How to Find Reliable Childcare for Out-of-state Wedding?

leave the boys at home with a trusted, well-beloved family member.

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I would call the bride and ask her what other people are doing with the kids. She might have a family member or friend who knows of someone reputable. Enjoy yourself!

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Leave the kids at home with grama, aunt, friend or a sitter you have used before. Nice overnight away with hubby!! Cost is less to fly without kids, and less stress, less to pack, less hassle with carseats in rentals and taxis, less food to buy, more party fun. Hotel night with hubby.

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I would ask the bride or groom - whichever one you know - for a recommendation of a sitter. Then see if your SIL wants to use the same sitter, and split the cost.

Or, if you have family near you, and you're not going to be gone more than the weekend, why not leave your son with them? He'd be more comfortable with Grandma at home than with a strange sitter in another state.

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See if the bride or groom have a way to have those needing sitters to bring the kids to one location (perhaps the home of one of the other guests), and the kids have their own party with two or three local sitters who are regulars for some of the kids.

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I would ask the bride or groom for a reference. If they live in the area, someone would know of a reliable high schooler, etc who might be available.

As " outlaw", do you not want to go? If you don't want to go and cant pay a sitter...why spend money to go? Send hubby with your well wishes and a nice gift!

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What city in Wisconsin?

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What does the invitation say? Is it to You and husband or to The W Family or to Mr and Mrs. W and Son? If it is to Mr and Mrs. W and your son is not mentioned, then he is not invited.

When I got married, all children were invited and I also offered to locate (but not pay for) babysitters for anyone who wanted. If you want to go to the wedding, then I would ask whoever is getting married if they will be able to locate a babysitter that they know for you. You could also ask your sister-in-law what she is planning to do...maybe she has something arranged already?

If you don't want to to go the wedding - and your child is not invited or being provided for in terms of finding a sitter - here is your chance. You simply say, I am sorry, but we do things as a family and since my child is not invited and you can't find a babysitter, we can't come.

Do not leave your child with a stranger and do not rely on a hotel to provide any recommendations. Could you live with yourself if he got hurt, kidnapped, killed, etc while with a stranger babysitter?

A final option: you and your sister-in-law split watching the children. Do not martyr yourself though - that is not fair to anyone.

Good luck! C.

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We had out of town guests for our wedding. Although no one needed it we offered to find sitters since we live here and know who can be trusted. Have you called whoever's wedding you are going to?

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Quite frankly, this is a sore spot for me since I was in your shoes last October. Now that I'm a Mommy, it drives me a little nuts that a big family wedding tends to not include youngsters. As a bride, I didn't think about the imposition I put on families with babies and kids...particularly families that took the time and money to fly out to our wedding. In hindsight, I could have done a better job helping those families with options...or simply have said "Let the kids come!" Anyhoo, I took the bold step of asking the bride and groom (my cousin was the groom) if our 2-year-old could join us at the ceremony, allow us a quick bite to eat during the cocktail reception, and then I would go back to the hotel with my daughter to tuck her into bed and babysit her for the night. We were given the bride and groom's blessing to do that since we were flying 3000 miles to be there. Hope that helps!

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When I got married 4 years ago, I hired a local teen to watch the kids at the wedding, but away from the adults, so they were close to mom and dad if needed, but they had room to run and play. Oh, it was outdoors and next to a park so the kids had fun. Maybe see if they have something like this planned, or if they could plan something like this for the kids. Or, you could just see if they will welcome kids at the affair. I think kids should always be welcome, I only got a sitter for them so they wouldn't be bored.

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Why not place a call to the person who put you on the guest list and ask them for a couple of recommendation of a sitter? They should be able to provide you with at least a couple of people who you could call, talk to, and make arrangements with for the care of your child while you attend the festivities.
Unless you are just using this issue to not attend the festivities, in which case go ahead and offer to watch both children. Make sure to find something outside of the hotel that you and the children will enjoy - go to the local children's museum, play at a park, etc. Just don't become the martyr of the group and hold it over everyone's head that they all had a great time while you were stuck watching the children.

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Can you leave them at home with a grandma or aunt or other close relative?

Could the bride & groom possibly recommend someone there?

If the answer to both of those is "no" (I'm with 'your guy') I wouldn't leave a 3 yo with a hotel recommended babysitter, so you offer to watch the kids.

Have fun!

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If you trust your own sitter locally to watch him then leave him in the town and call in to check on him if you need to. I couldn't leave my child with someone I am not comfortable with and am familiar with, even if it were the bride/groom's recommendation, the fact is I still don't personally know them. You could watch both boys if you don't want to go. What does your SIL plan on doing with her son? Are you sure it isn't kid-friendly? A lot of weddings have alcohol, etc but there are still kids there... like Chilis (lol) it is a restaurant for families but there is a bar there. I would ask the groom/bride (whichever you are closer to) if kids are welcome or if they want it to be adults only. If it's a big wedding, I kinda doubt the no kids would go over successfully.

