Save the Dates

Looks like you've already gotten the right answer that only those on the invite are actually invited. I just wanted to reply to give you a link to Emily Post's website on wedding ettiquette. http://www.emilypost.com/weddings

The whole point of ettiquette is not to be snooty, but so that everyone knows what's what and is on the same page. It's like a standard protocol, that I for one, and very thankful for so I know what to expect/what to do in social situations.

I usually assume that I can bring my husband, but I would not assume that my SO (if unmarried) or my child is welcome. I would want that to be clear in the STD.

K -

I'm sorry - I'm laughing!! When I see STD - I think Sexually Transmitted Disease!! Not Save the Date!! Sorry!!!

Now on to your question. People do NOT assume ANYTHING anymore with regards to invites. If I receive an Save the Date addressed to my husband and I - it tells me that ONLY my husband and I are invited.

Just as if I receive an invite that is addressed to Mr. & Mrs. Smith - I will read and take it that it is for husband and wife only.

No. I don't ASSUME I can bring a guest. If the invite is addressed to ME - then it's to ME. No one else. I know there are people out there who will bring others "because they thought it would be okay" - however - the way I was raised? You address the invite to whom you are inviting.

This is why we call and ASK questions to clarify. So if I were to receive a Save the Date from you that just had Mr & Mrs on it? I would NOT bring my children. If you want children or a guest - then the cards need to state so.

GOOD LUCK!

Not important for a save the date but as others have mentioned, only the people actually named on the invitation (or 'and guest') are invited. Be sure to put their names on the inner envelope (that's what the inner envelope is for). It's actually proper form to list the names of children and not write "and family." So the outer envelope may read "Mr. and Mrs. John P. Smith" and the inner envelope would have "John and Mary Smith" with "Susie, Timmy and Michael" underneath. For a +1, you would address the outer envelope to the person your are inviting and the inner envelope would read "John Smith and Guest" or "John Smith and Susan Brown" if you the person's significant other.

If you forgo the inner envelope, be sure to put "and children" or "The Smith Family" on the outer envelope and hand write a note on the +1 to indicate that the invitee may bring a guest.

As others have mentioned, adult children who do not live at home get their own invitation. If you don't know the address (or if it's a college student whose address will change in the fall) you mail their invitation to the parents' house.

sounds like you already figured it out, but my two cents...
STD's are not = invitations, so it is not necessary to write every person invited. But you DO have to spell out exactly who is invited. MANY people do not invite children to weddings, and I have actually been invited to a wedding where my SO of 5 years at the time was not invited. I declined.
Congrats on your upcoming wedding!

Yeah please don't call it STD, that just is wrong. :p

The biggest problem you would have is people assuming more people are invited than you meant. Since you mean to invite everyone it shouldn't be a problem. Just make sure you are specific on the actual invites. :)

Generally it is assumed you can bring a guest but not kids. Still using and guest or and family is just cleaner. I would not do and SO even if you spell it out, and guest is proper. The other way says if you are not dating you go alone, sometimes people bring a friend just so they have someone to talk to.

I would never assume that my children are invited to a wedding. I think of the 20 weddings I've attended in my life, only one or two were family friendly. The rest were all adults. I would probably assume I should bring a date to a wedding... but either way, you can clarify when you send the invites.

True story: I got married 12 years ago. When we sent out our invites, we hated the inner envelopes so we just stuck all of the various pieces of paper (directions, reply card, etc.) in the outer envelope with the actual invite. Most of the people we were inviting were either married or lived with their significant others, so it was easy to write both names on the outer envelope. I never really thought about those few people who were dating someone but not living together. I assumed they'd realize they could bring a date, even though I hadn't written "Jenny and guest" on the inner envelope -- since we didn't have one. All of my friends who fell into this category called to confirm that they could bring their girl/boyfriends. And of course they could! But I had one cousin who was seriously dating a woman that I had met a few times and really liked. He was living with his parents on the other side of the country, so I just addressed the invite to him, thinking he'd know that Allison was invited. But after all of my friends called, I asked my cousin's sister, who lived near me, to make sure he knew that Allison was invited. Well... she didn't. In fact, she told him that if I hadn't put Allison's name on the invite, she wasn't invited. So my male cousin didn't show up to my wedding in protest. And his parents were so offended that I had hurt their son and future daughter in law like this. Oh my gosh - it was so much drama. All because I didn't like the inner envelopes (well - and because my female cousin turned out to be such a jerk).

