Trouble with Disciplining

I hate to say it, but I love the "Super Nanny's" naughty spot technique. It really works for us, and give me something to be really consistant with--we started when my son was about 2yrs 4-5 months. 17 months is quite young to be worried about discipline, though. Give him more time before you expect him to be able to obey and rationalize his behavior. Not that you should let him run wild, but be realistic about what you're asking. A child of 17 months can't judge/remember/etc the consequences of his previous actions. This is one reason this age can be frustrating.

Hang in there!

Being a military wife and mother I can understand your frustrations even though my husband is Air Force. My first thoughts about this is in the military there is a respect that is demanded all the way down the rank line. Whether you realize it or not your husband probably is demanding respect that he deserves as a parent in a way that that only the military can teach. What I think you should do is the same thing. Demand respect from your son but in return respect him as well. Even as infants they understand this. Also be consistent with him. If you tell him not to touch something and say there will be a consequence and he touchs the object follow through with it. Also make sure that both you and your husband are punishing him in the same manner so that there is consistancy. Be sure to reward good behavior. Praise him when he does something you ask and give him extra things he likes. Positive reinforcement is far more important than punishing. I hope this helps.

Well J. you didn't mention any steps you use to discipline your son. Your son seems to know who the authoritive figure is between mom and dad. My wife goes through the same issue sometimes. At 17 months old, he is definately in the "power struggle" stage. He wants you to know he is in charge, but it is up to you to set bounderies and standards. Example: He doesn't want to take a bath or nap... You have to give him a consequence like taking away something he really enjoys. He will scream, of course, but you must stay firm and don't give in to his tantrums. There is nothing medically wrong with crying spells and tantrums. He has learned that tantrums with you have worked in the past and he will continue until you draw the line and say "Tantrums don't work buddy." It will take a while for the message to get to his "17" month old brain but be patient, it will.

Your son is testing his boundaries. He must have figured out that when your husband says something he means it and he follows through. Maybe you don't always follow through . As a stay at home mom it gets difficult to always be strict, but research shows that that one time you decide to let it slide reinforces the behavior so much more than the 100 times you stuck to your guns. My 25 month old gets a count to 3 and then time out on the stairs, if she does not stay on the stairs she goes to her room with the door closed. She does understand this and it seems to work. Consistency is the key to disciplining. You don't have to be mean or yell (even though sometimes it just can't be helped), but be firm and let him know you are in charge. If you don't start now it'll only get worse.
Hope this helps.

In whatever you do be consistend. Stick with what you tell him and no empty threats.
T.

I have had similar problems with my son. They always seem to listen to Daddy! I have found that I just have to be consistent. You can try time out and see if he gets that though he is still a bit young. Just sit him down on a bench or something and tell him he has to stay for 1 minute and keep putting him back on it each time he gets up for the minute. Don't say anything to him while putting him back up other than perhaps "no, stay" because you don't want it to be a game. However, if you can, just distract him from what you don't want him to do. If he continues to go back to it and smiles at you like he knows he isn't supposed to, then he will probably get time out. You just have to make sure and be consistent...what he isn't allowed to do should be something he is never allowed to do. I know it is exhausting but he will eventually get it. I read Dr. James Dobson's book, Dare to Discipline and it really helped me. Good luck.

HI J., I too am a Military wife. It's dificult at times I know. The reason that your son wont listen is cause he's used to your voice, you know, your Mom! See, Dad has that "authority" sound in his voice, that tells your sons brain that Daddy isn't going to take it. Where your son knows what buttons to push on Mommy. Believe me again when i tell you I have been there. Only it was with my daughter. Try these few things ok? First off, don't be afraid to let your son hear authority in your voice. Remember, we're not trying to make them afraid of us by yelling at them. So don't try to spark fear in them, this will only make them rebel even more at any age. I use a little trick called "The Square"! Whenever the child messes up as in does something wrong. You make them stand on the square. My daughter gets a paper sac for her square (& at age 9 she still doesn't like it,lol). Anyway, you make them face away from any form of entertainment at all, (e.i., tv, & no toys). They stand on this for how many years they are. So an example would be my daughter stands on hers for 9 mins. They are not allowed to talk, or move, this adds 1 min for each indisgrestion. My daughter used to try and sit down or cry well she got 1 min added for each time she tried to do each one of these things. She was not liking this at all. After about 2 weeks of the "Square" she started straightening up. Because everytime, it doesn't matter where you are, at a family function, out to eat, anywhere... you can use this. I sure did.
I hope this helps you.