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My parents came to the wedding town to watch my 2 year old as the rest of us were in the wedding. She brought him for pictures and my SIL was gracious enough to let them stay for the reception, they stayed for maybe an hour, then mom whisked all my little ones away, the girls were 5 and 8.

Can your mom keep him, is she in VA?

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I have to reply to this because this is an extremely sore spot for me (my hands are shaking as I write this, and I'm not even mad at you or anyone on this website). Perhaps someone planning a wedding will read it and realize how rude and mean-spirited it is to exclude children from weddings, especially if they are family; and make better choices. Children are family when they are born, not when they become eighteen.

My niece got married about 3 years ago. She was my goddaughter. Worse yet, she was my daughter's godmother. I say was, because I know longer consider her deserving of either honor. She got married five days before Christmas. Her invitation fairly trumpeted "no children are allowed." It certainly screamed that on the response card. No mention was made of providing babysitting. So, I spend the next few months trying to figure out what to do with my five year old daughter, right before Christmas. I can't ask family to watch her because they will be at the wedding. Her grandparents lived two hours away from the wedding location. Her aunt who lives nearby would have had to take time off from work to watch her. I can't afford a babysitter I don't know for several days, plus the wedding expenses (the wedding was on a Friday!). But, really, my well-behaved daughter was being excluded from a big family event, right before Christmas, and I just found that unconscionable from a family that supposedly loved children. Right before the wedding, I found out that my brother had hired a babysitter for out of town guests. Furthermore, it seems everybody knew about it except the one family that really needed to know (mine!). I was supposed to ask! My sister, who is unmarried with no children, knew about the babysitter before the wedding. What did it matter that she knew about the babysitter? I guess everyone was too busy to send an email, text message or leave a voice mail--not. It was done accidently on purpose so that we would be excluded (lots of evidence of exclusion by this family). And we had been in contact before the wedding because our dad died two months before the wedding. Not even a by-the-way, this is off the subject. So, of course, my brother, who was perfect, had to blame me for his failing as a host. After the language he used in his email to me, it's a wonder I came to his funeral (he died a year later. I had nothing to do with it). Don't all of the fairy tales warn you about making godmothers mad? I think my sister-in-law was supposed to tell me, she didn't want me at her daughter's wedding, so she "forgot" to tell me about the babysitter.

So, I now my "family" knows how to keep me away from family events. My cousins' daughter is getting married in September (yet again, have to take a couple days off from work, take dd out of school). We get her invitation with NO NAMES on the inner envelope. So, I email my cousin, are we even invited? Are children allowed? I get the response that children aren't allowed and "we have to abide by J.'s wishes" (yes, her name is J.) even though her parents are paying for the wedding. Then, because I got in trouble because I didn't know I was supposed to ask, I asked if my cousins if a babysitter would be provided, since we would have to travel to Scranton, PA for the wedding. Nope, no babysitter. Guess whose wedding we are not going to now? I've saved lots of money by not attending either of these sorry, rude affairs. No one got a gift, either.

By the way, if I had entertained the thought of not having children at my wedding for even a nanosecond, everyone in my family would still be screaming at me, even from the grave. And my parents would not have paid for my wedding (the sum was so small I probably could have paid for it myself). I also figured, the more the merrier. Besides, no one would have come to my wedding, including everyone in my family, if children weren't invited.

My dd was able to attend my nephew's wedding, where she was well behaved, ate my dinner, generally had a good time and stayed up past 11 pm without a tantrum.

Another nephew is getting married in Houston next year. The first words out of my mouth were "are children invited." My sister-in-law looked stricken and told me she would find out. Because if my dd isn't invited, what's the point of dragging everyone to Houston to just sit in a hotel room during the wedding? And my sister-in-law knows I won't be coming if my dd isn't invited. And if my husband goes without me. . .

This my not have helped you in anyway, but it might have helped you crystallize your feelings. These relatives may just be looking for a wedding gift, not really hosting guests. It's a big expense just to sit in a hotel room. But ask the hosts if a babysitter will be provided. If not, don't go.

And for anyone hosting a wedding, either invite children, since it is a family event, or provide a babysitter. Parents of the bride and groom, remember you are the hosts of the wedding and you do have some say in the proceedings. And make sure the guests know all of their options beforehand. Don't make them ask or guess, because no proper host would put their guests through that. Put names on the inner envelope of the invitaton! And reconsider that destination wedding; you don't know who won't be able to afford the trip to Jamaica. Do you really want to exclude grandma?

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We just went through this in June. In the end my husband stayed with our 2.5 yr old. He made it special time for the two of them. They took a boat tour of the harbour, bike ride around town and stopped to watch a part of a rehersal for a play in the park. We were adding vacation time around another wedding and a funeral service so leaving her behind was not an option. Frankly, I wouldn't be comfortable with that anyway and neither would DD.

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