear outside sound is fine.

But assuming he CAN talk softly if he chooses, I'd try the techniques in How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. I have yet to find a situation with my going-on-five grandson that this book doesn't handle brilliantly. It would be really interesting to see whether this approach would work for what appears to be a completely habitual and automatic behavior. But it would sure be worth a try:

Have a chat with your son, perhaps while sitting side by side doing some crafty activity at the table, and broach the subject. "You know how we're always asking you to talk softer? Your loud voice can really bother people. I wonder what you can tell my about why you do that?" And then give him some time to ponder. If he just shrugs, you could coax a little more; "I would sure like to hear any ideas you have."

If he is able to start talking about it, give him plenty of space, with the occasional "hmmm," and "I see." Try to find a clue in what he tells you. Then suggest that the two of you brainstorm a list of possible solutions, and write everything down, no matter how improbable. Ideas could cover a wide range, from taking time every day to holler for fun (at a park or into a pillow), to your son getting a sticker for every x minutes he can restrain himself, to practicing speaking into a tape recorder (playback through a device with a graphic equalizer might also show him visually when he's keeping his voice down successfully), to having silent hours in which all communication must be written or sign language, to wearing something over his mouth to remind him to think when he speaks, to ___________, …. Maybe when he yells at his sister, he then has to allow her to touch the thing that set off the roar. Maybe the whole family can wear ear plugs around the house, allowing you all to tolerate the yelling and ignore him UNLESS he speaks in a softer voice. The creative possibilities are limited only by imagination.

Then pick out a couple of things to try. Be sure at least one of the solutions is his, and he may pay better attention to the volume of his voice. (I strongly suggest getting the book to refine the process, and to learn other fabulously positive techniques, as well.)

Whether or not this helps, I'd sure be interested to read what solutions end up working. This strikes me as an unusual enough problem that your son may not be able to help himself, and he has a habit that's lasted 8 years. Change may take some time. It seems possible that he may not hear his own voice as loudly as everyone else does.

4 moms found this helpful

Singing lessons.

With the diaphragm control he already exhibits at such a young age, it would almost be a crime not to. You could have a real star on your hands.

(Also, they'll teach him pianissimo)

4 moms found this helpful

As others have asked...does he do this in school? Has he been disciplined for shouting there?

I teach vocal lessons, and is definitely possible to control the volume of your voice. It sounds like he is almost over-using his diaphgram, i.e. "over projecting". Take him to a speech pathologist and if they cannot help, you might even try a trained vocal teacher who can help him better control the amount of air he's projecting. I'd get on this quickly as it will only become harder to retrain the longer it goes on.

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At home.... BOTH my kids... are TRUMPETS. They have really loud, voices. Naturally. They were born that way.
My ears... are sensitive... by the end of the day... my ears are so "full" of noise... I literally go bonkers sometimes.
My kids, have nothing wrong with their ears. And their hearing is fine.

Ironically, my own voice... is just naturally "loud" as well (like my Dad's side of the family)... it drives my Husband nuts... as he comes from a house that was really quiet as library.
Oh, but he likes that I am 'expressive.'
So... opposites.... but still, irritating at times... to each other.

But, my kids are not loudmouths... or deafening... when out, nor is my daughter that way at school. In fact at school... she is on the quiet side.
So my kids CAN modulate their voices... and we teach them that... to the best of their ability per age.... and 'willingness' at home. har har....

And no, I do not punish nor scold for this... this is just the way their voices are, since birth. I see no reason to scold or punish... to my kids voices... I wish they would do Opera!
However, as I said... in public... they are not like this.... and they are not obnoxious outside our home... but my kids don't "shout".... rather they are just loud....

My Husband will sometimes tell me I am "yelling"... but I am not... and my kids will say so too. It is just that my Husband... thinks that anything beyond a hushed voice, is a "yell."

It is all subjective... to the listeners ears as well.

But regardless... my kids are Trumpets! And when I am outside... I can hear them both while they are inside and I am outside getting the mail. I am sure, the neighbors can hear them too.... (egad, oh well).