So please - don't make the mistake I did. Spell it out for people on the invites.

The names on the invitation are the names of those invited. It has always been this way so there can be no mistakes about who from each household is actually invited. As the bride and groom you get to decide who brings a guest and who doesn't, there is no set rule about that. You can only bring a guest if "and guest" is written on the invite, the kids are invited only if "and family" or "and children" or each of their names is specifically written on the invite. I have a feeling that you need to get Emily Post's book on wedding etiquette, otherwise you are going to have some very confused guests. They are probably very confused f=right now, as you should have stated the kids/SOs are invited, and many may be trying to get babysitters for your wedding, thinking the kids aren't invited.

What your bride friend did was invite who she wanted at her wedding. It's not up to the guest to decide what the family can afford for the reception, nor who they want to be celebrating with. She wasn't crazy to not invite the boyfriend, it's her wedding, not the friend's.

Alot depends on the Bride and her family. My family is very open. Everyone is welcome, the more the merrier. We'll scrounge around and find you a chair! Some people are type A bean counters and showing up with an extra person would blow the whole seating plan triggering a bridezilla tantrum.

My niece is getting married next month. Her save the date was not an invitation, just an announcement. Her invitation was to the Family of, singles were addressed to the person but it is understood that noone would go to a wedding alone! The RSVP inside asks how many would be attending. I think if I were invited to a wedding and my SO other was not, I would send my regrets.

Just make sure you write "Mr. and Mrs." or "the family of" or "you and a guest" on your actual invitations.
Most people are on a budget, and not all people can afford to invite entire families to their weddings. Also, some people prefer it to be adults only (no one I know personally does that but there are many out there that do!)

oh yeah. don't leave your guests guessing. brides are all over the board with that stuff. spell it out.
khairete
S.

We addressed ours "Smith Family" or Mr. and Mrs. Smith & Family.

The singles/not married or not long time SO, we addressed Mr. Smith, and then the RSVP card has the box to check "and guest" or ___ guests.

I've just always seen it written or addressed to "The ___ Family" on the invitations.

I suppose it people are curious or have questions they will contact you about it. They are your friends and family after all right?
Worst case, you could always send an email out saying the added information letting them know.

What's done is done, and there is no point sweating what you 'should have' done. That said, it's only the STD, not the formal invitation, so I don't think the reasonable person would jump to a rash conclusion because their SO's name wasn't also listed.

It sounds like you are a very reasonable person, and anyone who knows you will likely figure out that as a reasonable person you aren't trying to snub their family.

What can you do in the meantime to asugue your nerves about this? Reach out to your future guests personally! Anytime the occasion presents itself, say 'hi' and add, as an afterthought, how excited you are to see them and their family/SO at your upcoming wedding.

Don't stress on this too much, people will think what they think, and if someone asks then just explain, of course your family/spouse/SO can come!

Just make sure to be specific on the actual invites by noting who is invited. For our invites, we put Mr. and Mrs. Joe Smith if the couple was married; Joe Smith and S. Jones if the couple was longterm/engaged and we knew the SO's name; Joe Smith and guest if we weren't sure of the SO name or if Joe is single. For those with young children (<18) we put 'and family' or 'and children' after the names of the adults. Kids living on their own get their own invitation. If you are doing double envelopes you can write specific names on the inner envelope.

It sucks that your friend couldn't bring her longterm boyfriend to those other weddings, but not everyone does that. A lot of couples are paying for their own weddings these days, and tight budgets mean restrictive guest lists. Imagine if you have 20 single (not married) guests invited, and you put a random 'and guest' on all the invites... that bumps your guest count up 20 more people and at $40 a plate, that's $800! I know that not everyone will bring someone, and not everyone will attend that's invited, but you can't say yes to one SO and no to everyone else without an uproar in most cases, so that was likely the reasoning for your friend's boyfriend getting left out.

I think you only need to worry about inviting families, guests etc on the invite. I don't think you need to be that formal with a Save the Date.