Very Shy 5 Year Old

Dear L. A.,

You have a very intelligent, strong willed child. Do not make this into a big problem. She will start talking when she feels the need to do it, and choses to do it herself. She is just different from other children, right now. It will work its way out sooner if you do not make a big deal out of it. Have confidence in her, good grief, a lot of people would be very happy to have a child that was highly intelligent. That is pretty good, drawing instead of speaking. It is called problem solving. Something we all need to do all of our lives, she is just getting started sooner. Notice ! the doctor was not concerned. Continue being happy and loving and all will be well. Have patience, and relax, Sincerely, C. N.

2 moms found this helpful

Sounds to me that your daughter has "Selective Mutism". Do a search for this and you will be able to understand whats going on.

Hello. I don't know if this will help you at all but I just wanted to share it with you just in case. When I was young, around your daughters age i was the same way. I even used to cry everyday when my mom left me at school. I was tested many times because they thought something was wrong with me, but you know what, I was just real shy. Once I hit high school the shyness disappeared almost completely, I even joined drama. What I am saying is she just might need time to grow out of her shyness. Just give her plenty of praise to help build up her confidence. I am sure your doctor is not worried about her because she believes your daughter is normal just really shy. :)

Hi L.

I feel your pain. I was kinda in the same dilema with my son a couple of months ago. What your daughter is going through is very normal. Some kids are just shy and that is their personality. My son is a shy and reserved at the same time which can be very hard. I found out that a trick that might work for your daughter that worked for my son. Go to your friends houses on the weekends, go to local playgrounds, let her interact with other kids and adults. She will start slowing learning to trust people around her and she will open up. Don't push her let her go at her own pace, and see what happens, she will outgrow it. Other suggestion if your daughter has a lovely and is allowed to bring it to kingergarden let her bring it. A lot of kids need to hold something special to feel more secure.
If you need more help let me know, I have a five year old daughter as well and I know how it can be good luck.

Hi L.,
I was a very shy little girl. I would wisper things in my mothers ear because I didn't want to be heard by anyone else. I grew out of it and now can't shut up. Chances are, she'll be fine too. There could be signs to watch for, but if you have not seen signs yet, I would not dig for things.

When my older daughter was young, I would let her have another drink at a fast food restaurant by giving her the money and telling her what to say to the clerk. She would fuss, but I would tell her if wants it, she has to go ask. Now, there is nothing shy about that kid.

I don't see anything wrong with encouraging her to be independant.

L.-

I was a shy girl myself in school. Mostly, I was afraid of negative reactions from others. Only my problem was the opposite of your daughter. I could speak to adults, but not to my peers. My best idea for you is to simply start requiring that she make a verbal response when asked a question. Use the old phrase "use your words" to her. It may be that she simply doesn't know what to say or how to say it. I see that you wrote that your younger daughter is always sick, I wonder if your older daughter's shyness is a cry for attention? If this is the case, maybe some one-on-one time talking (and listening) to her may give you the clues you need. While you can't force her to be more social, you can help her find the tools to deal with adults on her own. She can come out of that shell with a little coaxing from you, and the other adults that she loves and trusts. Best of luck to you!

-B.-

Hi my name is R. and i also have three kids and married, but mine are boys. Tryed for a girl and we gave up. We told are selves three stricks your out.lol
weell to your problem i think that you should just give her ttime. She has only been in school for a little while and you don't want to push heer cause she might go deeper into her shell. I think that if she doen't come out of her shell by the end of school year then maybe you have a problem.
My oldest was pretty shy to when he was younger i thought he had a problem cause he wouldn't talk just point but it was just his growing pattern he diddn't really talk tell he was three years old.his Younger brother was talking for him and he was 2. but he finally came around and now he never shuts up lol

i have the same prob. my girl same age and same grade. when she feels comfortable she'll come out. my daughter is now a chatter box w/her teacher and friends in the class. she still wont talk to other teachers and staff around the school. i see it as a good thing. she dosent talk to STRANGERS. SEE IT AS A GOOD THING. as long as she is learning and understanding dont worry about it.

I know thsi may sound crazy bit you should try enrolling her in karate. My good friends daughter is very very shy like yours and she read an article about shy kids and karate. She enrolles her and ever since she has gotten more confident to speak and interact with others. I dont know if this is what you are looking for but it helped my friends daughter alot.

I like your daughter was also extremely shy to the point that when a teacher called on me in class (I would have never thought of raising my hand) even if I new the answer I would shrug my shoulders. I can remember only having 1 or 2 friends at school each year and if they missed school I would stand by myself though recess because I was too afraid to talk to my other peers. I still to this day do not understand why I was and still am like this to a point. Once I was in college I put my public speaking class off until the very last moment and I took it during the summer because I knew that I could make it through a 4 week class, I even had to build myself up to be able to complete it. I passed the class with an A but only because the content of my speeches, it was like torture standing in front of my peers and I could hardly look at them. I have in no way let my shyness effect my jobs, I have always worked retail (so directly with customers) and I have never had a problem talking to my customers.
My best advice would be to encourage her to speak but, never force her to. There were a few times that I, a mostly A student, would take an F for a project that involved me being in front of a class. I can't explain the feeling but, I would have rather crawled in a whole. She will eventually learn that there are times when she has to speak but, she might never grow out of it completely.

My good friend from childhood, John didn't speak to adults either. He is also very smart. John did speak to kids, my mom and one family friend that was an adult, he didn't speak to his parents but on the rare occasion. I asked John about this a few years ago he replied that he just didn’t want to talk to them. Granted John was the third of three kids and had older sibling to do all the talking for him. I won’t worry too much about it; she will find her way with your help and support. And by the way John is an Enginee and doing really well for a shy kid who didn't talk to adults.