Trying to Help Daughter

Hm. That's a tough one. You don't say how old she is...

Is her issue with the small space or that she'll be trapped and can't get out?

For bathrooms at home, let her leave the door slightly open. For public bathrooms, use the larger handicap stall when possible.

When out shopping or at the doctors, use the stairs or the escalator instead.

Be supportive. When she decides she can't do something, say okay and ask her how she would fix the problem and go from there.

M.

Not sure how old your daughter is, but social stories are a really good way to help kids in many ways... I would not force her to do any thing that is uncomfortable for her, but try and see if you can validate her feelings and talk her through it... She is probably a super smart girl and usess her knowledge about being stuck and she thinks it will happen again and so she is avoiding it. You could write a social story about doors.. There are elevator doors, bathroom doors...etc.. It might sounds silly, but if she can have a visual it may help her overcome her fear or whatever it might be keeping her from feeling like she does not want to go in...Good luck!

I agree with Brandy. Tell stories, using a name not hers at first. During this story ask her how the child might feel and what would she suggest that this child and/or parents do. If she doesn't want to be a part of telling the story, you tell the story using words to describe how you think she might feel. Make the story about some other little girl. If she chimes in with something like, "that's like me" ask her to talk about how they're alike. The idea is to get her talking about the incident and her feelings. You're giving her a sense that this is safe to talk about.

Depending on her age you might actually make a "book" together with you writing the story and her drawing pictures.

Above all do not say anything like, there's nothing to be afraid of. Be sure to reassure her that her feelings are OK and then eventually help her to find a way to feel safe again.

If she's young enough, and small enough, you could try picking her up and carrying her thru the doors. Not to force her to go but to reassure her that you are in charge and will protect her. She can totally depend on you while both of you go thru the doors.

I would stay away from elevators for awhile. Later, after she's comfortable with other doors, you could try using the elevator. If she's still scared, find an elevator that is seldom used and spend time opening and closing the doors. Then ask her if she'd like to try going up or down one floor.

Give her as much power as you can based on her age. Fear is caused by feeling powerless. She needs to be reassured about having power for herself and that she can trust you to understand and protect her.

You could also talk about how you felt while trapped in that elevator. Some adults think that they shouldn't let children know that they also feel vulnerable or scared when the opposite is true. Children need to know that feelings are normal and by seeing the adults in their lives manage their feelings they learn how to manage their own.

it sounds like it's been fairly recent, so it makes sense that it will take some time and a lot of patience to get her through it. i would be as lenient as you can, in a no-nonsense sort of way.
i love the idea the other moms posted about social stories! i think that's brilliant.
:) khairete
S.

i have never liked elevators, dont know why, just dont. but i am wayy too lazy to take the stairs, so, i simply repeat the mantra.. ____@____.com, i hate elevators, ____@____.com, i hate elevators. and when the doors open iam usually the first one out. or at
least the second one. after a few decades, repeating that mantra has gotten kind of fun
K. h.