Your son is 8... I am sure he can learn to modulate his voice... OR... his impulses is just hard to control his voice.

Put it this way... whenever I am upset or excited/happy about something.. I can exclaim about it. My Husband thinks I am "YELLING" or being "ANGRY" and I am NOT. Totally not. I am just real emphatic and expressive when I talk.... and he does not understand that. Yet... after 13 years of marriage. But my Kids on the other hand... totally understand me and my "voice" and they even tell my Husband "Mommy wasn't yelling.... she's just excited... " etc. But for me... I can't just "control" my every single darn word "sound" that comes out of my mouth... who can? I have been this way since I was a child... and having to censor and control my every single every single word and utterance... out of my mouth... can be very very difficult... or, around my Husband, I tend to "not" say everything... that I would.... if he were not around....so that is not good either..
It is difficult to self-"censor...."
But it has not, at all... impeded my making friends or socializing or successes... at all... nor my years in school as a child and adult....

So... it is in the eye of the beholder... and the announcer....
but it is equally irritating... to both.... sides.

But yes... your son CAN learn and should.... about his voice...

all the best,
Susan

3 moms found this helpful

Gosh, that's a hard one. Perhaps you could try a speech therapist, if you haven't already.

3 moms found this helpful

When your son gets loud mom you need to stop him firmly with a calm but stern voice and immediately take him out of the situation and put him on his own to think about his volume until he can control himself. How is he at school? if he controls it there which likely he dones since you havent mentioned it is a problem there, he is manipulating you and the family so he can obviously control himself. It is negative attention seeking .THere is no reason a child of this age should be doing this of he has been medically tested and nothing has found to be wrong. He has the upper and and you dont as a parent since he is not listening to your requests. Sound like it has gotten to be a bad and rude habit. Take either TV, computer games, Wii, DS or anything he enjoys a lot away( for 24-48 hrs minimum) each time this happens and he will soon get the picture. At his age losing these things for a day or more will mean something. Hope this helps, good luck Mom

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Time to take him to the ped and talk about how to handle this. He could need OT, or need to see a pediatric neurologist. Get cracking - there HAS to be something that can be done. Meanwhile, whisper to him so that he has to listen to you.

Good luck, M.!
D.

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spanking? for this?
i would back off punishing, and start rewarding.
save punishment for things that are...you know.....naughty. not just him being himself.
khairete
S.

1 mom found this helpful

have you tried not talking to him until he can speak softer? I do this with my daughter when she argues with me. I tell her I am not talking to her until she can stop arguing and listen. It seems to be working. the voice lessons sound like an excellent idea. it might be too that he's been doing it for so long that he doesn't know how to talk any softer and a professional; in voice might do a great deal to help this.

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This may sound totally off the wall, but have you thought about speech therapy? While it is generally used to help kids who have difficulty with language, it is also used to teach them to moderate their volume. Talk to your son's school and request they assess him for special ed services. He may not have special needs, but the speech therapist for the school should be able to work with him.

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I suggest demonstrating what you think in the proper tone/volume level, and then not responding to him until he uses that tone. Its the same idea as not responding to my daughter's request until she uses the word please. If I keep reminding her to say please, then I've just trained her to respond to my requests for please. When I ignore her until she adds "please," she picks it up pretty quickly and revises her sentence.

Hopefully he won't do it if it doesn't work. Good luck!

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My daughter is the same way, and I have often wondered if voice lessons would help. I don't have the funds to do it, but trust me, if I did we would be there tomorrow!

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Please don't tell me they still do this at eight!!!! My Miss 5 is exactly the same. I have taken her to get her hearing checked & rechecked several times. Nothing wrong with it. Their only advise was to keep on reminding her to use her inside voice.....grrrrr.....I will keep an eye on the others posts too and see if someone else has a solution

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I have three boys and a girl. The boys are so loud. One in particular. Funny thing is that once he started playing football this year (his first year - he's only 12), he stopped talking so loudly. I think he always spoke loud for attention, and now that he's the only one of our kids doing a sport, he's getting lots of attention. He's the only one who has practice three times a week, the whole family goes to his games every Saturday. I first noticed his soft relaxed speech one day after his football practice. It shocked me. He was so calm and mellow, and I don't think it was because he was worn out-- he stayed up later that night then before football.

