Wedding Etiquette and Guests

I think if you explain the situation to them, then it shouldn't be a problem. Don't just reply on the invite, sister and 1. I would call and ask. But if it were my wedding, I wouldn't have a problem. I'd just be trhilled you could make it from 8+ hrs away.

I agree with Stephanie F. It is totally not rude. I would just call her up and let her know ahead of time. I also agree that is she fusses than that is rude.

If it says you plus 1 then you wouldn't even need to ask. If it has RSVP then she probably just wants to know names so she can make place cards and stuff.

I guess since I am and Events Coordinator I must see all of this from the perspective of the Bride and Groom. If you have not planned a large event lately, especially a wedding, you may not realize the expense is now very high.

An AVERAGE wedding Reception costs the Bride and groom $100. PER Person. Many times closer to $150. This includes the venue, the food service, the cake and an open bar. Does not include anything else.

So yes, the bride and groom invited the 2 people they would love to have there and be a part of their celebration. To automatically expect them to pay $100-$150 for a person they do not know is presumptuous. Yes, many times, they bride and groom can afford this and other times, it actually helps to not have everyone be able to attend and save them that money. Think about your budgets.. Would you be willing to pay for a person you do not know? It is a very personal choice. Let them make that decision and do not assume.

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It is actually considered rude and presumptuous. .
It would be putting the Bride on the spot to ask, because what a "B" she would sound like if she said "no".

Just let the bride know your husband cannot make it, so your sister is just going to drive up to keep you company. Then if the bride offers for sister to attend, great. if not that is ok too.

You do not need a date to the wedding. you are going to have a great time either way.

It would be rude.... Like others said - wedding guests are invited as friends and loved ones of the bride and groom. They may not be comfortable with someone they do not know, watching them get married. I would RSVP as just yourself attending, IF the invite was addressed to you and your husband specifically. If it was an open invite (like addressed to you and a guest, or simply addressed to two people, un specified), then you could take your sis. Otherwise, it would be wrong to even ask. Definitely send the RSVP so they can know who is coming, but don't put your friend on the line like that trying to bring someone uninvited as a guest. If she said no, then yes she may sound rude... but the point is that it is HER wedding and she is paying for it and she has no obligations to have anyone she doesn't know at the wedding.

And as an FYI for other repliers, 'spot replacing' is not quite the way it works. That "spot" was given to a friend of theirs - the posters husband. It wasn't just an up-for-grabs spot to anyone who would like to attend.

Why not ask your sister to come along for the ride...but let her stay in the hotel room and chill on the day of the actual wedding?? Why would she want to attend the wedding of someone she doesn't even know? You could make a 'mini vacation' out of it....do something fun with your sister on the day before or after the wedding

yes, it would be rude UNLESS the bride offers this an option. but don't suggest it. just tell her that your husband can't attend but that you'd still like to come. if she says 'bring someone else' you're fine. if not, have your sister drive up with you but she can go have some solo fun while you're at the wedding. it can be a mini-break for both of you.
i do agree with the comments that driving may be as expensive as taking a train or plane, though. have you looked into greyhound?
khairete
S.

This is not just about how many they already figured into the cost. It is about the fact that the bride and groom invited their friends and family to celebrate their special day with them. Why would they invite someone they don't know? Most people have to pare down their invite lists for their weddings due to space/expense. In other words, if your husband can't make it, maybe they could invite another one of THEIR friends, not one of yours. The +1 is usually reserved for single people. It is rude to assume it is okay to fill in your husband's 'spot' with someone else. Sorry.

Technically, yes, it would be rude.

I'd call her and explain that while your husband cannot attend, you'd like to go. Wait to see if she offers the option of bringing someone else or not.

no, that wouldn't be rude... I'm sure the Bride will understand since your husband cannot go.

Yes, it's rude. The bride only wants to invite the people she invites. It's not your event, and you can't bring outsiders. It's not like you're buying a ticket, it's a private party. Only the guests listed on the envelope should be included..

