This weekend, I went away for a conference with my school. We were sitting in the bar having a drink, when I realized I had forgotten something in my room, so I made my way up there to fetch it. I opened the door to find one of the girls who was sharing a room with me posing in my underwear, and the other girl laughing hysterically and taking photos. She had the underwear on over her clothes, but she had gone into my stuff and pulled it out.
These girls are 22 years old, and I am 38 and have two kids, so my body needs some serious underwear to hold things in place, so they probably thought it funny that I would wear these huge panties. And the bra was my oldest grayest frayest one, so that was also a huge joke.
I made light of it, but then when I started back down the elevator it started to piss me off that they would not only go through my stuff, but also make fun of me like that. I sat back down in the bar with the other 20 or so girls, and I said "well, that was weird", so of course they asked "what?" I told them what happened, and it opened up a huge can of worms with everyone saying how these girls had teased them and had been mean to most of the others too. So the other girls went to the director of our school and told her, and she is threatening to throw these girls of our course. Now for me, I had already told them that I was upset with them, to delete the photos, and never go through my stuff again.They apologized, and deleted the photos. But I am feeling bad now that this caused a lot more mess, and they will think that I am the reason they got kicked out. I don't want them to be kicked out, they are intelligent, but immature for sure. Do you think I was wrong to tell the other girls what happened? Is there something else I should have, or could have done?
You showed remarkable self control. They would still be searching for their teeth at this moment if it were me...all of them...even their wisdom teeth.
Feel bad for ZERO seconds, they deserve what they get. PLUS, YOU didn't do anything to feel bad about. Head up!
Oh my goodness, please don't feel bad about this. You did the right thing by talking about it and if there are consequences for them, so be it.
You are not the reason they got kicked out. Their weird/ hurtful behavior is the reason.
Look, you didn't owe them immunity. You didn't owe them keeping what they did quiet. They deserve whatever it is that the school decides to do. You aren't even the only one they've treated badly. This is a natural consequence. It isn't your fault they may be kicked out. It's THEIR fault.
Dawn
I am speechless and that doesn't happen often. What those girls did was an invasion of your privacy and it was wrong, pure and simple. I am sorry it happened.
Telling the other ladies downstairs wasn't gossip because it happened to you and you were sharing a personal (and embarrassing) story. Gossip is talking about something that doesn't involve you.
The fact that one of the others went and told the Director was not within your control. Neither is the final outcome. I am sure the Director took everything into consideration when she made the final decision. If it would make you feel better, talk to the Director yourself. You may find yours wasn't the only complaint or that the school has a code of conduct that the girls violated.
I am sorry it happened to you. No one deserves to be humiliated like that.
It wasn't just you that got them kicked out, your story was just the straw that broke the camel's back.
I can totally understand why they would laugh at your undergarments but just because that is understandable doesn't negate the fact that they went through your stuff! I point this out because you seem to be focusing on understanding their laughter ignoring what they had to do to know what your underwear looked like.
Going through someone's personal belonging is a serious no no!
What you had was a human reaction, I am upset but I am not sure I should be upset so you asked others. Asking unearthed other issues with those girls and those other issues combined with your issue got them kicked out. Don't feel bed, smart of not, they have some seriously issues.
I think you handled it wrong, but not in a bad way. If it were ME, I would have gone straight to the teacher/director/whoever and reported this. That's the kind of behavior I expect out of 12 year old girls (Tess? Are you there?), but not out of grown women.
Representing your school at a conference, and a public place, etc, ought to carry with it responsibility and a sense of maturity.
I don't blame you for being upset...honestly, if it was me, I would have carried it so much further. You don't know if they'd already emailed photos to someone else, if they really deleted them, etc...what they did was wrong on a lot of levels.
Maybe wrong for just gossiping about it at the bar, I don't know...not really gossip if you're passing along first hand knowledge, but it's a thin line. However, the consequences that may come from it are NOT your fault. Sounds like they've had it coming for awhile.
no-you weren't wrong-the girls were wrong and now they are paying the price for their actions-who knows, maybe they will someday be mature adults-one can only hope-they owe you a debt of gratitude if this happens.
This is like the old "if a tree falls in the woods with no O. to hear it does or still make a sound" quandary.
What they did was wrong on a lot of levels.
They did it.
It became known.
Now the chips will fall where they may.
Not your "fault" -- just survival of the fittest.
Not your fault, you did what any normal person would do... other than kick their asses.
You should not have laughed it off with them. You should have had a fit.
If these are the natural consequences for being asses, so be it. Let these grown-ups take their medicine.
Not one bit...they deserved it...sheesh! How rude..
You did nothing wrong. These girls were wrong for going through your things. They have no boundries. I was taught as a child not to snoop through other people's property. My Mom was so conscience of our privacy when we were kids she would not even put our clothes away. She folded and stacked and sometimes put them in our rooms, she felt it was an invasion of privacy to go open our drawers. And she was my Mom.
I believe everyone has an expectation of privacy. I didn't go through my children's drawers when they were young. These girls are not even family to you, they are aquintences not friends. They had no business going through your things. Even if they needed to borrow something they should have waited to ask before they looked into your suitcase.
i would not have needed the school director to step in and 'discipline' these young women who are young, yes, but adults. and presumably professionals.
my verbal shredding would have had them flayed into strips.
khairete
S.
OMG!!! Please do NOT beat yourself up for this. You are not in the wrong AT ALL. That kind of behavior is NOT acceptable in the professional, grown-up world. In fact, it is one of the most immature and trashy things I have heard in a LONG time. Getting kicked out of school is simply the consequence of their poor (and the word "poor" is putting it mildly) choices. Like someone said before, I could maybe see that kind of behavior from a 10 year old, but not from adults. Hopefully this experience will help them grow up and they can learn from their mistakes. They will never, EVER be able to make anything of themselves or have any kind of decent job behaving like that. Do not let THEIR behavior/choices bring you down, girlfriend! What they did was WRONG on so many levels.
The reason they got kicked out wasn't for the simple act of posing in underwear & taking pictures.
It is the underlying character of their actions. That they would go through your personal belongings while you were away, & then mocked you & photographed it. This is not something people who have morals do!!
Then, when you shared what you experienced (don't feel bad about that, it's how many people cope with difficult & uncomfortable situations), it sounds like you got feedback from the other ladies that there are other, similarly disturbing behaviors that they have displayed to others.
Something you could have done? If you are the type of person to be confrontational, you could've given them a dressing-down to make them seriously reconsider their actions. But it doesn't sound like that is your personality, so their being kicked out of the course will do the job for you. =-)
they went through your things. just that alone should be enough lack of respect and boundaries to kick them out off the course. not to mention the photos and posing with your items. i dont care if they were sexy small panties or a brand new bra. its mean WEIRD and makes me wonder what other limits they crossed. no i would not want them representing my school or have my name attached to them.
I would have just let it go after you talked to the offenders. They were being goofy. Life is too short. Should they have done it, no. However, I. The scheme of things, not something big. They should not be kicked out. I would logo to the director of school and tell her you took care of it. End of incident.