Maybe your son feels you aren't hearing him if he speaks softly. Does he do any sports?

Good luck!

What's that commercial~~~~~Time for a candy bar??
My son is loud but truly can't help it. He hears fine now but when he was developing he had so many ear infections that he missed some sounds. He can't hear us when there is too much background noise. He can't hear us when he is across the room, He can according to the tests but in reality he cant'.
We speak softer to him when he starts his loud talking. We also say "I didn't hear you, you need to speak in your normal voice."
I love the idea of voice lessons.

I'm always asking my son to speak with quieter voice.. sounds like your son is louder..but mine is right up there..sometimes i think its b/c they're so short they think they need to shout or really just want to be heard all the time..i don't punish him ..i squat down and talk to him in a normal voice and explain that this is how to speak..
my son is very confident..so i'm wondering if the loud talk is some self importance thing? ..like everyone must want to hear what i'm saying..b/c he will speak loudly in restaurants and then when i get upset he knows how to crack me up by making this silly voice that i can't control myself and i just start cracking up..then he goes back to his mischief..he's 4..
i've heard that little boys can't hear as well as girls at this age..but jeez!

Sometimes i practice just whispering with him..hopefully they won't be loud talkers when they grow up..i'm definitely not..but i notice a lot of folks in restaurants can be sitting across the room but talk so loud that we are forced to hear their conversations..bleh! So you're not alone..i have a little boisterous child too.

D.

LOL...my youngest girl has the LOUDEST voice, even her "whispers" are loud, so I feel you!! We have given her time outs when she is loud & MEAN at the same time, but if she's just being herself...VERY chatty & loud, then we just remind her to use her "inside" voice. That lasts about the first sentence & then she starts getting louder....Yes, I've been outside in our yard, listening to her talk to her friends & sisters, so I KNOW our neighbors have gotten an earful when she goes into full tantrum mode. I've often thought I should put her on the stage, because she just naturally projects to the back of the room!

I always suspected that her BIG voice was because she was the youngest of 3 girls & as a family we are TALKERS, & she was just trying to be heard. But since she has been loud since day 1, maybe it's just her make-up. BTW, I've also done the "a buck for the longest not to talk" bribe, it helps when I just can't take any more noise. When my husband comes home from work before they get home from school, he always asks why I don't have on the radio or tv to keep me company....I LOVE the silence while they are in school!

I chuckled reading this, although I know it's not funny to the hearing sensitive. I am a mom of all boys who married into a very loud boisterous Jewish family. After 20+ years I can actually tune it out as back ground noise. I can't have a tv or radio on at the same time, and if I want to have a nice conversation, either the boys go outside to swim or hang on the porch or I do. But we make it work. When they were little, in the car, I use to bribe them; $1.00 for every 5 minutes of silence. Now everyone drives, so here's something to look forward to; a two seater car, one seat for you the driver and the other seat for your purse! Hang in there!

My son loves NOISE for the sake of NOISE and sometimes that means shouting ... maybe some constant background music would help quench his thirst, and a few 5-7 min windows a day where he CAN be as loud as he wants then it is back to "normal" voice levels.

Ha! I just went started seeing a parenting counselor TODAY and this was one of the issues we talked about! Ironically, our son is LOUD, but also very sensitive to others being loud! go figure... I had some suspicion that the whole of our different issues had something to do with needing a particular kind of attention and this was one of the first things the counselor mentioned as well. Perhaps the he is trying to find a way to express powerful feeling and being LOUD is how he knows to do this. Anyhow- we are going to work with this angle and see how it goes. Email me if you want an update :)...
Best of luck. Earplugs if all else fails.
S.