The invitation was addressed to Mr and Mrs, so they assume you and hubby will be attending together. I wouldn't swap in your sister without being invited to do so - however, to those who have said that the couple invited those who they know and not a stranger, single guests are often invited as "Ms. Barbara Smith and guest" so they bring a date and the bride/groom may not know them. I would arrange to have your sister drive with you. Emal the bride/groom before you send back the reply card and let them know that you'll be coming without hubby, driving down with your sister for company during the drive. They may tell you to bring her along to the wedding! If not, she can have a fun night watching movies and ordering room service in the hotel

I don't think it would be rude. She's already added your husband in to her tally so, if he can't make it, it wouldn't cost her any more money to accomodate your friend. If I were your friend, I would understand your situation and would be glad that you have someone to accompany you on your trip. I say, go ahead and ask.

Not at all! They've already figured you +1 (your husband), so they probably wouldn't mind if you substituted your sister. If you invitation is addressed to you plus "a guest," then you probably don't even need to ask. Either way, I'm sure it'll be fine.

Just my opinion (probably in the minority here), but yes- it's rude. You were not invited as "E. & guest", you were invited as "Mr. and Mrs. C".

Here's my take on this one, though... will your sister feel comfortable around your college buddies? My husband and I didn't meet in college, so when my girlfriends have gotten married and it's a pricey event, I go alone. While their husbands are great, the guys aren't friends, so my husband ends-up sitting and making small talk or hanging at the bar if he does come with me.

I think it's kind of random to bring a non-college friend to a wedding for an old friend where you are going to be hanging out with college friends who will want to retell "college" stories, laugh at "college" memories, etc. If it were me (and it has been on more than on occassion), drive the 8 hours by yourself and enjoy the weekend without having to "entertain" someone else.

Also keep in mind that if this is a larger wedding, there is probably a "B list" for guests- meaning that there are people that the couple would like to invite if there is space and your random friend would take up that invite. I know that when we got married we had a few "new friends" that didn't make the initial invite list, but when the "declines" started coming in, we sent out the invites to our friends immediately.

Not at all, since she has already made space for 2 guests to attend. Of course, it is well within her rights to say no (as she might want that extra seat for someone else), but it is totally acceptable for you to ask her.

Wow, I'm surprised by the responses... I don't think it's a big deal since she is replacing your husband's spot.

IMHO, it would not be rude at all. As mentioned previously, you're already figured in with a +1. However, do let the bride know since she may be doing place cards and it would be nice if your sister had her own card, rather than your husband's card.

If she does fuss at you...THAT would be rude. At that point, I might just send a gift and not go. Why bother driving 8 hours for a "friend" who cannot understand that you can't afford to fly and you don't want to drive alone.

Good luck!

Was the invitation addressed to:

Mr. & Mrs. ____________

or

Ms. __________ and guest

or

Did the RVSP card say_________ Number of Guest attending (adults/children)

It's fine if your RSVP - TWO and take who ever you want.

I'm just wondering if this is a summer wedding, gas will be over $5/gallon, have you checked air fares for special deals?

Go and have a good time.

Blessings.....

I've done this. I don't even bother asking since they already invited 2 of us. (I brought my daughter with as my guest.....) I figure the bride is busy with so many things already that it would be more of a pain to call and ask her. I've never heard of anyone having an issue with this. But ask if you wouldn't feel comfortable just doing it.

Yes, i think so you and your husband were asked not you and your sister. I am going to a wedding this summer of a friend who i havent seen in 3 years or maybe more alone due to my husband is over seas. I have about a 3-4 hour car ride not to happy about it but she came to mine. Im sure u will see some people you know and havent seen in a long time. I wouldnt do it but that is just me.

What about amtrak. A lot of trains go through the NY area from all kinds of places. They tend to be more flexible too. You can choose to sit in a chair or rent a cabin with a bed overnight. You might even be able to get one that is just during the day.

I think it's fine if you take your sister, I have taken a friend before so I wouldn't have to go alone. Just make sure the gift you give is equal to two people not just you....meaning give 250 not 125....(or something like that).

On a practical note, gas is getting pretty expensive. Have you estimated how much gas will cost if you drive? Depending on the fuel efficiency of your car etc it might cost nearly as much as the plane ticket. Just a though....

I think all adults are allowed to bring a guest

What can it hurt to ask? If she says no, she says no... No feelings hurt.