What Am I Doing Wrong?? - Hillsboro,OR

Its all about "expectations'..... and whether or not it is age-appropriate... and then how it changes, just because he is now an "elder" sibling.

Keep in mind... an "elder" sibling... gets a TON of stuff and expectations put onto their tiny little shoulders... and they may not, per their age and development and maturity, be able to handle it.
The 'expectations' upon the Elder sibling... may simply be mis-aligned and too much.

Just because there are 'expectations' upon a child... it does not mean they 'can' do it, nor succinctly or accurately.... and they only get frustrated by it... hence acting out, good or bad.

A child, does not automatically become 'perfect' just because he is an Elder sibling... in fact, they need more... more understanding... and adjustment to the whole relationship and household changes and the changes in his Mommy and parents. Too.
That is a TON of 'changes' for a child.... lots of Elder kids, get 'stress'.... and this is manifested in different ways.

My daughter, who is the Eldest.... has even told me "Mommy, I'm just a KID! I can't be everything!" Even though, I am acutely aware, of her feelings being an older sibling. And how that impacts HER. She is expressive to us and we talk about it..... always.
And I never "expect" her to be the "example" for our younger child... because, she is only a child herself. And I never make her, give up or share everything with her little brother.... her things, is "hers." And she has to know that we understand her boundaries too etc. As well as, if something is taken away from her from her little brother... we stand up for her... and teach our younger child that he can't have everything... etc. and about manners etc.

Mostly, we teach our kids about being a "family" and how we have each other's back.... and that we all are on the SAME "Team."

Emotions.... are not even fully developed yet, in a 3 year old.

all the best, just some ideas,
Susan

He's just being three. If he is good 95% of the time, then count your blessings. All of the things you put down in your post are part of a phase. He will grow out of it. I promise.

Actually, it sounds like you are doing quite a bit right. But be aware that time outs simply do not work well for every child. There are alternatives that are more effective for most children, based on my own experience and observations over several decades.

Several young families I know have raved about the book Siblings Without Rivalry. Though I have not read that one, I do rely upon another parenting book by the same authors, Faber and Mazlish's How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, for brilliant, firm and gentle tips. My 4.5yo grandson responds well to their approach, which has turned aroung many not-so-happy times for him. I think you'll be very pleased at the difference these books can make in your home.

In my experience, 3 can be worse than 2 was. And 4 is looking like it's going to be the worst yet. My son will be 4 in 3 weeks and he has become so headstrong and seemingly deaf...ugh!!! But back to YOUR troubles. :)
Your son sounds normal. They get better and worse as they grow. Just keep guiding him toward the best behavior and he'll catch on to a lot of it. And sometimes he'll drive you nuts! Normal.

Good luck!

You're fussing over 5%? He's two.

I think you are doing a good job, just when you think you can't take it anymore, they start being our sweet pies, and just when you think you are done, they gave us headaches again. I have a 12 year old and I am enjoying her good times, I hope they last very long, lol.
About your kids, don't worry to much, keep an eye and told your son and daughter as well (sometimes parents are unfair and don't say anything when is the little one the one that hits just because is the small one) that for no reason what so ever is ok to hit.
However.
My cousin and I grow together like brother and sister, he is only one year older then me but he is a lot bigger then me. He always was so hyper and bother me a lot. My mom and aunt always try talking to him but he just keep bogging me. Until one day, I was about 5 and he was bother me and I punch him on the nose (hand close).
My mom say that they all look at each other and say nothing.
That was the last time my cousin push me, true story.
Ok, so now in days, there are lost of No-nos in what happen with me and my cousin, but guess what, I love him and he loves me and we had great memories, once that we move on from the punch incident.

It happens...it's not you.
For sleeping, maybe you can stay in the room for a bit and just read (either to him or just your own reading material). Just give him extra attention until he gets through this phase of jealousy. Or maybe even all three of you in the same room for "napping".

It come across to me in your post that you are on at your son quite a lot , don't do this , do it this way , you can't do that , you must do this. I think I would act up aswell if someone was on at me all the time like that. Have you tried just leaving them to it? Yes they will scream and push each other , but it is how they learn.

Also 3 is worse than 2 , there is light at the end of the tunnel though.

You aren't doing anything wrong. Your son is three and pushing his boundaries. You just need to be vigilant at telling him what you expect and disciplining him when he doesn't follow through. Some kids get it faster and others end up with a swat on the butt and a few minutes in a corner far more often.

My daughter will be four in a couple of months and is an only child. She pulls this same stuff your son is doing with his sibling, with our cats. She takes their toys away and puts them up on the counters and tells them they can't play right now. If they are in an area she wants to be, she'll grab one by a hind leg and drag it away from that area.

Whenever she does this I pull her away, get down on her level and tell her that doing X is not good and that she needs to stop or she's going to be punished. I subscribe to the three strikes and you're out rule. First time infraction she gets a verbal warning. Second time, she gets removed from the area where she's being naughty and put in a time out. If she does it a third time, she gets a bare bottomed swat. Removing her and giving her something else to do usually works but she's gotten her fair share of stinging swats.

She'll figure it out eventually or she'll keep getting punished.

Kids need naps until they are at least five from everything I've heard and read. My daughter resists napping too but I make her go to her room and shut the door for quiet time for at least 30 min in the middle of the afternoon. More often than not I'll peek in to find her passed out on the floor surrounded by toys she's torn out of her toy box and leave her be for as long as she'll nap.

She used to resist but I told her that if she took her rest time she'd get an M&M after. Or a granola bar. Or some other treat that she likes. If she resists the treat and still tries to push her way past me out into the hall, I tell her if she runs out of her room before rest time is over she's going to get a swat. She'll give me the stink-eye but she'll stay in her room.

It's a battle for sure so draw the line, stand behind it and stick to your guns.

3's are most definitely worse than 2. your heard "terrible twos" well, welcome to the "tantrum throwing threes". i know, its a mess. he may just need some extra stimulation. have you thought of enrolling him in a mothers day out or gymboree play and music program?

My kids are 5, 3 1/2 and 1 1/2. What you describe is my home :)

When my first was transitioning out of his nap, I'd have him lie down and I'd read chapter books to him. That worked for a few months... by then, he really didn't need that nap anymore. Afternoons were difficult for a few weeks, but once his body adjusted, we had a much easier bedtime and we were all happy.

As far as the bursting in while you put the baby down, I've resorted to TV many times. There are great programs for that age on PBS and I figure if 15-30 minutes of TV allows me to put the baby down for a nap without one (or both) of my boys coming in, well then, that's what works for us right now. I save TV time for that time of day in case I "need it". It's a bummer I don't get a shower in the morning, but unless we are going someplace a shower isn't that important to me... not important enough to let the boys watch TV more than once a day.

Maybe you could read to him before you put the baby down... that way they both benefit from the reading... or you could rock her while you read to him...

Know that many kids do transition out of that nap around age 3... My second stopped about 2 months before his 3rd birthday.

Good luck... and know that "this too shall pass"

Jessica